I chickened out & now I'm second guessing myself

[freakyweds69 15]

My husband and I just recently decided to venture into this lifestyle after our first experience together not too long ago inviting a friend into the bedroom with us. This wasn't my first experience but it was definitely his first as well as our first as a couple. We created profiles on several websites in hopes to branch out and meet like-minded people. The other day I checked our e-mail to find a couple who was interested in us and after seeing their pictures we agreed that physically they were our kind of people. We replied to their e-mail telling them just that and asked if there was anything else they wanted to know that wasn't on our profile (in this particular case I'm talking about fuckbook.com). We then got a quick e-mail back saying - and I'm paraphrasing here - "No just want to meet up before [insert date]. Can you host? Here's our number XXX-XXX-XXXX." I (wife) kind of got cold feet after that I'm not gonna lie. I guess I was expecting for them to be more personal. I don't know if that's an unrealistic expectation since I'm still new. I wasn't expecting to get their whole life's story or anything nor was I wanting to talk to them for weeks via e-mail before we actually met up but the fact that they didn't want to know anything, like our rules for example, kind of threw me off. I feel like if we did exchange numbers and meet up then we would be pressured into taking all of our clothes off and get right to business. I'm not comfortable with that idea nor do I want to waste their time so I sent them an e-mail saying that in our response. Now I feel like a flaker. I know this is what I want to do and I know my husband feels the same. Did I do the right thing or should I have given them a chance first and arranged for us to meet up with them? What's the best way to ease into this lifestyle? I don't want to rush things & I feel like if we would've gone through with this we would've been jumping into the deep end of the pool headfirst without knowing how to swim yet.

[km34 672]

In general it is completely normal to want to get to know people a bit before agreeing to meet. I can usually tell in one chat session whether or not I will get along with someone and actually WANT to meet. And if I meet someone, I will usually be okay playing with them because I've already kind of gotten a feel on whether or not we're compatible personality-wise.

 

If you haven't done so already, put a line in your profile about wanting to talk once or exchange a few messages before exchanging phone numbers/meeting. Anyone who isn't willing to put in that time or the effort won't contact you, or if they do you can politely remind them of what they should have read.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I agree about making a comment in your profile. I think it'll make it easier to, politely, decline with the folks who think it's a waste of time!

 

And, I think you'll find that a lot of couples want to get to know new partners first, just like you do.

 

Don't feel bad at all and certainly don't feel like a flake! Now it's always nice to be considerate but, this about you and your husband first!

[StewartP 171]

Entirely normal, and don't panic. You did the right thing. Always follow your instincts - if something seems off about a couple then back out.

 

In an ideal world you want all participants expectations to be clearly understood, a strong physical attraction between the couples, a level of confidence and trust so you can really let go, and interests in common so you can get along and have something to chat about inbetween bouts of lovemaking.

 

But don't overthink too much - it's just sex - it's just for fun.

 

This ideal world is possible and does happen and it is fantastic when it does. It just takes patience and judgement. It's worth it.

[twistedpretzels 100]

Always follow your instincts. Some folks truly are more adept at a fast meet and f and that might have been their way. I like to chat with people via email IM and or phone first too. I found out one person was a total drunk that way. LOL. Follow your instincts and keep us posted.

[freakyweds69 15]

Thank you all for your input I really appreciate it! So far no response back but if we never get one that's fine. Their loss I guess. Before I found this forum I would've jumped at the opportunity despite my reservations especially since we've had a hard time meeting people in this lifestyle online. Now that we know to hit up a club and we will meet plenty of people that way we are being a bit more selective. Not to say we are going to be ridiculously picky just that we know that this opportunity and any others we might have won't be our last

[StewartP 171]

There is nothing more attractive than a positive attitude!

Oh! plus a big smile and a wiggle of that ass!

[freakyweds69 15]

There is nothing more attractive than a positive attitude!

Oh! plus a big smile and a wiggle of that ass!

 

Duly noted!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

One thing to remember about the lifestyle, and life for that matter, is if you are not comfortable then don't do it.

 

Most people we have met want a meet & greet before moving on to playing, as do we. If you click then you can make another date for playing. If you really click and everyone is okay with it then you can decide to go ahead and have fun then.

 

But we feel we are better off having that space between M&G and playing, as long as it does not turn into endless dates before we play. If one M&G is not enough to figure out if we are compatible then why would two dates be? Let alone 12 dates.

 

What you guys did is perfectly normal, even expected. But you might want to make a list of things you would like to know in more detail, even if they are insignificant things just to get a conversation started. Once you start talking things will flow more naturally. Who knows the other couple may have been new to the LS as well and just not know what to ask.

[freakyweds69 15]

[Y]ou might want to make a list of things you would like to know in more detail, even if they are insignificant things, just to get a conversation started. Once you start talking things will flow more naturally. Who knows the other couple may have been new to the LS as well and just not know what to ask.

 

They actually e-mailed us back and said they understood and if we still were interested that there was no pressure to play. I really appreciate your suggestion to make a list of things we'd like to know and will take your advice on that! Thank you

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

You are very welcome!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Always trust your gut! Had I been in the same situation and gotten that response I probably would have bailed as well. That said, I'm not familiar with fuckbook so I don't know if perhaps that's the status quo there. If so, you may want to think about looking elsewhere to find people who may be more on your level. I've never been comfortable with the idea of just hitting up a profile and then agreeing to meet up for sex without any interaction, that just kinda skeeves me out. So, no, I don't think you did anything wrong and don't need to feel like a flake. Whatever the reason they set off your internal alarm system and you decided it wasn't a good idea to proceed.

[fallon couple 20]

we always try to make the 1st meeet at a netrual place.. ie a restraunt, or somewhere public yet private enough to talk about the ls and what were looking for/rules

then there is no pressure on anyone to play.

the only downside of this is time and the expense of travel.

but if there is chemistry you can easily move forward either then or make plans for a 2nd date if not your not out much

we have a clothing optional hot springs 2 hours from us usually closer for them that works well for a 1st meet. evryone gets to see each other naked, but there isnt pressure for play. but we have found places to play there when wanted:D