Advice For A More Conservative Couple

[PittCouple412 15]

My wife and I have been exploring the LS for about a year now...we spent most of the first year trying to meet couples one-on-one (or I guess, two-on-two), and while we did meet some nice people, we also found that it was very hard to find people we were compatible with. So several months ago, even though we're not club/party people otherwise, we decided to start going to some of the local meet & greets and LS clubs in our area.

 

We've found this a MUCH better way to meet new people, but because we're new to the scene and not really the "party" types otherwise, we generally wait for others to approach us, rather than introduce ourselves. Occassionally we'll see a couple we recognize (from pics) online and introduce ourselves, but the majority of the time we just wait for people to come to us. While we have met some great people, we're worried that others may think we're standoffish or not interested.

 

Perhaps more importantly, when we do get into a conversation with a couple we're interested in, we're never sure what to say/where to take the dialogue to show them that we're "into" them. We usually wind up saying "Nice meeting you" to the couples we're not interested in, and something a little more overt like "Great meeting you...hope to get to chat again/see you later in the evening" to couples we ARE intrested in, which we guess might sound like a disinterested comment to some.

 

So while I'm sure there have been other threads to address this, we were wondering if anyone could give advice (if you're a "quieter" couple, we'd love to hear how you've dealt with things) on the best ways to both initiate conversations and (more importantly) let a couple know your interested without coming off as sexually aggressive.

 

Thanks in advance!

[MN Tom 251]

Well, someone has to break that ice eventually and say something geared towards potential playtime.

 

Keep in mind that the other couple may very well be feeling the same way you are, unsure of how to continue and not wanting to sound aggressive.

 

How about saying something like "we are interested in spending more private time with you".

[Dont.Stop 339]

Break out and say hello.

 

At one meet and greet we ordered a basket of sweet potato fries. When we saw a couple we might be interested in we approached them and shared our fries. We met 6 couples that night (we had to order a second basket of fries). We have spent extra time with three of them. With the other three, things just didn't pan out. Hey, that happens.

 

If you want to get to know someone better, ask for their screen name. Sometimes I'll send them an SLS message on the spot.

 

What we've found out is that there are a LOT of great people out there who can't write a profile to save their life. People we have looked at online and passed on are a lot more fun in person.

 

We're going to a M&G later this week. We're excited.

[a_d_xxx 663]

What is working well for us is to connect with people online before the event. Often LS sites will have an 'event attendees' list and you can send some notes to select folks beforehand:

 

"We noticed you are planning to attend 'Foo Bar Blitz' this Saturday. We're a little shy and looking to make some new friends. If you notice us, we'd love it if you stopped by to say hi, and we hope you won't mind if we do the same."

 

Adding a specific note about what attracted you to their profile may help prime the pump.

 

Keeping a mental track of who you contacted so you have some prepared conversation ideas in the can may help as well.

 

Good luck!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Whether extroverted or introverted, the right thing to do is to get out and be seen. And that is just what you are doing. Judging by our own experience, a one-year search might not be sufficient time to establish a connection, especially if you want that connection to be just right. My advice: stay the course. Success will eventually be yours.

 

~Michael

[Alura 2,774]

Y'all might attend a meeting of a group called "Toastmasters." They help people overcome shyness and teach public speaking. Dale Carnegie used to offer a similar course called, "How to Win Friends and Influence People," or maybe that was the name of his book...

 

Anyway, go to a meeting and see it it'll bring y'all "out of your shell."

 

Alura

[TheSwingerSet 205]

I don't see your issue as being able to say hello and make small talk, What I think you are having issues with is closing the deal or letting others know that you are interested.

 

You stated that you want a way to let them know without sounding "aggressive"!

 

One of the things we do is give out calling cards that look something like this

 

Kent & Leah

swing lifestyle: swingerset

Aff: swingerset

k&l@theswingerset.com

(999)999-9999

 

We have a pic of the two of us on the right side of the card, if we are interested in playing with them that night we will jot our room number on the back of the card.

 

Giving out the cards does a few things very discretely

1) it lets them know that we are interested

2) it gives them several ways to contact us

3) it puts the ball in their court with no pressure

 

 

Alura has some good tips in toastmasters and the book he mentioned I just picked up a copy for our daughter and she is putting it into practice in fact she is even sharing tips with her little brother.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

...

 

One of the things we do is give out calling cards that look something like this

 

Kent & Leah

swing lifestyle: swingerset

Aff: swingerset

k&l@theswingerset.com

(999)999-9999

 

We have a pic of the two of us on the right side of the card, if we are interested in playing with them that night we will jot our room number on the back of the card.

 

Giving out the cards does a few things very discretely

1) it lets them know that we are interested

2) it gives them several ways to contact us

3) it puts the ball in their court with no pressure

 

Reminds us of our first vanilla M and G. As things were winding down, three couples offered us "social cards" exactly as K and L described. We wondered if we had committed a faux pas by not reciprocating. As it happened, each of the three couples understood we were new to the group and thought this was the easiest and least pressured way to express interest. They were absolutely right.

 

Two outcomes:

• We subsequently spent time with each of the three couples.
  
• We arranged "social cards" for ourselves.
  

 

It's a wonderful unpressured strategy.

[Dont.Stop 339]

We have swinger cards (we call them our "monkey business cards"). It has a picture of a swing set with our names, phone numbers and SLS screen name.

 

The swing set is part of the stock art at Staples. You can design them and have them printed on the spot.

[PittCouple412 15]

We have swinger cards (we call them our "monkey business cards"). It has a picture of a swing set with our names, phone numbers and Swing Lifestyle screen name.

 

The swing set is part of the stock art at Staples. You can design them and have them printed on the spot.

 

We like this idea and have actually suggested meet/greet organizers provide these (maybe a dozen cards per couple) and make them part of the event. Yes, I know we can print our own, but no one else does this, so I think we'd stick out as even more awkward if we were handing out cards.

 

As for the poster who mentioned Toastmasters - the male half is actually an excellent public speaker/speech giver...it's the one on one (or two on two) he has issues with...but he could speak to a room of 100 with no problem. Odd, huh?

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

We like this idea and have actually suggested meet/greet organizers provide these (maybe a dozen cards per couple) and make them part of the event. Yes, I know we can print our own, but no one else does this, so I think we'd stick out as even more awkward if we were handing out cards.

 

Many hosts organizing vanilla meets will have a supply of 3 x 5 index cards and pens on a table somewhere for just this purpose.

[rainbowskye 102]

I've hosted events before and I always provided business cards or calling cards per couple or individual. If there were to be 20 attendees I would provid 40 cards per person or couple. I even made blank ones that had a spot for name , phone and email for the just in case situations.

[Guest screaminggood]

EYE CONTACT AND SMILE! If you're shy, I will come up to you if you look at me and smile....If you look away, I will think you aren't interested.

[DocWill 83]

Just ask them if they're Democrats. If they are, politely move on

[Dont.Stop 339]

Just ask them if they're Democrats. If they are, politely move on

 

Ok, I almost when into a tirade about "no politics", and as I was typing a response I was reminded of the title of the thread.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If it's on-premise I'd just say something like "we'd love to play with you guys" or "we are heading to the play area, hope we see you there".

 

If it's off-premise or a "meet and greet" we typically just try to get their screenname, email, etc and then contact them after and say something like "we really enjoyed meeting you and we'd love to see you again. Would you be interested in meeting us one on one?"

[celtic239 297]

I don't think you guys are "conservative" but rather "selective" and there is nothing wrong with that. The best advice I was given that if you both need to have fun and if you don't get the four way click at least you will both have fun with each other at the club.