What intimate acts do you reserve just for you and your partner?

[steve as is 19]

I don't. For some, kissing is considered a very romantic and intimate act. Amelia has no problems if I have sex with a another woman, or even go down on her, but I better not kiss her while I'm doing it!

 

We are the same, the wife can have sex with mfm but the kissing part is restricted a bit.

[newbieswinger 33]

I hadn't thought about having anything prohibited. I love to kiss so I don't want that off bounds. I think sex w/out condom will be off limits. I'll bring this up to B later.

[Islamorada 17]

Anal is reserved for just me and DH

[justdoitasu 21]

For some reason i just see french kissing as more intimate than those others... The others seem more animal instinct. I guess it depends on the kiss. Gotta think some more about this one...

[shy_tn_gal 15]

Still fairly new to this - but kissing is off limits as well is holding hands. Those are just little intimate things that are 'ours'. Anal also is just for us. Same room, only.

[mixtupcpl 169]

Lots of people are saying they restrict "the L word". Not sure I get that. Are you saying you restrict *saying* it, or *feeling it*.

 

Because the latter is a real risk and I think it could be very difficult to control that. The former, without the latter, is meaningless anyway.

 

So is everyone saying they have an agreement to stop short if those feelings seem to be developing? Because that I get, but that can be very hard to recognize unless someone is extremely in tune with their own emotions.

 

For Mrs and I there are no restrictions. She has been "in love" with one other partner, but obviously not at the same level as what we have. But not platonic either. Thats part of the reason we decided to switch from open marriage to just couples swapping and, even in swapping, try to keep it pretty casual and not form these long term bonds where feelings can start to run to places you dont necessarily want them to.

 

The biggest thing most of the couples here have going for them is the huge amount of time spent growing together. Its very difficult to duplicate 10 or 20 years of deep intimacy. But if you start to spend year after year after year with the same "play partners", and there was a strong attraction and emotional connection to begin with, it seems inevitable that you would start to fall in love with them on some level beyond the platonic (since you're kissing and fucking and possibly even sleeping with them)

 

You can choose not to verbalize it, but choosing not to *feel* it is something I think you can only manage if you limit time and exposure.

[PB&J 1,086]

The whole cuddling/kissing/gestures thing... I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. I did some thinking about this last night as I was cuddled/kissed/stroked by a very nice man, while my husband was similarly engaged on the other side of the room.

 

I do not see sex as just the mechanics of the intersection of genitals. It's a package deal. If I'm giving pleasure to a man, I sort of expect a response, like a stroke on the cheek. (like I got last night, as a matter of fact, and appreciated very much). It's an acknowledgment that I'm more than just some sort of suction machine, a way of communicating during that moment. It's just an extension of the intimacy of the sexual act for me. And sex IS intimate. Most people in this world, let's face it, would consider the sex itself as too intimate to share with anyone but a partner.

 

As for the cuddling, last night he and I finished up sooner than the other two. What did we do? Settled back together and cuddled and kissed and watched. Once again, I see the cuddle in the afterglow as a part of the whole sexual act. I have a couple of partners who, after a good session in a private room at a house party, I can curl up with and talk about gardening or our kids with. It doesn't make cuddling my husband any less special, any more than the intercourse with the other man last night makes intercourse with my husband any less special. We've had experiences with couples who, as soon as the last person cums, are up and about to get drinks or food or get dressed and leave. Works for them, that's ok, but not for us.

 

And kissing!! We soft-swapped a couple of times with a couple that had no kissing between opposite sex non-partners, although she and I could kiss all we wanted (and did). Now, both the hubster and me are big kissing fans, and those experiences were enough to make a No Kissing rule a deal-breaker for us. Once again, it's just a personal preference of ours. If other people want to play that way, more power to them, but we're not going to be compatible.

 

We've realized more and more in our year of swinging (actually, today is our 11-month anniversary!! Yay!!) that we CAN pick and choose who we are most comfortable with in terms of limitations and expectations, and still find lots of potential partners. We steer away from people with lots of rules like those above, because if we have to keep worrying if we're offending the other people with what we're comfortable doing (and who discusses ahead of time, "Don't you dare stroke my cheek when I'm giving you head"?), we won't be able to let go and live in the moment, which is what I really enjoy being able to do. And so far, we've been very very lucky, met lots of wonderful people who have not just been one-nighters, and had some really awesome sex.

 

AND we come home together and have a hot time together. Life is good, sex is fun, let's just enjoy ourselves.

[MeandShe 15]

Both of us think kissing is very important during sexual activities. She is not comfortable with anal sex so we avoid it. Both of us do not believe using or not using condoms have anything to do with intimacy. But we do use them as a protection from STDs.

[Pioneer Swinger 16]

Hubby hasn't been in my ass in 25 years. As have few other white guys. OTOH, Al and I were able to get away for a "long weekend" a few weeks a go, and he took my ass as our first union.

 

Anal intercourse is not my favorite unless the guy is small or I'm very aroused. If I'm at a good party, I do like to be the "filling" in an "Oreo Sandwich".

[Guest erotichugs]

This is us to a T! I would just be echoing this statement for our feelings on this.

 

Love,

 

Tigress xx

 

We are the same here!!! No intercourse without a condom.

[hppycpleus 40]

We do not kiss. To me kissing it an intimate thing I only share with my husband.

[metroman 17]

We are the same, the wife can have sex with mfm but the kissing part is restricted a bit.

 

We are soft swap and absolutely respect the rules of others but "no kissing" would mean "a pass" with us. Respect your right of choice though.

[exploringRM 305]

We are soft swap and absolutely respect the rules of others but "no kissing" would mean "a pass" with us. Respect your right of choice though.

 

We had a couple contact us, interested in meeting. I read in their profile that they are full swap but no kissing. I wrote back I respect your preferences, but the no kissing rule will not work for us. Geez did I get a rant back from them ! So it's ok for them to have preferences and others to not want to follow them? Sorry slightly off topic but your response brought that back

 

I'm thinking back to our experiences for the year and other than safe sex, we've never had an encounter where we needed to review the rules of play. I (male half) am ok with anal, but have never asked my partner if she wants that..nor have been asked.

 

In general we pay much more attention to learning what our partners WANT

[CXXC 435]

NO GLOVE? NO LOVE! Other than that, all is good!

 

We have been with two couples who did not kiss. That was enough for us. It was just so mechanical! Kissing is passion! Passion is necessary for us to play! So, we too wold give the non-kissers a pass. We do, however, FULLY respect their desires and rules and applaud them for sticking to them!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I voted other because kissing wasn't on the list. I guess it was more my idea than hers. Watching them kiss is the only thing that makes me uncomfortable. I'll have to clarify that we only do MMF. She agreed to do threesomes as long as I didn't have sex with another woman. I know. That's another topic. She never lets me do anal either but she won't protest if the playmate goes there. She says she's just being polite. That's another topic too. Thanks in advance .

[YZF 8]

Though we haven't taken the plunge my girlfriend and me have agreed on some "don't even think about it" rules.

 

1: No cumming in another woman's mouth. This is something my girlfriend had never done before and started doing with me so she wants no other woman having that. If another woman gives me a blow job, my girlfriend gets the cum.

 

2: No woman gets a mustache ride. I can go down on a woman, but no woman gets to straddle my face cowgirl style and grind one out. This is reserved just for her.

 

3: No cuddling or spooning.

 

4: No anal. I introduced her to this and it is to be done only with her. This works both ways, no one in her booty but me.

 

5: Kissing is okay during sex, but no kissing after a quick "thank you" kiss after sex.

 

These are pretty black and white so there will be no "I thought it REALLY meant" later.

 

I remember posting this when Mrs. YZF and I were just thinking about playing with others. All of these rules flew out the window in the first couple of bouts of play.

[cocpl2007 170]

We do not kiss. To me kissing it an intimate thing I only share with my husband.

 

We respect your choice, but could you help us to understand your use of the word "intimate" in this context. Sharing yourself, sexually with another person is NOT intimate? Just trying to understand your viewpoint on "intimacy"

[divenaked 325]

Sorry, I just can't understand how you can have sexual relations with someone you can't kiss. Even as a guy, I know we aren't supposed to have feelings, I love to kiss. It is part of the whole process of building the energy and chemistry between two people. I'll have to pass as well...such a shame.

[Chicup 41]

Played with a no kissing couple.

 

Finally they gave up the kissing rule.

 

They sucked at kissing.

 

No big deal though. If I need to use my mouth on something I can figure out other locations.

[DigginIt 1,132]

We went from a few specific rules to no rules. No swallowing went out the door this past weekend, lol. Now it's reserved for special couples I doubt that will change because Mrs. Diggs really doesn't enjoy it. It's like a special treat when she is in the right mood to do it.

 

No anal - pretty firm, she doesn't enjoy it but never say never with right couple and the right mood but it's a 90% chance of 'no'.

No bareback - exceptions allowed with long term play couples.

 

Everything else, mmmmm!

[cocpl2007 170]

We went from a few specific rules to no rules. No swallowing went out the door this past weekend, lol. Now it's reserved for special couples I doubt that will change because Mrs. Diggs really doesn't enjoy it. It's like a special treat when she is in the right mood to do it.

 

No anal - pretty firm, she doesn't enjoy it but never say never with right couple and the right mood but it's a 90% chance of 'no'.

No bareback - exceptions allowed with long term play couples.

 

Everything else, mmmmm!

 

Your post made both of us laugh in agreement. When we contemplated engaging another couple we had quite a lists of "don't and won't" do's, now our list is just the same as yours only adding one... no M/M play... Mr. Co just is not a guys guy in that regard!

[DigginIt 1,132]

Your post made both of us laugh in agreement. When we contemplated engaging another couple we had quite a lists of "don't and won't" do's, now our list is just the same as yours only adding one... no M/M play... Mr. Co just is not a guys guy in that regard!

 

That is an important rule, lol !! I didn't even think of adding that because we ensure that the male is always straight when we play with a couple but at a club you don't have the benefit of reading their profile.

 

Add: No M/M play

[Numex 2,409]

On 6/15/2003 at 7:04 PM, teknurse said:

We have two reserved acts: vaginal intercourse without a condom and anal intercourse with or without a condom. Other than that anything goes as long as we are in the same room and both participating parties agree.

Since we have formed a closed group of married couples, we are comfortable with anything, as are the rest of our group.  From the safety perspective, the closed group allows us to go condomless.  We play to experience things that we don't necessarily do within our marriages, so anal (and and BDSM for one of the pairing) are motivating treats.  We also play without our spouses, which happens mostly during the weekdays in threesomes and alone play.  (The closed group allows us to feel comfortable with alone play and watching each others children while the other adults play.)  There is, however as you say, the rule that "participating parties agree."  

[Numex 2,409]

On 9/9/2004 at 12:11 PM, Avantgarden38 said:

Gosh, looking over this list and the posts we have done everything most people consider too intimate. Including the use of the "L" word.

 

We have been swinging with one couple for two years. It just isn't in me to play with a woman a hundred times and not feel something. I have hugged her and told her I love her. ..

That is true for my wife and I as well.  For my wife, she is genuinely in love with one other guy and one other woman (not his wife).  They exchange "I love you"s in the throes of passion, when parting, on the phone, in texts.  They don't hide it and it doesn't bother me (or their spouses).  I much prefer that another man have caring feelings for my wife than just consider her a cum dump to fuck and leave.  My wife sometimes plays alone with him and when she comes home she is as loving and caring towards me as ever, better I would say than 99% of marriages.

 

My case is a little different in that I go on dates with a woman who has common cultural interests as I do that bore our spouses silly.  We have even gone on jaunts out of town to catch events.  (Before a trip to New York, my wife read our emails, and was surprised (and maybe disappointed) that there was no discussion of sex, just plays, concerts, museums.)  We too are "in love" in our way, have sex, and say those three little words to one another, but realize that our relationship is more one-dimensional than that with our spouses.

 

At the end of the day, living life on the edge like this makes me feel all that more happy and secure in our marriage and home.  I realized this after watching my wife the first time have (more than "have," "enjoy") a (condomless) DP with two other guys.  This, I felt, was perhaps perhaps too far.  Until we got home, the babysitter left and she, our daughter and I sat on the couch watching TV.  I realized then that things were perfect.

[Anon321 521]

Only kissing.  Everything else is fair game.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

Anal

[Numex 2,409]

On 10/13/2020 at 2:19 PM, Anon321 said:

Only kissing.  Everything else is fair game.

It would be difficult for either of us to fuck and not kiss.  No kissing would be more like masturbation than intercourse, for that moment, it makes you one.

[Numex 2,409]

On 10/13/2020 at 6:10 PM, NWAtlSwing said:

Anal

Neither my wife nor I consider anal anything special.  We occasionally do it between us, if she's had her O's and I feel like it.

 

With our swing partners within our group, I've had anal with all of the wives, but hardly ever do it now, I'm just much more a pussy guy.  My wife does it more because some of the other guys like it.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

2 hours ago, Numex said:

Neither my wife nor I consider anal anything special.  We occasionally do it between us, if she's had her O's and I feel like it.

 

With our swing partners within our group, I've had anal with all of the wives, but hardly ever do it now, I'm just much more a pussy guy.  My wife does it more because some of the other guys like it.

Same here. For us it recreational sex. As long as everyone is good there isn't much we won't try. We aren't really into anal Mrs ID doesn't care for it, but I will do it if asked. It's just not my 1st choice. 

[Anon321 521]

On 10/20/2020 at 10:11 AM, Numex said:

Neither my wife nor I consider anal anything special.  We occasionally do it between us, if she's had her O's and I feel like it.

 

With our swing partners within our group, I've had anal with all of the wives, but hardly ever do it now, I'm just much more a pussy guy.  My wife does it more because some of the other guys like it.

Same here.  In a group setting I would much rather give her ass to the guys and have her pussy to myself.

 

On 10/20/2020 at 10:04 AM, Numex said:

It would be difficult for either of us to fuck and not kiss.  No kissing would be more like masturbation than intercourse, for that moment, it makes you one.

I see people saying that on these boards all the time but in real life we've never had a person complain.

[Numex 2,409]

7 hours ago, Anon321 said:

In a group setting I would much rather give her ass to the guys and have her pussy to myself.

For my wife and I, and as far as I can tell for the rest of our group as well, it doesn't matter what any other one or two people are doing with someone's spouse, so long as the spouse is enjoying it.  My observation is that each pairing or threesome has its own ritual, groove, or whatever you want to call it, and the dynamics can be entirely different from other couplings or threesomes.

 

Someone needs to write a grant proposal to study it all.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

On 10/20/2020 at 10:11 AM, Numex said:

Neither my wife nor I consider anal anything special.  We occasionally do it between us, if she's had her O's and I feel like it.

 

With our swing partners within our group, I've had anal with all of the wives, but hardly ever do it now, I'm just much more a pussy guy.  My wife does it more because some of the other guys like it.

It is the one thing we have only done with each other. Just kinda kept it that way

[Explorer&Exploress 2]

I guess what's allowed evolves over time and with comfort levels. We talked a lot about boundaries before our first experience.. Started off just wanting girl on girl with boys watching. That evolved to OK with touching, to what about oral? OK, maybe. Full swap? Definitely not.

 

Actually in our first experience, we dived in head first and maybes become completely fine and now we're talking excitedly about full swapping when we get the chance. 

 

Kissing is clearly a funny one. I'm not OK with it (Mr), I think Mrs would be. For me, even before I joined the scene I always drew a clear distinction between just sex with girls, and on one night stands often didn't kiss them. But for making love to someone I have feelings for it's very much a sensual part of it. So, to kiss another feels way more intimate and 'loving' than just pure, albeit naughty sex. 

 

Also, I think it's nice to have something that's reserved for just us and if we do full swap, what's left? 

 

So we will be, no kissing (the boys, girls together.. Anything goes). Also don't come in her mouth.. I want that just for me. Condoms are a must for health reasons but I can see myself being less bothered about a guy coming in my wife than kissing her. 

 

Different strokes for different folks I guess and maybe some of those boundaries will drop away in time too. Time will tell and its going to be fun finding out! ?

[couplers 4,615]

8 hours ago, Explorer&Exploress said:

But for making love to someone I have feelings for it's very much a sensual part of it. So, to kiss another feels way more intimate and 'loving' than just pure, albeit naughty sex. 

Which for me is precisely why I like to do it and see the ones I love kissing.  For me, swinging is more than physical, "naughty sex," it is emotional play.  As I have expressed many times, I am addicted to the emotional burn of jealousy.  Fortunately for me, after all these years it's still there.

[couplers 4,615]

On 10/13/2020 at 6:10 PM, NWAtlSwing said:

What intimate acts do you reserve just for you and your partner?

Anal

Is touching the anus totally forbidden or just a guy putting his dick in there?  For me it wouldn't matter if a guy never put his dick in my bum again, but I really like finger play in my bum hole.  Lube up a finger and play around the opening, push it in just a little and it drives me wild.  It doesn't matter if it's during penis-in-vagina intercourse or oral, a well-lubed finger around an in my bum is nice.

 

Red and Lora do this thing while they're licking my clit where they put the index and middle fingers in my vagina and the ring finger around/into my bum.  A perfect combination stimulating three areas.

[EastInWest 1,524]

The one thing we explicitly keep to ourselves is unprotected intercourse. Over time we've figured out that we don't have many hangups about using the rest of our bodies, but shooting inside her is between us.

[Numex 2,409]

On 10/25/2020 at 4:22 PM, EastInWest said:

shooting inside her is between us.

Shooting inside her is the reason we play within a closed group of married couples.  We both, all actually, much prefer it and the danger is taken away.  Not only do I like the direct feel of a vagina, but also sloppy seconds. 

[Sophy 569]

After 8 years in the lifestyle, we do not have any reserved acts left exclusively between us, we have been very lucky to meet amazing people, some of them become very close friends and we have made incredible memories a long the way.

[Foxtrotswinger 2]

I am a single male just getting into the Lyft style. So I apologize I can’t answer that yet 

[njbm 2,868]

We were on a Bliss cruise. We were seated at the hibachi bar at the ship’s Japanese restaurant. The chef asked if anyone had any allergies. One of the swingers said “No anal.”  

[findinganswers 369]

17 hours ago, Foxtrotswinger said:

I am a single male just getting into the Lyft style. So I apologize I can’t answer that yet 

Try Uber 

[Lips & Tongues 185]

Using my credit card 😂

[BillyandDebbie 301]

Still new to having sex with friends we didn’t set up any rules. Thinking about an intimate act that would be troubling, I don’t want to hear Debbie say anything about love. I Love You should be saved for us because that’s pretty intimate. 

[NerdsAreFun 226]

None.  Anal is more of a comfort level/trust/preparation restriction so not likely to happen on first encounter, but that's not because of a rule.

[herpob 563]

For us, we will never do oral anal on anyone else. My husband hasn't wanted to do anyone else anally at all since we married. I did help him do a few of my friends anally before we got serious. He was so darned good at it I bragged to them so much I sort of owed them the experience. We are still in touch and they still want him to give them a few more goes. I am totally okay with it but he says he gets all he needs from me and no one can compare to my backside - awwwwwwww, gotta love him! 

[herpob 563]

On 12/24/2020 at 7:30 AM, Numex said:

Shooting inside her is the reason we play within a closed group of married couples.  We both, all actually, much prefer it and the i danger is taken away.  Not only do I like the direct feel of a vagina, but also sloppy seconds. 

You sound so much like us, were we separated at birth? 

 

 

On 2/7/2022 at 12:02 PM, BillyandDebbie said:

Still new to having sex with friends we didn’t set up any rules. Thinking about an intimate act that would be troubling, I don’t want to hear Debbie say anything about love. I Love You should be saved for us because that’s pretty intimate. 

Yes I agree with this.  

[couplers 4,615]

On 2/7/2022 at 10:02 AM, BillyandDebbie said:

I don’t want to hear Debbie say anything about love. I Love You should be saved for us because that’s pretty intimate. 

  

On 3/14/2020 at 7:30 PM, Numex said:

I much prefer that another man have caring feelings for my wife than just consider her a cum dump to fuck and leave. 

 

[Billygoat 443]

We never really had rules.  I guess when we very first started we were same room play most always but in less then a few active months that melted away. We very quickly went from couples play to group activities… mfm, mmfmm, open room group play mostly. 
 

we also became poly swingers almost immediately preferring to play openly with those we meet, single or couples that we developed a bond with.  Socially and intimately.

 

our only real guideline is letting each other know when or who we are getting/going with especially at larger parties or theme gatherings.  Mostly for safety sake.

 

What is not acceptable is sneaking, arranging one on one’s or attending a sexual/sensual event on the sly.  Any activity that can’t be openly discussed or acknowledged to the other by design, deception or by omission. 
 

Any activity that could or would be considered as cheating by the other.  Just no reason for it.

 

we have seen the drama that comes from this and the turmoil it causes in relationships….including our own.

 

so yes in a word cheating/infidelity can and has happened to those in lifestyle and causes just as much hurt if not more so when in an open environment where either can express a desire for an activity or person and in most every case would be granted…..so why conduct it in secrecy. 

[couplers 4,615]

No rules, BUT it's an unspoken understanding in our poly family that if you're going to do something of any significance, whether sexual or otherwise, tell the rest of us - not for permission, but to be honest about things.

 

Myself, if one of the others had sex with someone else I'd want to know about it to share in the experience.  It turns me on.  Hubby and Clair even share their fantasies with me about other people they find attractive and theoretically would fuck.  I am grateful for it.

 

Once jealousy is not an issue, the experiences and fantasies of your partner(s) increases your own pleasure and satisfaction. 

Edited August 11, 2022 by couplers

[Numex 2,409]

On 2/7/2022 at 10:02 AM, BillyandDebbie said:

Thinking about an intimate act that would be troubling, I don’t want to hear Debbie say anything about love. I Love You should be saved for us because that’s pretty intimate. 

"I love you"s are whispered between some in our group when fucking, and more openly when kissing goodbye.  It's not a problem.  Personally, I prefer that a guy fucking my wife cares about her than just think of her as a piece.

Edited August 14, 2022 by Numex