advice for a beginner couple

[weifensi 19]

my wife and I (married for 10 years) have been speaking about swinging for a while. for both of us it's a turn on and we like it as a fantasy. we are not sure how we would feel in practice though.

Me (the husband) think that I might get jealous watching my wife playing with another guy and she has similar feelings. we thought a good way to test the waters is to go to swingers club and just watch i.e. have sex with each other.

a couple of questions in this regards :

- do other couples test it out like that too ?

- what are the things my wife & I should discuss beforehand ?

- It might sound silly, but what do u actually wear to a swingers club ? for females I could imagine some hot lingerie. but what about the guys ?

- any other good advice ?

 

thx vm

[Dont.Stop 339]

my wife and I (married for 10 years) have been speaking about swinging for a while. for both of us it's a turn on and we like it as a fantasy. we are not sure how we would feel in practice though.

Me (the husband) think that I might get jealous watching my wife playing with another guy and she has similar feelings. we thought a good way to test the waters is to go to swingers club and just watch i.e. have sex with each other.

a couple of questions in this regards :

- do other couples test it out like that too ?

 

Plenty do. For many couples, that's all they want.

- what are the things my wife & I should discuss beforehand ?

 

I'd suggest sticking to your script. The heat of the moment is not the time to make big decisions

- It might sound silly, but what do u actually wear to a swingers club ? for females I could imagine some hot lingerie. but what about the guys ?

Dress nicely, and preferably something easy to get out of. I always wear a button down shirt because having a woman take it off of me is sexy. Briefs are unsexy-- go with boxers.

- any other good advice ?

 

Don't be afraid to talk to people, but don't eat up too much time before letting them know this is your first time and you're probably just going to play with each other. Sometimes it's like speed dating. Few will want to spend 30 minutes talking and then find out there was no chance of hooking up. You don't have to be curt, but do be kinda quick in saying it's your first time.

 

thx vm

You're welcome. Enjoy the boards, lots of great info here!

 

BTW, the next step would be "soft swinging" where you may have foreplay with another couple, then go back to your spouses for intercourse. If you're considering doing that, again, make sure the potential couple knows you are soft. Some won't be interested, some will.

 

Good luck!

[sfcuties 66]

> - do other couples test it out like that too ?

 

Yes, its a great idea. The first time you are there, you should commit to only watching, chatting and potentially having sex with each-other.

 

> - what are the things my wife & I should discuss beforehand ?

 

Discuss your rules. What are you going to do? What aren't you going to do?

What are you going to do if something goes wrong?

Whats the "codeword" for when you want to pull the emergency break?

What are you going to tell other couples when they ask about you?

Are you going to use your real names?

 

> - It might sound silly, but what do u actually wear to a swingers club ? for females I could imagine some hot lingerie. but what about the guys ?

 

Anything that makes you feel good, sexy & confident.

 

>- any other good advice ?

This board has a pretty good handbook that you may want to check out.

[Lundy 22]

I can't speak to what to wear to the club as we haven't been to one yet, but your situation is identical to my wife and I. We have been married for 20 years and have been fantasizing about swinging for a few years now and have decided to act. We are going to the Red Rooster in December and plan to only play with each other and see where it goes. We are nervous but very excited. We believe this is the best way to dip our toes in. Both of us have spent many hours on this site doing research, so I think we are prepared. 26 days to go before the trip. can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[weifensi 19]

hi guys

thx vm for taking the time and putting some points together for us. very much appreciated. The advice is very helpful.

two additional questions :

- should we check with mgmt of the club, if it is accepted that we only play with each other ? I visitied a website and one of their rules was that you are sort of expected to play. Not sure whether that meant with others or with yr spouse.

- from reading on this website, it's obvious that communication with yr spouse is key. how did u guys talk about it on the day after ? any special advice on how to handle that ?

 

thx again

[DigginIt 1,132]

Briefs are unsexy-- go with boxers.

 

Go Commando !! Boxers are just one more thing to get in the way

 

Our very first experience was at a club. Unlike you, we had talked and talked and talked and we were ready to take the plunge. We went to New Orleans and the biggest thing we would recommend if you are going on a night where you just want to catch an idea of what it's all about...go on the couples only night which is usually Saturday. Friday isn't bad but still the couples only nights you will find triple the amount of couples at the club and you don't have to worry about towel sharky's following you around.

 

{added with edit} You can find our stories of those first experiences under the "good" and "bad" experiences thread.

[weloveeachother 29]

Go Commando !! Boxers are just one more thing to get in the way

 

 

My thoughts exactly!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I visitied a website and one of their rules was that you are sort of expected to play.

 

We've never heard of a club saying this before. We've been swinging for going on 8 years and to this day we wouldn't attend a club where you were expected to play (even if it was "sort of" expected).

 

Can you copy/paste the section of the rules that says that here?

[DigginIt 1,132]

I visitied a website and one of their rules was that you are sort of expected to play.

 

I read in post somewhere here that there has been an increase of "people watchers" attending clubs that have no intention of swinging and while some clubs are happy to take their money; this may just be an attempt to sway them away.

 

Now, if this is a legitimate club operating legally this rule would surprise me. This is a cut an paste from Colette's in New Orleans FAQ page and what I would expect at any club we attended:

 

It's our first time. What should we expect?

 

The most important thing to understand is that nothing is ever expected of you. You may simply dance, talk, or watch. We have many regulars that do just that. Of course, if you decide to partake, that's OK too! Our members are very respectful creating a comfortable enjoyable atmosphere. You are ALWAYS in control.

 

I would accept no less from any club we visited.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

- do other couples test it out like that too ?

Yes. Lots of couples start off just going to a club to check things out and only play with each other. Unfortunately, this has led to an issue for some active swingers in that it's harder and harder to actually find people who want to play with other couples at the clubs.

- what are the things my wife & I should discuss beforehand ?

Set clear boundaries for what you are and are not comfortable with doing or having happen. Do you want to ensure that you are always within sight of each other (to ensure that no one comes up to either of you while alone). Are you comfortable dancing with others? Kissing others? Etc.

- It might sound silly, but what do u actually wear to a swingers club ? for females I could imagine some hot lingerie. but what about the guys ?

Where something that looks nice and you are comfortable in.

- any other good advice ?

 

Do a lot of reading in the forums here, especially in the archives under the "Getting Started" headline.

[weifensi 19]

thanks again everyone for your advice. much appreciated.

 

two4youinswva, I was trying to find the website of that club again but couldn't

anyway, from everyones comments and surfing on this forum, we'll have an eye on that we only to things we are comfortable with. If we'll hit a club, we'll make sure that we check with the mgmt what their rules are.

 

one more question :

Reading different posts, some couples seem to have a silent sign to communicate with each other if they are comfortable with a couple.

Any advice what sort of sign(s) could be used ?

I'm imagining a situation with a couple we are chatting with and they are fine with same room sex with your own partner. I was us to be comfortable with it but at the same time also have certain courtesy to the other couple. Trying to prevent a situation where we need to discuss with each other if we feel this is the right couple. hope I'm making sense.

would appreciate some advice on this.

 

thx

[two4youinswva 3,068]

one more question :

Reading different posts, some couples seem to have a silent sign to communicate with each other if they are comfortable with a couple.

Any advice what sort of sign(s) could be used ?

 

If you want to use a sign or codeword, keep it simple. One of the things we used was the phrase "How is your drink?"

-If the drink was good, we'd continue conversation. If the drink wasn't good, we'd work on wrapping things up.

 

If you're feeling very uncomfortable, don't be afraid to say, "Excuse us for a minute. I need to talk to my partner", and let your partner know it's not working for you.

[weloveeachother 29]

one more question :

Reading different posts, some couples seem to have a silent sign to communicate with each other if they are comfortable with a couple.

Any advice what sort of sign(s) could be used ?

 

We use the phrase 'It's hot in here' (things are going good) or 'I'm cold' (not so good).

[DigginIt 1,132]

Wow, everyone is so slick with their codes.

 

I can tell if my wife is into them by the way she is acting. If she is standoffish then its a "fuck no" or if her hand, foot or any other part of her body is fondling any part of theirs then it's "hell yes" and anything inbetween is "maybe"

[waitingforfun00 15]

Lots of great advice. Glad I read this. I too was wondering about code words or phrases. I like the its hot or its cold.

 

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