How to start and body image questions

[Blewriot 50]

First off, I have spent the last 5 or 6 days reading non-stop and I have totally related to so many things others have posted about. I have laughed my butt off at some of the things others have said too, some great storytellers/writers here.

 

O.k so, My husband and I are fun, happy, friendly, successful, sexual people. We had clicked sexually ever since we met. I thank the universe I met someone who matches me in so many ways. Swinging has been a topic that has gradually evolved from fantasy to something we know we have to experience. We first talked about it at least 5 or 6 years ago, but recently have decided (after MUCH discussion) that we want to make it reality. We have agreed to start slowly with some soft swap and take it from there and communicate along the way to make sure we are both 100% enjoying every step of the process.

 

Anyhow, my question is, I'm really nervous to take the first step. We have a couple we have exchanged info and pics with and we are setting something up for the new year. I'm totally excited but worried that I will meet these people for real and not be into it. How do I say that tactfully? I know I'm no supermodel and there will be people who are not attracted to me or my husband as well but I'm nervous about how to handle a turn down.

 

Also, are we better off going to a club our first time maybe? Is that how i might get a little more comfortable with the whole scene to get started?

 

And, one last thing, I know body image is somthing talked about alot but I'm curious if most people get completeley naked? I am a curvy, lots of tits and ass kind of girl who had 3 kids in four years so my body took a beating. I am reasonably fit, run at least 4 times a week and do half marathons a few a year, but my tummy is left looking like a bit of a battlefield Can I wear like a corset or hike up a skirt to cover just that lower belly? Or do I need to just get over it and deal until I save enough for a tummy tuck? lol. I know its my own issue but its sadly my main concern.

 

I feel giddy and happy the last few weeks thinking about our future in swinging. Will that go away? I have trouble with my mundane routine, I'm in fantasy land all day long. Once I discovered there are lots of like-minded people out there its like a huge relief. I haven't even started yet, but its already improving my zest for life! LOL

 

Thanks in advance, I hope I haven't asked too many repeat questions.

[angelkin 1,326]

Welcome to the Swinger's Board! Sounds like the two of you have thought this through and are certain this is the direction you want to go:) Kudos for taking the time!

 

You first question....how do you say you're not up for it? Simple, just say it. I hope that you've already told the couple you're talking to that you're new and while excited, still uncertain that when fantasy meets reality that's you'll actually be able to cross into swinging. If you get down to it and can't go forward, just speak up, apologize, then leave. There's one thing most people in the lifestyle respect and that's "no means no".

 

How to handle being turned down? Well, unfortunately, rejection can be part of this lifestyle. You have to be prepared for it mentally and handle it with grace. Just accept it and move on, and don't ask for an explanation...understand that not everyone will be attracted to you as a couple and nor will you be attracted to everyone you meet.

 

Going to a club might be a good experience for you, but it's up to you how you dip your toes into the swinging pool. If you go to a club, be sure to discuss your limits beforehand and stick to them firmly. Be sure to explain that you're new to any potential play partners so they can decide if they want to move forward.

 

As far as your body image is concerned, we have found people don't really focus on such things and those that do aren't likely the kind of people we'd like to meet. If you truly want to camouflage it, maybe a garter with stockings would be a good cover. I have a similar issue and find that a wide garter belt can provide the coverage needed to feel comfortable. Perhaps after a few experiences, your confidence will allow you to shake the way you feel about your imperfections. Everyone has something about their bodies they are self-conscious about...but you gotta be comfortable in your own skin.

 

Good luck in your new adventures...do post back to let us know how things are going.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Sometimes it's good to ask repeat questions for new readers who may not want to read a post dated months or years ago.

 

Here is the nice thing about swinging. You have already met the love of your life and you married him. Any swinging encounter is a date with your husband first and foremost. You are out to have a good time with him and at anytime the two of you can go home and have fantastic sex together so RELAX and set the only expectation of having a good time together

 

Angelkin gave great advice. Rejection is a part of swinging. You may never know why. It's hard to find a four-way connection. It could be for a number of reasons that have nothing to do with your concerns. Attraction is a strange thing. There are people we would never sleep with in a million years by looking at their profile but you meet them and there is instant chemistry. You will see really attractive people and meet them and be like, wow, not no but hell no.

 

We usually say something like, hey you two are great but the chemistry just isn't there. Some may take it hard but most understand. Sometimes it isn't even necessary to say anything because it will be so obvious and you all might have a good laugh.

 

I believe that clubs are much easier for a first time encounter if you are both outgoing and can meet others. You don't want to go to a club and be wall flowers. There are lots of people at the club so your chances are higher of finding a couple you connect with. We have met lots of dates through SLS and very, very rarely did they end in sex and the ones that did may have been two or three dates later.

 

Flaws, everyone has them. Most of us are not 25 any more and like you our bodies are experienced There are somethings we can not change and there are things we can. Swinging has motivated us to make changes for the better. We eat healthier, we exercise and while we do it for ourselves now mostly, swinging was the catalyst. It gave us the initial motivation to start.

 

Good luck, remember that as long as your with your husband you won't have a bad time even if you have a bad time. All dates with my wife are great nights out.

 

Please do post back and let us know how it went.

[Blewriot 50]

Thanks for the insight. You are both so right, my husbands my date, the rest is just bonus, thanks for the perspective. As for my body, I think I'm attractive so thats all that matters I suppose. I know I'm not attracted to strictly physically perfect bodies. I most certainly prefer faces and attitudes first and formost. I think we will go ahead and meet the couple (who have only a little more experience than us, and are aware its our first experience) but perhaps we will check out a few of the clubs in the area if we get the chance.

Thanks again for the responses, it's already put me at more ease.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Blewriot; WELCOME!!!!

 

It sounds to me like you and your husband are both ready to take the plunge as it were. Some couples take years to come to the table, and all the discussion you've had is great.

 

I agree a wide garter can hide a tummy you're not happy with. My wife has a garter belt from Secrets In Lace (great place, btw!). It's sexy as hell. But, keep in mind; your tummy isn't a show stopper. People come in all shapes and sizes. If a guy is going to be repulsed enough at your tummy to not want to have sex with you, do you really want to play with someone that shallow anyways? Maybe it's an asset after all No matter how 'perfect' you think your body is, there will always be men who are not attracted to you. No matter how imperfect you think you are, there will always be men who ARE attracted to you. You can't control that.

 

What you can do is put your best foot forward. My wife doesn't have a 20 year old body any more either, and we've had a couple of kids. But, she's never lacked for play partners. She always dresses very nicely for swing dates/events, and takes more time than usual with her makeup.

 

As others have noted, a four way connection can be tricky. It takes time and patience, and shares a lot in common with regular dating. There will be rejections. Sometimes you will want to reject. It's ok to reject. I remember reading something early on in our swinging where someone said "the only time you can't say 'no' is after you've had sex with the person". You are not obligated to play with anyone, to whatever level of play.

 

A good rule of thumb when going out for swinging; don't get your expectations up of certain things happening. Instead, just expect to have a fun evening.

 

Swinging is a lot of fun! It's a very fun journey my wife and I have taken together. It's never brought a moment's pause of concern about our relationship, and has brought a lot of positives to our marriage. We're both amazed we are where we are, as neither of us ever could have imagined being swingers. But, here we are and we're having a blast You will too, based on what you've said so far.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Others have pretty much covered everything I would have said except for this. You say you have a meet set up for the new year. It is a good idea, particularly if you are new, to have a first face to face meeting, over drinks or dinner maybe, that is nothing more than to say hello and chat, no sex involved. Maybe that is your plan, but I did not read it that way. No matter how you click online and with photos there is no substitute for meeting people in person and if you are clear that it is a "no sex" meeting then it takes all the pressure off and people can be themselves.

[StewartP 171]

Others have pretty much covered everything I would have said except for this. You say you have a meet set up for the new year. It is a good idea, particularly if you are new, to have a first face to face meeting, over drinks or dinner maybe, that is nothing more than to say hello and chat, no sex involved. Maybe that is your plan, but I did not read it that way. No matter how you click online and with photos there is no substitute for meeting people in person and if you are clear that it is a "no sex" meeting then it takes all the pressure off and people can be themselves.

 

I repeated this because I think it's very, very wise.

[Blewriot 50]

Dually noted! Thanks guys its a good idea to do a meet up first! Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice. I'm way excited. I hope it all goes well, I won't force it if its too weird.

Thanks again:)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

You can always back out. I'd suggest meeting them someplace neutral and just having a drink. You can get a feel for them and then decide what to do without committing yoursel beforehand. Another option would be to have them meet you at a swinger club with no expectations. Just meet them, if you like them have fun. If you don't you can go your own way and everyone can (hopefully) still have a good time at the club.

 

As for the body image issues. We all have them. If you don't feel comfortable getting naked, don't. Corsets are sexy! (Girdles, not so much). I've known a few women who have had similar body issues due to c-sections and have opted to wear a top that they took down from their shoulders and wore around their waist or a skirt they hiked up and no one thought twice about it. Just don't make a big deal over it. That said, no one else is going to care about your scares and doubtfully will even notice unless you make a point of it.

[twistedpretzels 100]

Some people like tummys. I recently got a lapband to help me lose weight and after the surgery as he is rubbing my tummy Pete says, "I'm going to miss this..." That sure blew me away! I think skinny women look good, but round women FEEL good!

[Blewriot 50]

Soooo, an update from me, we met our couple, It was fun, no playing. My husband was as funny and charming as ever and I surprised myself by being the same. If anything it reminded me why I was so attracted to him in the first place! We politely declined the offer for playing around, we weren't feeling chemistry there. The did send us an e-mail after telling us they had a great time, and so did we, but just not sexually.

I feel more confident we are cut out for this. We will be visiting a club soon and we have meetings with other couples coming up

[twistedpretzels 100]

Meet and greets are a good way to go too!

[LFM2 1,482]

I'm glad to hear that you're setting up a club outing. They are the "no pressure" place to be. I hope that things go well for you there. I'm also glad that you two took the time to really get to communicate and know that swinging was doable in your relationship. It takes a lot of talking with each other, more listening, and a lot of honesty and respect.

 

P.S. Welcome to the Swingers Board!!

[DigginIt 1,132]

Thanks for the update. So many people forget that there are a lot of us anxiously waiting to hear how things go

 

I'm thankful that chemistry isn't that easy or else I may have settled with someone else other than my wife that I adore.

 

Look forward to hearing about your next outing.

[Blewriot 50]

I realize I posted forever ago originally, but just had to let you all know, I lost my swinging virginity last night! It took forever for us to get the time (eg babysitters) and find that connection with a couple. but we found it and they were totally completely respectful and non pushy, everything I was worried about went down the tubes as soon as the clothes came off.

Amazing amazing amazing.

I'm finding it hard to think about anything else today, we had such a great time.

Anyways, hottest thing I have ever done, totally into the girl on girl action.

We didn't do the full swing, everything but actual sex, but I have no doubt we will be trying it soon, we both are very happy with the whole experience, and I really feel we are closer than ever....I don't know why that makes sense but it does!

just wanted to fill you in!

Can't wait till next time!

[occ 148]

congratulations! Enjoy the ride.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . Amazing amazing amazing.

A remarkable endorsement. I'm truly glad to read this. May you continue to enjoy it.

[Alura 2,774]

Fabulous! I hope it gets better and better. It did for us.

 

Alura

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Woohoo! Congratulations glad you had a great time!

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I really love and appreciate updates on people's stories. Thank you! So glad you had such a great time.

[Blewriot 50]

it was pretty cool, I was feeling a little jaded, this whole swinger business seemed a little hurry up and wait, but it really made it THAT much better when we found the right people.

My eyes are OPEN! Im glad I took my time. There is something to be said for connection, when it's there it's there, there's no mistaking it or faking it I guess.

thanks for your kind words everyone!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So glad to hear it all went well. Thanks for coming back and giving an update, so, now tell us how it all came about?

[Blewriot 50]

Well, we met them from a website, exchanged a few e mails, and I just had a feeling it might work, so two weeks ago we went out for coffee and chatted and hit it off. So we made arrangements to meet for some drinks on Saturday.

We went to a restaurant bar and talked for a while about lots of different stuff and they asked us if we wanted to come to their house, so we did.

When we got there we had a few more drinks and laughs and then asked us if we wanted to play, to which we were definetley game.

 

They said sometimes they played some strip type poker game, or just start fooling around with our own partner, and we discussed our limits/rules, and they matched right up so that was good.

 

Eventually we decided the ladies would play first, so that's how it started and then the guys join in, then the other male suggested I blow my husbands mind and join in on some oral with his wife on some oral action with my husband.

Then it just switched around back and forth and everybody got their turn.

Then we had sex with our own partners.

The funniest part was having some drinks and cookies after and a chat stark naked.

Very interesting to not have these barriers with others. Felt very natural!

very fun!!

[CaptainAndNurse 17]

Excellent! Y'all inspire us. We've not found anyone that we've clicked with to where we want to play. If you've read any of my other posts you'll know what our experience has been. We're hopeful. But, in the mean time, we'll be playing in a group setting. ~Captain

[km34 672]

Congrats! I'm so glad your first experience was a memorable one (in a good way)!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Send me a naked picture of you so I can see what you mean. For me personally I love women of all shapes, sizes and colors (within reason ..., again:)) I'm attracted to personality. If you are sexy and horny I'll want to have sex with you.