How Common are Performance issues?

[tattooed2some07 15]

Ok..so, we've played. We've full swapped. We've gone to meet n greets...but we're still relatively new...

 

Heres my question. We've run into a couple instances where the male half of our "friends" has some trouble performing. They can be all at attention and ready to go, but when it comes down to it, it doesn't stick around if you know what i mean, lol.

 

I was wondering if this is common, and what factors might be contributing. We refuse to play without condoms, which i know can be a bit of a hinderance...but i've never encountered it being that big of one before.

 

Alchohol was consumed, which i wondered about. Any ideas, suggestions or comments on the subject??

[exploringRM 305]

It happens to many of us. Too much alcohol can be a factor (whiskey disk a friend called it). Sometimes the condom can cause issues. Sometimes it's too late in the evening, or they had a tiring day in general. Sometimes oral can revive things, but other times it's just the way it is. Don't take if personal as most times it has nothing to do with lack of desire.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We have found this to be incredibly common. Alcohol, late hours, moving too fast, distracting sounds and sights all seem to contribute. I don't have any advice, but it is common.

[BigNikki 44]

Big Nikki here

We have found this to be incredibly common. Alcohol, late hours, moving too fast, distracting sounds and sights all seem to contribute. I don't have any advice, but it is common.

 

just so. Ya gotta keep in mine how different a swing situation is, from ordinary love making.

 

I think people who aren't battle-hardened REALLY need to take into account the stresses of the situation. The is a WAY neglected matter.

 

We in swing need to be better about this.

 

-- Big Nikki

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Part A: It is not uncommon in the lifestyle and there are at least 999 possible reasons for it.

 

Part B; I recommend you not feel the need to fix everybody's problem. If a man is not able to maintain an erection, he will not fit into your condom requirement. You can guess at alcohol, distractions, the phases of the moon, lots of things and it will get you nowhere.

 

Our own personal rule: This is like a baseball game. Three strikes and you're out. Hey, and you know what? Another batter always comes up to the plate.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Big Nikki here

 

 

just so. Ya gotta keep in mine how different a swing situation is, from ordinary love making.

 

I think people who aren't battle-hardened REALLY need to take into account the stresses of the situation. The is a WAY neglected matter.

 

We in swing need to be better about this.

 

-- Big Nikki

 

I think all you can do is be empathetic, but don't make a big deal of it. Just have fun and enjoy each other. Try not drinking, separate rooms, quieter location, not getting in hot tub, condom on earlier... I think most experienced swingers recognize that it happens, we're all human and we can still have fun. So, I don't really think the community in general needs to be better about it.

 

But, as SW said, we'll give it a second or maybe third chance and that is it. When it keeps happening it's not good for my self-esteem, no matter what anyone says about the woman not being the cause. Besides, it's less fun and always a bit awkward.

 

Another note, guys: never make fun of someone for this to their face, obviously, or in private. It will come back to bite you! Even if you get hard from a stiff breeze, a time will come when it won't happen for you.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Our own personal rule: This is like a baseball game. Three strikes and you're out. Hey, and you know what? Another batter always comes up to the plate.

 

Hey batter, batter batter. Hey batter, batter, batter.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Male performance has a lot of different factors involved. It's hard to control someone else's factors of performance. You'll have to work on it with them. Maybe that's why there is so many bi-sexual women in the lifestyle? They don't have to get a boner to perform and still come away happy?

[interested-05 135]

first time stress, fear factor, mentally (anything that occupies the mind that isnt run by his dick), drugs, alcohol

Let your dick do the thinking and it all cums together

[Dont.Stop 339]

Yep, it's common. Most of it is mental. Sometimes it's the condom (and a condom that is too tight is definitely a problem). Alcohol also can interfere as it depresses

 

Most recently I went limp during intercourse (ouch!). I revert to oral and manual stimulation of my playmate and she was good for a few more orgasms. We took a break then and watched our spouses. They stopped for a bit and the four of us talked for a bit. Eventually my playmate's hand started wandering and she got me hard again. She proceeded to suck me till I came.

 

Give him another try, especially if he continued to please you after willy went napping.

 

Oh, to be 18 again. Sigh.

[MN Tom 251]

Such a common occurrence. And it can happen to anyone, even myself!

 

I've always been the guy who gets hard at the drop of a hat (pools and beaches are always a struggle..) , yet I had a time with a gal when after the condom went on it was not happening. That semi hard state, just barely too soft to enter, yet not totally limp.. bah.

 

And it's any number of things, mental issues are definitely huge play, plus alcohol and condoms. Too tight are unhelpful for me too, although if I take a pill it matters not.

 

Main thing is nerves, guys get nervous and it doesnt help. And then they get mad at themselves, which doesnt help either.

[sweet_tna 680]

It happens, and it can be for any number of reasons. Heck, I had it happen to me a lot recently, and not all with the same gentleman. Thing is, you don't make a big deal of it, and if he's a worthy playmate, he'll do his best to please you in other ways. That said, if the same playmate continues to have this problem, it's best to move on to someone that can get the job done.

 

Best of luck to ya'll!

 

=)

[DigginIt 1,132]

Tattooed...we REALLY feel for you.

 

EVERY couple/single male we have ever played with (two exceptions) have all had problems performing. We require condoms which we understand that there will be some loss of erection in the time it takes to put it on but only a few could half manage, some couldn't manage at all. It is absolutely ridiculous the fail rate.

 

This is something I'm very "up on a high horse" about. I hear these same guys say shit like..."I'm 36 and I've never needed any fucking pills" to be followed by "wow, this has never happened before...do we really need to use the rubber"...Fuck yes and you knew it before hand!

 

My ass it hasn't happened before. Suck it up...go get some Cialis and stop making excuses...

 

Yep, you bet I take them and haven't had a single issue...amazing how they work and UFO's could be sucking people up with giant tractor beams and my dick would still be hard.

 

Wow, I feel a lot better after getting that out

[MN Tom 251]

I second the pills. For most folks they are amazing.

 

I've taken a few pills over the past few months and was really surprised at the difference they made. Situations where I would have struggled without a pill (such as a first time with a gal while being way too tired) turned out to be no problem at all, way better than I could imagine.

 

There are several choices in pills, and usually doctors can hand out free sample coupons for a few.

 

Sounds like someone just watched skyline recently... lol

[2006couple 15]

It seems to only happen when we do full swaps for some reason. It significantly affected the other male once, and it briefly affected both myself and the other male during another full swap. There have been zero issues with either male during every soft swap we've done. Kinda interesting....

[JanandRand 16]

Happened to me once on vac, too much alcohol, sun, up and down all day, so at 3 am I couldn't get the damn condom on. Don't normally use them, so it sucked for sure.. Oh well, it happens... From now on I'm gonna keep a few pills for back up.. After all I'm 40 now...LMAO..