He is quick to give oral to others, but not to me

[VanessaV 15]

Hello everyone! I am new at this forum, but I've spent some time reading posts and I am very glad to see that I have found a very warm and supportive community

 

I have a doubt over here.. I hope I am posting on the correct category.

 

To give some background... my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now, and we started swinging about two months ago.. It was something I was curious in doing and he already had some experience with threesomes and such, so we agreed on trying doing it together.

 

So far we have met one couple, and also we made a threesome with another guy. Generally I have liked the experiences, however, there is one thing that bugged me...

 

My boyfriend has never given oral sex to me, and the time I asked him to do it, he said that it is not something he really likes so I did not want to push him.. I would't like to be pushed to do something I don't like, so I did not put any pressure on the subject.

 

The thing is that, when we went with the couple I mentioned, he gave oral sex to the other girl almost immediately without any problem, so I was like

 

Honestly, I felt bad, because something he has refused to do with me, he could do with absolutely no issue with any other girl.

 

Am I making too much of a problem about this? Is this something that regularly happens? Am I wrong for feeling maybe jealous or for reproaching him for any of this?

 

I am sorry if my question is too silly... I guess this is still very new for me so I am not sure how I should feel or act.

 

Thank you!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

What I am able to read is that there is more to this than what your boyfriends is telling you. But you have apparently already determined this. His behaviour has no relationship to being in a swing situation, is not proper, and is not respectful.

 

Have you asked him directly for a reason he went right down on that woman when he had never done so with you?

 

~Michael

[Alura 2,774]

When I was in Air Force basic training a group of 17 year old Airman Basics were sitting on footlockers talking about sex, a subject with which few had experience, when an older non-com walked up and listened awhile. The subject was giving a "girl" oral sex. Most of the guys expressed distaste.

 

"Show me a man who doesn't eat pussy," remarked the Sergeant, "and I'll show you a way to steal his girl friend." He walked away.

 

Perhaps his experience opened up a whole new world to your man. (There's that to hope for.) If not, you need to find out why it happened. If so, just carry on from here and don't be afraid to teach him the finer points of the art.

 

If he still refuses you oral sex, perhaps it's time to be stolen from him.

 

Alura

[VanessaV 15]

Hello!

 

Thank you for your responses

 

Well, to be honest.. I didn't ask him directly, I brought the subject once when we were already arguing, and he said that he just felt like doing it at that moment, that some times he has done like that but then he said that we should not be reproaching what each other does, that he would never criticize or tell me anything about what I decide to do with other men we meet for swinging or threesomes, etc.

 

Obviously, I am still bugged..

[Alura 2,774]

Well, it's probably not a good idea to introduce a subject that needs resolution when involved in an argument. The situation is already polarized. It's not likely that anything will be agreed upon. The discussion needs to be started when both are in the mood to work things out.

 

His "don't criticize" attitude is a bit self-serving, don't you agree?

 

Alura

[doug39 80]

Did you ever think that your vagina has an odor that is turning him off to performing oral sex on you?

[VanessaV 15]

yeah.. it does sound quite self-serving I must say...

 

well, I guess I should speak openly about that with him to find out really what is the issue, maybe change some terms in the relationship.. I am not sure..

[SmoothKitty 65]

wow, he is missing out!

[SmoothKitty 65]

I have heard women say this before and could never understand it as it is one of the most intimate acts a man and woman can do. And as all os us know, if done properly, it is the one act without a toy in which we can have many orgasms!! Teach him, maybe that is all it is, he just doesn't know how. Get a lady friend to join you and teach him on her have him join you then have her do you so he can see the pleasure, then let him do you!

[VanessaV 15]

Did you ever think that your vagina has an odor that is turning him off to performing oral sex on you?

 

Yeah, I have thought about that, and as far as I have checked (and trust me, I have checked) I don't detect any strange or foul smell... also, the guys we have interacted with gave oral to me with no issue, and even one of them stayed there for long time, so... I am assuming the smell is not the issue..

[Palladin 36]

Yeah, I have thought about that, and as far as I have checked (and trust me, I have checked) I don't detect any strange or foul smell... also, the guys we have interacted with gave oral to me with no issue, and even one of them stayed there for long time, so... I am assuming the smell is not the issue..

 

The next time you are with another couple and the other guy goes down on you, go absolutely bat-shit CRAZY with passionate moaning. Then later, tell your boyfriend it could have been even better if the man had done so-and-so in such-and-such a manner and suggest that maybe he would like to try his skills.

Of course, you will have to outperform your moaning for him.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

The next time you are with another couple and the other guy goes down on you, go absolutely bat-shit CRAZY with passionate moaning. Then later, tell your boyfriend it could have been even better if the man had done so-and-so in such-and-such a manner and suggest that maybe he would like to try his skills.

Of course, you will have to outperform your moaning for him.

 

I think setting up this type of performance is a little silly. You are in a serious relationship. If you can swing you should be able to discuss anything. Bring up the subject when you are not in an argument and not being sexual.

 

He can get past his dislike to do it with a stranger; he can certainly do it for someone he loves. You should be able to tell him this without him becoming defensive. You have a right to feel hurt by this situation.

 

If there is a problem with your smell (not likely) he should tell you so you can see a Dr. Bacterial vaginosis is an easily treatable infection that causes odors.

 

You might suggest he read this thread if he continues his current line of thinking.

[MN Tom 251]

Hmm.. Do you think he has some issue such as giving oral to his sig other degrades how he sees you?

 

Kinda like when guys get mistresses because there are things that their "proper" wife shouldnt do?

[VanessaV 15]

Thank you all for your responses

 

I guess what I should do is speak openly to him about it and see what it comes from there..

[Alura 2,774]

Absolutely, Vanessa! Let us know how it goes. Good luck!

 

Alura

[twistedpretzels 100]

Not silly. I'd actually be crushed. But follow the suggestions. Do not talk about it when you are upset etc. And perhaps let him read the thread about your concerns-- keep us posted.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Thank you all for your responses

 

I guess what I should do is speak openly to him about it and see what it comes from there..

 

ALWAYS the best course of action. Good luck!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

"Show me a man who doesn't eat pussy," remarked the Sergeant, "and I'll show you a way to steal his girl friend." He walked away.

 

HA!HA! I had a drill that when the subject of giving oral sex to a woman would come up he would always say, "Let me tell you, Jody knows how to eat pussy!" and then walk away.

 

Plenty of guys that were against it could not wait to get home to go down on their girlfriend or wife.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

As much as I'd be pissed, I'd say it's not that uncommon. Unfortunately, sometimes we are willing to do things for others and make more of an effort to please strangers than those who love us. We take them for granted. The real issue here is that he's not understanding why you would be upset by this. I hope by now you've had a chance to really talk with him openly, and you'll let us know how it turns out.

[Suncouple 32]

"I brought the subject once when we were already arguing, and he said that he just felt like doing it at that moment."

 

You have already had some feedback on this but .... you understand now.

 

Here is some constructive advice:

 

1. Be sure to shower and be clean. Some guys like a strong scent but he may not. So, if you have been working up a sweat on the dance floor for a couple of hours - rinse off.

 

2. Regarding number 1, a bath is better than a shower. A shower may not work as well as you think without some leg-spreading and wash cloth action. Best advice if you shower only is to get a hand-held shower-massage type sprayer on a hose so it's easier to wash UP. Again, some guys like a strong scent but it is an acquired taste for many.

 

3. Wait until he is really turned on to suggest it. If he is hesitant he'll be more interested after his juices are flowing rather than in the car when you are driving home. Also, make sure he has yet to come and keep him that way.

 

4. Lube is really important for you and you can help yourself and him with a flavored lube. Be careful of the mint because that can burn some womens sensitive tissues. Experiment and have fun.

 

OK. Here is the best advice I can give you.

 

Make him read this book:

 

"She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" - Ian Kerner

 

Amazon.com: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (9780060538262): Ian Kerner: Books

 

Today the Amazon link shows 168 almost perfect five star reviews.

 

That's for a reason. All you experienced Swingersboard guys think you know it all? I found out otherwise.

[DigginIt 1,132]

I believe that in the heat of the moment you may be inclined to try something new but that is not what this sounded like.

 

I'd be pretty pissed if my wife...oh let's say...would give a guy a blow job but not me (completely hypothetical really). If ANYTHING it should be the opposite, he will go down on you but not on other women.

 

I also believe that it's expected in swinging. If a guy won't go down on my wife it's a deal breaker...period. So maybe he knows that (still doesn't excuse it). I hope you get it all worked out.

[JandT_Elkhart 76]

Update?

[VanessaV 15]

Hello all! thank you all for your responses

 

Well, I tried to speak about it with him and solve it through talking, however his attitude always remained as "hey, why are you still nagging about this? I would never say anything about something you did" ¬¬ aand... still he didn't go down on me... and he was also getting some attitudes I didn't like (he did everything he could to show me he didn't really care about me) so, as someone here very wisely said.... maybe it´s time to get stolen from him... and so I did, I got totally stolen from him. and.. really happy I did actually

 

Well, that is the update. Sorry for taking so long in replying guys.

 

Thank you and take care

[Alura 2,774]

Congratulations, Vanessa! I think you made a wise decision. Please hang around and continue to join in our discussions.

 

Alura