Should We Start Getting Our Feet Wet or Wait?

[s_couple 48]

We do love each other, trust each other, and there was no jealousy as we talk about this subject openly. However, our sex life has become a little boring, predictable, and infrequent after 9 years of marriage and 11 years of being together.

 

Should we solve this problem first on our own or should we lean on swinging as a possible solution to our sexual situation?

 

Advice from our seasoned veterans please?

[Alura 2,774]

Although never boring we found our sex predictable... which was just the way we liked it. With other couples we tended to experiment more and get more daring. Mrs. Alura said amazing things while swinging she never uttered when it was just the two of us.

 

There were also a couple of times we arranged a "test fuck" with couples to see if all four liked each other enough to develop the friendship. If y''all communicate as well as it seems, you'll have a great time!

 

Bring your husband here to the board and explore together.

 

Alura

[a_d_xxx 663]

We were in the same boat, 16 yrs of marriage (together nearly 25) along with family and careers had certainly put a dent in the spontaneity and frequency of our lovemaking.

 

However, we found that just investigating the first steps into the Lifestyle (and we're still barely dipping our toes in at this point) improved our sex life dramatically.

 

So start talking about in in ernest. Read these forums together. Read JuskAskJulies book. Share any new fantasies that arise. Join a couples site or two and begin talking about the possibility. You may find that your lacklustre sex life issue clears up on it's own.

 

D

[s_couple 48]

We've been thinking if we should go to an off-premise gathering for a start. Is that a good idea? Or should we go to an on-premise club for some observation? So far, we haven't seen anything about off-premise club around our area (Chicago suburb).

 

Or should we meet with another couple to try soft swinging?

 

There are so many options... we're confused.

 

Also, is it true that if you can't be nudists then you can't be swingers?

[a_d_xxx 663]

Also, is it true that if you can't be nudists then you can't be swingers?

 

The most important thing to take away from successful Lifestyle couples is that:

 

1. They communicate honestly with each other all the time.

2. They work to ensure that both of their needs are being met.

3. Neither is coercing the other into doing something they don't want to do.

 

Within that structure, you can choose to explore in whatever what you wish. If that involves wandering around nude all day so be it, but no one is going to revoke your swingers card if you'd prefer not to.

 

D

[Cajun2Step 65]

Also, is it true that if you can't be nudists then you can't be swingers?

 

Absolutely not! There are many reasons why a person might not be a nudist. Being naked and being a swinger are two completely different things.

 

That being said, it might be a bit of a problem to have sex with your clothes on but it is not impossible.

[s_couple 48]

\

 

That being said, it might be a bit of a problem to have sex with your clothes on but it is not impossible.

 

 

That would be a problem, yes.

 

I don't think we'll have any issue shedding our clothes in front of the couple we'll play with. I just don't know if we're comfortable (for the moment anyway) going around naked in the open in front of a gazillion people we don't intend to play with, i.e. nude beach, hedonism resort, on-site premise.

 

Neither of us is even comfortable going streak naked in the gym locker room.

[weloveeachother 29]

I just don't know if we're comfortable (for the moment anyway) going around naked in the open in front of a gazillion people we don't intend to play with, i.e. nude beach, hedonism resort, on-site premise.

 

The first time we were to attend an on-premise, we too were a little apprehensive about this. You may find out that it is a huge turn-on when you give it a shot....as we did! You'll never know if you don't give it the good ol college try...

 

Whatever you decide, know what each other's boundaries are and have a great time exploring!

[vegaskid 7]

When we started, the first meeting was a Bomb. Since we are seniors, one one wanted us because the ages ranged fro about 32 through 45. Be sure to get with a group/couple within your own age range.

[s_couple 48]

We talked again about this and it seems that we are now leaning toward going to an on-premise club... problem is we know nothing much about it.

 

From this forum, our understanding is that on-premise club means:

1. At some point, everyone will shed their clothes

2. People will engage in sexual activities there

3. Some clubs have private, semi-private, and/or open/orgy rooms

 

Are they all correct?

 

We also have questions:

1. Is it OK if we just look around and watch the activities in the beginning and don't even take off our clothes? Or are we going to be limited in the common area unless we at least shed our clothes?

2. If we decide to go to a semi-private room and have sex with each other, will people ask to get involved in the middle or will they wait until we're done and then ask?

3. It seems that every club organizers will want to talk to us before we purchase a ticket... what is this conversation all about? Is it like an interview? Is it a casual chat to inform us about the rules and an overview of the club? Should we prepare something before the talk with the host(s)?

4. What should we do in the first 30-60 minutes of our arrival when we don't know anyone? We aren't shy about talking to people, but we're not social butterflies who can just approach some strangers and initiate conversations.

5. Should we get a tour outside of party hours or during?

 

Thanks!

[weloveeachother 29]

From this forum, our understanding is that on-premise club means:

1. At some point, everyone will shed their clothes

2. People will engage in sexual activities there

3. Some clubs have private, semi-private, and/or open/orgy rooms

 

 

 

1. No, not everyone will shed their clothes. Some go just to watch. Some go just to dance, drink and socialize.

2. Yes, people will engage in sex at an on-premise (that is the definition of on-premise)

3. Yes, clubs usually have private and/or semi-private rooms. Some have larger group/orgy rooms as well.

 

Clubs are different but pretty general regarding rules/activities. Usually there are specific rooms for watching and more private rooms for couples that like to be more private. Sometimes people may ask if it is okay to join in but it is our experience that people aren't usually very pushy in that regard. NO MEANS NO. If you don't want anybody to join in, politely tell them No thanks.

 

It is our experience that the club owners want to talk to you to inform you of some general rules and to ensure you don't have issues with encountering open/public sexual activities. Afterwards, they will give you a tour of the club. The tour generally takes place early in the evening. A lot of clubs ask that the newbies arrive an hour or so before general opening hours to accomplish the tour.

 

I suggest you spend your first few hours just checking it out. If you drink, have a couple of drinks and relax. It's really no different than going to a vanilla club except you will see nudity/sex taking place. Our experience is also that the people are generally friendlier than at vanilla clubs. You don't have to worry so much about your wife being felt up on her way to the restroom (unless she wants to be hehe). The folks at swinger clubs are usually very polite and warm and inviting.

 

I hope that helps. It seems like you are very nervous/apprehensive as we were. Within 5 minutes of entering the club, we were very comfortable and very turned on by the scenery. We have made some very good friends so far and we are only a few months into this. Relax, enjoy yourselves. That is the point, to enjoy each other. The rest is just icing on the cake.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If you are both on the same page, there's no reason not to get your feet wet. As for the how, it really comes down to what you are both comfortable with.

 

To answer some of your latest questions...

 

On-premise club just means that sex CAN occur on premise. It does not mean that you have to shed your clothes or that you have to have sex. Most of the time there are multiple areas of the club, one that is more like a typical night club (where folks are dancing, drinking, etc) and then separate play areas. At some clubs it is required to be nude to enter the play areas. Each club is different. On-premise clubs are just a self-contained swinging environment, as opposed to an off-premise club where if you did meet someone you wanted to play with you'd have to go somewhere else to do it (home, a hotel room, etc).

 

1. Is it OK if we just look around and watch the activities in the beginning and don't even take off our clothes? Or are we going to be limited in the common area unless we at least shed our clothes?

It depends on the club, see above.

 

2. If we decide to go to a semi-private room and have sex with each other, will people ask to get involved in the middle or will they wait until we're done and then ask?

If the room is semi-private (as in does not have a door that can be closed) someone MAY ask to join you at any time. It just depends on that person. If you want to avoid having anyone asking to join you, opt for a private room with a door that closes.

 

3. It seems that every club organizers will want to talk to us before we purchase a ticket... what is this conversation all about? Is it like an interview? Is it a casual chat to inform us about the rules and an overview of the club? Should we prepare something before the talk with the host(s)?

Some do, some don't. Actually, I'd say that most don't (at least from my experience) require any sort of pre-admission interview. If they do, just go and be yourself, they just want to make sure you are a real couple, and not going to bring drama to their club.

 

4. What should we do in the first 30-60 minutes of our arrival when we don't know anyone? We aren't shy about talking to people, but we're not social butterflies who can just approach some strangers and initiate conversations.

Something that makes you feel comfortable and confident. If you've got a favorite shirt or outfit go with that. If you are confident you will feel sexy. If you aren't comfortable it will show (and you're already going to feel a little uncomfortable just because the whole thing is so new).

 

5. Should we get a tour outside of party hours or during? Never a bad idea, it gives you a chance to check the place out and make sure it's a clean environment. Of course, keep in mind that no place looks as good with all the lights on