Does swinging equal sexual liberation?

[MrMrsSmith 20]

We are back with a two-part question.

 

We like to consider ourselves a sexually liberated couple. We are kinky, adventurous, horny, really open minded and have an arsenal of sex toys. Yep, we're just a couple of good ol' pervs .

 

Anyway, we have acquaintances that are married and only have sex like once a week, or less - we get the impression its actually scheduled. Furthermore, they have never owned a sex toy ! Apparently, the Mr. won't have it. We are not talking, conservative, holier than thou types either. They are actually swing from the chandelier party animals. In addition to these friends, we know other people that are just as sexually challenged. They don't watch porn, and by all accounts keep it strictly missionary. They get uncomfortable at the mere mention of sex.

 

First off, we are not knocking anyone here. We know that not everyone is as perverted as we are, but we actually feel bad for some people - if they only knew how good sex can be. It's awesome to fuck your wife silly with a 10in vibrator . I'm nowhere near that big, but I know my wife likes it and I don't feel the least bit insecure about it. Hell, most of the time we have so many gadgets and wires in us, on us and attached to us that we pick up cable. We fuck almost daily, and love it!

 

We wish everyone felt the same way about sex as a couple as we do. We wish everyone was as liberated and adventurous.

 

So, here are our questions:

 

First - do you view the vanilla world the same way that we view some of the friends that we have just mentioned?

 

Second - do you find the swinging experience in and of itself to be sexually liberating? When you started swinging did you feel more sexually liberated. Did you feel emancipated from the societal values and mores that are inflicted upon us from birth, and if so, do you now view the rest of the world differently?

[susanandsteve 32]

We just think that we had fun.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

First - do you view the vanilla world the same way that we view some of the friends that we have just mentioned?

 

Second - do you find the swinging experience in and of itself to be sexually liberating? When you started swinging did you feel more sexually liberated. Did you feel emancipated from the societal values and mores that are inflicted upon us from birth, and if so, do you now view the rest of the world differently?

 

You actually asked more than two questions.

 

Your first question. No, we don't view our vanilla friends that way. We don't judge them for not seeing things like we do, and hope they would extend the same courtesy to us, even though we know that is unlikely given public sentiment. But in the end it is about the choices we make. We choose to swing. We choose not to judge them to be anything other than what they are.

 

Second question. Do we find swinging liberating? Yes, and no. It is somewhat liberating to have new experiences, but more in the sense it is invigorating to try new things. But then again so is jumping out of an airplane, trying new and strange cuisines and speaking your mind to your boss. Our values are what they are. We are taught certain things growing up, but it is our choice if we subscribe to those values or to ones we feel are appropriate.

 

It is not liberating in the true sense of the word. We have not be shackled, locked up, forbidden from swinging or even overtly suppressed for what we do. Sure there are pockets of zealots that would love to run us out of the country on the rail. But overall there seems to be a growing sentiment of "whatever," by most people. But there likely will always be a vocal minority that will attempt to bring pressure to restrict our activities. Being freed from slavery or unjust imprisonment, women having the right to vote, those are truly liberating events.

 

And your final question, asked in the title: Does swinging equal sexual liberation? No, I have know vanilla friends that are far more out there sexually than many of the swingers I know. One can certainly be sexually liberated without being a swinger.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

We do not, overall, feel liberated. This is owing to the fact that we were not feeling confined before we discovered the swing lifestyle. We have simply found a more interesting activity for Friday or Saturday evenings.

 

As for people who might seem to make sex mechanical, we have encountered more than one person who is "in the lifestyle" and who only seems to knows one way of doing the sex act. And that person's way is often inept. You can't judge a book by its cover.

[Alura 2,774]

To me, "Sexual Liberation" was the social phenomena brought about by the advent of "The Pill." For the first time in 6,000 years of recorded history, women were able to choose their partners, have sex with them without the worry of pregnancy, and walk away if he squeezed the toothpaste tube in the middle.

 

Alura

[Dont.Stop 339]

To each their own. The problem with "viewing" people as you suggest is that you begin to look down on them or pity them for not experiencing the "epiphany" that you have experienced.

 

This would put you in the same class as religious zealots and Apple owners.

 

We're no better than anyone else. We just have lots of sex partners. Twenty years ago we would have scoffed if you called us sluts. Now we smile at the suggestion.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

This would put you in the same class as religious zealots and Apple owners.

 

Yeah, but the difference is with Apple owners, its true

 

 

Disclaimer: I have had as many as 5 or 6 different OS running under my roof at the same time, more if you consider each *nix separately. I love/hate all OS's to some degree

[Dont.Stop 339]

Yeah, but the difference is with Apple owners, its true

 

 

Disclaimer: I have had as many as 5 or 6 different OS running under my roof at the same time, more if you consider each *nix separately. I love/hate all OS's to some degree

 

Windows/OSX/Linux yeah yeah, been there, done that.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Love the lifestyle. Wish we knew about it 15 years ago. Found out more about our sexual likes and dislikes in the last 5 yrs than in our life time. We don't hang out much with our vanilla friends that much. Only if we don't have any plans on the weekend with our swinger friends, which is almost every weekend, then we we will hang out with our vanilla friends.

[Alura 2,774]

Love the lifestyle. Wish we knew about it 15 years ago. Found out more about our sexual likes and dislikes in the last 5 yrs than in our life time. We don't hang out much with our vanilla friends that much. Only if we don't have any plans on the weekend with our swinger friends, which is almost every weekend, then we we will hang out with our vanilla friends.

 

Don't you think that may be because swingers are more fun, Tia Vampire? I do.

 

Alura

[BigNikki 44]

Big Nikki here.

 

First, answering the title question:

Does swinging equal sexual liberation?

Swinging is one manifestation of sexual liberation.

 

Next:

First - do you view the vanilla world the same way that we view some of the friends that we have just mentioned?

 

John and I view vanillas the way runners or tennis players, etc, view people who don't. We think you're missing something but not every was built to run, or swing.

 

Second - do you find the swinging experience in and of itself to be sexually liberating? When you started swinging did you feel more sexually liberated. Did you feel emancipated from the societal values and mores that are inflicted upon us from birth, and if so, do you now view the rest of the world differently?

Is swinging liberating? Yes, if you weren't open / liberated before. Otherwise no.

When you started . . . more liberated? Sorta. Before we began dating, we were both pretty liberal & free (me very secretly from my controlling family), but as soon as we became sexually wild together, we explored swinging and felt like we had come home, to a home that we didn't know was ours.

 

Did you feel emancipated from the societal values . . . ? No, neither of us. Both of us kept up fronts to our families (me, posing as The Good Girl, much more than John) but both of us were privately emancipated -- but had not discovered the swing world.

 

-- Big Nikki

[Tia Vampire 167]

Oh hell yeah Alura, Swinger friends are the best. We try to add a swinger friend to our list of swinger friends everytime we go out. Can never have too many.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

First - do you view the vanilla world the same way that we view some of the friends that we have just mentioned?

 

We don't view the vanilla world as a whole in that way. However, there are some individuals that we do wonder why they seem so uncomfortable with the subject of sex and how they could be content. If all someone wants is once a month missionary style with the lights off, then that's their deal and whatever works for them, we just can't relate to it ourselves though. Trying to understand how people can be so different from yourself is a fascinating pastime and I think about everyone indulges in it to some degree. That holds true for a lot of subjects, not just sex.

 

Second - do you find the swinging experience in and of itself to be sexually liberating? When you started swinging did you feel more sexually liberated. Did you feel emancipated from the societal values and mores that are inflicted upon us from birth, and if so, do you now view the rest of the world differently?

 

Hmmmm. I don't know about sexually liberated, but I would say more sexually charged overall. On the emancipation part, that would be yes to some degree. I won't deny I like the the feeling of having made a conscious decision to step over the line into a shadowy subculture that most of society freaks out just talking about but is secretly fascinated and/or titillated by.

 

I wouldn't say we necessarily view the rest of the world differently, but there are certain aspects of it that we understand even less where people are coming from now. For example, jealousy and possessiveness - I've never been burdened by either one of them, and even less so now after swinging. In our vanilla friends, there are some really good examples of both of those taken to an extreme with no basis behind it. We both puzzle over what continually drives that and why they cannot recognize it as a long-term cancer that eats away at a relationship.

[Fundamental Law 2,891]

Originally Posted by MrMrsSmith

First - do you view the vanilla world the same way that we view some of the friends that we have just mentioned?

 

Couples form and stay together for all sorts of reasons. The division of the world into swingers and vanilla is a convenient dichotomy, but strikes us overly simplistic. We know couples who are blissfully celibate. We know others who fight except when they fuck.

 

What strikes us as characteristic of successful relationships is the priority that each puts on the other's happiness. That happiness can be sexual, spiritual, material, other, or combinations thereof. What sets swingers and their successful relationships apart is an abiding belief in the strength of that relationship independent of (physical) sexuality.

[MrMrsSmith 20]

First off, thanks for the reply. We love getting different perspective. Let me add some clarification...

You actually asked more than two questions.

 

Your first question. No, we don't view our vanilla friends that way. We don't judge them for not seeing things like we do, and hope they would extend the same courtesy to us, even though we know that is unlikely given public sentiment. But in the end it is about the choices we make. We choose to swing. We choose not to judge them to be anything other than what they are.

 

Please do not misunderstand. Like we said, we are not knocking them, to each their own. We have wonderful, fun and exciting sexual experiences and we just wish that they knew what they were missing and could experience more of the fantastic things that sex has to offer. We were wondering if couples in the lifestyle had a similar sentiment toward their vanilla acquaintances.

[MrMrsSmith 20]

It is not liberating in the true sense of the word. We have not be shackled, locked up, forbidden from swinging or even overtly suppressed...

 

What we were referring to here is that society places certain expectations on us. You're right, we are not shackled per se, but those societal expectations can create mental handcuffs. The lifestyle isn't exactly the norm and so society rejects it, even if not overtly. As another example, they are the same mental handcuffs that can cause a gay person to stay in the closet for twenty years. I would argue that when that person finally breaks free from those handcuffs and comes out of the closet it must be a liberating experience. This is the liberation that we were referring to.

 

Coupleerotic22, again thanks for the comments!

[MrMrsSmith 20]

This would put you in the same class as religious zealots and Apple owners.

 

Them's fightin' words...

 

But seriously, I get your point. We do not look down, but there is a sense of "feeling sorry for"

 

Point taken

[BnD 15]

Doris here.

 

With our vanilla friends who we see/hear have a tepid sexual life with their partners, we are empathetic to them. Mainly because it wasn't that long ago we were in the same boat if going through the motions. I equate it to wanting to show a child how to ride a bike and them needing to learn it on their own. You want to help but you also just want them to know how to immediately so they can enjoy it as much as you do. (and I think that was where the OP was going with this)

 

On the sexual liberation. I believe that it is more akin to a person's specific journey in navigating their own sexuality (or a couples for that matter) on whether or not they feel liberated from societal shackles. For me, this rings very true as I was a very sexually repressed person for the majority of the time I would consider myself a sexual being. Being able to finally own my sexuality for what it is: something that feels good and I shouldn't be ashamed if wanting it was very liberating. Having this almost coincide with Boris and I beginning our lifestyle change made it a definite mark in between, "I'm a slut if I want sex and that is bad," to " I'm a slut if I want sex and this is good.". I guess it all boils down to perspective.