Bad random touching experience

[MN Tom 251]

We went to a party this weekend, and some moronic guy (someone neither of us knew, werent attracted to nor talked with at all) saw a chance with my wife and took it. She was resting on a half wall ledge, and he came up, pulled down her top and bra, and started licking her breast.

 

Bad bad bad.

 

She then popped up, saw it wasnt someone she knew (she isnt into sneak attacks anyway, so she was ready to scold whomever it was) and said what the hell do you think you are doing, and he started saying "sorry if I offended" as he ran like the wind. I was in the other room at the time and didnt see anything except his backside. Didnt know what he had done when I saw him running by, otherwise I would have done something physical with him.

 

He ran out the door and left. We immediately told the hosts, but none of the bystanders had a very good description of what he looked like and most of the rest of the attendees were too occupied or drunk to be of any value. Really gave us a good view of why bystanders at a scene dont notice details very well.

 

So we scanned the attendance list, cross referenced with profiles, but since he's the guy half, its very likely that his picture isnt shown and we wont find him. We've narrowed it down to 10 profiles, it's all a guess beyond that. Bleh.

 

It didnt really bother my wife a ton, she doesnt feel criminally assaulted, not sure if I can say the same for me though. If she ever spots the guy at a future party, Im going to have serious trouble holding back. If and when we do figure out who he is, he will be blacklisted for sure.

[Alura 2,774]

Starting a fight wouldn't do a bit of good, Tom. In fact, I can see all sorts of problems it might generate, including being blacklisted yourself.

 

Use the wisdom you exhibit on this board. Both y'all will be better off.

 

Alura

[MN Tom 251]

You are right o wise one.

 

What happened is we decided to go to the local police in that area today and file a report. Which is pretty useless unless we can name the offender, but it's out there. So we are hoping that we can narrow it down and figure out who the arsehole is, but so far today we aren't having much luck.

 

By that time of the night, most people were either playing, drunk, tired or otherwise occupied. And nobody is coming forth with a name, although we admit our description of the fellow is too generic. 40-50's, pudgy, ~5'10"..

[LFM2 1,482]

I so agree with Alura. Being physical with the guy won't solve anything and in fact might get you into legal trouble, although, the reflex is the beat the hell outta the guy.

 

Keep your eye open for him at upcoming parties and tell the hosts if you spot the dude. Karma. I love Karma.

[MN Tom 251]

My wife got a good look at him, and didnt recognize him at all. So that in itself is the best lead we have. We attend most of the local parties, so it does help for us to narrow the list down with that as a guideline.

 

Problem was this party was attended by quite a few "non regular" partygoers, ie people who rarely go to local parties.

 

Hopefully karma really wreaks havoc on him.

 

 

Beating him down was definitely the reflex. I hadn't been drinking either, so all I had was the rage from what he did clouding my judgement.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Had to jump on this topic. We have ran across one couple that we had considered doing something with and during some flirting and exchanging the guy just went for gusto and shoved his hand right between the wife's legs. My wife was like followed by They hadn't even kissed or anything.

 

I was like

 

Together we were totally but it definitely helped us quickly decide not to go there with that couple

[MN Tom 251]

Had to jump on this topic. We have ran across one couple that we had considered doing something with and during some flirting and exchanging the guy just went for gusto and shoved his hand right between the wife's legs. My wife was like followed by They hadn't even kissed or anything.

 

I was like

 

Together we were totally but it definitely helped us quickly decide not to go there with that couple

 

 

On the subject of sneak attacks, I had one of those a while back at a party.

I was walking around in a hotel ballroom, looking for someone to chat with. A gal Id never met stepped up to me, grabbed me and tried to touch my stomach with her tongue. She was so quick at it that I couldnt block it out (Im not fond of deepthroat tongue).

 

Really took me by surprise. I pushed her off, asked her who she was, and she said "im too drunk to remember names, it doesnt matter.."

[WildMiCouple 325]

Tom, I would have handled things much differently. Like Alura, I certainly wouldn't have started a fight had I caught the guy. But when your wife wasn't bothered...

It didnt really bother my wife a ton, she doesnt feel criminally assaulted, not sure if I can say the same for me though.

Perhaps I've been swingiing too long, but this is where I would have let it lie and kept an eye out for him at other events.

What happened is we decided to go to the local police in that area today and file a report. Which is pretty useless unless we can name the offender, but it's out there.

To go to the police and tell them your wife was groped at a swinger dance/party? I'm betting they all had a good laugh at this one. And I hope it doesn't end up in the papers.....certainly won't get any sympathy for the swinger community there. Where I'm coming from is shit like this does happen in the lifestyle. Is it acceptable behavior......absolutely not. But I look at it as one of the risks a couple takes in venturing into the lifestyle...... like the risk of catching an std or encountering a jealous spouse.

 

Tammy would have handled it with a swift cuff up side his head

A police report wouldn't have even been in the conversation.

 

Sorry for your ruined evening and do hope you eventually find out who it was.

And I assure you I'm not belittleing his obnoxious behavior.....just giving you a different slant.

 

Brett

[two4youinswva 3,068]

And I assure you I'm not belittleing his obnoxious behavior.....just giving you a different slant.

 

Brett

 

I have to agree with Brett on this one.

 

Was this a house party or a club party?

[MN Tom 251]

It was a house party, a large one.

 

And yes, we've thought about having to give details later.

 

For us, filing this is just an option. All we had to say was what happened, we didnt specify the address or what was going on there.

Basically the police said that unless we had a good idea of the perp, this will just end up as a report for future reference, especially since we weren't willing to divulge names of others present or the exact location.

 

We did this so that if the guy turns out to be a total creep (if we actually find him), we will already have a report filed so it doesnt seem like something we just made up, as can sometimes be the case when you wait too long to file. Pretty doubtful at this point, we've asked everyone we can at the party, its down to 6 different profiles, none of which have responded.

 

Believe me, she would have kicked him if she had a chance. She was resting with her eyes closed, not sleeping, but not looking around. So he had a few extra seconds to do his deed before she responded.

 

At this point, her main consideration is that we find him so he can be blacklisted. She also wants to give him a piece of her mind.

[joluwole 49]

Agree with Brett and Alura's take on this. Very bad behavior, and by all means keep your eye open for him, but otherwise let it drop. You would NOT like the collateral damage that a criminal complaint would inflict on you and "witnesses", which in the hands of an aggressive defense lawyer could be construed as your hosts and all guests there that night. Keep it in proportion to the damage done, is my advice.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

We did this so that if the guy turns out to be a total creep (if we actually find him), we will already have a report filed so it doesnt seem like something we just made up, as can sometimes be the case when you wait too long to file.

 

So, what happens if he is caught? Do you follow up with the police at that time?

[DigginIt 1,132]

The Mrs. added a comment I thought I would post. She said that because she was resting, he probably thought she was too intoxicated to notice him or care and thought you might have gone off to play with someone else.

 

When he realized he was gravely mistaken he was like "Oh shit!" and beat feet out there.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Tom, I would have handled things much differently. Like Alura, I certainly wouldn't have started a fight had I caught the guy. But when your wife wasn't bothered...

 

Perhaps I've been swingiing too long, but this is where I would have let it lie and kept an eye out for him at other events.

 

To go to the police and tell them your wife was groped at a swinger dance/party? I'm betting they all had a good laugh at this one. And I hope it doesn't end up in the papers.....certainly won't get any sympathy for the swinger community there. Where I'm coming from is shit like this does happen in the lifestyle. Is it acceptable behavior......absolutely not. But I look at it as one of the risks a couple takes in venturing into the lifestyle...... like the risk of catching an std or encountering a jealous spouse.

 

Brett

 

Agree with Brett and Alura's take on this. Very bad behavior, and by all means keep your eye open for him, but otherwise let it drop. You would NOT like the collateral damage that a criminal complaint would inflict on you and "witnesses", which in the hands of an aggressive defense lawyer could be construed as your hosts and all guests there that night. Keep it in proportion to the damage done, is my advice.

 

I agree with both of these. I won't say this Mrs. wouldn't have been upset had the same happened to her, but I think it would have been the same deal - she wouldn't have felt criminally assaulted, rather just shocked and pissed that some asshole had ruined the evening.

 

While we might have left early because of what happened, what we absolutely would not have done is potentially caused huge problems for the hosts and everyone else that was in attendance by filing a report. As Brett said, some things come with the territory, and as such you have to be willing to deal with them. In a way, swinging is a team sport, and if you want to be part of the team, then like any team there are certain unwritten rules and ways of looking out for each other. There is a certain self-serving benefit to that too - being the one who got innocent people a call from the cops or an attorney isn't going to put you very high on anyone's play list or get you party invites now or in the future.

[10thBadger 25]

I would rather take a blacklist then let someone get away with doing that to my wife. There’s no way I would let that pass and sweep it under the rug. The idea that he ran out of the club after knows that he was wrong and I have no sympathy for him. We would have to have a misunderstanding in a dark alley so I could explain to him without speaking this is not acceptable for any woman but absolutely there will be consequences for doing this to my wife. End of story