So what exactly does "female is bicurious" mean?

[sherwood 15]

I see lots of experienced swinger couples describing their female half as "bicurious". What does this mean in practice?

 

Surely if the lady has had sexual encounters with another woman why are they still curious? They either liked it or not so either bisexual or straight?

 

Hmm, just a newb weighing up whether my wife is bi curious or bisexual

[slevin 1,374]

This is one of those cases where I think it's both useless to worry about labeling it, and difficult to label it if you try

 

Lots of women enjoy being with a girl and are attracted to women, but don't really consider themselves to be bisexual. It's a term that means different things to different people. Someone might consider bisexual people to be open to romantic relationships with either sex. Some may consider it someone who is open to being with either sex sexually. There are a ton of other reasons why people continue to call themselves bi-curious. The other big one I have encountered is that she is bi-selective and doesn't want to present herself as guaranteed to be into both men and women.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Originally, bi 'curious' meant interested but inexperienced.

 

But a lot of men use the term to protect their manhood instead of just admitting they're bisexual.

 

I think Slevin's right that women use it to be selective, not become fair game! LOL!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Originally, bi 'curious' meant interested but inexperienced.

I have every reason to believe that ViSexual is correct in this observation. My guess is that the people who originally created the on-line swingers' connection Web sites, or maybe it even goes back to the days when people used swinger-hookup magazines, struggled to find a brief term that could be used to say that a person had little or no experience in same-gender sex but was not adverse to the idea of giving it a try with the right person.

 

Realizing the ambiguity that had developed over the term bi-curious, the SwingLifestyle Webmasters a few months ago solicited their members for comments on a new system for labeling men and women in regard to their sexual orientation. The forum that they set up was filled within days. No two members could agree and the discussion descended into chaos. Nothing consistent seemed to emerge so I believe that threw up their hands and decided, "the three different shades we already have will suffice."

[BigNikki 43]

These posts are spot-on.

 

We have to remember that, just as they say "the law is a crude instrument", labels especially labels like bi-curious, are crude descriptors; they don't express nuance.

 

Nevertheless, words are good, and words can point to what we mean. The native language of Nikki-land -- which everyone in my family strictly refuses to speak -- is famous for its ambiguity, which has its uses but the people of Nikki-land have trouble saying things precisely.

 

Our lovely, lovely English is particularly good at allowing us to be exact, or indicative, or evocative, or ambiguous. (What a language! What a tool! No wonder I love it and make my living massaging it.)

 

What's that rant have to do with "bi-curious"? As mentioned above, it allows a girl to say "I haven't done it, but I might try" ; and also say "I do it, but it's a side line and I'm picky" ; and also say "I'm really a lesbian, but my husband isn't happy with that label".

 

So it lets a girl be slippery about just what she means, which we girls famously consider our prerogative.

 

So a bi-curious woman is open to possibilities but holding her cards to her sweet chest.

 

I have no idea how to deconstruct the meaning of bi-curious for a man.

 

Continuing about the uncertain meaning of words (about bi- but not about curious) we don't have any accepted way to indicate just how AC or DC we are.

 

Example: my John and I both label ourselves as bi- but what's that mean? John gets it on with, roughly, 80% women, 20% men. I get it on, not counting sex with John, with 60 to 70% women and the rest men.

 

What should we call that? 80W20M and 70W30M ? I don't think folks want to go there. Sounds too much like motor oil.

[BigNikki 43]

Veering slightly off topic, there are women who are bi-curious and don't know it.

 

I'll give you an example, one I've mentioned from time to time, The Wife Next Door.

 

In my Good Girl role, which doesn't get written about here, but which consumes a big portion of my life, I'm a conventional suburban housewife. (Capital Hill housewife to locals.) In that role I'm friends with the ladies in the neighborhood, including TWND. She and I are coffee-klatch buddies; we sit, we talk, we hug some, we take naps together and, through the magic of frottage, we have sex together.

 

She doesn't think we're having sex (or doesn't want to); I do. I have a pretty darned good O with her, though I keep it quiet. I come, I think she comes, and we definitely kiss a lot. I know we're having sex, but she doesn't think we're having sex, maybe in part because no clothes came off and no hands went behind the drapes.

 

So, would you agree that this woman is bi-curious without knowing it? Or maybe we should say, bi-incurious/oblivious ?

 

Comments?

[weloveeachother 29]

When my wife and I go out, she often plays around with girls. Though she would never label herself as bi. She prefers me and says she plays around with the ladies more for me than herself. She knows I am turned on by it so she does it for me. Right.....

 

I agree that labels are unnecessary. People are people, we are curious by instinct. I would never label my wife as being bi or lesbian or whatever because she chooses to have a little fun with her same sex. In the meantime....I will enjoy whatever happens...

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

When we first started in the LS we listed the wife as bi-curious on our profile. Mostly because she knew if was a popular male fantasy and was more interested to see my reaction than anything. She wanted to see what it was like but was not champing at the bit, so to speak, her interest is in men. I was fine with that as long as she wanted to try it, but I was more interested in her doing it for her, not me.

 

Initially we were set upon by a great many bi females that were mostly interested in her, I was an after thought, which was not at all what she was interested in. I even chatted with one guy that told me that no other man touched his wife, but I was welcome to watch as he and his wife ravaged my wife, lol. I told him "good luck with that."

 

Far too many of our contacts ended up revolving around FF activity which drove her interest down, not up. She was feeling pressured and uncomfortable, so we changed her orientation to straight.

 

Flash forward to a party many months later. My wife is very very playful and ended up kissing the woman of a couple we had met. I was chatting with someone else in the group and did not see it, but she REALLY liked it. All of a sudden she became interested in FF for her pleasure, not just mine, but she is very selective about the women she finds sexy.

 

Now, even though she is selectively bi-curious, she wants to leave the profile as straight. Her interest is still heavily weighted towards the male, but if she find the wife interesting then it is a bonus. She would still fall under the "curious" category as she has done nothing beyond kissing, but if she ever moves past the curious stage we will re-evaluate how she deals with it.

 

My guess is that she will leave it straight and let those she is interested in know in person. Why? Based on our earlier experience when she was listed as bi-curious, more often than not, when there was a spark between the males and females, it was just assumed that the females would play as well, even when she was not remotely attracted to the female. And in most of those cases the other couple reacted negatively when they were told she was only interested in the male half of the couple. For some it was a no go if there was no FF play, but for others I think it was an issue of feelings getting hurt and that threw a wet blanket on the whole thing.

[HA.and.QP 15]

I call myself socially bi, lol. I love a woman's body, love playing with toys with her, kissing her body etc, but just can't go down on a beautiful body. When a lady approaches me I certainly tell her that. I tell them that I am not selfish it is just some thing I don't do. Most are fine with it others say thanks for letting me know. Back home most knew that I was "socially bi" though.

[angelkin 1,326]

I put myself in the bi-curious category on the sites we belong to because there's not a better option for selection. I enjoy the touch and feel of another woman at times - kissing, touching, and depending on the lady, I may go down on her. I am not all about the women though, I love cock and being with a lady is only a warm up for the feature event of getting it on with a man.

 

Does that make me bi? I don't think so and I more clearly state in my profile what my preferences are. It doesn't exactly make me straight either...so bi-curious it will remain until there's a better option on the websites we belong to.

 

My reason for choosing bi-curious rather than bi are primarily to alert potential playmates that I am not strictly interested in f/f only play. Like couplerotic22 said, initially, we got hit on a lot where the wife was interested in me and he was left out in the cold...so the profile, if read, can explain more specifically what we're looking for. When a couple approaches us, I want them to know that I am not full on bi and it may or may not happen with the lady. Sometimes, my husband is attracted to women I don't necessarily get turned on by - but I am attracted to her mate, so off we go.

[sherwood 15]

Thanks for all the replies. Seems like it is an interesting debate for others too.

 

I'm starting to like the "bi curious" tag. As others have said it's probably not fair to label people with a solid definition - it's too rigid being bisexual or straight.

 

My wife enjoyed her own FMF experience but that certainly doesn't mean female fun will be her priority every time.

[Dont.Stop 339]

I've giggled at the term bi-curious... at some point you're not curious anymore. Or maybe you're still exploring, in which case that makes me straight-curious, because I'm still exploring the fun of hetero sex.

 

What I've taken it to mean is that touching is fine, but don't expect oral.

 

Or maybe like others have said, they like FF sex, but wouldn't consider a FF relationship. We have a friend who says she is "socially bi". She'll play with other women, but only for her husband's enjoyment.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I think the ambiguity of the term Bi-Curious is a good thing. It makes for a great conversation starter.

"So, you're listed as 'bi-curious', tell us about that...."

[BigNikki 43]

So what exactly does "female is bicurious" mean?

So here's a variation on the theme. When I was in middle school, I was bi-curious; but not what most would think.

 

In my stealthy way, I was very sexually active, while looking on the outside like I was a goody-two-shoes.

 

But the people I was having sex with were . . . girls. So I was curious about boys.

 

Eventually I became officially hetero-sexual and happily, passionately married. Though, after my first love, my first sexual loyalty, to my husband John, I'm more into girls than boys.

 

But in my school days I was indeed bi-curious. I was curious about what sex with boys was like.

 

So, a variation on a theme.

[2006couple 15]

Great discussion.

 

My wife was "bicurious" since she was a teenager. She knew she was sexually attracted to girls but never had the opportunity to act on it. As an adult her first experience was with another "bicurious" woman. That woman realized that it was not for her, but the wife wanted more. Her next experience was with an honest-to-goodness bisexual woman, and after that there was no doubt in her mind that she was 100% bisexual.

 

Our preference is to only swing with couples with bisexual females. One of the first conversations we have with a new couple is the extent of her bisexuality/bicuriosity, as we've learned that the limiting classifications online almost always require further description. We even ask the "bisexual" females just to be sure. Some of the bicurious ladies have had no real experience, and with some it's been limited but they enjoyed it. Regardless, we realize that it's exactly where the wife was not too long ago, and we try to be as open and helpful as possible, even if we don't end up being compatible in swinging.

[lustylearning 705]

I wish there were a bi-selective option, something other than "bi-curious." The curious part suggests inexperience or openness to experimentation. I want a tag that says, "The man is my primary interest, though I can enjoy being with some women."

[Dont.Stop 339]

I wish there were a bi-selective option, something other than "bi-curious."

 

Well, of course, you're hetero-selective also. You won't sleep with just any guy, would you?

 

(I'm not singling you out. I just chuckle when I see profiles saying they are looking for couples and "select" males... which incorrectly implies any couple will do.)

[sweet_tna 680]

Since the term "bi curious" means something different to just about everyone, I can only tell you what it means for me (because that's what's on my profile). Initially, I was listed as straight, and had no intention of going the girl/girl route. Didn't even occur to me. Then I met the right lady, and .. . Flick! It was like someone turned on a light switch. That got me curious, so the bi-curious label was applied.

 

I had some very enjoyable f/f experiences, but was not brave enough to attempt to try going down on a girl for quite awhile. I finally, 'took the plunge' as it were, a few times, but still don't feel like I have a clue. I do have a more active interest in the ladies, but I'm still primarily interested in the menfolk. There really isn't a term that quite fits, so I make do with what's there.

 

Honestly, your best option when encountering that label is to ASK the lady to whom it is applied.

[funfrkycpl 77]

I'm not into labels, but if people ask I tell them I am bisexual. I considered myself bicurious for years, even after making out with women in bars and having a friend eat me out in front of my husband after a night of bar hopping. I knew that I enjoyed the touch of another woman, but I still wasn't sure if I it was just a curiosity or if I could go any further with woman.

 

All of this happened before we became swingers, but after our first night at a swingers club there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I was bisexual and that I needed to make up for lost time.