New and scared

[littlebit8402 15]

Hello everyone. I'm new here so hi. I could really use some advice.

 

My boyfriend and I have been talking about trying a FMF threesome. It's a fantasy that he has and really wants to do it with me. Now on one hand I think it could be really fun and I've always been curious to be with another woman. But on the other hand, I have insecurity issues. I'm not sure how to deal with them. I've had so many thoughts going thru my head lately and I just don't know what to do. I'm really scared to do it because I've heard that it sometimes ruins a relationship. I've heard how some guys end up leaving their SO for the other female and I don't want that to happen.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome my insecurities and just have fun with it?

 

Thanks a lot. Any advice is appreciated.

[Powerglide 235]

If your relationship is basically solid, then you do not have to worry about him dumping you for her. But you really should talk about your insecurities with him, so that he knows that he needs to give you lots of reassurance during the evening. Then you can both relax and have a lot of fun.

[Tina and Bob 236]

I think doing a fmf is one of the most confident things a female in the committed relationship can do. It says I am so confident of our relationship and my ability to please you that I am willing to let another woman into our bedroom for our mutual pleasure. It's probably smart to do a one and done as opposed to having a regular female that you're doing it multiple times with. You should set it up with the other female directly and all communication with her flows through you. Your boyfriend is there for his penis, his hands and his tongue. Make sure to communicate often and honestly. btw he's probably insecure about you enjoying her more than him. A female touch, kiss and oral is definitely something you won't forget, the door swings bothways. Good Luck and be confident about your own sexuality. If any of that stuff happens that rolls around in our heads from time to time, it's probably for the best. Just remember it can't be undone.

[Alura 2,775]

Welcome to the Swingers Board, Little Bit! We're glad you've joined us!

 

Make an agreement with your boyfriend that y'all will never get angry when talking about something and that the both of you will strive to understand each other. Then, and only then, talk about your feelings and expectations regarding the proposed threesome.

 

Be sure to ask him how he feels about inviting another man for a threesome. If he's as scared about that as you are about an FMF, y'all have a lot more talking to do.

 

There will never be a situation of no risk at all. I once met a California lady in Tangiers, Morocco who told of a foursome her ex-husband and she had with another couple. He left her for the other man.

 

Good Luck!

 

Alura

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

So many times setting a goal like, "Accomplish a FMF for 2001" sounds like "work". Whatever happened to the idea going out and seeing people (as well as being seen) at swingers' social events? You will eventually encounter somebody whom you find desirable and who finds you desirable. Then things will happen. More enjoyable and satisfying than forcing it.

 

ONE MAN'S OPINION

[mde 4764 15]

You might get more in depth advice if you mention what your insecurities are.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

You might get more in depth advice if you mention what your insecurities are.

 

I think she did.

 

I'm really scared to do it because I've heard that it sometimes ruins a relationship. I've heard how some guys end up leaving their SO for the other female and I don't want that to happen.

[mde 4764 15]

I have not heard of swinging breaking up a solid marriage. Usually if there is a break up, it would have happened whether you were swinging or not. So, you should ask yourself, how secure is your marriage.

[littlebit8402 15]

Thanks for the advice everyone. As for the last comment we aren't married but as far as I know we have a solid relationship. I'm just really insecure in general. I guess it's time to get over that but it's easier said than done.

[Tina and Bob 236]

I guess it is like a phobia, but you do have to tackle those head on. It's never as worse as you fear. Good luck!

[BigNikki 44]

Big Nikki here.

New and scared

 

New and scared are a good place to be.

 

Let's call it stage fright. I say, better that than swaggering self confidence. Makes you human, coming in. And, as just about every professional performer can tell you, they do best when they're nervous before going on stage.

 

But you brought up another good point:

I've heard that it sometimes ruins a relationship. I don't want that to happen.

 

Your own nervousness and insecurity will sort itself out -- in or out (and if it happens to be out, we'll all wave fond goodbye to you, with sympathy).

 

But your concern that you and yours jumping into swinging might damage other's relations ships. That's really good, that you're tuned in to issues like that. It means your morals and ethics are in the right place, and you'll do your best to not hurt others.

 

Good for you.

 

-- Big Nikki

[DigginIt 1,132]

Mrs Diggs and I have been in the lifestyle for a little over two years and we have seen a couple relationships go by the wayside but most of them were bad relationships. You run into it all the time. People in the lifestyle for the wrong reasons or look to swinging to fill something they are missing.

 

When we say "have a secure relationship" we are really talking a lot of things but communication is the key to making that decision. If you can't sit down at a table and talk about "why" or "what" you are expecting to get out of it. Then you shouldn't be doing it. Every guy has a FMF fantasy but sometimes fantasies are better left to your imagination.

 

If you go through with it then what's next? What if you really like it and decide you want to try a MFM? What does he think of that? You need to discuss everything that you think could come from this encounter and understand that sometimes the lid can't easily be put back on pandora's box.

 

Another question is do YOU want to do it or do you want to do it for him? If the answer isn't that you want to do it for yourself then I'd say you shouldn't do it...at least not now.

 

Sex for me (a guy) is physical. I could have sex with attractive women all day long and check my emotions at the door. The only thing that would screw that up was if there was a problem in my relationship. This goes back to swinging for the right reasons and having a solid relationship.

 

Let us know how it turns out. Finding another woman isn't an easy task unless you two are both super hot...which you could be but even then it's not something you setup usually overnight.

 

Good luck!

[MoonLightKiss 28]

Thanks for the advice everyone. As for the last comment we aren't married but as far as I know we have a solid relationship. I'm just really insecure in general. I guess it's time to get over that but it's easier said than done.

 

My current SO would also appreciate a FMF fantasy being fulfilled. And like you I have some insecurities...and I was in the lifestyle before with my ex husband (we DID NOT divorce for reasons pertaining to the life either just to clear that up and hopefully not add to one of your insecurities).

 

I think it is perfectly normal for you to feel this way. All those questions rolling around in your head, "will this break us up? will he prefer her to me? will he/will I get so jealous we destroy this wonderful relationship we have?" ALL NORMAL!!! Sit down with him and explain each and every insecurity. Odds are he has probably had some insecurities of his own roll around in his head. And maybe he is just as afraid to discuss them as you might be.

 

Over time, talking about it may alleviate alot of these insecurities. At the very least it will improve your ability to communicate. You would be surprised how much easier it is to discuss other issues when you can talk so openly about sex and love, hangups and insecurities in the bedroom.

 

And don't feel as if you have to rush. Yes, fulfilling a fantasy can be a wonderful thing, but there is no rule saying you have to do it in X days/weeks/months. Take your time and talk talk talk. When you start looking for that woman, eventually one will come along that makes you feel at ease as well.

[couplers 4,726]

He will love you all the more for doing it. That's the way I fell about hubby letting me have a bf.

[slevin 1,374]

He will love you all the more for doing it. That's the way I fell about hubby letting me have a bf.

 

It's dangerous to say "he will"; there is a chance he will feel that way. There is a chance he won't.

[truckerbuddy 127]

Thanks for the advice everyone. As for the last comment we aren't married but as far as I know we have a solid relationship. I'm just really insecure in general. I guess it's time to get over that but it's easier said than done.

 

Your insecurities ARE NOT something you can just turn off. You can and will over come them with time.

 

Think about this one for a min.. what if your SO/BF was a bad feeling after its over?? all men (I think) have the same fantasy, but some of them cant take it in reality, but with that said,, the one think you have going for you is talk talk talk, it will happen if and when BOTH of you are ready, then just let it and enjoy it.. good luck

[BnD 15]

Echoing the talk, talk, talk. Imagine going in for a job interview where you have no idea of what you are doing, who you are working for or what is to be expected of you. It is a situation begging for disaster.

 

My suggestion. Really look at the insecurities that are bothering you. Shine the biggest spotlight on them and scream them from the rooftops. Also ask your SO what his insecurities of the situation might be. Talk about what wouldn't be hot- how do you meet this girl, where do you play, do you allow her to stay the night? Are there sweet things that he and you do together that would make you feel uncomfortable to see him do to another woman? A way he kisses you or grabs your hand. Talk about all these things and process them before you procede.

 

Trust the wisdom here. Good things will come to a determined step forward, whether it be in monogamy or not.