Stood Up ???

[JB 140]

So we had the first stand up ever.

 

Been playing for about a year, and for the first time we got stood up. I know we have been lucky and have met some great couples out there so this one just perplexes me. Tell me what you think.

 

So we meet on SLS, and toss a few e-mails, phone numbers, and pics. About two days later, the girls talk on the phone, it was a great talk, about two hours. The girls talk a few more times during the week, all long conversations, and both are very excited, and arrange a meet and greet at a local bar.

 

While this is going on, the guys are tossing emails back and forth, along with lots of current photos. They too, are excited about the meet and greet, and even share some private info, like last names and places of occupation. All seems well.

 

On the way to the meet, we toss texts back and forth all the way there (about an hour), - yeah that is “local” for us.

 

Upon arriving, we walked in and texted, “we just walked in” and told then what we were wearing. We scoped the place out really good, it was small, and there was no-one there that even looked close to the photos or descriptions.

 

We finally got a text, saying that they went to the restaurant next door, because the bar was crowded. - strange but OK. We went over there. The doors were about 20 feet apart.

 

We walked in and scoped it out as well, and nothing… there was no-one there. We texted, “where are you” - no response… we again texted a few more times and nothing.

 

We did text a couple of warm, friendly messages later that night, saying that whatever went wrong it was ok, just to let us know if they still wanted to meet. There was no response.

 

We have not attempted any further communication with these guys, even though we have both cell numbers and the home number and all e-mail addresses. Nor do we intend to. But it still is a question in our minds.

 

Did they get cold feet?

Did they change their minds?

I find it really hard to believe that they could have seen us and then felt different. - besides we look just like our pictures, they are only a couple weeks old.

 

Is there some cool “standing-up” tactic in play here I don’t know about?

 

At any rate, we both went out to dinner, and had a great time. Planning a trip to the club for next weekend.

 

Let us know what you think all hypnotically, outlandish, crazy theories welcome.

[angelkin 1,326]

That is by far the strangest stand up story I have ever heard! Seems like you did everything right...one can only be left to wonder what the heck went so wrong! Sorry you had to deal with that!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

You may never know what happened, even if they "tell you". Just chalk it up to cold feet or something and try to forget about it.

It's definitely their issue to deal with. Meanwhile, you get to enjoy good times whole they're doing whatever people like this do.

 

It also sounds like you handled it the right way.

[applevenus 20]

I have zero experience in the lifestyle but plenty of life experience.

 

I'd send them a note saying that you "understand if something happened that caused them to pull out at the last minute, don't worry about it, life is too short to stress the small things, want to try again? If not that's cool just let us know"

 

Give them a way out of whatever happened.

 

I assume the best in people until proved otherwise. This has served me well.

[LFM2 1,482]

to our surprise, we've never been stood up. (Not that I remember anyway) I think you handled it wonderfully. I hope nothing awful happened that they couldn't text you back.

 

I think to avoid standup's though, anymore when someone wants to meet, we tell them we'll be at such and such a place at such and such a time and if they show up, we'd love to chat. That puts the ball in their court and if they want to back down without calling, that's cool.

[VegasLee 1,486]

When the Internet first started we tired the hooking up on line games. Found out it was not worth the effort of the B.S. that goes with it.

 

Today, 80%+ of those playing "swinger" on line are just in it for the on line fantasy. Nothing more. As soon as it gets "real" they pull some nonsense and are no shows or make up excuses at the last minute.

 

We only meet people at the club. Most know we are there, if they want to meet up there great. If we hit it off, Great. If we don't no big deal, there is plenty of people for all involved to meet and/or hook up with.

 

The Internet has breed a new world were manners and courtesy no longer count to many people. Game playing is the rule of the day for way to many on the Internet.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love the Internet. I have made most of my money from the Internet but as many know that have met me in person, I am the same person in person as I am on the Internet. I will never talk behind your back and I will tell you to your face what I feel or think. No games on or off the Internet.

 

Life is great as long as you keep it simple and to many on the Internet try to make it do damn hard to bother with them.

 

Internet, great for research but face to face when it comes to real life.

 

No reason to bother with them, there are millions out there just looking for a real person like you. Remember, there are also millions out there using this as a game.

[celtic239 297]

Might we suggest a way to get around this situation is to make initial contact on the interent but agree to meet up at a Lifestyle type of event such as a meet and greet or a club. In this way if they are a no show you haven't wasted your night and still have an opportunity to meet others.

[MN Tom 251]

Yeah, definitely an odd story. The fact that they even responded to you at nearly the same time as standing you up is a different twist on things.

 

Usually when people are stood up, the other party stops all contact and just leaves them hanging.

 

I would guess cold feet, but like others said, you may never know.

[Just Passing By 140]

Yes , the OP situation was a headscratcher.

 

But to keep in perspective had a lot more of that as single guy in vanilla dating, than in swinging.

[meumeu 46]

I'm with everyone else, very strange!

not sure what happen there you seem to have done everything right!

[UserName123 15]

Update??

[Guest screaminggood]

I wouldn't waste our time ever trying to meet this couple again. If they really wanted to meet...they would have called/texted and explained their actions to you.

 

Sending you to the restaurant next door sounds creepy to me...were they parked outside watching you walk from one place to the next?!

[Chicup 42]

We would have gotten stood up in the same situation because you did everything right. My guess is that one of them got cold feet and the other couldn't let it go.

 

Oddly though this story sounds familiar to me, I swear I read another one where someone had the same issue and the couple claimed they went somewhere less crowded instead.

 

Life is full of wierdos and swinging brings more of that to the front. Early in our swinging I got cold feet on meeting a couple because something didn't seem right (and in retrospect with current experience I think I made the right call) but we at least had the common courtesy to call them before hand to cancel.

[JB 140]

Thank you for all, it is good to know we are not the only ones at a loss.

 

We did think the worst for a few seconds, we were looking in the parking lot for an ambulance or something.

 

We also went way out there like maybe both of their cell phones had died at the same time or something.

 

I know I said we had no plans to contact them ever again. But we are thinking about it, just not putting TOO MUCH thought into it. - If we do I’ll post an update here. I know how it is when someone posts up and then you never found out the rest of the story…

 

Right now we are looking forward to the giant Halloween bash at the club on the 29th. We had such a blast last year, and that was our initiation into actually swapping. Something like 800 people there last year.

 

Again, thanks so much for your posts, I do read here all of the time, and you guys are great!

[DigginIt 1,132]

Very strange. Maybe they had a fight on the way over or something and then didn't feel right about meeting. Either way, they should have handled it a little better.

 

We were stood up only once in the two and a half years we have been in the lifestyle. Living in a beach town you get tons (did I mention...tons) of solicitations from people coming on vacation and wanting to hook up while enjoying their fun in the sun. We are always very leery of these because we believe that in our case the vacationers set a Friday date and a Saturday date (we were Saturday in this case). We think Friday went very well and they rebooked a follow up date versus taking a chance on a new couple.

[Cajun2Step 65]

We were stood up once with a let's meet and get acquainted in Crossville, TN.

We were supposed to meet at Cracker Barrel and see how it went from there. The other couple was a no show. Their loss.

 

Our response is we were better off if that is the kind of people they were/are.

Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

 

Only thing it cost us was a 15 mile run to town and 15 miles back to where we were staying. We enjoyed a great meal in Cracker Barrel all dolled up in our sexy clothes. Good meal (with lots of looks at Lady2Step) and a great time later alone.

 

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

[lizandtom 512]

Q, did they have any certifications on their profile? Could be that they're cruel and into the mind-fk of the whole thing at your expense.

 

Second thought (and by far the likeliest of scenarios) is though they presented themselves and civil and involved, that they had a major blowup/fight on the way there and both are so miffed at each other that they dare not communicate with anyone in the lifestyle right now.

 

Best advice mentioned earlier, ignore it and chalk it up to 1 more experience.

[JB 140]

First you have to look at the archived thread “Stood Up” to get how funny this is.

 

Compare the dates of the original thread and this one… Thought I would throw you an update…

 

This is just too fun…

 

Ok, so not too long ago we went to a house party, having settled into a small group of regulars, and as we were sitting there enjoying our pizza, the host mentioned that he invited someone new (to us) and mentioned their SLS screen name.

 

My brain went through its dusty rolodex, and the name triggered, uh huh, you guessed it, I shot my honey a glance and saw that her much faster analytic brain already had the same data pulled up.

 

I said out loud with a smile “this ought to fun“ everyone was puzzled by that and asked, I said that it was kind of a private joke between us (not wanting to taint anyone’s opinion).

 

They walked in a short time later and yes they looked just like their pics. As introductions were made, our eyes met and noted that their data base was as fast as my wife’s. They knew who we were.

 

We made small talk for a while and he pulled me aside.

 

To make a long story short, you guys were right, it was last minute cold feet and then embarrassment. They had never even seen us.

 

I was impressed by this show of “being the bigger man” rather than just ignoring it, and the group had a great time that night. Before they left, they asked if we would be willing to try again, we told them “of course”.

 

We decided to take a break for a few months to get some things done at home, and after that, we got back onto SLS and they were the first to contact us.

 

We agreed to meet at the same place as before (might as well make it interesting-- kind of feels like getting back on the horse).

 

We walked in at the same time.

 

----Pause for effect----

 

The remainder of the night was incredible.

 

Both couples agreed that we all were probably our best “match” ever. And as they had the same desire to keep their circle very small as we did, we anticipated spending a lot of time with these guys.

 

And that is how we met our top of the line, A+ prime, preferred regulars.

 

How’s that for an extreme twist? LOL

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Patience pays. Great story; great ending.

[Gordo 618]

I admire your attitude toward them. I can't say I would have been as charitable.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Awesome how things work out sometimes!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Great follow-up!

[angelkin 1,326]

Yes, thanks for posting your positive story ending! That gives me faith in those who have stood us up...sorta.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Love that story and so happy everything worked out in the end.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Great story, thanks for sharing. I'm a firm believer in always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt in about all aspects of life, and this is a good example of how that approach can pay big dividends in the end

[km34 672]

That's awesome! Sounds like you all handled everything wonderfully. The world could use more people who are so understanding.