What is happening, Please Help

[funtimz2 19]

We have been in the lifestyle for 4 months. We have only been with 2 couples. The first was great and we got together with them a few times. Then we found another couple that we have an unreal amount in common. The first weekend we were taking family trips with our kids and we get along great. For the last three weekends we see each other. Sometimes we play and sometimes we don't. We also do a lot of flirting/sexting during the week. Mostly my wife and him. We share the text each night so we know what is going on. I am finding myself less horny each day and sometimes I have even had a hard time staying hard while swinging with them, and she is HOT! We have a great friendship with them that I really cherish and things seem great...except my lack of sex drive. Since we have started swinging my wife is getting more excited and I have had less. Before we started it was the other way around. Is this normal? When we were with the other couple I did not go soft during intercourse like I have with the new couple. Is there emotions happening here I don't understand. Please Advise....Thanks

[exploringRM 305]

It could be a number of things. Sometimes when the sex turns into friendship, the level of desire goes the other way. It could be that, for you, the newness of an encounter is the thrill and it wears off soon after. Perhaps you are spending too much time with them and just need more breaks between the sex?

 

We have a somewhat regular group of people that we party with. Thinking about it now I think we spend more time socially with them than actual sex and there does not seem to be an issue with getting excited. But there is also variety in the group, so it's not a couple to couple thing.

[funtimz2 19]

Thanky you for the input. Maybe a break could be in order. Our other couple wants to get together. Maybe we should visit them soon.

[Tina and Bob 236]

It appears that you two relatively young based off of your profile info. Based on that I would definitely look into why you have a sudden decrease in libido. It could be medication you are taking. I know that there are certain heartburn medicines that reduce a person's libido. Think about recent changes in things you take internally. Saying someone is hot but you can't get it up is not adding up. Just a thought.

[Dont.Stop 339]

I've heard stories of this before. The more you're with a couple, you may find the less are you are interested in the sex.

 

I think too much time with the same couple is just a bad idea anyway. We've take hiatus from a couple we are very near and dear too, have absolutely fantastic sex with. But Mrs. and I could sense something was liable to go wrong soon.

 

So part while it's still good, and return to more goodness.

 

Are you having problems performing for your wife? If so, then you have something that needs investigation. Otherwise, find some more playmates.

[twistedpretzels 100]

great responses..... helpful for our learning curve too! keep us.... posted?

[slevin 1,374]

I know that certain personalities can put me off, sexually. Even a ridiculously hot girl can turn me off if our personalities don't mesh. That doesn't mean that we don't get along, just that something in her attitude turns me off. Sometimes it's even when I don't want it to happen

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I know that certain personalities can put me off, sexually. Even a ridiculously hot girl can turn me off if our personalities don't mesh. That doesn't mean that we don't get along, just that something in her attitude turns me off. Sometimes it's even when I don't want it to happen

On an intuitive level (male intuition), this sound like it might be the answer. If even once a woman, although she is a Playboy centerfold, scolds even slightly, "Oh, what's the matter here," the game is over and the memory does not soon fade.

[ViSexual 1,008]

This is so familiar to me.

 

Probably the best looking lady, of the couples we swapped with, and the sexiest, was the one I just didn't really want to have sex with. And, the sex just wasn't that good when I did. Now, of course, how could you say it was 'taking one for the team' when she was so damn hot? But, in reality, it was.

 

Looking at sexy women is enjoyable but actually having sex with them is very different. The 'looking' is stimulus to the eyes only! Wanting to have sex with them is a number of stimuli. And, we all have different needs there.

 

I liked this young lady and I thought she looked sexy as hell but there wasn't the other things, (that I can't even know myself), that make me want to ravage a woman!

 

I think the best way to explain how it was for me is this;

 

I have a sister a years difference in age. All of my friends thought she was good looking and sexy as hell. I'll admit that I thought she was a very attractive girl. But, I never, ever, gave any thought to having sex with her!

[lizandtom 512]

Since we have started swinging my wifes getting more excited and I have had less. Before we started it was the other way around. Is this normal. When we were with the other couple I did not go soft during intercourse like I have with the new couple. Is there emotions happening here i don't understand. Please Advise....Thanks

 

I forget exactly how the quote goes, but it's essentially: "It's the gung ho partner that introduces swinging, but the secondary partner that keeps them there."

 

What you are describing is very common in most couple to couple relationships. One pairing will be much more assertive than the other, i.e. your wife and the other guy, whereas you and the other girl are having fun but not as heated. Without knowing much more, I'd base your feelings perhaps on a little sexual insecurity purely due to your 'newness' to swinging and not having a 'fireworks' type attraction to the other woman. Be patient, as time goes on and you get with a few other couples where you and the other woman have the 'primary' heated pairing, you will feel much more inspired, imho. Be sure to speak with your wife on how you feel, so she'll be open minded to keep on meeting other couples as well, instead of just settling in on this guy that's floating her boat right now.

[MN Tom 251]

Does this happen with anyone else or your wife?

 

Has anything changed in medications, diet, stress.. ?

 

You say it's the last 3 weekends, and sometimes you play, sometimes not. Which sounds like there has only been a few playtimes then? Or is it several times over the weekend?

 

If the first few times you performed fine, but the performance is dwindling, then I could see a problem. Did the gal turn you off in some way? Do you feel like it's a platonic relationship?

[funtimz2 19]

Many great inputs here. We did get together with them yesterday and exchanged partners. I was unable to get off, while I remained hard and into it until about 2 minutes with the condom. Then went soft. She was able to get me back up but then went back down. We were both tired and she had already gotten off so we rested and laughed. He told me that he is also having a hard time getting off later in the evening also. We were thinking maybe it is the condoms. Even though they are suppose to be ultra sensitive. My wife did not have a hard time getting me off later last night. Condoms maybe?

[Gordo 618]

Mostly my wife and him.

 

Are you perhaps sensing something more between them? Perhaps subconsciously looking for an out rather than a confrontation?