How did swingers meet each other before the internet?

[jandscincy 16]

How did couples go about meeting other swingers before the internet? I've rather burned myself out with the profile building, picture taking, internet research, etc. But then I thought about how very much harder this would have been before I had all this information at the touch of a button.

 

Whew...most likely it wouldn't have been worth the trouble and risk. So, not really a question. Just more of a comment and a bit of gratitude to help with today's grumpiness on my part!

[whatwewant 38]

It's before our "time" as well, but I remember swinging magazines and ads. In the end, I think people just went to clubs to meet people, which is probably still the best place to meet actual human beings. Depending on your location, the swinger sites can be boom or bust, not to mention the incredible amount of time it takes to set up a meet where everyone's schedules match. Pain in the ass.

[VegasLee 1,486]

A lot of things were different in this Lifestyle before the Internet.

 

Everybody in it was in it for the sex. No dating, no social dances to speak of, no getting to know the family and kids. It was about meeting up, getting naked and having sex, just for the sake of having sex.

 

Yes, there were little dirty newspapers that had personal ad's in them that some would use.

 

30 years ago some "clubs" appeared on the scene and it was all word of mouth. People would tell people about the parties and people showed up.

 

The words voyeur or "soft" had nothing to do with Swingers back then.

 

Most of the time you never even knew the name of the people you partied with.

 

Was it worth it? Yep! Sure was. The only people that put effort into it back then were the people that were Swingers. It was not the "Fad" or "Hobby" it has become.

 

Some of us liked those "good ole days" much better then what this Lifestyle has become, but we know it will never turn back.

 

Something to remember about Web sites. It is not the web site but the people that are on that web site. Same thing with parties. Some like parties one way, others another way. Does not make any party a bad party/club, just not what you may be looking for. This Life and Lifestyle is what YOU make of it. No one is going to hand you that golden key for it to be perfect. It is all up to YOU.

[Alura 2,774]

Before the internet we had a magazine, "Sooner Swingers," which was published by the night clerk at a local adult book store. We met one of our long-term playcouples through that. We were the second experience for both of them.

 

The first couple we ever played with we met in line at a semi-fast serve pizza place. Unfortunately, it was a one time thing because of Mrs. Playmate's jealousy.

 

Another time I met a fellow when both of us were checking out the "Swingers' Bulletin Board" in the same adult book store. He and I had coffee, discussed the situation, and arranged for dinner for the two couples. After dinner, we played, and continued for several years.

 

Another time was with my best friend and his wife just before she shipped out for Desert Storm. They decided not to stay together so there was never a second opportunity. He's still my best friend.

 

I can't remember where we met the biker couple ... probably at a motorcycle event. Play time was fun but they wanted to get into the club scene and we wanted to keep our playmates very limited.

 

We just kept our eyes and minds open for possible playmates and Mrs. Alura was particularly adept at asking "How do y'all feel about swinging?" at the right time.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

The magazines that had only local people's advertisements were useful in some ways. A person would not know at the start but the trick was to become acquainted with just the right people and you would then begin to receive invitations to house parties -- and that eliminated the need for the magazines. System worked well enough.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

One thing is if you wrote something dorky in your advertisement, there was no chance to change it. You just had to settle in with the idea that you would look foolish until your term for the ad expired and you submitted another.

[divenaked 325]

Hmmm, a blast from the past. We used TAG, Tennessee-Alabama-Georgia Swinger. Only hooked up with a few couples, but was able to make contact with some area clubs, most of which are long closed now. We did not renew our ad after it expired, but continued to receive letters for many years.

[DigginIt 1,132]

It was not the "Fad" or "Hobby" it has become.

 

 

 

That has always bothered me a little. People that put in their profile..."this isn't a lifestyle for us but a hobby"

 

Building toy trains is a hobby. Knitting is a hobby. Sex with others, I think, goes beyond a hobby.

 

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled thread....

[ViSexual 1,008]

Alura, Sooner Swingers? Now we found a club in OKC but it was OSI - Oklahoma Swingers Inc. We only went to one social but we did meet a very special friend through that. I sure wish I'd kept in touch with Doug too! Nice guy and great swinger!

 

And, FYI, we swapped with three couples we knew in the vanilla world. Things just worked out. And, we discovered that another couple was into swinging when Doug's name came up in conversation with them.

 

If there's a shared interest, couples didn't need the Internet to connect!

[jandscincy 16]

 

That has always bothered me a little. People that put in their profile..."this isn't a lifestyle for us but a hobby"

 

Building toy trains is a hobby. Knitting is a hobby. Sex with others I think goes beyond a hobby.

 

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled thread....

 

It's my thread so I can continue to jack it, right?!

 

Actually, it scares the pants back on to me to call this a lifestyle for me at this point. We take it seriously, and did not make the decision to begin lightly but to me, to call it a lifestyle means that it needs to take too much time and encompass too much of my world? My lifestyle was pretty much set before I decided to increase the maximum occupancy of my bed...Do I mis-understand the word "lifestyle"?

 

It's not a hobby for us either...and certainly not something we chose to do as a part of a fad.

[Alura 2,774]

Alura, Sooner Swingers? Now we found a club in OKC but it was OSI- Oklahoma Swingers Inc.

 

If there's a shared interest, couples didn't need the Internet to connect!

 

"Sooner Swingers" was a "magazine" printed on 8.5X11" paper and distributed through local book stores. It was mostly personal ads.

 

I certainly agree that an internet isn't needed if people know how to communicate.

[whatwewant 38]

It's my thread so I can continue to jack it, right?!

 

Actually, it scares the pants back on to me to call this a lifestyle for me at this point. We take it seriously and did not make the decision to begin lightly but to me, to call it a lifestyle means that it needs to take too much time and encompass too much of my world? My lifestyle was pretty much set before I decided to increase the maximum occupancy of my bed...Do I mis-understand the word "lifestyle"?

 

Its not a hobby for us either...and certainly not something we chose to do as a part of a fad.

 

It's no more a lifestyle than the biker "lifestyle" is. I never understood the use of the term in relation to swinging. Frankly, the word is just a replacement for the word swinging, which garners some negative attention from the bible thumpers. It isn't a "lifestyle" for us; it's something we hop into now and then. But then some people make it part of their everyday existence; we don't. Part of the problem is, as mentioned above, in the past it was just about sex...now it's a "lifestyle". Seems to me it makes it more important than it really is, but that's just an opinion.

 

Edit to say, you can make virtually anything a "lifestyle", so whatever floats yer boat. I do think the internet has increased the popularity of the idea, making the hardcore "lifestylers" a little miffed. The negative is that it seems to build the expectations of people expecting their swinging experiences to look like porn movies. For the most part, they don't.

[DigginIt 1,132]

When we use the word "lifestyle" we think of it as a synonymy for the decision we made together that represents our choice to be sexually active with other adults outside of our relationship.

 

Such as living a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean that we eat only rabbit food and live in the gym 24 x 7 but it represents a choice that we will make better decisions with what goes into our body and the way we take care of them.

 

To us, a hobby is the more intense of the two terms. Someone that has a hobby like collecting baseball cards or building model cars. That requires a deep love and passion for what you are doing and to some people an obsession

[a_d_xxx 663]

This is definitely drifting off-topic, but on the whole issue of labels:

 

Pretty much every sub-culture will develop a domain-specific language. A set of words that act as shortcuts to significant concepts. This one is no different (lifestyle, swap - full and soft, swing, play, etc). These develop as a way to ease communication and I always try and treat those labels as 'commonly taken to mean'. So 'Lifestyle' in this context is 'commonly taken to mean' those who participate in sex with individuals outside of their core relationship and follow it's tenets (i.e: honesty, communication, mutual respect, etc).

 

Many folks suffer a knee jerk reaction to labels of any type, and I can understand that if the label is being forced upon you as a means of control or derision. But when communicating with others sometimes it is beneficial to determine what the label is 'commonly taken to mean' and leave it at that.

 

As an aside, Chapters/Indigo (a Canadian online and bricks and mortar book/household items chain) recently sent me an email offering 20% off all 'Lifestyle' items. They obviously believe that term is 'commonly taken to mean' something different than I do ;-)

[Rockon 19]

I started swinging by attending a club in AZ in 1994. LOOKING GLASS magazine had a club listing in the back. I believe they also had ads from couples/singles.

[WeHoos 41]

We started by sending mail to some magazine subscription we would pick up at Castles. It was a very long drawn out process.

[jandscincy 16]

 

To us, a hobby is the more intense of the two terms. Someone that has a hobby like collecting baseball cards or building model cars. That requires a deep love and passion for what you are doing and to some people an obsession

 

Hmm...Interesting...I thought of hobby as the less intense of the two words but am totally on board with the rest of your description of the use of the word lifestyle. I still refuse to use it, though. I just can't make it jive in my head with what we are doing/attempting to do.

 

Everyone else: those magazine ads seem like a SLOW way of getting things done! I am doubly thankful for short-attention span internet after reading your accounts!

[Just Passing By 140]

While our era also overlapped with tail end of magazines , and early internet, the primary means was Mainstream Alternative newspaper. Almost sounds like an oxymoron, it was widely distributed and read by general public with feature articles, investigative reporting etc. Also had a subsection of the classifieds with the "interesting" stuff.

 

In the early days had letter forwarding similar to swinger mags. For most of our era primarily used a voice mail system. Later focused more on internet, and for a while at the end of its print existence only had a handful of printed ads, with the rest on web. For the last several years, it has been strictly online.

 

Ads would have a two week run, i.e. appear in two editions. To us, a periodic two week cycle of responses was what we thought of as normal. And then following up on those after that. It allowed us to target a more specific activity/people in a specific cycle. Our activity was in periodic bursts , so for a while everything meshed.

 

What else was significant was that the print ads were read (and responded to) by a wide range of the public. Including those that wouldn't identify themselves as swingers, or go to a swingers website of the day.

 

Far from being pitied, I think of then as a mini Golden Age.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

When I first started we used the swinger magazine route. It was very different. You sent in your picture (usually a polaroid) and your ad. You paid for the ad. There were two ways I recall that you could choose to be contacted, either by mail, or you could set up a phone # where they would call you. I don't remember if we every actually met anyone that way. Luckily, we got a computer very shortly after we got interested. Back then there wasn't even much online for swingers. And the ad sites were set up like the magazines, you paid to place an ad and then you paid to view/respond to the ads, as well. That was kinda why I started the Swingers Board in the first place, as a free way for swingers to connect. The purpose changed, but the FREE remained.

[divenaked 325]

the FREE remained.

^shameless plug

[Just Passing By 140]

And our gratitude to you remains. It is a greater service in providing a venue for thoughtful discussion of swinging, sexuality, and relationships than in the conventional meeting of people.