What intimate acts do you reserve just for you and your partner?

[LFM2 1,482]

I also voted "other" because sleeping together (seperate rooms and spending the night with your partner) would be a little uncomfortable for us.

 

Spoomonkey

 

Can I have do-overs? I shoulda picked the other for just this reason.

 

Other than that, I picked two others. No condomless sex. None. That is mostly for the health reasons.

 

The other I picked is no anal sex. This only applies to half of us though. Even though I LOVE anal sex and Mr. LFM has a cock that was just built for anal sex, I don't want an over-eager partner trying to rip me if half. With that said, I wouldn't mind if his partner wanted him to have anal with her. She'd be in for a treat!

[hiswhooore 15]

No anal (unless its my BF), it is hard for me to wanna put another dude's dick in my mouth. Oh, and no unprotected sex (unless it is with my BF)!

[SuAndBud 23]

Su only allows Bud to cum in/on her mouth/face. She says it's because in most (not all, but most) porn movies it appears to be used as some sort of final humiliation towards the girl/s. Bud agrees that up until the "money shot", the girls either enjoy or act like they enjoy the sex, but way too often, they have to appear submissive as a guy or guys empty their loads onto their open mouthed upturned faces.

 

Su likes Bud's cum and enjoys being as slutty as hell with the other partner/s but says it's purely a respect thing.

[mssquirtgun 16]

Gosh, looking over this list and the posts we have done everything most people consider too intimate. Including the use of the "L" word.

 

We have been swinging with one couple for two years. It just isn't in me to play with a woman a hundred times and not feel something. I have hugged her and told her I love her. The word love needs to be divided into at least a dozen sub-categories in my opinion. Of course I don't love her the same as my wife, or my mom, or a nice motorcycle, or chocolate cake, or riding in a convertible, or summer vacation, or... you get the idea.

 

 

Our thought fall along these same lines..... We have a few couples that we are really close with and intimacy is there and we feel it is much better than the wham bam thank you maam approach. We do love these people.. we are not in love so to speak. How can you be intimate with people on a regular basis and not feel something for them?

 

As for the condom issue once we became close to them and knew the other couples that they were intimate with an knew they were safe then the condom thing became a non issue.

[SuAndBud 23]

A addendum to our earlier post is that we're not being prudish here, Su has pointed out that it's not a taboo to come on a girl's face if that's what she wants and does not rule out ever being the centre of a bukkake session, even, herself with Bud's approval and because it were something Su WANTED to experience. The girls in the films all too often look like the're purely going through the motions of earning their paypacket at the "MoneyShot" stage, is all.

 

Su likes it when Bud teases her anus and surrounding area with his tongue especially when he probes the tip inside prior to us having anal sex or during a 69 session. Bud keeps this to Su only though, mainly as it is a little on the naughty side and for hygiene (later kissing) reasons. There might be the odd exception to this taboo too, however. Angelina Jolie...Halle Berrie...Liv Tyler...Lannie Barbie...Naomi Campbell...Nautica Thorne...Pammie Anderson...Sabrina Maui...Asia Carrera...Belladonna...Where are you?

[cpl2doitwithu 15]

Finding it hard to believe that french kissing came in third.

 

Actually, we can. We have been swinging for over three years and no french kissing was one of our rules, even after we started full swap. That is, up until a few weeks ago. We were scared that we may feel that "tingle" that we feel with each other and it not be special any more. But we tried it and found that it is erotic with our playmates, but not romantic. Sorry if this makes no sense, but that is us...lol...

 

Now, what "rules" do we have left? Well, never any anal, and no "finishing" in the other lady's mouth. And we are a same room (preferably, same bed) couple. Pretty much it..

[Tia Vampire 167]

I would never let a stranger stick me in any hole without a condom. that is just going overboard. Even when me and my fiance first started dating, we did'nt have unprotected sex until our test results came back from the clinic. i'm sorry, but i don't trust anyone when it comes to that. i love myself too damn much.

[sexcupid 809]

I'm sorry if this has been covered ad nausem, I saw some pretty similar threads in the archives.

 

However, during a chat we had a few weeks ago about pursuing possible playmates we discussed some boundaries for lack of a better term. Right now they are all hypothetical, but I would rather make sure that some of these things are crystal clear before jumping in and being upset by something happening.

 

Basically the thought of him having sex with someone else doesn't really bother me. Eh, maybe the actuality of it happening on a regular basis might (we had a full swap with another couple earlier in the summer, totally unplanned, spur of the moment and in public no less...I'm suprised we weren't arrested. *lol* Thank god the park rangers were otherwise occupied), but in theory it doesn't bother me.

 

Maybe this is TMI, but on this board, I'm not really sure that exsists...*lol* , but I like it when he's rough, we have a couple of floggers, some restraints, we role play. These are not things I would want to have done to me by other people nor would I want to see him doing them. I know he would have an issue hearing me say, "Spank me harder daddy" to someone else. *rotflmao*

 

So I guess my thing here is, what special things do you as a couple keep for yourselves vs. what happens during a play date?

 

Any feedback is appreciated.

 

Thanks!

[good times 991]

Well, we love each other, that is only for the two of us. Other than that their is nothing we will do with each other that we won't do with someone else.

 

You are right though, whatever you decide to keep between yourself, agree on and be clear about it ahead of time. Furthermore, stick with what you have agreed to during play, if you decide later that maybe you want to change your mind, do so when you can discus it between yourselves.

[meandher2go 17]

LOVE is the only thing we keep to just ourselves!!!

[Amanda69 24]

Anything that requires love and trust we keep to ourselves. The other things we play by ear depending on their likes and dislikes as well. Talking with the other couple gets all this out in the open.

 

I can just imagine a couple showing up in full S & M gear to a play date and scaring out of a newer couple lol...send them running for sure.

[WesternSwing 504]

When we first started we had several things that we kept only to ourselves like anal, affection (in the partner manner), etc. Since then we've moved past every one of them. In fact, I can't remember all of them now.

 

In short, what seemed important at the time we got into the Lifestyle to keep to ourselves wasn't after we became more comfortable with the whole thing. With experience we moved past many of our fears and insecurities regarding sexual acts with others and now the rule is simply "we don't do with others what we don't do with each other." But anything we do with each other is okay to do with our play partners.

 

Mr. WS

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I can't even say we keep the floggers and restraints for ourselves. I think everyone starting out has some "just for us" rules. But, I think over time, a lot of people decide that just because you may do a particular act with someone else, it's not going to mean any less when the two of you do it. So, we don't have any keep to ourselves kind of things.

 

Pepper

[SuAndBud 23]

Hey Pepper,

 

Bud sez you could flog him to within an inch just so long as he could gaze into your big brown eyes at the same time. Su sez if he's not careful he'll be feeling the sharp edge of her tongue and THEN she'll bring the Cat'o'Nine's into play.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

...I think everyone starting out has some "just for us" rules. But, I think over time, a lot of people decide that just because you may do a particular act with someone else, it's not going to mean any less when the two of you do it. So, we don't have any keep to ourselves kind of things.

 

Pepper

We never started swinging with any "just for us" rules. But we know that many couples do. This can be a problem if they don't share those things with you from the start. The 'no kissing' rule is an example. We think all couples who have this rule should state it in their profile, because when we see this it means we couldn't possibly swing with them. If I can't kiss a man's lips I'm sure not going to suck his cock.

 

I think many couples new to swinging have "just for us" rules, but with time, they find those rules can get in the way. Once they gain experience and get the feel for swinging they usually ease up on the restrictions they first placed on themselves.

 

What ever we do with each other we'll do with our playmates.

 

LM

[hiswhooore 15]

Thats so funny...my BF and I were just talking about that earlier today. I mean what do you keep for yourself?? We've come to the conclusion that well given the fact that right now we have chosen not to swap, when and if we do decide to give ourselves fully to another couple...we've decided that there will be no anal and no unprotected sex of any kind. I've previously posted a thread regarding the whole "rough sex, talking shit and gettin' down right dirty with eachother" and the response I got was pretty reasonable...keep it to yourself. And I feel its true, there are just some things you should keep between your own private sheets!

[sexcupid 809]

Interesting responses, thanks to those of you who took the time.

And Pepper...I wouldn't mind breaking out the floggers and restraints for company...just don't want to scare them off if that's not their gig.

 

However, for me it's more of a safety concern. For all intents and purposes, no matter how into the rough stuff we get, I know as soon as I say the safe word that my sweetie will stop. He makes me feel safe and comfotable, and I'm not entirely sure that I would be so trusting and feel as safe with that kind of play with someone else.

 

Would I trust a playmate to spank me a little bit? Sure. Do I put the trust there to let them wrap their hands around my neck and choke me while we have sex? Um, not so much so. I have only found 1 or 2 that I even feel safe enough to do that with. Ironic to talk about safety, but I can't think of a better way to describe it.

 

Anyway, thanks for the responses!

 

Maria

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

The only thing Laurie and I reserve for "just us" is bareback (condomless) sex. We've been happily married so long that I don't feel the least threatened with anything she might decide to do. Condoms are a safety issue not an intimacy issue.

 

A few weeks ago one of our playmates asked Laurie if he could try a little anal play with her. I was VERY surprised she agreed. She has always been very tender back there but our friend is TALENTED. Needless to say I watched very carefully and learned a few things we tried out between us later that night.

[r_poseidon 17]

For us, french kissing, or any kissing on the mouth period. It seems to us that there are so many emotions there. Plus, like I think I saw elsewhere in this thread... that is how you seal your marriage, is with a kiss.

 

Also, anal (for us), because we are the first for each other doing anal.

 

I also voted other... holding hands after playtime, like just laying there, and falling asleep with someone else.

[ShellyM 0]

I don't do anal, and that's about our only restriction. Not that I have a problem with it, it is just personally uncomfortable to me and hurts like HELL lol. But everything else we do, and we love kissing.

[Mr. Hump alot 15]

I think anal is to be shared with that special someone and it shouldn't be up for grabs.

[Thkmlkchoclik 15]

No french kissing, anal, vaginal without condoms.

[flkeyscouple 21]

Same room, prefer same bed... and no strangers for anal. That seems to be the rules that have stayed with us. We started with a few others but with mutual agreement we slowly eliminated rules as we got more comfortable.

 

Sarah

[ShellyM 0]

We had our first swinging experience, and I have to say that everyone is right about rules...out went right out the damn window! Well, except for condoms. So now we are with whatever we are comfortable with. The sexual energy we have with this couple is we are comfortable same room, separate room, shower, trampoline......the horizons are endless lol.

[kywife4two 17]

Intercourse without condoms, and any anal is reserved for us only. Terms of endearment are out with us as well; too personal.

[Tybee Swing 286]

I was really surprised to see that over 20% of people who voted feel that deep kissing is crossing a line in swinging.

[roandronni 15]

First time poster, here.

 

I too was surprised to see over 20% voted that French kissing was too intimate. One of the events that started us thinking about swinging was a french kiss.

 

Wifey and I attended a party a few years ago where a girl who was known for being outrageous decided to stir things up by starting a game of Spin the Bottle. This was NOT a lifestyle party, just a group of friends who met online through similar life events. My first surprise was my wife wanted to play the game. My second came after a few rounds of safe, quick kisses that were nothing more than pecks. The girl who started the game spun the bottle and it landed on me. Before the girl got over to me to collect her kiss my wife whispered in my ear, "Give her tongue". I didn't need any more prodding than that and gave her such a smooch! It was fun to watch her reaction as she moved from shock, quickly looking at my wife to see if she knew what was going on (my wife was grinning back at her), then getting an impish look in her eyes and returning the kiss. When we were done she turned around and said "OH MY GOD! Ro frenched me!" That seemed to give everyone in the game permission and soon everyone was deep kissing everyone else.

 

Afterwards my wife and I talked about it to see how we felt. We both were very turned on to see the other kissing other people. We started talking about trying swinging. Unfortunately, health issues put the issue on the back burner for a couple of years. But now that things are getting better we're back to thinking about it.

 

I don't think that French kissing will be an issue for us if we continue moving down this path. hehe

[Tybee Swing 286]

Cool story, Ro!

 

Our first little step toward swinging involved some mind-blowing kissing. Mr. Tybee and I had a 3-way kissing session with a beautiful woman, and the rest is history.

 

Deep kissing and sex go together for us...we can't even imagine having a sexual encounter where kissing wasn't allowed. Might as well tell us to do it with our hands tied behind our backs. It would be just as awkward and just as unfulfilling to not be able to kiss, as it would to not be able to touch.

[ShellyM 0]

Tybee, I agree on the kissing. We had a couple with that rule, and I told him truthfully that I couldn't do it because I'd have to relearn the entire process without kissing lol. I just cannot do it that way lol!

 

Shelly

[lovinher 505]

Sex without kissing is like Oreos without milk.

 

But I understand that not everybody likes Oreos.

[SuAndBud 23]

No intimacies in the privacy of our play-venue are too intimate, or reserved to our own partner.

 

Any intimacy in the public gaze is too intimate unless between our own partner.

[couplers 4,615]

We have no restrictions on what we do with other parters, but our partners are very restricted.

[ShellyM 0]

We do not have any intimacy restrictions...as a matter of fact, Jay and I are both very intimate preferring lovers. For me to just be in this for a mechanical screw is unnatural for me and so would not be enjoyable. I'm not saying I want to "make love" to a play partner, but there has to be a connection for me. But no, no intimacy restrictions...just you standard pro quo rules like condoms always.

[Guest Charmed6879]

I also picked the no condom for vaginal choice. I did pick no anal, but that hasn't came up yet. Depending on the partner, we may or may not, but we would definitely use a condom regardless. Oh, and lots of lube, lol. When we first decided to get into the lifestyle, we said no kissing, but that lasted all of 2 minutes. My hubby nor I could be that intimate with another person and not kiss them. We also don't understand how you can have sex without being intimate.

 

We also reserve the L word for the two of us, but as someone said earlier, I could see us saying "I love you guys" and we wouldn't freak if someone said that to us, but we would so totally freak if while playing someone told us "I love you." We have a couple that we regularly play with and have for a couple years now, and I love them, but only as I love my BFF, not as I love my husband. We are the type of people who prefer to play with people we can become friends with.

 

We are not completely comfortable with major pda in public except between ourselves. But if I ran into say the couple I mentioned earlier, I would totally hug her and maybe even give her a quick kiss her in public. But I would also do the same thing with other people who I have not played with from that group of friends. Like one of my very gay male bffs who is also a part of that group of friends. But we would not be cool with making out with another couple in public unless of course we were at a lifestyle club or the like.

 

Now I feel like I'm rambling, lol.

[herpob 563]

Oral / Anal has been our special act and anal play on him. We sort of go with the mood of how hot we are as to what we give into unless it was preplanned. Anal excites both of us and we are not opposed to it with people we trust sooooo......

 

We definitely reserve the L word for each other, no doubt about that one, we care for others but do not love them in a marriage sense.

 

We also only massage one another. Sex is one thing but intimacy outside of sex is a no no for us.

[SweetandSalty1 18]

We have talked a lot about what we do and don't feel comfortable with. we haven't had experience with swinging yet so we might change our minds at some point but this is what we don't feel comfortable doing for the moment:

 

no intercourse without a condom

no prolonged french kissing

no slow and romantic sex

no anal sex

 

For right now we want to start off doing full swaps and want to do oral but want it to be fun and crazy sex and not passionate and slow. We just feel like that will limit feelings of jealousy. As time goes on and we get more experience we might change our minds but that is what we are thinking now.

[lustylearning 705]

"I love you," whispered in the ear, during intercourse.

[SweetandSalty1 18]

^def. that too!

[newmajor00 48]

Yeah, holding each other afterwards. We will do anything with others that we do with each other, even kissing. After sex with others we'll lay back and ebjoy the feeling, talk, or rest up for the next bout. Cuddling afterwards is something reserved only with each other.

[bryanlee 147]

My g/f and I are new to this (as a couple), but we have set very few limitations on ourselves. We think it will allow things to be more dynamic and overall more fun. We are both very secure in our relationship and have no concern of the other developing inappropriate feelings for our partners. If we did we would never do this.

 

I think boundaries definitely called for, but if you feel that the rules you set are all that's keeping your mate from caring too much or doing something that would hurt you then you may be in the wrong place. That's not directed at anyone...just my opinion.

 

We put our guidelines on our relationship and not the sex.

 

Honesty always

Open communication about feelings/concerns/emotions/fantasies

No Secrets

 

We feel if our relationship is healthy happy then that's what counts.

 

Sorry to ramble

 

Bryan & Sharon

[AandC 15]

We agree that when it comes to sex, we are not putting restrictions on each other. However, we do adhere to some rules...condoms are required and if we won't do it for each other, then we won't do it for someone else. Beyond that, the only issue is if someone was trying to get to close emotionally...like the "I love you whispered in your ear during intercourse" then that is a signal to run and run fast.

[cocpl2007 170]

"I love you," whispered in the ear, during intercourse.

 

 

Bingo!

[redgirlwithfrec 33]

Damn, just saw this poll for the first time and the only thing we could think of was "I love you" and of course it was in the last post.

[ktimephoenix 156]

Our violent play is definitely restricted to us in the privacy of our own bedroom. Partially because of the risk of upsetting anyone with a history of domestic violence, and partially because the act is a huge sign of our trust for each other, a trust we don't have with another couple.

[sweet_tna 680]

We don't do anal with anyone but each other, nor do we play without condoms.

[cupl4fun 361]

"We don't do anal with anyone but each other, nor do we play without condoms."

 

Ditto for us. Not because the acts are just for us though, but for fear of disease. As long as our hearts are each others our bodies are open for business.

[cupl4fun 361]

We also have to be in the same room. Not an intimacy thing though just a need to protect the wife.

[herpob 563]

Oral / Anal has been our special act and anal play on him. We sort of go with the mood of how hot we are as to what we give into unless it was preplanned. Anal excites both of us and we are not opposed to it with people we trust sooooo......

 

We definitely reserve the L word for each other, no doubt about that one, we care for others but do not love them in a marriage sense.

 

We also only massage one another. Sex is one thing but intimacy outside of sex is a no no for us.

 

 

I know I mentioned some sexual acts being more intimate than others in another of my posts.

 

Don't think me two-faced.

 

There are always more personal moments than others what I am talking about is the emotional acts that get included.

 

Massage for example is extremely intimate and "special for us" when we talk or relax under our mate's hands. And then there is the sexual massaging of someone else's scrotum while sucking them off or massaging them anally, intimate in a "you better know them and trust them" way but not tenderly like my husband.

 

With other people it is mostly always physical pleasure, the emotional pleasure usually comes from watching one another being pleased, the emotions are always sexual.

 

As far as sex in among our couples we do a lot of condom free sex. So far everyone has stayed true and honest (as best we know) and clean. I hope we always all respect the cleanliness for the other's benefits. Condom free among people you trust allows for a bit more flavored "kink" is you ask me.

[3sumff 31]

Excuse me everyone for being a little blunt. Her swallowing my cum and our love for each other...duh! Everything else is just sex!

[jnjswingcpl 73]

Wow, great thread...

 

For us, at least me (him) I would have to say getting off inside the woman. Getting off inside vaginally is something that my wife and I have discussed, and I'm just not okay with. For some reason, that part actually makes me feel sick to my stomach. Sex without condoms is okay with a couple we know to be disease free, but if he's going to get off, he has to pull out. And, because I do not agree with one-sided rules and coupled with the fear of the other female getting pregnant, I would not consider getting off inside anyone but my wife.

 

The saying of "I love you" by anyone to someone they are not married to in a swinger setting is another thing that we don't feel entirely comfortable with.