Words or phrases to determine if others are swingers

[newbicuriouscpl 15]

I'm wondering if we're out socially, if there are subtle ways to tell if someone is a swinger; or if there are subtle ways we can bring up swinging without actually saying, "We are curious about swinging." That could really spread something we wouldn't be comfortable with in our area.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Depends. About whom are you wondering. What do you already know about them.

 

Glad to have you as a new member.

[rowdytexans 15]

welcome there are no secret words that i know of. we just trust our gut with who we talk to and stick to the safer zones like the lifestyle websites, swingers boards and places like twitter and such, where we can freely talk about our secret life lol

 

~xxx~ Jezzy

[newbicuriouscpl 15]

Nobody in particular. I'm open to playing with almost anyone. I think she'd also be pretty open. It doesn't have to be full or even soft-swap.

[BigNikki 43]

Big Nikki here.

 

No, there are not secret words, no secret handshake. As others have said, you mostly have to rely on your "play-dar" which like everything else can improve with effort.

 

But I have found it useful to drop the word "lifestyle" in conversation; never in a hubba-hubba way, but innocently or better ambiguously and watch for a reaction.

 

Just two days ago I dropped it on a sporty young couple (they had flown their own plane into a resort where I'm at a conference) and saw I didn't need to take it any further.

 

-- Big Nikki

[newbicuriouscpl 15]

Thanks,

I was thinking of lifestyle.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

No, there are not secret words, no secret handshake.

 

Of course there are, you just have not been told because it is a secret.

 

But as soon as someone tells me, I will tell you. Then I guess it won't be a secret anymore, so we would have to start over.

[ViSexual 1,008]

This has come up about as often as anything here. But there just isn't a perfectly safe method of asking without 'outing' youselves.

 

One way would be to mention that 'they' remind you of a couple you two met and really liked because they just seemed so happy together. Then mention how surprised you and your wife were to discover that they were in the Swinging Lifestyle. Then, shut up! If they laugh, then laugh with them. But, if not then you'll find out they are too.

[newbicuriouscpl 15]

That's the kind of answer I was looking for. Thanks.

 

I guess maybe I may have not phrased my question very clearly. I'm just wonderig how others may "feel-out" others.

[MN Tom 251]

We've dropped website acronyms like "sls" before. Course that only works if you know and use the most common ones in your area, and the other people do the same. If they dont (but are still open to the idea), then flirting is in order.

 

And, someone can say "yes I know what that is" and have a different idea of knowing than you.

[2 in C-bus 21]

We were at a meet and greet at a vanilla bar a few weeks ago and someone we had been emailing with on SLS (but never met IRL) approached and asked if we were "with the band." I looked at him like he had lost his mind and told him no, the band was up on stage, we were headed toward the door. I walked away thinking he was an idiot. Only later when we emailed again did I realize he'd been speaking in code. He'd spotted us heading out the door. He couldn't remember our names so just blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. So even when we're all out for the same reasons sometimes we still don't get the "message."

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I guess maybe I may have not phrased my question very clearly. I'm just wonderig how others may "feel-out" others.

 

I am not sure there is a safe and easy way to feel out others to see if they are swingers.

 

What you might want to do is talk to swingers in your area online and find out where the local watering hole is. Most cities seem to have local place or two that swingers congregate on nights there are not parties. Since these are also vanilla bars there is still some risk. But if you make a few friends that are swingers and they are there, they can point out the "in" crowd so to speak.

[divenaked 325]

We were at a meet and greet at a vanilla bar a few weeks ago and someone we had been emailing with on Swing Lifestyle (but never met IRL) approached and asked if we were "with the band." I looked at him like he had lost his mind and told him no, the band was up on stage, we were headed toward the door. I walked away thinking he was an idiot. Only later when we emailed again did I realize he'd been speaking in code. He'd spotted us heading out the door. He couldn't remember our names so just blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. So even when we're all out for the same reasons sometimes we still don't get the "message."

 

With our group it's "Is this the book club?" Of course we post book club gatherings on the group page.

[2 in C-bus 21]

With our group it's "Is this the book club?" Of course we post book club gatherings on the group page.

 

He should have asked if we were with the "ski club." Those were the code words of the evening.

[iceman7570 40]

Have heard of some that will ask if you know Ellis as in L/S, but if you are asking and they happen to know of someone named Ellis for real it could get tricky very fast. We have had one cpl ask if we are iceman and mrs. ice ..but they got scared or something.......

[slevin 1,374]

Have heard of some that will ask if you know Ellis as in L/S, but if you are asking and they happen to know of someone named Ellis for real it could get tricky very fast. We have had one cpl ask if we are iceman and mrs. ice ..but they got scared or something.......

 

Hah, yeah if you asked me that I'd assume you meant Jason Ellis; pro skateboarder and current Sirius radio show host

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I would imagine Ellis Swinger would work.