Need some advice and help

[bothhornynow 15]

We been in the lifestyle for a few years now, the first few experiences went very well but since the past year, every couple we've been with has seen some kind of jealousy on the Mrs part, it's not to the point where it will end the evening but enough where at times it makes me uncomfortable, she will give me a look and I could tell she's not happy with what she see's.

 

 

There where a couple of situations where the other women would mention how big I was, within no time the Mrs would stop what she was doing with the other guy, get up and smoke a cigarette, each time this happen I would stop with the other women and go see her, she would calm down each time and things would get back on track.

 

 

She had mentioned at one point that it doesn't turn her on to see me with another women, that most of the time she doesn't feel that it's an even trade, I've never forced her to move forward with a couple or forced her to watch, the only thing I ever asked was that we made eye contact every now and then to make sure all is good on both sides and also that we find time for both of us to play together.

 

I have always made it clear to her that it was important to me that we both have a good time and that we are there to share each other and that if she's not comfortable with what's going on, then we would just pack up and leave.

 

My big dilemma is, I said to her, we need put the lifestyle a side until we can figure out how to resolve this and that if we can't then we need to just move on, she refuses to give up but the problems are still there and it is causing endless conversation and arguments.

 

There is jealousy but at the same time there is also pleasure, we need advice and I know most of you will say you need to stop!! but hopefully there are couples out there that have overcome this kind of situation and could help.

 

BTW....we both decided together that the lifestyle seemed to be for us, nobody forced anyone into it, our sex life together is great, it did bring us closer together but something went wrong somewhere.

 

So any help or advise would be appreciated

[Alura 2,773]

My guess is that there is something your wife is not sharing with you. To solve the problem, you need to know what that is.

 

Alura

[bothhornynow 15]

I've tried to get down to the bottom of this so many times. I've asked her to try to explain what goes on in her mind when she see's me with another women and I can never get a straight answer.

 

I've known for some time now that I'm well above average but it has become well apparent because of certain comments with other women and she has realized this also, I think this has something to do with it, I don't really understand why, as she can have me anytime she want's me.

[Guest sandraandalex]

Have you considered that these comments about your cock size, in her mind, have made you more 'unique' and she's no longer interested in sharing ?

[twistedpretzels 100]

i said, 'ahhhh' to what the previous post said.... this could be it...

[rainbowskye 102]

I agree with sandraandalex.

 

If you are as endowed as it seems, she may be realizing that you are the exception, not the rule.

[bothhornynow 15]

Have you considered that these comments about your cock size, in her mind, have made you more 'unique' and she's no longer interested in sharing ?

 

I agree that this is very possible and I've talked to her about this, but like I have mentioned to her and I'm almost sure that most women here will agree.....what is the difference how long I am or any other guy, almost every women I've been with including my wife, has an orgasm when I'm only 3 to 4 " in, I wouldn't trade what I have but honestly any guy who is average and knows how to us it is going to please most women.....she agree's with that, but the problem is still there.

[Guest sandraandalex]

You're talking about reality, she's talking about perception...a woman's.

[rainbowskye 102]

I agree that this is very possible and I've talked to her about this, but like I have mentioned to her and I'm almost sure that most women here will agree.....what is the difference how long I am or any other guy, almost every women I've been with including my wife, has an orgasm when I'm only 3 to 4 " in, I wouldn't trade what I have but honestly any guy who is average and knows how to us it is going to please most women.....she agree's with that, but the problem is still there.

 

Size doesn't always matter... but sometimes it does.

 

Example.... my guy is average. He can totally please me in ways I never imagined, he knows how to work it.

 

My ex is not only extremely long but he has width too. I don't get that from my guy... and sometimes I want that. When I was with him, sometimes I wanted the reverse, smaller.

 

I would never consider anal with him, but with my guy now, most definitely.

Variety is good, and while size doesn't necessarily matter, in some ways it does.

 

Just like all men are made differently, all women are too.

 

She could be telling you what you want to hear, as opposed to telling you what you need to hear.

 

A little jealousy is normal. But this seems to be too much and perhaps you guys should slow down until you find the root of the problem.

 

It seems like communication is not 100% and this could strain your relationship even more.

[rainbowskye 102]

You're talking about reality, she's talking about perception...a woman's.

 

and sometimes you have to manage to perception.

[bothhornynow 15]

Oh I agree.....and I'm trying to understand a woman's perception, don't forget I am a man , any feed back especially from women could help me to help her.....

[rainbowskye 102]

Oh I agree.....and I'm trying to understand a woman's perception, don't forget I am a man , any feed back especially from women could help me to help her.....

 

Good luck with that We are all different and You know her better than we do. You've got some homework to do.

 

To what Alura said, there seems to be something your wife isn't telling you. You need to ask the probing questions to see what that is.

 

Have you tried asking the same questions, in a different way? sometimes it isn't what you say or ask, but how you say or ask it?

 

Instead of going straight to the jealousy issue, have you tried talking about times when you first started swinging to now? Kind of like going down memory lane and see what she likes now that she didn't then and vice versa?

 

 

One thing about perception that made me think when reading this again....

 

I'm almost sure that most women here will agree.....what is the difference how long I am or any other guy, almost every women I've been with including my wife, has an orgasm when I'm only 3 to 4 " in.

 

Not all women orgasm from penetration alone, many of the women I've known orgasm from clitoral stimulation. It could be that they are managing to your perception and 'faking' an orgasm because they are overwhelmed with the length and/or width.

[slevin 1,374]

A twist on the size line of thinking. Rather than it being about your size, it could purely be down to her hearing another woman being excited and vocal about you. Seeing you with a woman is one thing, hearing a woman exclaim things about your size, prowess, skills etc. can trigger some jealousy. Even when she's been enjoying herself prior to that.

 

Hard to judge with little info, so just food for thought.

[bothhornynow 15]

We've had conversation about what her perception is towards other women and her perception towards me, in her mind any women is lucky to spend an evening with me.

 

She says I know how to please a women in ever aspect and that she has not had that on her end, my perception to this is and I have explained this to her, first, we love each other very much and this is something we don't share with others, second, what I do to other women doesn't mean it turns them on like it does to you, third, if for any reason you feel uncomfortable or jealous or both how is it even possible for the other man to please you!!!

 

I'll add a missing piece to the puzzle, we are very selective to whom we go with and always have been, when we first started I was 50 lbs heavier, I've lost weight, been working out and my appearance is a lot better then we first started, my perception of this = better looking, better chances of meeting people that interest us.

 

Her perception today about this = not a fair trade, to her most men are not in the best of shape, short and average.

 

BTW....she's a very sexy women, slim with nice long legs and an ass to kill for, I think we balance out each other today very well, but I have no doubt what I have done has added to the problems

 

I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place with this one.......

[lovinher 505]

I'll add a missing piece to the puzzle, we are very selective to whom we go with and always have been, when we first started I was 50 lbs heavier, I've lost weight, been working out and my appearance is a lot better then we first started, my perception of this = better looking, better chances of meeting people that interest us.

 

 

I'm going to play devil's advocate here because of her comment about things "not being fair".

Could it be that she feels you did this for playmates and not her? After all, you waited until after you were swinging to improve your appearance.

That said, this is very common and there is nothing wrong with improving yourself, but it does not change what she may be feeling.

[rainbowskye 102]

I'm not trying to be rude or sound funny, but the perception I get from the posts is that it is all about you. The size, the attraction, not being pleased by anyone except you.

 

It seems like a lot of emphasise on you and not a lot on her. This would frustrate anyone.

 

If you are well endowed, you guys have to understand you're the exception not the rule. She may not find anyone who has your length or girth or who pleases the woman the same way you do. I'm sure after all the years in the lifestyle you've experienced this before now.

 

Perhaps a break from swinging and focusing on her may do some good.

 

You have to remember, its not just about you.

[bothhornynow 15]

I'm not trying to be rude or sound funny, but the perception I get from the posts is that it is all about you. The size, the attraction, not being pleased by anyone except you.

 

It seems like a lot of emphasise on you and not a lot on her. This would frustrate anyone.

 

If you are well endowed, you guys have to understand you're the exception not the rule. She may not find anyone who has your length or girth or who pleases the woman the same way you do. I'm sure after all the years in the lifestyle you've experienced this before now.

 

Perhaps a break from swinging and focusing on her may do some good.

 

You have to remember, its not just about you.

 

I can see how you might see it that way and I don't find it rude for the fact that you don't know me, everything I've said about myself is all feedback that I've gotten from my wife, I don't think I'm some kind of a god.....and if you go back to my first post and read you will see that I have said to my wife that I think we should put all of this on hold until we could resolve this or stop all together.

 

Also....as for giving her more attention....I've always put her in first place and that will never change.

 

We recently had a 3 some with a guy for the very first time, I picked the guys and let her chose the one that interested her the most, the guy she picked was younger in better shape and was above average and honestly I think he was better looking then me...but I had no problem with that at all, that evening was all for her pleasure...so sorry but I know it's not all about me.

[bothhornynow 15]

I'm going to play devil's advocate here because of her comment about things "not being fair".

Could it be that she feels you did this for playmates and not her? After all, you waited until after you were swinging to improve your appearance.

That said, this is very common and there is nothing wrong with improving yourself, but it does not change what she may be feeling.

 

At first I could say she didn't feel that way.....the very first time we went to a swingers club, like many we didn't really know what to expect, for me that was probably the most uncomfortable night I've experienced since being it the lifestyle, she got dressed up really sexy, heads were turning as we walked by people and that turned me on at first to see.....where things got uncomfortable for me is when I seen guys look at her then me and have that look on their face like dammm what is she doing with him......was it really that way...probably not, probably my perception of things at the time, but she knew I wasn't comfortable about it, for 2 years I tried to lose weight but I guess that was the kick in the ass I needed at the time.

[Chicup 41]

One thing thats surprised me is just how many men are pretty awful sexually. I thought by default swingers would be better then average and maybe they are but that doesn't mean they are all good.

 

I'd say its basically 50-50 with the other guy being any good. I imagine this could be frustrating for a lot of the women who are used to a better time in the sack.

 

Hell I never thought faking it was in my wifes nature but shes faked it a few times just to make the other guy feel better and to get him to stop trying. Obviously the best thing to do is give instruction but when you don't see a repeat performance happening its easier to just end on a positive note I think.

[MN Tom 251]

It may be that she's not really that interested in swinging at this time, or she is expecting someone to really bowl her over.

 

Or maybe it's just a string of bad luck with guys who are subpar.

 

What we've found (and many others have reiterated) is that you never can really tell (from profile/appearance) who will be a really good match with someone.

 

Take my wife's favorite playmate. He's rather similar to me in appearance, just slightly less buff so to speak. She readily admits his package size is slightly smaller than mine in both length and girth, and that he has less foreplay skills. And yet she really enjoys him on an entirely different level than me. It's like 2 different paths to the same pleasure goal.

 

It's the little differences, like the angles that we use that are different, the slighty different way he holds her, the different things he says, different breathing.. All of that.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Separate rooms?

[DocWill 83]

I'm just going to go with the bottom line up front first:

 

It sounds to me like you're the only one enjoying the LS here.

 

Here are some key elements in your OP that led me to that conclusion:

 

1.

"... every couple we've been with has seen some kind of jealousy on the Mrs part.

 

Every couple? That alone tells me a lot. When a person has a problem with everyone... it's that person with the problem. I take it that you already know this, but I wanted to point out the obvious because I think it needs more attention.

 

2.

"I could tell she's not happy with what she see's.

 

Obviously (again) that makes you uncomfortable. Once, maybe even twice... I can see a possible quirk/disconnect, but with "every couple" there's a lot more to it. It’s now a negative pattern of behavior. You either address the negative behavior or you encourage it- there’s no middle ground. My suggestion is to REALLY evaluate if you’re addressing the negative pattern here or just trying to figure out a way around it. Negative patterns, left uncorrected, lead to bigger issues down the road. That’s as close to a rule of life as you can get without it becoming a Law of Nature.

 

3.

"... within no time the Mrs would stop what she was doing with the other guy, get up and smoke a cigarette, each time this happen I would stop with the other women and go see her, she would calm down each time and things would get back on track."

 

Stopping in the middle of something and getting up to smoke a cigarette is a sign of stress... regardless of the circumstances.

 

4.

"... it doesn't turn her on to see me with another women, that most of the time she doesn't feel that it's an even trade..."

 

This alone is the first BIG RED FLAG. Again, with one or two couples it's understandable, but with "every couple" it's a problem. If one of us said that to the other, at any point, we wouldn't even entertain the idea. But that's us. If she’s not turned on, I’m not turned on… not even if the entire Swedish Bikini Team is rolling on ecstasy and grabbing lamps to satisfy their sexual desires and I’m the only the guy in the room. There’s more depth to that last sentence… but you have to read between the lines to figure it out.

 

5.

"... and that if she's not comfortable with what's going on, then we would just pack up and leave."

 

See #3 where you get up to calm her down and "get things back on track". BIG RED FLAG #2. It's obvious (for the third time) that she's not comfortable, so why not practice the "pack up and leave" part? I’ll get to that later.

 

6.

"... she refuses to give up but the problems are still there and it is causing endless conversation and arguments.

 

Why does she refuse to give up? I think THIS is the question that holds the real answer you're looking for, and somehow I don’t think it’s going to be the answer that you want to hear. Do you know what the real definition of "insanity" is? It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. By now you should be catching on to the cycle. Time for critical thinking and enough of the conversations and arguments.

 

7.

"... but hopefully there are couples out there that have overcome this kind of situation and could help."

 

This is RED FLAG #3. If something is repeatedly making someone uncomfortable, to include the other couple (because, trust me, they're uncomfortable when your wife stops to get up and you have to go calm her down), why would you want advice to sidestep or "fix" the obvious problem? Quite frankly, I would be scared of advice from someone who gave me a solution to this problem that didn’t include stepping up like a man and calling it all off until she either tells you to start it up again without you instigating it, or you get an answer that finally gives the actual reason for the dysfunction. I’m a scientist, so dysfunction is the right word to use here. Things are not symbiotic, and yet they should be in your mind as well as hers. All of your questions, wondering, arguing and uncomfortable, negative patterns of behavior are signs of dysfunction. It’s an ugly word, but the right one to describe your problem. Treat it like it sounds, not like a five year-old that steals cookies.

 

8.

"... we both decided together that the lifestyle seemed to be for us, nobody forced anyone into it, our sex life together is great, it did bring us closer together but something went wrong somewhere.

 

Now, this is only MY perception, but based off of your OP and your follow-up comments, it sounds to me like your wife has some insecurity issues. You're kind of passing it off as being your penis size and some others are buying that, but I'm not. You've stated that you've lost weight to make yourself more attractive. You've stated that you're well hung. You've stated that it's you who does the damage control when your wife gets uncomfortable. You've stated that it doesn't turn her on to see you with other women (). You've stated that, even though she refuses to quit, that there are recurring arguments. Lastly, you said "something went wrong somewhere".

 

I have a guess. It’s called the “One up, One down syndrome” It’s better known as the “Passion Paradox.”

 

Here’s an excerpt:

"The author affirms that virtually everyone experiences love’s two sides in the same way (pleasure and pain). It does not matter whether your past experiences molded you to be a particular person – no one, even the emotionally healthy person, is exempted from the pain of love when it tips out of balance. In this context, love relationships would produce a paradox: ‘one-downs’ try harder as they feel insecure and want to get back in control. They attempt to enhance their attraction power. The goal of such effort is to gain emotional control over the relationship as to avoid the nightmare of rejection (that means winning his or her love). But the catch is: if you prove too appealing to the one you want – to the point where the other person is clearly more in love with you – the relationship will fall out of balance.

 

When such event occurs, you have become the ‘one-up’ or, if you are frightened by your partner’s distance, you have become the ‘one-down’. It would seem that the very urge to attract someone, to bring another person under emotional control, contains the potential for upsetting the balance of the relationship. This is because the feeling of being in love is biochemically linked to the feeling of being out of control. Once you feel completely in control or sure of another person’s love, your feelings of passion begin to fade: vanishing the challenge or excitement of the relationship."

 

This is one of the most common things in almost all relationships- even healthy ones… but, it’s also the thing that leads to most separations where “something just broke somewhere” and nobody involved can explain it. It eventually leads to codependency and a whole other bunch of problems until you figure out when it happened, why it happened, and how your S/O responded to it. My guess is that your wife hasn’t figured out how to respond, and if she has (which is a real possibility), doesn’t know how to tell you because she either doesn’t want to let you down, fears there’s a risk of losing you to a woman who thinks your meat is Sputnik instead of the usual space capsule you’ve been giving her for years, or that she won't measure up to the level of fun that YOU want to have- even if it's in your own mind.

 

Julie has a great saying (and I’m paraphrasing here) where she says that, "swinging will enhance ANY relationship regardless of its circumstance. If it’s good- it gets better. If its meh, bad, confusing, troublesome, argumentative, or competitive… guess what? Those gets enhanced as well."

 

You both are currently "enhanced." Stand noted, and then figure out the pros and cons to that enhancement.

 

My advice: she needs to answer # 6 HONESTLY. I have a feeling it holds the key. At that point the ball will be in your court so remember my answer to #6 before you make a decision- hopefully together, as a couple... not as negotiator or a mediator. Finality is needed here before you should even think about moving on. A lot of people are simply afraid to say what they feel… for LOTS of reasons. If you love her and quit rationalizing for her, or to her, you’ll get the answer if you want it.

 

Good luck in any case. I honestly mean that. I’ve seen too many relationships break because of this (not just in the LS) paradox- and it’s really quite simple to figure out if just ONE person is willing to make SIMPLE concessions and/or sack it up and start discussing the no-so wondeful things that DO occur in the LS.

[Gordo 618]

Separate rooms?

 

That was my first thought too but I think the "not fair" comment is telling. She feels perhaps like she's taking a hit for the team everytime and what fun is that?

[rainbowskye 102]

That was my first thought too but I think the "not fair" comment is telling. She feels perhaps like she's taking a hit for the team everytime and what fun is that?

 

None @ all. It seems like it is all about him and she possibly isn't comfortable saying this isn't for her.

 

If he wanted to stop until they were on the same page, he would have.

[bothhornynow 15]

None @ all. It seems like it is all about him and she possibly isn't comfortable saying this isn't for her.

 

If he wanted to stop until they were on the same page, he would have.

 

You keep mentioning that it's all about me.....you have no clue as to what I have done to try to make this work...and when I say that, I mean, make her feel comfortable, secure and confident about her self.

 

To just end it all....sure, I can do that, but let me tell you that we've been together for over 24 years now and I consider her to be my partner!! so this is a decision that has to be made by both of us, to put it on hold! I've done that, until she figures out how to resolve this or end it all together.

 

If she wants to end it, I'm fine with that, if she wants to move forward, I'll be there to support her.

 

But to keep going on about "it's all about you" I'm starting to wonder if you don't have some of your own issues, I asked for help and advise and I haven't seen anything positive from you so I will disregard anything else you have to say....

 

 

 

Separate rooms?

 

Honestly.....I personally not interested in separate rooms, but thanks for the suggestion.

[Gordo 618]

It's good to hear you feel so strongly about working this out with your partner. I'm wondering if it may be a case where she doesn't even know what's bothering her yet?

 

All you can do is keep talking sooner or later it will settle in her mind and she'll be able to talk about it.

[bothhornynow 15]

I'm just going to go with the bottom line up front first:

 

It sounds to me like you're the only one enjoying the LS here.

 

Here are some key elements in your OP that led me to that conclusion:

 

1.

 

Every couple? That alone tells me a lot. When a person has a problem with everyone... it's that person with the problem. I take it that you already know this, but I wanted to point out the obvious because I think it needs more attention.

 

2.

 

Obviously (again) that makes you uncomfortable. Once, maybe even twice... I can see a possible quirk/disconnect, but with "every couple" there's a lot more to it. It’s now a negative pattern of behavior. You either address the negative behavior or you encourage it- there’s no middle ground. My suggestion is to REALLY evaluate if you’re addressing the negative pattern here or just trying to figure out a way around it. Negative patterns, left uncorrected, lead to bigger issues down the road. That’s as close to a rule of life as you can get without it becoming a Law of Nature.

 

3.

 

Stopping in the middle of something and getting up to smoke a cigarette is a sign of stress... regardless of the circumstances.

 

4.

 

This alone is the first BIG RED FLAG. Again, with one or two couples it's understandable, but with "every couple" it's a problem. If one of us said that to the other, at any point, we wouldn't even entertain the idea. But that's us. If she’s not turned on, I’m not turned on… not even if the entire Swedish Bikini Team is rolling on ecstasy and grabbing lamps to satisfy their sexual desires and I’m the only the guy in the room. There’s more depth to that last sentence… but you have to read between the lines to figure it out.

 

5.

 

See #3 where you get up to calm her down and "get things back on track". BIG RED FLAG #2. It's obvious (for the third time) that she's not comfortable, so why not practice the "pack up and leave" part? I’ll get to that later.

 

6.

 

Why does she refuse to give up? I think THIS is the question that holds the real answer you're looking for, and somehow I don’t think it’s going to be the answer that you want to hear. Do you know what the real definition of "insanity" is? It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. By now you should be catching on to the cycle. Time for critical thinking and enough of the conversations and arguments.

 

7.

 

This is RED FLAG #3. If something is repeatedly making someone uncomfortable, to include the other couple (because, trust me, they're uncomfortable when your wife stops to get up and you have to go calm her down), why would you want advice to sidestep or "fix" the obvious problem? Quite frankly, I would be scared of advice from someone who gave me a solution to this problem that didn’t include stepping up like a man and calling it all off until she either tells you to start it up again without you instigating it, or you get an answer that finally gives the actual reason for the dysfunction. I’m a scientist, so dysfunction is the right word to use here. Things are not symbiotic, and yet they should be in your mind as well as hers. All of your questions, wondering, arguing and uncomfortable, negative patterns of behavior are signs of dysfunction. It’s an ugly word, but the right one to describe your problem. Treat it like it sounds, not like a five year-old that steals cookies.

 

8.

 

Now, this is only MY perception, but based off of your OP and your follow-up comments, it sounds to me like your wife has some insecurity issues. You're kind of passing it off as being your penis size and some others are buying that, but I'm not. You've stated that you've lost weight to make yourself more attractive. You've stated that you're well hung. You've stated that it's you who does the damage control when your wife gets uncomfortable. You've stated that it doesn't turn her on to see you with other women (). You've stated that, even though she refuses to quit, that there are recurring arguments. Lastly, you said "something went wrong somewhere".

 

I have a guess. It’s called the “One up, One down syndrome” It’s better known as the “Passion Paradox.”

 

Here’s an excerpt:

 

 

This is one of the most common things in almost all relationships- even healthy ones… but, it’s also the thing that leads to most separations where “something just broke somewhere” and nobody involved can explain it. It eventually leads to codependency and a whole other bunch of problems until you figure out when it happened, why it happened, and how your S/O responded to it. My guess is that your wife hasn’t figured out how to respond, and if she has (which is a real possibility), doesn’t know how to tell you because she either doesn’t want to let you down, fears there’s a risk of losing you to a woman who thinks your meat is Sputnik instead of the usual space capsule you’ve been giving her for years, or that she won't measure up to the level of fun that YOU want to have- even if it's in your own mind.

 

Julie has a great saying (and I’m paraphrasing here) where she says that, "swinging will enhance ANY relationship regardless of its circumstance. If it’s good- it gets better. If its meh, bad, confusing, troublesome, argumentative, or competitive… guess what? Those gets enhanced as well."

 

You both are currently "enhanced." Stand noted, and then figure out the pros and cons to that enhancement.

 

My advice: she needs to answer # 6 HONESTLY. I have a feeling it holds the key. At that point the ball will be in your court so remember my answer to #6 before you make a decision- hopefully together, as a couple... not as negotiator or a mediator. Finality is needed here before you should even think about moving on. A lot of people are simply afraid to say what they feel… for LOTS of reasons. If you love her and quit rationalizing for her, or to her, you’ll get the answer if you want it.

 

Good luck in any case. I honestly mean that. I’ve seen too many relationships break because of this (not just in the LS) paradox- and it’s really quite simple to figure out if just ONE person is willing to make SIMPLE concessions and/or sack it up and start discussing the no-so wondeful things that DO occur in the LS.

 

Thanks for taking the time.....I think you hit home on a few things here.

[bothhornynow 15]

I just want you all to know that a lot of what has been said here has been talked about many times......the main purpose of this thread was to have complete strangers say what I have been saying for a long time, sometimes things will come across a lot better or much better understood form someone you don't even know then from some one you love.

 

And once again.....it's not all about me.....

[bothhornynow 15]

It's good to hear you feel so strongly about working this out with your partner. I'm wondering if it may be a case where she doesn't even know what's bothering her yet?

 

All you can do is keep talking sooner or later it will settle in her mind and she'll be able to talk about it.

 

Getting her to talk openly has proven to be one of my biggest challenges since we been together, but as long as she willing to try to figure this out I'm there for her.

[celtic239 297]

May I suggest that you guys think about a MFM threesome. In this way she will be the center of attraction.

[Guest screaminggood]

She's not as turned on by the other guy as you are by the woman...that's why it's not fair.

 

1) Let her choose the couple, or

2) Let her choose some other "big" guys so she is in control.

 

It may not work for y'all to play with couples. We rarely do because of the 1/2 is attractive, 1/2 is not problem. Instead, we either play FMF, or I play with other men while he watches....That way, the attraction is there.

[bothhornynow 15]

She's not as turned on by the other guy as you are by the woman...that's why it's not fair.

 

1) Let her choose the couple, or

2) Let her choose some other "big" guys so she is in control.

 

It may not work for y'all to play with couples. We rarely do because of the 1/2 is attractive, 1/2 is not problem. Instead, we either play FMF, or I play with other men while he watches....That way, the attraction is there.

 

Funny you mention that....I spoke to her about a very similar situation yesterday to what you just said, I want her to have full control over who we meet, the attraction has to be there for her or we don't meet!!!

 

I mentioned we should go back to soft swap for now with couples, and I also offered to do another MFM so right now it's look a lot more possitive then last week