Swinging? Not without me!

[mikeswinger56 15]

How many couples cringe at the idea of separate swinging?

[BnD 15]

Doris here.

 

We thought we would until we tried it. I think with the right couple for your first time, having the ability to focus on your play partner can be a wonderful experience. That said, Boris and I love our pile of bodies. :-)

[Brian Welch 15]

I don't particularly cringe at the prospect of a separate room swap, but that may be because I'm poly (open to other relationships outside of my marriage) and not jealous at all (I don't need to watch my wife with someone else to assuage fear).

 

That being said, because my wife and I haven't swapped at all and are exploring together, we both agree that we'd prefer to be together if it does happen—a shared experience does a great deal to reduce complications afterward. Unless I care very deeply about the person I'm playing with, I expect most of my pleasure would come from watching my wife enjoy herself, making a same-room swap an ideal situation. I don't think I'd even necessarily have to be involved to feel good about it. Such is the power of compersion, I suppose.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We will not play without each other, but separate room play is ok with the both of us. Depending on the play partner, I rather play in separate room. By this I mean, I have a play partner that is into the kinky stuff. When he is at a party, my fiancée already know I'm going to want to be with him. He is to rough for my fiancé's taste, but don't mind us being together because he know he does it just the way I like. This is someone that my fiancée and I both know. It would not be that way with just some random stranger.

[exploringRM 305]

When we started our "rule" was we play together in the same room. After several experiences we were with a new couple that play separately and we gave it a try. Now we will go with either option, depending on the situation. For me (male half) there are some things about separate rooms that I find better, less distracting especially.

 

As far as swinging totally separately we have not ventured in to that. We have discussed it and if the opportunity came up we would be ok with say going to a friend's house party solo. There have been times were we have gone to a meet and greet (with swing friends) on our own, when the other could not make it. Though even in our vanilla life we will do things on our own if only one of us is free.

[MsGoneWild 181]

My fiancée and I swing and are in an open relationship so we have a lot of interesting dynamics going on. We both usually have 1-2 OTHER partners than ourselves.

 

However, we are the primary relationship and have rules in place to make sure boundaries are respected, everyone knows whats going on, etc. It has been years in the making and I've never felt more sexually gratified and fulfilled.

 

It's not for everyone, it wasn't even for us at first. When we first started swinging we were SAME ROOM only (full swap but same room) and the idea of being separated mortified us. However, over time, it became apparent that either we had wants, thoughts or desires that we couldn't satisfy for each other; i.e. he is a bisexual man and no matter how hard I try I don't have a penis, so there was no way he could experience that with me. The real trigger item was BDSM which he was VERY interested in and I wasn't.

 

Should my lack of interest in a certain fetish be the end of my partners interest in it? He found a mentor who he loves and trusts and they had a beautiful thing going on (it's on hold because of things going on in her personal life but now we are perusing Kink together, and I'm getting my poor vanilla boyfriend interested in all this stuff as well. I think it's been interesting for him too).

[Alura 2,773]

We tried separate swinging early in our marriage and discarded the idea as boring. Neither of us found it "thrilling." From that time on we played together or not at all.

 

We considered "separate rooms" to be playing together since we were both doing it at the same time.

 

Alura

[Dont.Stop 339]

After doing both, we are moving back toward same room. When the trust is right we will do separate, but we did get into this to watch each other give and receive pleasure.

 

And it's awful tough to do that four way play when there is a wall between the couples.

[psycdr 64]

We have a different opinion on this, right now the wife has a boy toy she hooks up with (he is single) and we viewed this as a step into the lifestyle of swinging. We have a lot of interest in going to the next step which will be different room swap as it seems more comfortable to us, then we might explore a same room swap experience.

 

It has been somewhat difficult to find a couple that does separate room, but we are continuing to look.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

When I initially read the post, I read it as swinging separately not separate room.

 

We certainly do not cringe at the thought of either swinging separately or separate room. In fact, we do not cringe at much about the lifestyle, we either play that way or we don't, to each his own. The things that make us cringe is when people in the LS so things that give swinging a bad name or when non-swingers go on and on about the vices of swinging and condemn others for their lifestyle.

 

As for separate room, we do both based on the other couple. Separate and same room both have advantages and disadvantages, and we enjoy them both.

 

The Mrs. played alone when I was sidelined with surgery, and I have a hall pass anytime I want, but it has as yet remained unused. We have certainly considered separate play more frequently based on sitter issues and availability. At parties we also play "uncoupled" simply because we are comfortable with it and it increases the opportunity for play not having to find a four way match.

 

The bottom line is that it works for some couples and not for others. If you are comfortable with it, have trust and communications, if safety is not an issue (in a given situation), if you both have fun and it fits your style of play, then go for it. If for what ever reason, it is not your cup of tea, then simply don't do it. Swinging is a wonderfully democratic activity.

[Alura 2,773]

By "swinging separately" my mind was on a time when Mrs. Alura met a hot guy and told me she'd like to fuck him. The next time I was out of town on business, she did.

 

We hoped it would be hot when she told me about it but she found little noteworthy to tell. It was boring. Another thing that caused us to discard the idea was that he couldn't get his mind around what we were doing, and he didn't want to stop fucking her when she told him it would be that one time only. He wasn't a serious problem, but more than she wanted to deal with.

 

Couples were a lot more fun, we found out shortly after that, and talking about the event afterward kept us hot for each other for some time.

 

Alura

[MN Tom 251]

We found that it all varies depending on the situation and who we are with.

 

We are open to separate play, and that is our most frequent type of play. We are also open to couples play, both same room and separate room, although typically we prefer separate rooms. We have had some great times in same room too, like anything though, it's not for everyone.

 

Sometimes people go at different paces, sometimes people are very distracting and vocal, sometimes people just cant focus with their spouse in or out of the room. So we are open to all.

 

We've found that we are able to bring the energy back from separate play, but it's not the be all and end all, and it's not for everyone. We have lifestyle friends who have tried it and didn't like it, or found that only half of them could handle it. And some aren't willing to try it at all.

 

To each their own.

[celtic239 297]

Male half here - We are more comfortable with same room but for security reasons. The swinging community isn't immune to having an occasional psycho in their midst. However if we got to know a couple really, really well (over a period of time) then separate rooms wouldn't be ruled out.

[psycdr 64]

When I initially read the post I thought it was talking different room swap, but now that I re-read the post I see its more about hooking up separately. As I mentioned in a previous post, my wife hooks up with a single male (her boy toy) and I am very turned on by it. I only wish we could find a female that would play with me, but I am finding this very difficult to get to happen.

 

The next step for the wifey and me is to find a couple that we can either do a different room swap or to just have the ability to hook up separately. Hopefully it will happen someday, until then I enjoy knowing my wife is getting her freak on with someone else.

[lovinher 505]

We consider swinging as an us thing, as in together. To be honest, I never really think about being alone with another woman.

[3sumff 31]

We have done it before and enjoyed it, but we are pretty open about that stuff.

[lovinglyshared 15]

My husband's not a swinger, but he loves to know that I'm going out and guys are horny for me. When I get home, we talk about what happened and it turns him on. Sometimes he's home when I bring a guy over, but he doesn't usually want to watch or participate. He just likes to know other men find me sexy but I'll always come home to him and my love is his exclusively.

[willyoats 324]

We did separate a few times while we were actively and frequently swinging. That worked out just fine.

 

For a few years, my wife has given up the lifestyle. So, I'm on my own now. For a while, I did have a pretty regular partner who came for the "afternoon delights" while my wife was shopping or playing bridge, etc. Then we would all have lunch or dinner together, but that's over now.

 

I have recently hooked up again with an old high school girlfriend. She and her boyfriend were here visiting about a year ago during a class reunion. She and I got to hug and kiss a lot when we could steal moments alone. She lives a long way away, but we see each other on Skype a lot. There is a lot of sex talk, flashing, etc via the internet. We will be getting together at the next reunion. We both anticipate being alone, either here at my home or at her hotel room.

 

My wife knows (almost) all about this, and she already has blessed the sex that we might have.

 

You gotta love an understanding wife!!!!!

[Guest mtman1973]

This was the one that ended my ex and I's swinging career, and is a valuable lesson in the importance of rules.

 

This was our one big rule. Same room only. Yet, when we went to a New Year's eve party, under the impaired judgment of much alcohol, we allowed another couple to talk us into separate room and it was a TOTAL DISASTER. The reason why it was for us is that, of course, the imagination tends to make things worse than they really are. The ensuing jealousy was damn difficult to overcome on both our parts. While it didn't end the marriage, it did end swinging.

 

If I ever find myself in the ls with someone again, I will not break that rule a second time!

[Whoahblackbetty 15]

My guy and I are coming at this back-asswards. So far we have ONLY done separate stuff! I am the novice, he is more experienced. I understood and experienced compersion for him pretty quickly so I am pretty sure I can enjoy watching, or playing with him and others but he doesn't know if he can handle seeing someone with me. He has done it with other girlfriends in the past but no one that he had an emotional/love bond with. This weekend, we have a couples date and it will be our first shared experience. I am hoping it goes well. Playing separately is all I know but it seems lacking. What attracted me to swinging was the shared experience factor. Talking about it after doesn't seem to offer the same appeal. What I do like about separate play is the ability to focus on one partner. In group settings, I always feel distracted and confused about whom to please first and for how long.

[SAVANDWIN 266]

First let me state that We are not insecure, we do not suffer from jealousy and aren't afraid of separating based on the issue of safety.

 

We only swing together and only in the same room because We enjoy watching each other give and receive pleasure. We enjoy being with couples who share an incredible desire and attraction for their own partners and interact with them as well as with us during any play session. In a technical sense we don't do threesomes (never bring in just a 3rd) but many times during play it is MMF or FFM as one of us will sit back and watch for awhile. We see this as the best of all arrangements for us. Separate room play or separate dating has zero appeal for us.

 

Unlike many we really have been very successful of finding like minded couples where the 4 of us shared sexual attraction. We've yet to have a "bad" experience in almost 5 years of active swinging.

 

We make no judgments about other peoples play style or preferences but it isn't a place we are ever going.

 

Mrs Sav