Husband wants to try with my friend.

[Emmie 15]

My husband wants to have a threesome with my best friend. I know, old tale but here goes. We're in our late twenties and are relatively sexually adventurous. We are not swinging but have not ruled any such thing out, and we have talked about it with some interest. We are both shy, quiet people so naturally this will take some time and energy if we decide to go for such a thing so it's not going to happen tomorrow. I'd prefer it to happen with few people who we met for such a purpose, as we live in a conservative city with small minds and big mouths.

 

He told me once he wanted to have a threesome with her when we were talking about "People we would like to boink," in general. This was OK, in fact I rather suspected such a thing. I wasn't worried. He's a man of his word, so I'm not worried about his fidelity and I did ask him. I trust them both. The second time he mentioned is while something sexual was going on and it was not as OK. He dropped it pretty fast. It didn't stop the activities but it took a while for them to continue. Afterward he said he was trying to get a rise out of me. He did but not the one he expected. :p

 

The girl is lovely. We've been close friends for several years. Recently she's moved half a state away for law school and I miss her dearly. She's our age and she's bi. She's sexually adventurous, to the point of having had group sex and threesomes on several occasions. This may be part of the attraction for him, until recently a sexual situation for us with her could have been both achievable and convenient - at least from his point of view. I don't honestly think he's using this situation only as an excuse to have sex with her. She wouldn't help him cheat.

 

However there is several things wrong with this situation that makes it awkward and generally turns me off. The first and most important one is I don't have any more than passing interest in having sex with other women. A group situation could be fun, as is sharing and definitely watching but intimate one on one girl sex doesn't work for me. Since I know her so well I don't think it would be right to ask her into a threesome with one guy knowing that I wouldn't want to give her my all. It's unfair, sex should be reciprocal and mutual in any case.

 

The second thing, is that I know she's not attracted to him. She's mentioned it more than once. He reminds her of a cousin that she was raised with who she's not terribly fond of. In fact, she avoids family gatherings if that relative is around. My friend has warmed to my husband as of course he's part and parcel of being around me, and she likes him as a friend but anything else...no.

 

My husband doesn't know that. I can't bring myself to tell him. Worst case scenario I'm a horrible woman who made him feel bad about his desires. Best case scenario I'm the woman who just kicked his dreams in to make herself feel better. I don't like those choices. I love my husband, and he loves me. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to make him never tell me a fantasy again because I shattered a dream of his.

 

I can feel something thinking "Why don't you just tell her and let her break it to him", well I want nothing more than to tell my best friend of 8 years all about it but you know...it involves her directly and that makes it hard. What if it turns out she'd be OK with it, and I'm the only one who's not? I know she's not initially attracted to him but it can be awfully flattering to have a nice man interested in you, and she likes threesomes, and me a little presumably. What if she's squicked out by him or by us or by the situation?

 

She's my best friend, and I'm not trying to lose her behind some sex I wasn't interested in having in the first place. I don't want her to have to hear "I can't have sex with you! EEWWWW" from me. Because that's awful. If I had to have sex with a girl she wouldn't be my last option, sheesh. I also don't want to spoil her view of my husband, because she does like him, even if she's not "into" him and I don't want her knowing and him not being aware she knows to become a "thing". It's not right to use information to play games with your husband like that. but if I say nothing he'll keep bringing it up...

 

*sigh* Halp. Please.

[whatwewant 38]

It sounds like you've answered all your own questions. #1, Sexual adventures with bf are a bad idea. #2, you state you aren't bi or really attracted to women except for a remote possibility. That's not something to ruin a friendship over. #3, she has stated she's not attracted to him, so either way, she probably wouldn't be into it, nor would it be a positive experience for anybody.

 

There are a lot of people out there, and plenty to find some sexual adventures with, that are not your best friend. Just tell your husband your interested, but don't think your best friend would be a good choice. Be honest, even if it hurts his feelings, because in the end, your relationship is more important that the swinging. It's good he was honest with who he was sexually attracted to, return the favor and be honest with him. It goes both ways.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

There's no reason to say anything about your friend's feelings regarding your husband. I can't see how anyone would benefit from that detail. Why not just say you're not comfortable with it? You clearly aren't and that's totally understandable. As whatwewant said, there are lots of other people out there.

[Additude 457]

Well you have completely digested just about every possibility.

 

Life is fun, isn't it?

 

But one thing for sure, I get the feeling that you do not think it this is a good idea. The "This is a bad idea", overwhelms the "This is a good idea". At least that's what I read into it.

 

One thing you may want to consider is convincing hubby to find a substitute for your GF. Tell hubby you know your GF to well and it's uncomfortable for you, but you would consider someone else.

 

Trust me, you'll either spend a long time looking for another unicorn, or you'll get damn lucky and locate one quickly. Chances are about .001% of locating another quickly.

 

Maybe that will put hubby on hold for awhile and give you guys time to line up some ducks.

[JB 140]

Additude said what I think best, agree with everything there except for one small point. I don’t think the unicorn is all that hard to find. (I know this flys in the face of the accepted perception out there but it has not been our experience)

 

But everything else, yeah, there is always another. I feel that he is excited about this because that is what is possibly available. If you were to tell him that “she would not be into it, but we will try to find someone” that might work. I know it would with me. I completely trust my wife’s perception and intuition. No matter how hot I was about an idea, if she said “I don’t think it would work” it would get turned off in my head like a light switch.

 

Also in our experience there are many females out there that are just like you. They are into the group play much not really 100% bi (whatever that is). Don’t worry about the “giving it your all” thing. My wife and the females of the couples we play with describe themselves as “bi” but in our encounters, the heavy girl-girl action has only happened about 50% of the time. And everyone has loved it.

 

Take your time, get comfortable and drill down to exactly all the things YOU might love about swinging and focus on those. You bring those things out and he will most likely follow along and before you know it he will be crazy hot for an idea that YOU put in HIS head, instead of the other way around.

 

Have fun!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

One thing you may want to consider is convincing hubby to find a substitute for your GF. Tell hubby you know your GF to well and it's uncomfortable for you, but you would consider someone else.

 

I think this is a very good option, assuming this is something you are interested in, generally speaking.

[divenaked 325]

Ms Dive said in response to my interest of one of her best friends "No, it would be like having sex with my sister." The fact that she isn't like a sister to me is not important.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It sounds like you have a lot of good reasons NOT to do this. Have you told him that you aren't comfortable with this idea? That would be the place to start. You need to be straight up honest with him and be able to discuss anything. He's asking you to risk a friendship in order for him to fulfill a fantasy. There are plenty of other people out there the two of you could play with without risking losing someone you care about.

[JohnUK1 15]

I wouldn't go there. She's not into him and you're not into her. And she's your best friend. That's too close for comfort for me!

[InsatiableRed 15]

Coming from past experience in this area, I would recommend that if you are not at all feeling comfortable with this to NOT do it!! Please do not give in to the pressure that he may be putting on you because he finds her attractive or thinks it would be hot. If there is ANY hesitation on your end do not do this.

 

My ex husband was interested in my best friend during the time we were married. He then wanted a POLY relationship and he developed feelings for my best friend. Therefore, they both are no longer in my life. I had similar feelings as you and was very hesitant when he brought it up but I fell into the pressure of everyone around me. He was very pushy about his feelings and would continue to flirt and make me uncomfortable when I would say the things that bothered me. I eventually let things go their course because of all the pressure and I at the time had other things in my life to deal with that were more important.

 

Although every situation is different, if you are not feeling in any way comfortable just be honest with him and tell him. You can find a single woman to join you without it being your friend.

 

InsatiableRed

[strathmore 20]

It really depends on the situation and your attitude towards sharing. My wife and I used to mix it up with 4 other couples. I've been with 3 of her gf's in mf sessions, while she's been with 2 or 3 of my pals. There has never been a problem, since all were on the same page of the playbook.

[Tina and Bob 236]

If you are interested in swinging tell him you would prefer that it be a mfm situation and see how he responds.

[wakej 21]

If you are interested in swinging tell him you would prefer that it be a mfm situation and see how he responds.

 

I agree with Tina and Bob. Sounds to me like you really need to talk. My ex-GF of 5 years and I always fantasized about MFM's during sex and it was fantastic. Then last year, all of a sudden we ended up with a few FMF's with her best friend. Which was great but then the best friend started hitting on me when the GF wasn't looking. Extremely uncomfortable! My GF and I ended up breaking up in Feb after my frustrations with her. We had agreed to be up front with each other and if she had wanted a MFM I was all up for it. That's what my excitement was in, but as she had a drinking problem she ended up messing around with strange guys at the bar, apparently thinking that it was her right since we had had a FMF with her girlfriend. I just didn't want to be exposed to anything she was being exposed to and her dishonesty was not something I wanted in a relationship. So, just make sure you talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, and understand, understand, understand, understand, before doing anything..!

[Just Passing By 140]

You and husband are late 20s , sexually adventuresome , and have network of close friends who are also sexually adventiresome. If anything was destined to occur within this universe , it would probably already been aproached before now spontaniously. Write off your friends as play partners unless they unambigously aproach you.

 

( If true ) tell him you are open to the idea of playing with others , but only with people outside of regular circles.

[MN Tom 251]

Yes, in terms of your friend, it sounds like you have answered your own question already.

 

As far as others, if you are up for it, sure, go enjoy yourselves.