Trying to adopt and swing?

[wifes_toy 53]

My wife and I have only been swinging a little over a year. Still figuring out where we can and like to meet people for some fun. However we are here to stay, we both have a great time with it. There is another issue we are also dealing with. Infertility. Ironically the infertility fueled our fist "young stud" fantasies and was our start down the road into this LS.

 

We are currently going threw state funded adoption (WI.) What this means is we will have a home study done and get certified as a foster home with the intent to adopt. My understanding is this process is pretty invasive. Finances, strict housing requirements and of course a study of our personal interactions and attitudes. The state contracts with Lutheran social services to do the home study (oh great, a conservative religious group.)

 

Has any one else gone threw this? How invasive where they? Did you know you swing? Was it a problem?

 

My wife and I have a lot to offer a child and we have a very healthy relationship.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

How invasive where they? Did you know you swing? Was it a problem?

 

I assume you meant did THEY know you swing. We have not been through this but...

 

I would imagine it is pretty invasive and swinging would be highly frowned upon. Definitely a big time problem.

 

Think about the problems that gay couples have adopting. The gay lifestyle is, at this point, far more accepted than this lifestyle by the general public. And even though courts have ruled in gay couples favor you often hear of problems when it comes to adopting.

 

I would certainly keep it very very low key or maybe even take an extended break until you were able to finalize the adoption.

[Chicup 42]

I'd look at it this way.

 

If they find out you are swingers you will not get the kid.

 

You could most likely very easily hide you are swingers, though if you are paying for a site with your CC you might want to think of canceling.

 

So is the risk of getting caught and not getting to adopt greater than the desire to continue as swingers?

 

Personally if I wanted to adopt I'd remove all hint of swinging from my home and life until the process was over.

[WhatisTruth 41]

I'd look at it this way.

 

If they find out you are swingers you will not get the kid.

 

You could most likely very easily hide you are swingers, though if you are paying for a site with your CC you might want to think of canceling.

 

So is the risk of getting caught and not getting to adopt greater than the desire to continue as swingers?

 

Personally if I wanted to adopt I'd remove all hint of swinging from my home and life until the process was over.

 

I agree with chicup on this one. As an added note, lutherans aren't considered "conservative" in the religious world. They will cut you more slack that than other denominations. Of course this is just a generalization.

[BigNikki 44]

Big Nikki here --

 

Others are saying it and I'll say it too: you can't win if you don't show up on the playing field.

 

Yes, you keep very private about Lifestyle involvement. And yes, you take a page out of the LGBTQIA (gay etc) playbook, and be prepared to stare down prejudice, if facts and prejudice rear their heads.

 

But you can't win unless you play. And that means don't flinch from the adoption process. You can't have the joy of parenthood if you don't become a parent.

 

-- Big Nikki

[wifes_toy 53]

Thank you all, It all sounds about how I figured. The only hint in our card statements could be an adult camp we go to once or twice a year. Oh yeah, and condoms

 

Generally the only possible hint in our house could be computer records. They would have to be MUCH better at computers than I am to see those records on our local machines. I wonder if they would go after information from our ISP.

 

My wife and I have some pretty strong points in our favor too. Both have worked with kids coming from troubled back grounds extensively. We would also be more open to a kid with "identity" or "sexual deviance" issues.

 

As far as defending swinging, if I had to I would stand up in court and explain why we do it. One of my arguments would include that given all the marriages that end in divorce over infidelity we have opted to embrace our sexuality rather than suppress it.

[BigNikki 44]

My wife and I have some pretty strong points in our favor too. Both have worked with kids coming from troubled back grounds extensively. We would also be more open to a kid with "identity" or "sexual deviance" issues.

 

Big Nikki here --

 

Gee are you guys qualified! (Jokingly I write) Can we sign you up as our kids if-we-die backup parents?

 

What you wrote about yourselves I would like to see in any parents. But for foster kids and adopted kids, who can easily be emotionally damaged and need special parenting skills, the qualities you mention really count.

 

John once dated a woman who worked at a drop-in center for messed up teens, especially LGBTQIA kids, and got some insight into the special help they need.

 

And I, I know Steven Spielberg & Kate Capshaw (yes, really, actually; writers know lots of people). They adopted a crack baby, very damaged, needed lots of remediation. And the kid -- in his early twenties now I guess -- is a good whole person.

 

So -- though I don't wish a damaged child on you, more power to you as foster or adoptive parents.

 

-- Big Nikki

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I'd look at it this way.

 

If they find out you are swingers you will not get the kid.

 

You could most likely very easily hide you are swingers, though if you are paying for a site with your CC you might want to think of canceling.

 

So is the risk of getting caught and not getting to adopt greater than the desire to continue as swingers?

 

Personally if I wanted to adopt I'd remove all hint of swinging from my home and life until the process was over.

 

I'll agree with Chicup as well.

They may not care if you're swingers, but then again, it could lead to an instant "Denied" stamp on the application. I'd cleanse and sanitize, and hold off on the activities until the process is complete.

 

Best of luck to you both!

[Learning 160]

I have extensive knowledge in this field and I would bet my life on it that you would not get a child if they knew you two were swingers. Feel free to PM me about any questions. They will not check your computer but just in case clear your cookies and history.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Now it was before the Internet age when we went through the process. And, ours was for foster and not adoption but it was the same class, and same process.

 

We, too, were involved in juvenile justice a long time ago as houseparents for a group home. And, I was a juvenile officer on a police department too. So, when we had our background check, and home evaluation, nothing was ever asked, or brought up, about our sexual habits! They were simply trying to hurry our application so they could spend more time on more questionable applicants. Now this was Florida and it may be different where you live. But, I don't think you two have anything to worry about unless you, foolishly, volunteer too much information... so, as they say, no TMI! Good luck to you and you sound like you'll be wonderful parents!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Generally the only possible hint in our house could be computer records. They would have to be MUCH better at computers than I am to see those records on our local machines. I wonder if they would go after information from our ISP.

 

I am not sure if they would look at computer drive content at all unless they had some suspicions of a sexual nature. So as others have said don''t give them any. As Visexual said avoid TMI.

 

That said, don't appear as if you have something to hide, like locking portions of your hard drive or having locked closets etc. Those beg the question "what is in there?". And if they ask to see and you decline I would think that would send up red flags. Best to wipe it clean and if you make a backup don't leave it laying around.

 

As for ISP, I would not be terribly concerned with that. Most ISP's are going to want a subpoena to get at those records, if for no other reason as precedent and to avoid the cost/trouble of doing it. In most cases you cannot even give them permission to get at ISP records as they are not your property. The only way I think it would be different is if you use a mom & pop ISP that is not savvy with law or to willing to let others in their systems if they think it is a good cause.

 

I would think a judge would be reluctant to give them a subpoena for ISP records without enough evidence of something wrong. And frankly if they have enough to get one, you are already toast.

 

A novice could quickly look into your browser history and temp files and someone a bit more savvy might know to check your routers cached history as well.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

They will not ask about your sex life or ask to look in your bedside table. They won't check your computer or your text messages. They want to know that you will provide a safe, stable, loving home.

 

I would not put face pictures on swinger sites while you're trying to adopt, but other than that I really wouldn't worry about it.

[BigNikki 44]

Big Nikki here.

 

They will not ask about your sex life or ask to look in your bedside table. They won't check your computer or your text messages. They want to know that you will provide a safe, stable, loving home.

 

Just so. It's an adoption, not a security clearance. (Been there, got that.)

 

-- Big Nikki

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Big Nikki here.

 

 

 

Just so. It's an adoption, not a security clearance. (Been there, got that.)

 

-- Big Nikki

 

Depending on the type of adoption it is very much like getting a security clearance. If you will be having FBI fingerprinting done along with state and local fingerprinting you should be aware that any police contact, even if you were not arrested or convicted or the record was expunged, will show up on the report. So you should disclose any crimes or alleged crimes (speeding doesn't count for this, thankfully!). If your social worker knows ahead they can often work it out, but if they find out through the fingerprinting without you telling them it becomes a big hassle.

[Learning 160]

Depending on the type of adoption it is very much like getting a security clearance. If you will be having FBI fingerprinting done along with state and local fingerprinting you should be aware that any police contact, even if you were not arrested or convicted or the record was expunged, will show up on the report. So you should disclose any crimes or alleged crimes (speeding doesn't count for this, thankfully!). If your social worker knows ahead they can often work it out, but if they find out through the fingerprinting without you telling them it becomes a big hassle.

 

Dayton is right. They will do a whole background check because they are not going to place a child with just anyone.

[wifes_toy 53]

I have had several background checks related to working at schools so I figure I am safe that way. Thanks guys I will keep you all updated.