Privacy being broken

[InsatiableRed 15]

Hello everyone!

 

I want to start off by saying I am not new to the board. I have had to change my information to hide my identity due to the issues I am about to list. I have been active on the board for many years and over the past few months, someone has nothing better to do with their time than to stalk, harrass and try to ruin my reputation.

 

Here is the story..

 

I have always kept my private life private. I have never shared with anyone details of my sex life or have I shared details about those whom I have been involved with while in the lifestyle. However, someone (and I cannot for 100% say it is this person yet) has sent out emails to family, to friends and to my boyfriend stating that I am a swinger (has posted links that I have posted on here in the past to those emails), has told them that I have slept with over 100 men, that I have given them an STD (which I am clean), that I have slept with all my brother in laws. They have went as far as to create an email account in a very close friend of mines name as well as copying a profile name listed on the board and using it to send out emails also. Because these emails have went out to family (and some that I do not get along with) I have had to sit my children down (who are teenagers) and explain to them my sexual past. I have had to tell them that we had been active in the swinging lifestyle and that I am bisexual. This was the hardest conversation with my kids that I have had to have yet. And I am pleased to say that they took the information very well and have not judged me. I am blessed with great kids!!! My boyfriend has already known about my past so it was no suprise to him. I have had to sit friends down and share the same information for fear they would get emails and I would rather them hear from me than a stranger they do not know. And so far, everyone has been supportive.

 

My friend and I are currently in the works of tracing the emails that have been sent out and are hoping to find out who it is that sent them out so that I can press charges. My problem is this.. I have been on medication for depression since the loss of a close family member last year and some other things in my life that have went down hill. This drama, these rumors are affecting me emotionally. There are times where I am at my lowest of lows because every day or so, more information is told and someone new has received an email. Although everyone has been supportive, I feel like I am letting my family down, that I am disappointing those around me and that after all the people I have already lost in my life over the past year, that I am about to lose more because some will not be understanding of this and I am afraid I will fall back into another deep depression.

 

I do not understand why people have to do this. My life is private for a reason. I have kept everything to myself because I do not want anyone to know. Granted, I feel a weight has been lifted telling those around me what I have been hiding. But my biggest obstacle is yet to come. I am faced with the decision to tell my parents for fear that this person will contact them and I do not want them to find out like that. I would rather them hear it from me. I take pride in the fact that I have beat this person to their game but yet they are continuing to make my life difficult. I hate that it has come to this. I hate that my life has been put out there for everyone around me to know. I am not in the least bit embarrassed of who I am. I am proud of the person I have become and have said if people do not like me, then they can no longer be a part of my life. My ex husband and his girlfriend, are lucky in this situation for now because the information is not being shared to their family that they are the reason we are no longer together because he wanted a Poly relationship. But yet, I am the one that is being bashed, lies being told, etc. The only true statements is that I am a swinger and that I am bisexual. The rest is rumors and those are the things that are bothering me. This person does not know the entire truth about my situation and why my exhusband and I split. But to put accusations out there and to act like they know and tell others is very disturbing.

 

On top of it all, this persons husband can be very violent and I am worried that my safety or the safety of others involved is at risk.

 

If anyone has a similar experience or has some really good advise for me I would really appreciate it. I really wish that I could reveal my identity from the past so some of you would know who this is but I have to keep things low key for now till the air is clear..Thoughts?? Suggestions?? Advise???

 

I am desperate here!!

 

InsatiableRed

[slevin 1,374]

Go to the police, even if just to register the situation so there is a record if it gets worse. I don't know how else to handle someone like that. Have you talked about this with your therapist? They won't know how to fix the situation, but they may be able to help you manage through it.

[Alura 2,775]

I think a lawyer might come in handy...

 

Alura

[WhatisTruth 41]

I think a lawyer might come in handy...

 

Alura

 

I agree, a lawyer is one person I would definitely be talking to myself. Not only to press charges, like you have stated, but to help prevent any future damage. I have no clue what line of work you are in, but I can definitly see how this tpye of behavior could effect many careers..

[celtic239 297]

I am not familiar with the statutes of Ohio but if your desire is to seek some "justice" and expose the individual that caused you this grief I would strongly recommend that you contact an attorney and ask him if you are a victim of a crime. If so then it is your option to file a complaint with the local PD or state police. Believe me they have the technology available to discover the individual who sent out those e-mails. However they will expect you to sign a complaint and to show up in court.

[applevenus 20]

I'm very sorry to read this. It sounds like a wicked and nasty thing to do to another human being.

 

The advice above is very sound. Law enforcement agencies will be able to trace those emails. A lot of IT professionals would be very capable of doing an investigation but you should leave this in the hands of the police. For the sake of your own sanity & mental health pursue this only as long as you feel able for it.

[swing.kidz 367]

Call me naive, and I empathize with your feelings as this is a pretty cruel situation, but what legal stance do/can you have? I am not a lawyer, so obviously take this with a grain of salt, but it seems this person is spreading facts about you which are wholly true, and forwarding posts from this board that you actually posted...which, again, are true. So, once more I am no lawyer, but I dont see any evidence for a claim of libel, and it's not like they hacked your email account since they are disseminating information that is publicly available on this website. What is the difference between this and someone gossiping around the office? Keeping it in context, harmless gossip doesn't typically end in legal recourse. I know there can probably be a claim of harassment, but that and stalking are pretty hard to substantiate in court without good evidence.

 

Your friend may have a case if they can substantially prove that this person is impersonating them online...

 

You haven't said whether or not this person is threatening to harm you, or whether you can quantify the negative effects this has had on your life...I would think either of these scenarios is where a legal situation might sit...but other than that, this is (unfortunately) the reality of trusting your discretion of this lifestyle with people outside of your "circle of trust."

 

Again...not a lawyer, but if I were you and was planning to talk to a lawyer, I would be prepared to be disappointed.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. How awful and malicious! Take care of yourself. You've done nothing wrong. I hope you do talk to a lawyer and/or law enforcement.

 

Please keep us updated.

[rainbowskye 102]

If the person was following you under your user name on here, they have probably read this post and are contemplating their next move.

 

I would contact law enforcement and speak to an attorney.

 

While what you have posted was posted on an open forum, the manor in which this individual is using information you made public is a form of harassment. It doesn't have to be malicious content or even false content to be a malicious act.

 

My ex husband would stalk me in a 'friendly' way, and at the end of the day, stalking was seen as stalking in the eyes of the court.

 

I don't know how they would classify this, but the intent is malicious and you certainly need to contact L.E. as a form of security for yourself.

 

This individual is obviously narcissistic and there is no telling what wiring has a short circuit in their head. There is no telling how far this will go and it could become violent.

[celtic239 297]

Call me naive, and I empathize with your feelings as this is a pretty cruel situation, but what legal stance do/can you have? I am not a lawyer, so obviously take this with a grain of salt, but it seems this person is spreading facts about you which are wholly true, and forwarding posts from this board that you actually posted...which, again, are true. So, once more I am no lawyer, but I dont see any evidence for a claim of libel, and it's not like they hacked your email account since they are disseminating information that is publicly available on this website. What is the difference between this and someone gossiping around the office? Keeping it in context, harmless gossip doesn't typically end in legal recourse. I know there can probably be a claim of harassment, but that and stalking are pretty hard to substantiate in court without good evidence.

 

Your friend may have a case if they can substantially prove that this person is impersonating them online...

 

You haven't said whether or not this person is threatening to harm you, or whether you can quantify the negative effects this has had on your life...I would think either of these scenarios is where a legal situation might sit...but other than that, this is (unfortunately) the reality of trusting your discretion of this lifestyle with people outside of your "circle of trust."

 

Again...not a lawyer, but if I were you and was planning to talk to a lawyer, I would be prepared to be disappointed.

 

In NY the facts, as stated by the OP, could indicated that there was a violation of the criminal statute known as Aggravated Harassment. It is a misdemeanor punishable up to one year in county jail, fine or probation.

[InsatiableRed 15]

Call me naive, and I empathize with your feelings as this is a pretty cruel situation, but what legal stance do/can you have? I am not a lawyer, so obviously take this with a grain of salt, but it seems this person is spreading facts about you which are wholly true, and forwarding posts from this board that you actually posted...which, again, are true. So, once more I am no lawyer, but I dont see any evidence for a claim of libel, and it's not like they hacked your email account since they are disseminating information that is publicly available on this website. What is the difference between this and someone gossiping around the office? Keeping it in context, harmless gossip doesn't typically end in legal recourse. I know there can probably be a claim of harassment, but that and stalking are pretty hard to substantiate in court without good evidence.

 

Your friend may have a case if they can substantially prove that this person is impersonating them online...

 

You haven't said whether or not this person is threatening to harm you, or whether you can quantify the negative effects this has had on your life...I would think either of these scenarios is where a legal situation might sit...but other than that, this is (unfortunately) the reality of trusting your discretion of this lifestyle with people outside of your "circle of trust."

 

Again...not a lawyer, but if I were you and was planning to talk to a lawyer, I would be prepared to be disappointed.

 

This person is not only giving out information that is true. If you read my post you would see that this individual is also telling people that I have STD's (and has contacted my boyfriend to advise him of this) and has told people that I have slept with all of the brothers in my ex-husbands family which again is false. One of them recently got married, came back from their honeymoon to find a message that I had slept with him which I have never done and never would as he is literally like a brother to me.

 

As I have stated before, I am okay with putting out there that I was in the LS because quite frankly I feel a HUGE weight has been lifted off of my shoulders that now people know and I do not have to hide that part of me anymore. What is bothering me, and what I feel to be harrassment is contacting people this person does not know and giving out false information, trying to ruin my relationships and my image by saying I have STD's. This person is very pshyco at this point and I am afraid who else they will turn around and contact. This just needs to end.

 

I thank everyone for the advise. I will start with the law enforcement and see what I can do there without having to get an attorney just yet because I do not have the money for one as of yet. I will keep everyone posted on the situation.

 

InsatiableRed

[dodgechevy 149]

Wow really sucks that you are going through this. Some friendly advice, and I'm not saying it in a smartalecky way. Sometimes, especially when you can't do anything about it, you just have to say "Fuck it." Who cares if the rumours aren't true. If it comes up with an important family member, correct them and say "Fuck it" if they don't believe you. The family members that matter will be on your side, the ones that won't, well frankly you don't need them.

[applevenus 20]

Wow really sucks that you are going through this. Some friendly advice, and I'm not saying it in a smartalecky way. Sometimes, especially when you can't do anything about it, you just have to say "Fuck it." Who cares if the rumours aren't true. If it comes up with an important family member, correct them and say "Fuck it" if they don't believe you. The family members that matter will be on your side, the ones that won't, well frankly you don't need them.

 

 

There's some good life advice. I'm not brave enough to always take it but you know what? dodgechevy is 100% right. We get one shot at this and if someone else has a problem with it then screw them.

[Alura 2,775]

We get one shot at this and if someone else has a problem with it then screw them.

 

Or, as a female motorcyclist I once knew was fond of saying, "Nah... That'd be too good for 'em! Don't screw them!"

 

R.I.P., Susan! I miss our miles on the road!

 

Alura

[Just Passing By 140]

Since you refer to the LPerson" , and that her husband is potentially violent, do you strongly suspect who this is , and just need binding evidence ? Or is this a mystery ?

 

But in general there are three paths available.

 

Ignore it , If asked give 30 second explaination of what true , what false, and no further comment. Live your own life , and let everyone else take you or leave you.

 

Persue legal recorse, criminal , restraining orders , civil damages.

 

Street Justice. Get , or enlist your cyber mojo. Trace them , and hit them with ( reasonably untraceable) counter harrasment until they are more afraid of you than vice versa.

 

Ultimatly noone can tell you which path will give you the most peace, and probably a coin toss for you.

[Nophix 39]

Your life, and what you do with your private time, is of no concern to anyone else. It sounds like you've already talked to the important people and the are still supportive. They may not agree with it, but they are still there for you. Anyone else needs a tall cup of "fuck off".

 

The only way this person has any real power is if you let her. Refuse her that power, and be proud of who you are, and the problem goes away. The lies she is spreading will destroy her credibility and she will be left on her own.

 

The only wild card is the violent husband. If there is even a remote possibility he will cause a problem, start working on a restraining order and self defense now. Tazers are cheap insurance. Or a Tigerlight.

 

Sent from my LG-P925 using Tapatalk

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I hate to say it but since you've already told everyone else what it going on, I think the best move you can make it so go ahead and tell your parents what is going on. Even if you don't tell them the truth about your past, tell them what is going on so that they are aware of it before something is sent to them (if it is).

 

If you do that, and you've already told everyone else, there is nothing left for this person to do to hurt you. From there you just have to release it, so that it can't continue to put the stress on you that is occurring. So what if someone gets another email that already knows, laugh it off and know that you won. You're a fighter.

 

If you want retribution, seek it via law enforcement and lawyers. Let them help you prove who it is. I know you have enough info on it for someone in law enforcement to really track down the culprit.