Meeting us hoping for sex? Then please dress up!!

[dodgechevy 149]

Just had to rant a bit. How sucky is it when you dress up to meet a couple, only to be met with track pants or work clothes? We ALWAYS dress up whenever we are about to meet a couple. Especially the Mrs., she does her hair, make-up, sexy clothes etc. We recently met a couple where they commented that if they had known we were dressing up they would have dressed up as well . Luckily this was the first time in a long time this has happened. But back a few years ago the Mrs. would get mad because she would spend the time dressing up, only to be greeted with jeans and a t-shirt. Apparently it's not common knowledge to dress up when you are meeting up with a couple that you might have sex with?

[StewartP 171]

We agree, seduction is part of the game. You'd dress up for a first date wouldn't you? (well maybe not stockings and basque, but you know what I mean)

 

It's about respect for the others, self-respect, and making an effort.

[DigginIt 1,132]

I think a lot depends on the evening planned also.

 

We have told couples we were meeting that the place chosen was very casual so we are just wearing nice jeans and shirt, etc. But we always told them.

 

One of the things we ALWAYS do before a meeting through a call/text is say what we would like to do. An example would be..."hey, if the evening goes well, would you two like to go dancing at afterwards?"

 

That conversation immediately follows with the girls chatting about what they are wearing.

[Learning 160]

It's all about communication. If you are meeting at the local Applebee's for dinner look nice but heck I'm not going to dress up like I'm going to a club. A nice pair of jeans, top, and etc for that kind of meeting should suffice. To me it's all about the venue. Let the people know your style. Communication is a two way street, don't assume. We were pretty upfront with people of hey we are jeans people or lets dress casual. Parties and clubs to me is more formal and everyone should look nice. Just my two cents.

[StewartP 171]

It's all about communication. If you are meeting at the local Applebee's for dinner look nice but heck I'm not going to dress up like I'm going to a club.

 

Oh absolutely, context is everything, but I get what the OP is saying when you've made an effort and you're met with track pants...

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

My husband agrees completely with all of you. He gets quite annoyed by the way people dress.

 

I see it another way. I love to dress up. I do it for me. If they look like they rolled out of bed, that's their problem, but I'm not going to let it bother me. Their chances of us being attracted might be reduced, but like I said, that's their problem. I do have to say, baseball hats are a turnoff (unless we're going to a game!).

[TheRedHalf 81]

To me it's all about the venue.

 

 

For me this is the key. If I'm going to a nice restaurant, club or out for New Year's Eve I'll dress up. If we're meeting for coffee or a drink I'll go with a nice pair of jeans, casual Henley and shoes (I may comb my hair) .

[waitingforfun00 15]

Although we are newbies, it never occurred that you SHOULDN'T dress up. I would be irritated too.

 

We had our first meet-up last week. I did my hair and makeup, skin tight jeans, semi see through top and hot ass heels. To say I was disappointed with the other couples chosen attire is an understatement. They could have done better. We took time off of work to meet them. Hmmph!

 

Venue does dictate the attire. We met them for a nice dinner.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

We always dress up. My wife, for example, has always worn a nice dress or skirt/top to any swing related event. It's a far better thing to be over-dressed than to be under-dressed.

 

It bothers me to some degree when I see a vanilla couple, obviously dating, coming into a restaurant and she's wearing some smashing outfit and the guy's wearing a beaten up t-shirt and jeans with holes. I want to shake the guy by the shoulders and say "What the hell are you thinking???!?!?!?!" To me, it seems the standard dating attire of guys has really gone down the hole these last ten years. Why women put up with slovenly appearance, or even find it attractive, is beyond me.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Mrs Diggs just popped home and then rushed back to work. Her take was that it seems that many people just don't dress up period these days. At many restaurants we like where they once required nice attire will let people in with jeans.

 

Sign of the times.

[km34 672]

At many restaurants we like where they once required nice attire will let people in with jeans.

 

Sign of the times.

 

I agree that a lot of places are more casual than they used to be, but you can still 'dress up' and look nice in jeans. They just have to be a nice pair of jeans and a dressy top. That is usually what I wear when we meet someone new... A nice pair of dark jeans, dressy top, and heels.

[meumeu 46]

Most of you have said what I'm thinking, it's all about communication! let the other couple know what you're intentions are and just let they girls talk. Girls always talk about what each other is wearing are going to wear and the guys can get the picture.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Just had to rant a bit.

 

I think this is a good rant to share with the board.

 

We often take things for granted, assuming things like the importance of first impressions are understood by everyone. Little reminders like this are good for both those new to swinging, as well as those of us that have been playing for years.

 

After all, it is easy to get lazy when you've done something for a while.

[PB&J 1,086]

We met a couple for dinner on a weeknight a year ago last summer, on a restaurant patio. He was still wearing his work clothes (blue collar job) and on-the-job hat. Now, PB himself is a blue-collar guy, but for a meet-up of any sort, he a) showers b) shaves c) puts on nice clean khakis and d) NOT running shoes!! Needless to say, I was not interested in proceeding any further than dinner. (Goes without saying, I should hope, that I [and for that matter, the other woman] were dressed nicely.)

[dodgechevy 149]

A lot of people are referring to the whole communication thing. That's understandable when you're trying to figure out the type of outfit you plan on wearing. Which is fine and dandy, since the venue mostly just dictates how revealing the dress will be :-D.

 

What we're referring to is specifically the "this is what I wore all day at home/work/Wal-mart." We have some friends that we've been playing with for several years now, and we still (and they) dress sexy and nice when we meet up.

 

It's just astonishing when people dress so crappy on the first meet!

 

Even worse for me (the guy) is that I grew up with parents that refused to let me go out in anything but nice(ish) (I was a kid after all) clothes to even the supermarket. Something I continue to this day. So I'm being literal in that what some of these couples wear to the first meet, I would never even wear outside of the house!

[MsGoneWild 181]

Guess no one would be pleased with me then... I'm a jeans and a t-shirt kinda gal. Hoodies? All the time. Cute possibly mis-matching socks? All the time.

 

I shower, shave and brush my teeth. I shaved my head a few months ago so my hair is literally too short to style. I don't wear makeup, ever, so that's not changing... Guess I'll just be down at the bottom of the pile.

 

Seriously, if they're arriving in dirty, smelly gross clothes? Than leave. But don't fault people for not blinging themselves out to meet some strangers at Applebees.

[dodgechevy 149]

Guess no one would be pleased with me then... I'm a jeans and a t-shirt kinda gal. Hoodies? All the time. Cute possibly mis-matching socks? All the time.

 

I shower, shave and brush my teeth. I shaved my head a few months ago so my hair is literally too short to style. I don't wear makeup, ever, so that's not changing... Guess I'll just be down at the bottom of the pile.

 

Seriously, if they're arriving in dirty, smelly gross clothes? Than leave. But don't fault people for not blinging themselves out to meet some strangers at Applebees.

 

We'll be honest, we would definitely say "Wtf?" to that.

 

Looks like most people generally feel that at this point this is the norm for the lifestyle. But there will always be those that don't care, or the contrarians.

[waitingforfun00 15]

We have some friends that we've been playing with for several years now, and we still (and they) dress sexy and nice when we meet up.

 

It's just astonishing when people dress so crappy on the first meet!

 

I agree. I'm not gonna want to play with you if you don't at least try. I get very turned on by nice dressers. I dress to impress (and turn on). I hope for the same.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

My wife and I have also been surprised by this.

 

BUT

 

People should not, I believe, have to make a conscious effort to appear as something they are not. They either show style or they don't. There are some who will wear a jacket and tie only twice; at their marriage ceremony and at their own funeral. Herman and Lilian should come dressed as Herman and Lilian to a first meeting rather than to later be revealed as different.

 

Just to be completely clear, my wife and I would not "a priori" reject the idea of doing H&L in a swingers' setting.

[shrevecouple 252]

I think this is attached to people wanting to feel like they are being seduced. They wanna feel like these people went an extra mile to impress them. A guy don't have to be in slacks and silk shirt to impress me. If a guy is attractive to me, he is attractive in jeans and a t-shirt as well as his Sunday best. I think if they smelled foul and obviously hadn't had a shower would weigh more on my mind.

[Learning 160]

If a guy is attractive to me, he is attractive in jeans and a t-shirt as well as his Sunday best.

 

Very true! I love to see a guy dressed nice in jeans and a t-shirt . Though last meet and greet we went to I was surprised by a few sloppy dressers who had tattered clothing/massive stains. I am a huge Goodwill fan so it's like come on folks, no tattered clothing here. Hit that Goodwill to find something decent. For me, if someone is in tattered clothing at a meet and greet I would not want to see what's hiding underneath.

[tribbles 490]

Guess no one would be pleased with me then... I'm a jeans and a t-shirt kinda gal. Hoodies? All the time. Cute possibly mis-matching socks? All the time.

 

I shower, shave and brush my teeth. I shaved my head a few months ago so my hair is literally too short to style. I don't wear makeup, ever, so that's not changing... Guess I'll just be down at the bottom of the pile.

 

Seriously, if they're arriving in dirty, smelly gross clothes? Than leave. But don't fault people for not blinging themselves out to meet some strangers at Applebees.

 

Some one will be, if they aren't already. We don't dress up very well...we suck at it. I doubt I own a dress I'd wear in public! No make up either. And I've managed to have great fun at the bottom of the pile... Just lick anything near ya!

 

I'll wear clean slacks to meets that say to dress nice...so will my partner but a TIE? Hey, didn't wear one at the wedding...not wearing one to screw ya. Someone has a need for him in a tie and me in a dress needs a different couple to play with. No joke, works great in finding others more like us when we don't try to dress up in ways that are not 'us'.

[angelkin 1,326]

I usually wear nice jeans and a low-cut top, make-up and hair done, jewelry, and sexy shoes. Hubby typically wears a nice pair of jeans and a button down shirt and nice shoes. Both lickably clean and freshly shaved We like to feel sexy and dress up for meeting others.

 

So yeah, if our potential playmates came to meet and looked not so nice, it would depend on the level of interest and cleanliness if we would go forward or pass. We have yet to encounter someone in track pants or in need of a shower.

 

Now on a typical Saturday afternoon of lounging on the couch, you'll find me in a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, no make-up, and my hair pulled into a ponytail.

[ALilOEverything 901]

Though last meet and greet we went to I was surprised by a few sloppy dressers who had tattered clothing/massive stains. I am a huge Goodwill fan so it's like come on folks, no tattered clothing here. Hit that Goodwill to find something decent. For me, if someone is in tattered clothing at a meet and greet I would not want to see what's hiding underneath.

 

Went to the same meet and greet last night and shouldn't have been surprised when I saw someone in her pajamas. She had on Christmas pajama bottoms, not cute ones either, with an old unmatching t-shirt and slippers. I didn't want to feel over dressed so I wore nice black slacks (tight and sexy) with a corset and felt just about right.

[LFM2 1,482]

Went to the same meet and greet last night and shouldn't have been surprised when I saw someone in her pajamas. She had on Christmas pajama bottoms, not cute ones either, with an old unmatching t-shirt and slippers. I didn't want to feel over dressed so I wore nice black slacks (tight and sexy) with a corset and felt just about right.

 

Seriously? How disappointing. Maybe there were going to stop at K-Mart or Wal-Mart on the way home. I do see lots of people wearing PJ's at those places. However, your apparel fantastic!!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Now on a typical Saturday afternoon of lounging on the couch, you'll find me in a pair of yoga pants ..........

 

On a totally unrelated note, Girls in Yoga Pants is one of the best Google Image searches that one can perform.

[dodgechevy 149]

On a totally unrelated note, Girls in Yoga Pants is one of the best Google Image searches that one can perform.

 

Damn.... Are you sure some of those aren't spray painted on?!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

What you mean I have to work at this? I mean I figured you wanted to meet me so you must have already been attracted, I don't really have to do anything more do I? And BTW, when I do arrive in my track pants I will insist that you carry 99% of the conversation and pull out every trick in the book to get me to tell you anything remotely interesting about myself. After all, I'm just that hot and you know you want me so nothing else matters.

 

 

 

 

[dodgechevy 149]

What you mean I have to work at this? I mean I figured you wanted to meet me so you must have already been attracted, I don't really have to do anything more do I? And BTW, when I do arrive in my track pants I will insist that you carry 99% of the conversation and pull out every trick in the book to get me to tell you anything remotely interesting about myself. After all, I'm just that hot and you know you want me so nothing else matters.

 

 

 

 

 

Haha, I think you hit the nail on the head with the whole "have to work at this." I guess when people show up dressed down they have a "take me as I am, you're lucky I'm here at all" approach.

 

Now here is the craziest part about all of this. The "hot" couples are always dressed up, always. And I don't just mean they're hot because they are dressed up.

[SmoothKitty 65]

It would seem to me that even if was a pool gathering that you should look your best, shaved, well I am always shaved, smell nice, etc, and even after I would freshen up hoping for more!

[Fundamental Law 2,884]

It's a date, folks.

 

First dates create first impressions. They last a very long time.

 

We think cleaning up and dressing up--at least a little--is part of the fun.

 

And yes, when it comes to chemistry, your grooming and your physical appearance is as important as your conversation. It's all part of how you carry yourselves.

[PandO 103]

I know this is an old thread, but I feel like this is where I am going to fall short. I am VERY girl next door. I'm soon to be a mom of four. I do not even own a pair of heels to be honest. I am almost always put together. I am not one to leave the house in slippers and pj pants or anything. I wear makeup, style my hair, all that stuff, but in general, I am a casual person. When I try to stray too far from that I become so uncomfortable in my own skin, I feel like it ruins my day/evening... whatever. I would probably never even consider attending a club if it meant needing to buy "sexy" clothes. I've asked my husband in an honest no pressure setting before if it bothers him. If he wishes I dressed sexier, and I feel he's being completely honest with me in saying no. He tells me he feels I always look good and presentable wherever we go, and at home I manage to be sexy without spending money on things we will just take off anyways.

 

For me, this is actually a huge turn-off to the lifestyle. I get it. It's just not me.

[Glida 250]

First of all there's nothing wrong with 'girl next door', some men go for that and being one's self is sexy. Nothing wrong with Dr Martins just don't wear any knickers

 

Or secondly, you might find that you naturally want to start dressing a little racier. Before I started to enjoy this lifestyle, I was a Calvin Klein boy shorts and flip flop kind of girl. And now the lingerie and the dress up is a big turn-on for me. You might be surprised.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I know this is an old thread, but I feel like this is where I am going to fall short. I am VERY girl next door. I'm soon to be a mom of four. I do not even own a pair of heels to be honest.

 

You know, I find a confident woman in a cute summer dress and the right pair of flip flops to be quite the turn-on.

Dress to your comfort level, and the right guys will find you.

[Liveitup314 18]

We have the same problem. My wife will wear heels and jeans, or even dresses at times, but she isn't really into dressing sexy or dressing up. I have to beg her to show some cleavage sometimes. She gets compliments on her breasts quite often, even though she keeps them covered up 99.9% of the time. I also don't dress up unless I am at work or going somewhere that has a specific dress code. If not in those situations I'll usually be in jeans and a polo or a rugby shirt. The first couple we met had on jeans with nice shirts and dress shoes. My wife wore jeans and a sweater, though she was wearing some really sexy lingerie under her clothes, and I wore Levi's and a Polo Rugby. I figured there would be no need to get "dressed up" just to meet them at some chain restaurant and go to a bar. We may have dressed differently if we were going to an upscale restaurant or lounge.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

My hubby and I always dress up for first dates. I hadn't worn heels in forever before the lifestyle and now I have a shoe game so tight I get compliments from both men and women. I found that I truly enjoy wearing sexy clothes and high heels though I was more tomboy before. But even if it's not your style just look put together in what is comfortable but make an effort because it is a date. I had a male half come with a hole in his shirt like really??!!

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

While I'm no longer a suit and tie guy, we both still enjoy dressing 'classy casual' when we are meeting another couple...be it for the first or 50th. Ms. used to NEVER go out looking sexy, but she has now come to embrace this as well (self confidence starting to peek out). It really doesn't take much effort to look good so why not just do it. You need to put on cloths anyway (you can take them back off later...and maybe not with just the two of you).

[Guest]

To me, getting dressed up is a key part of the seduction process. It's almost like an athlete getting himself worked up before a game or match. Picking out what I'm going to where, putting it on, etc., gets me turned on and in the mood.

[Fundamental Law 2,884]

Shower, shave, put on underwear that you want others to see and then dress in clothes that will make others want to see what's underneath. Dressing sharp need not mean dressing up. For a guy this time of year, a navy blazer, blue or white button down shirt and pressed khakis always work. For a gal, a simple wrap dress with pretty sandals is cool and elegant.

[PandO 103]

I'm ALWAYS put together. I can pull off classic or like a dressy casual very well. It's more the seductive, sexy that just makes me feel like a little girl getting into my mommy's makeup drawer. It's just not me. I'm sexy in a more girl next door kind of way, I guess.

[Baxter 19]

Hi guys and gals. I see this topic started way back in 2011 but could not be more relevant to us and our first.....I won't use the word bad or negative....but a real learning experience. We traveled for the first time to meet a couple. Weekend cost us about $1000 bucks when everything was said and done. We look at this adventure as couple dating. Ms Baxter puts on her sexy wear, including some very sexy jewelry. We are both shaved up ready to party and a night on the town. (I have to say that when Ms Baxter is in party mode she looks super sexy and I've been told I look good also).

 

We walk in to the restaurant on night one and the couple we meet are already there. she is looking sexy with a cute dress on and obviously put some effort into it. He is wearing shorts we would wear when doing yard work, perhaps one of his best baseball caps, a wrinkled button up shirt and three days of growth. Sorry for the profanity but a total fucking turn-off!!!!

 

Our mistake...probably for another forum, is that we tried to get things back on track and it turned out to be horrible. We pressured ourselves to play and guess what.....Moral of the Story....if they can't get their shit together to show up well turned out they are also going to suck when it comes to play time!!!!! First impressions matter and we now consider this a sign. If you want to fuck us then you better show up with your "A" game.

[Fundamental Law 2,884]

First impressions matter and we now consider this a sign. If you want to fuck us then you better show up with your "A" game.

 

Amen to this.

 

Our approach.

 

Groom well.

Bathe well.

Dress well.

Present well.

 

Converse well.

Relate to your spouse in ways that show you are still in love.

Treat the waitstaff well.

 

Then we can have a pleasant dinner and see how the two couples seem to get along.

 

Yes, it takes thought and planning. It's a date, for heaven sake's! You want "a goodnight kiss"? Make it a memorable buildup.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

Couples dating...that's our thing as well. When getting ready for a date, we both dress and prepare like we are going to get lucky, but unless you are planning likewise and play your cards right, it doesn't mean that we are putting out. We always prepare for the best outcome, but we're not 'easy'. If you don't invest some time and effort, we're going home alone...I mean with each other.

 

BTW, hats on a man (unless combined with a tux) never work on a 'date'. We've had two meetings where the men showed up in a hat. One with a baseball cap (apparently so he didn't need to bother with his hair) and another with a cowboy hat (to try and hide his lack of hair...long on the sides, missing on the top). Neither couple got a second 'date' (or anything else)...

[Fundamental Law 2,884]

..other

BTW, hats on a man (unless combined with a tux) never work on a 'date'.

 

Well, as a follicularly challenged man (think: cue ball) I reserve the right to wear scalp protection out doors in cold weather and/or sunny days. There are ways to do this fashionably. Readers of a certain age will recall a TV show starring Telly Savalas called "Kojak". Those who are too young can Google the images. Lt. Kojak worked for the NYPD solving murders and such, beginning in the true story of the Wylie Hoffert Career Girl Murders (restyled for film as the Marcus-Nelson murders). At any rate, Lt Kojak (independently wealthy) was always impeccably attired. When we travel in the NE, it's a look I try to emulate.

 

Kojak's tagline--"Who loves ya, baby?"--is a classic, matched by his Tootsie Roll pop (he was among the first TV stars to ditch tobacco on camera). Savalas was an genuinely elegant man who died far too young of metastatic prostate cancer. In the Kojak heyday, he was recognizable and recognized worldwide.

 

Vin Diesel apparently has a contract to play the role in a reboot movie. It'll be interesting if he can blend Kojak's suave sexuality into his persona. Fast and Furious....not.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

Of course there are always exceptions to any rule and this is a good example. It's when someone is wearing a hat because they are lazy or trying to hide something (really, you didn't think that eventually we would find out that you didn't have any hair on top no matter how long you had it on the sides...or that it would matter to us?).

 

Thanks for the memories...Kojak was must see TV. Why can't they make shows like that any more?

[Guest sandraandalex]

Track pants ? Please say you were making that up. In public , in track pants, simply says you've given up AND you don't care. That tells me that the sex is not going to be all that fun or interesting.

 

There's a certain 'minimum requirement' I have for going out in public. And, if we were meeting anyone, we would have something,' nice on the eyes,' out of respect for them and also ourselves. I'll say one thing for my father in law, he took the time to teach his son, my husband, how to dress and buy clothes. They know when to dress simply and they know when to dress well. And no matter what your personal style is, you can always dress well in that style.

[Guest]

That is kind of the other side of it. On the one hand, please dress up, on the other hand, it is a naked sport. That hat is going to come off before your head goes between my legs. Girdles, Wonder bras, they all end up coming off if you want to play ball.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

If you don't put much effort into how you look in cloths, then how much effort do you think I believe you put into taking care of whats under your cloths?

[angelkin 1,326]

That is kind of the other side of it. On the one hand, please dress up, on the other hand, it is a naked sport. That hat is going to come off before your head goes between my legs. Girdles, Wonder bras, they all end up coming off if you want to play ball.

 

It's a funny thing. A friend of mine once told me she was at a club where the play areas were "towels or less" and enjoyed playtime with a lovely couple. Once they exited the play area and met at the bar, she realized if they had met fully clothed, she would have been unlikely to engage them. The couple was underdressed and a little shabby at best.

 

Another friend whined about an experience with a lovely couple, whom he met at the local club. They chatted for awhile at the bar and decided to have some fun. The lady, while deliciously voluptuous in her clothing, was not as advertised by the time she shed her girdle, push up bra and hose. He was disappointed.

 

True that swinging is a naked sport and if you think what you wear is important, then it is. Confidence can be gained in clothing - even spanx. If you can put your best foot forward without being deceptive, even better.

[DestinyBandJ 34]

Is there such a thing as being too overdressed for the occasion? Problem we have is either we overdress for a situation or are not dressed up enough. jeans and a Tee-shirt or dress/ slacks and button down with a tie. Which one is it? Although to be honest, wearing slacks and a tie and a black short skirt dress feels like we're being dishonest. Kind of like being in a club you don't belong in.

 

Also that thing about girdles, has anyone seen a man wear one? I seen one in an animated show (Bob's burgers) where he shows it off.