Need Soft Swap Advice

[Aasr 15]

My wife and I are newbies and have yet to swap. We have discussed it in much detail sharing a lot of fantasies and are looking to go to a Swingers Club out of town in a couple of weeks and a clothing optional resort in Cancun in October. Since we are new to this, we want to start out slow and see what happens. With that being said, we have agreed we do not want to have intercourse with another couple, just some play and soft swap. Will this be a problem if we initiate something or if another couple initiates something with us? Is this normal to have intercourse a a boundary as you start the lifestyle?

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

There are a number of swingers that are soft swap only. As long as you are clear about this upfront you should not have a problem.

 

Based on our experience, there are fewer soft swappers than full, so it may take a bit longer to find someone that is compatible, but is certainly attainable.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

What he said.

 

Soft swap isn't unusual, but it does seem to be a solid minority of swingers, so that just means it will take longer for something to work out. It's hard enough to find 4-way compatibility and chemistry among full swap couples which make up the majority, so lower the pool of potentials by staying in the soft swap realm, and it will take even more patience. Full swap, soft swap, it doesn't matter - try to rush or force things, and the first experience likely won't be a good one.

 

Good communication is the key. It's only going to be a problem if you aren't up front with offering that information, regardless of whether you or the other couple did the initiating.

 

Good luck.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Yeah, just let your potential playmates know before you disappear into another room and start getting undressed that you're only interested in soft. I'd be unhappy if a couple waited until we were in the moment to disclose that boundary. We're of course respectful, but there is a difference between getting naked and saying "we won't do intercourse" vs. "we'll do intercourse, but not anal".

 

We've had no "problem" finding people that only want soft. No problem finding couples that want to full either for that matter.

 

Anywhere you go, the rule is always "No means no."

[MN Tom 251]

Yes, it's not a problem if you mention it up front. We've met couples who are soft play only, they mentioned it, and we discussed if that would work for us with them. And one night we went soft with another couple, mainly because aunt flo was visiting and going further wasnt really an option my wife wanted at the time.

 

And like dont.stop mentioned, waiting until the last second to mention it wouldnt be a good idea.

[twistedpretzels 100]

We met with a couple who started with only soft swap with a couple-- and that was fine with us.

[Playful1 434]

it might a be bit rarer to find, but they are certainly out there.

 

just PLEASE tell any couple you are interested in that you are soft swap before you spend tons of time chatting them up. It can be incredibly frustrating to be chatting with a couple you think it hot, be all ready to go, then 2hrs in, find out they only soft swap.

[Empty_Nesters 15]

We started out as a soft swap couple and slowly went to full swap. We met several great couples along the way who took their time with us and told us they wouldn't do anything we didn't want to do. We are still friends with them. When we meet new couples who are soft swap, we explain how we began and have no problem playing with soft swap couples. We remember our roots and will always pay it forward and play to the other couple's comfort level.

[lotsoffun201 175]

We are a soft only couple as well. We have never had issues finding playmates as full couples will usually respect our boundarys. You should be just fine. Have a great time and enjoy

[EaSeCouple 15]

We started out as a soft swap couple and slowly went to full swap. We met several great couples along the way who took their time with us and told us they wouldn't do anything we didn't want to do. We are still friends with them. When we meet new couples who are soft swap, we explain how we began and have no problem playing with soft swap couples. We remember our roots and will always pay it forward and play to the other couple's comfort level.

 

Yes. This. +1

 

We don't really do "couples" dates anymore, but when we meet other couples who are new, we are happy to bring them to one of our parties. There are people on all different levels there, and we are a lot of us are friends both in and out of the bedroom.

 

Some of my most steamy hot encounters have been without intercourse. Here is one example. At on of my parties, my wife was sitting on my left. The female half of a soft swap couple was on my right, and her man was on her right. Another guy guy was going down on my wife, she was jerking me off, I was using my hands on the other woman while taking turns make out with the other woman and my wife. The other woman's man was helping me pleasure her.

 

VERY hot fun with fun a soft swap couple.

[EnjoyingLife 127]

We're a soft-swap only couple and never have trouble with couples not respecting our boundaries. We're fairly new (less than a year) and have only played with a few couples, but not because we haven't had many opportunities, we just haven't taken advantage of every opportunity. Have fun!

[BigNikki 44]

Big Nikki here.

 

Even though John and I are, how shall I say it, pretty hard core, I consider soft-swap lovely, sweet and dear. Yeah, it may be all about sexual boundaries, but I also think of it as being really dedicated to each other.

 

Though soft isn't our preference (and, for that matter, hetero- isn't our preference either) I'm often quite willing to go softies with a couple we like, because, well, it's so sweet and dear.

 

From all I've observed, it's as rare to find swingers who don't respect softies as it is to find swingers who otherwise disrespect.

 

-- Big Nikki

[twistedpretzels 100]

Big Nikki here.

 

Even though John and I are, how shall I say it, pretty hard core, I consider soft-swap lovely, sweet and dear. Yeah, it may be all about sexual boundaries, but I also think of it as being really dedicated to each other.

 

Though soft isn't our preference (and, for that matter, hetero- isn't our preference either) I'm often quite willing to go softies with a couple we like, because, well, it's so sweet and dear.

 

From all I've observed, it's as rare to find swingers who don't respect softies as it is to find swingers who otherwise disrespect.

 

-- Big Nikki

You guys say the nicest things....................

[ClosetSwinger 112]

Soft swapping is actually very common and we started out that way too. As long as everyone makes it perfectly clear from the get go what is okay and what is not I don't think you should have a problem.

[shy_couple 460]

We are a soft swap couple. It is a little tougher to meet another soft swap couple that we click with. We have met full swap couples that play at our level but sometimes feel that tey may be holding back to not scare us or we (more her than him) that they are a little agressive and may push for something we are not ready for.

 

Stay true to wht you are looking for and comfortable with, enjoy the ride, and it will happen. We have an exhibtionistic streak so even eve we dont make a "love connection" when we go to a club or party, we have a good time and enjoy putting on a show.

[sexyink 15]

We are also very new and are just looking for a soft swap...

So glad you posted this thread because it was wonderful to read a bit of encouragement!

Best of luck!