Sure, we have bad experiences. But no good comes from telling the stories here.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Sure, we have bad experiences. But no good comes from telling the stories here. I might try to tell a story in general terms or by not giving details. But I find that difficult to achieve without the story becoming too uninteresting. One big potential problem is the possibility that the the people involved in the story will also be readers of social networks or a Web sites such as this one and recognize themselves in a story. Even if a person agrees with the accuracy of the telling or the assessment of the reasons, embarrassment will be felt.

 

Give it a date -- well, they know the date of an event and they know we were there. They'll put two and two together and know it is about them.

 

We had a horrible time; they though it was a great time. We see no reason to change peoples' illusions. And we would not want other people to ruin our illusions. Freud said we need our illusions in order to survive.

 

We tell nearly everybody we meet about Swingersboard. There is a very good chance they will be here reading.

 

Worst possible outcome: A story might be mis-interpreted by someone with whom you have had nothing but good experiences. "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you." Well, it's not.

 

~Michael

[MN Tom 251]

That is definitely something we've wrestled with when putting down a story.

 

And yes, we try to be generic as possible in hopes that it wont relate directly back to someone.

 

Sometimes though I do believe there is something to be learned from bad experiences. Maybe something to adjust for your own experience, maybe just the act of writing and discussing it allows you to notice something you didnt previously.

 

Definitely a mixed bag, and if your name/location is easy to match up to real life (ours isnt, we use a different handle on swinger websites), then it's not too far of a stretch to imagine someone realizing that story is about them.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Michael ,

 

I could not agree with you more on this one.

 

How many thousands of times have we seen people post that "What they do in this lifestyle is no ones business" yet they come on here and tell stories about what they do in this lifestyle. Both good and bad.

 

Great post on your part. Something people can learn from.

[Cajun2Step 65]

Michael and Vegas Lee we too agree with your comments.

Good post....thank for sharing.

[Chicup 42]

We have told some of our bad experiences because they are vague and good learning tools for other swingers. I always change enough details to give plausible deny-ability. I never post them right after they happen but at least several weeks if not months.

 

On the flip side we have a story I'd love to tell from a 'don't let what happened to them happen to you' sort of thing but there is no way to change the story enough to keep it meaningful.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Sometimes though I do believe there is something to be learned from bad experiences. Maybe something to adjust for your own experience, maybe just the act of writing and discussing it allows you to notice something you didnt previously.

 

.

 

they are vague and good learning tools for other swingers.

 

I think these are the reasons for sharing the bad experiences.

[Alura 2,775]

While I agree that there is much to be learned from bad experiences, I find myself more willing to finish reading the story if it is a good experience.

 

Alura

[windsor4fun 26]

Having just read through 8-10 of these "bad experience" posts I have to agree...no good comes of posting it here.

 

When I first read this post, my reaction was leaning on the side of the "learning tools for others". Now, after just a few of these posts, I'm feeling negative and re-living some of our bad experiences and renewing feelings I thought I had dealt with, as well as feeling angry for the people hurt in some of those posts, etc....

 

Time to pour a coffee and sink into 20-30 'good' posts to change my mind-set!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think posting negatives can help others learn what to avoid. Some are awful and you feel bad, but empathy is a good thing. It may also be cathartic for the poster to be able to share with people who understand.

 

They can also be really funny at times.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Having just read through 8-10 of these "bad experience" posts I have to agree...no good comes of posting it here.

 

When I first read this post, my reaction was leaning on the side of the "learning tools for others". Now, after just a few of these posts, I'm feeling negative and re-living some of our bad experiences and renewing feelings I thought I had dealt with, as well as feeling angry for the people hurt in some of those posts, etc....

 

Time to pour a coffee and sink into 20-30 'good' posts to change my mind-set!

 

Too much of ANYTHING is just too much. I like reading the "Darwin Awards" each year but I can only handle a couple of them (at most) at a time, or it's just too much. I look at some of the bad swinger stories (including the ones that make the news the same way), luckily we rarely ever see several of these posted right in a row, they happen sporadically and are posted as such, so we can see where they fit into the lifestyle. On the same token, we have plenty of positive stories that we can enjoy as well. It's all about giving a rounded view of what swinging really is.

 

Some folks don't like the idea of sharing the negatives, they worry it will turn newbies off to swinging. My opinion is that sharing the negatives (as well as the positives) gives them the full view of what swinging is so that they can make an informed decision. If we only shared the Good Experiences, and that's all anyone ever saw then they'd be more likely to jump in without ever thinking and end up making more mistakes of their own and creating their own bad experiences and feeling like they were alone in doing so. Sharing the negatives up front helps them in two ways, it helps them avoid some potential bad experiences and it helps them see they aren't alone when they don't manage to avoid them. (and that goes for those of us with experience too, at least we know we aren't alone in having years of experience and still making mistakes or having bad experiences sometimes).