First MFM experience went ok until I felt pushed out

[mcouple40 15]

Gotta love having this forum to lean on for advice!

 

Well, we had our first experience, it was a mfm threesome. Things went well but as the night went on I was feeling kinda left out. I guess it is my own fault (hubby) for not stepping in more but I am not a pushy person by nature to begin with. I was hoping the mrs would help involve me more. Being our first time she was nervous.

 

I'm not sure what to do at this point as I have mixed emotions!

[angelkin 1,326]

Try again! Seriously, our first MFM wasn't a raging success either, but we didn't let that deter us from attempting to perfect the next performance Every time we swing, no matter the situation or combinations of naked bodies, we learn something new about what we want and how we can improve the experience.

 

Good luck AND congrats on your first mfm!

 

Oh - and the most important bit of advice I have to share - talk about it. Be specific, what did you or didn't you like...

[Dont.Stop 339]

We just had our first MFM. It was short due to time constraints, but what did help us (I think) is that we'd talked about MFM for a while and Mrs had let me know exactly what her fantasy was. She said afterwards she was just kind of letting everything "just happen" and enjoying it.

 

My thoughts going in were to be sure to manipulate the positions so that she got exactly what she wanted out of it. MFM admittedly doesn't directly do much for me... but to see Mrs at the center of the attention... and her seemingly endless string of orgasms... I could get used to it.

 

My opinion is a MFM is less about the M's and more about the F. Let it be that way.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Follow the 20% rule.....(heard this before somewhere but I don't recall where it was)

 

Pay 20% more time to your own partner in a swinging encounter than the other person. Either MFM (for the female), FFM (for the male), or

MFMF (for both). For anything else I don't think this rule holds true!

 

Good Luck

[inhopeofspice 9]

An MFM experience, when all have entered into the experience with enthusiasm, can be a great learning time for the men involved. Those who suggest they didn't get anything out of it or who felt like they were sidelined in some way ought to count their lucky stars for the opportunity to view firsthand what you lady partner seems to enjoy. I have found the other fellow's bedside manner, caress & cuddle, etc, gives instruction, opens new windows and generally just keeps me on my toes. My own loving of my Lady is altered in some way with all I discover.

[PB&J 1,086]

As a woman who's been in a few with my husband, sometimes it's hard to multi-task. Add to that the excitement of the new toy as opposed to the old one, and yes, sometimes the husband can get sort of pushed to the side, unless you make a big effort to stay in there. It takes practice for both of you to get used to the new dynamic. Don't give up on it!

[JDApopka 54]

we have had many MFM (its all we do ) I have become more of a watcher in the last few years. I really enjoy just sitting back and watching her enjoy herself knowing that when he leaves I have her all to myself .

A few months ago I left them completely alone and found that highly erotic

 

But she still enjoys when I join in.

 

Keep trying we find each time we do it gets better & better specialy if you are able to get a steady playmate like we have

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

You just might be better built for MFMF.

[mcouple40 15]

wow thanks so much for the response to my post,,, It does help to hear from others personal experiences,, We talked a lot about it before we did actually go through with it and we are talking more now as well,, i do have some jealous hurdles to get over,, not as bad as i thought they were going to be,,, the funny thing is that my wife didn't think she would be to into it but willing to give it the old college try and she really enjoyed it ,,, i told her i felt kinda left out which she is glad i voiced my concerns but she said he was new and it was just a opportunity she wanted to take advantage of,, i know understand her thoughts as i try to walk in her shoes,,, all in all it was a success i just think we need to talk more during the expereinces and check in with each other,, i checked in with her a lot but she never did with me,, ,, she just assumed i was having a great time,,, we now know not to assume lol ahhh i am kinda rambling my thoughts out here and it feels good to let them go and read them back to myself,,, it makes me realize where i may not be thinking clearly ,,,,,,

[Dont.Stop 339]

Communication is the key! I'm generally not surprised when Mrs focuses more on her playmate(s) than on me, be it MFM for MFMF. They are the new & different part of the equation and there is natural curiosity. Or, maybe she felt like she owed him more attention since he was brought in.

 

Like JDApopka said, you know you get her all to yourself when it's over. It will get easier, better and more fun.

[Powerglide 235]

Yes, first, it is all about giving your sweetie as much fun as possible, but you do need to keep yourself in the action. When he's fucking her, what are you doing? Are you kissing her tits, or her mouth, or giving her something to suck on? My understanding is that for the woman, it's not just having two guys, it's having two guys at once doing wonderful things to her, even if it's just holding her hand and telling her how beautiful she is. Whatever gives her the most pleasure. I've heard that some ladies don't enjoy MFM very much because they are worried about taking care of both guys. Don't let her have that concern clouding her pleasure. Just get in there and make her happy.

[SsHubby 56]

We hit this situation because we both wanted to enjoy a 3some which would be 3 people enjoying the available sexual positions. No I'm not bi but I'm not phobic about unavoidable contact. After each situation we always talk and discuss any "takeaways" we can tweak and apply for the next time. After a couple of experiences of each of us not feeling I was involved enough; we decided that that in an MFM my role would be to fit into any "gap" that I felt like fitting into. Be it watching to taking advantage of what ever body part was available at the time. This allowed my wife to enjoy her toy without me feeling left out because it was up to me how much I interjected into the situation. So the next time we applied this "fill in the gaps" philosophy and we ended up having the most pleasurable encounter we had to date at that time. It is in the same mindset that we are mulling over the option of splitting up at parties and just checking in from time to time. In the end this is about making sure that each person involved get their desired level of enjoyment out of it. And like the others have said, the energy afterwards both immediate and in the days that follow is higher than normal. So sometimes it's ok to be less involved in one situation and more in another

[mcouple40 15]

thanks for the great idea sshubby,, i was wondering did u ever talk with the third so he knew you were feeling left out?

[SsHubby 56]

thanks for the great idea sshubby,, i was wondering did u ever talk with the third so he knew you were feeling left out?

 

No, before we ever started we agreed that unless something was just truly disturbing that we would not stop the experience but would have an open minded and consequence free discussion on it and see what needed to be altered for the next time. The way I came to see it was it was very interesting to see my wife performing sexual acts from a perspective that when she is doing them with me I never get to see. So it was a cool experience to sit back a few minutes and watch. One situation I even positioned myself by her and acted like a cheerleader. That got her going even more, flat wore the single out.

 

For us is was just making sure to never do anything is more then highest level of common comfort between the 2 of us. Open communication with your spouse will always overcome these types of issues and make the experience more enjoyable.

[sweet_tna 680]

Glad to hear that for the most part you had a good time. Sometimes, with a swing encounter, things happen that you don't anticipate. So talking it over with your spouse is the best way to figure out what to do about them. In some cases, just mentioning how you felt is enough to clue her in so that she's more aware of what's going on next time.

 

Speaking as the female half, I didn't really know exactly what I wanted the first time we had an MFM. I just kind of went with the flow, as did Mr. Sweet. Since then, I have a better idea what works for us. Experience really is the best teacher, and as ya'll go along you'll learn what you do and don't want out of an encounter.

 

=)

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

My wife and I have enjoyed many MFMs over the last few years. I echo much of what's been said above. I'd like to share my perspective with you too.

 

We were enjoying an MMFM once a couple of years back. One of the other guys playing with her was someone my wife _really_ enjoyed. She let out a wonderful moan the first time he penetrated her, and her delight in having sex with him was obvious to me and the other guy too. My wife and I frequently say "I love you" to each other, sometimes just in passing, other times with deep passion and emotion. On at least three occasions this play night, I said "I love you" to my wife, and never got a response. She was thoroughly involved with this other guy, and focused on him. It bothered me to an extent.

 

What I took from this was my wife was having a great time. That's a good thing. It means her sex partner was great, and she was enjoying it so much it was blotting out the rest of the world for her. It didn't mean she loved me any less, or didn't want me there. It meant she was loving every minute of it. If you're going to swing, you might as well have the best sex you can, right? I'm sure, like me, you wouldn't want your wife to swing if she wasn't having a good (or preferably better than good) time.

 

When you are engaged in one-on-one sex with your spouse, there's things you can't do that an MFM can. Like wise, there's things an MFM can't do. There are positions in 1:1 sex that make it very inconvenient for a third to be involved. If she's in missionary position with a guy, and they're engaged in kissing while having sex, there's really no room for me to horn in on the action. If she's in reverse cow-girl on him, I can play with her breasts and be kissing her, or even be playing with her clit while she rides him.

 

In an MFM, I tend to somewhat take a backseat. I really enjoy being involved. In fact, my wife's favorite in MFMs is to be having sex and giving head at the same time. But, I also know that she's getting to play with someone new, and if she really enjoys it I want her to get as much from it as she can. I remember one MFM with a guy whom my wife really enjoyed (different than the first story above). We spent most of an afternoon and evening together with the guy. There were three different hour+ long play sessions during that time, and through all of it I probably had sex with my wife about 10% of the time and he had sex with her about 90%. My wife loved it!

 

In an MFM, don't ever think your wife loves you less because she's having sex with someone else and focused on him and not you. I think my wife loves me more because we swing and enjoy MFMs. She gets to have her cake and eat it too. It is very easy to be distracted, or want to spend more time having sex with the other guy. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

Even if I'm not directly involved, there are other things I take to doing. Sometimes I move around into different vantage points. This can be a lot of fun; getting to watch your wife being pleasured can be an exciting experience all on its own. I sometimes go and get her a cup of water. Sometimes, if the position allows, I'll just hold her while the other guy is having sex with her. This can be a very intimate moment.

 

Whatever your case, as others have said it is very important to keep communicating about swinging in general, and make sure you are both on the same page. It is impossible to live up to your spouse's expectations if you don't know what they are.

[joaninla 162]

we have had many MFM (its all we do ) I have become more of a watcher in the last few years. I really enjoy just sitting back and watching her enjoy herself knowing that when he leaves I have her all to myself .

A few months ago I left them completely alone and found that highly erotic

 

But she still enjoys when I join in.

 

Keep trying we find each time we do it gets better & better specialy if you are able to get a steady playmate like we have

 

Very similar to our situation - agree 100%.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When you start involving more than 2 people in sex it gets complicated. Everyone wants attention and there's no way to make sure everyone gets it evenly. In the end, it's up to each person to jump in and grab it. When it's 2 on 1, there is a misconception often that the 1 should be giving all their attention to the 2, get from the 1 the misconception is that they will get all the attention. There really is no way to ensure that no one feels left out, short of going with a definite answer on who the attention will be aimed at. If it's her job to divide her attention equally, how can she really enjoy herself?

 

That said, there are cases where one guy might not make room for another (same goes if this was a FMF, one of the girls might not make room), in which case you may have to force your way in a bit "hey dude give me some space on my wife".

[mcouple40 15]

thanks so much for sharing your own experiences ,, we have talked a bunch and know we know how each other feels,, she told me she was just having way to much fun with something new and that she wanted to take full advantage of the expereince,,, I get it know totally and since we have had the mfm wow she is just as horny as can be!!!! she did mention maybe we should get a woman to join us to keep me busy!

[Gordo 618]

It is hard to find balance at first and like you I felt left out. But talking about it and subsequent retries allowed us to find a balance. By the 4th time or so (same partner) my wife just blew me away with her performance for both of us. I know both us guys felt we'd died and gone to heaven.

 

But if I ever start to feel left out we've agreed to just grab a hand and hold on to each other to re-connect.

 

I also feel the "guest" should have a good time and get some precedence so that can leave me out a bit but it is fun to just watch at times.....

 

Above all don't feel badly about laying out your feelings and talking them out.

[mcouple40 15]

Thanks gordo for the great advice and as you have been through the same situation as i,, we were talking and thought asu said practice makes perfect,, and trust me she wants more practice lol,,

[Gordo 618]

and trust me she wants more practice lol,,

 

LOL I wish that I lived in the great state of Maine and would selflessly volunteer to help

[Powerglide 235]

LOL I wish that I lived in the great state of Maine and would selflessly volunteer to help

 

It's great to see that chivalry is not dead!