Does [body] size matter?

[freakyweds69 15]

I know what some of you are thinking, "It's not the size of the boat; it's the motion of the ocean!" That's not what I'm asking in this particular case. My husband is perfectly secure with his size. He's not too big, not too small. Just thought I'd say that

 

ANYWAY what I'm talking about is me. I'm younger than most of the people we've come across so far (I'm 24) but life still happened to me. I have 2 kids and am thick. I've always had a thick lower body but after becoming a mommy - which I am grateful for because I love my kids & now I have b(.)(.)bs - I also lost my flat stomach.

 

I'm the kind of person who would look past someone's physical imperfections if they are someone I click with both personality-wise and sexually so how important is being fit in this lifestyle to most of you? After all we're all here for the physical aspect of relationships: sex. I'm 5'8'' and weigh between 170-175 depending on what time of day I weigh myself. I was originally at 220 . Am I out of my league here? My husband is in the Army so he does PT every day and is in the best shape of his life so I'm concerned that we won't find anyone who wants to play with us because of me.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

You'll find many females that are larger than you, smaller than you, and just about the same size as you.

 

A great outgoing personality and sexy attitude will go a long way in your success as a swinging couple.

 

[twistedpretzels 100]

Nope. You sound cute and sexy and people will like that just fine. At 5'8" and 170 you are just great. I am 5'6" and 215 (down from 260) and recently got a lap band.(at wt 225)... I am already missing my own curves and Pete looks at my tummy and says he's missing that part of me. Really! I did the lap band for health and not figure reasons soooooo we will see. I understand your angst though.... kind of a girl thing I think. Hugs!

[vulnrop 15]

Congratulation on the weight lose and the birth of your children. Oh did I say that was/is life. My husband married me when I weighed 160 pounds, I had kids was up to around 175 pounds. I lost weight and got down to 120 pounds (we hit a rough patch in our marriage) I know weigh around 145 and he still says he loves me no matter what. We have had a number of encounters in the lifestyle and most people aren't perfect. Don't expect people to always be those skinny people you see in pictures.

[Learning 160]

Prior to baby, I was at 5'7 and 170 I never had really any problems with people. Now I'm about 30 pounds heavier and there's no way we will swing again until we are in shape. I just don't feel comfy in my skin. If you feel good about yourself, you'll do terrific

[sweetandspicy 15]

I don't know anyone who is perfect. It's the flaws that make one an individual. I know plenty of women who are overweight and sexy. It's all in how you use it and it starts in the mind. So, be who you want to be, it takes more than one type of person to make the world interesting. How boring it would be otherwise!

PS, my brother-in-law broke up with every girlfriend he had when they lost weight and has been happily married to a chunky woman for 25+ years!

[angelkin 1,326]

Hubby prefers a chunky woman (lucky for me). I am thick and we get a lot of interest...that being said, I think there's a fine line with weight and some people aren't attracted to bigger people. The key, as others have mentioned, is how you feel about yourself. If you feel sexy and confident, people will see that and find you attractive.

[lovinher 505]

I know what some of you are thinking, "It's not the size of the boat; it's the motion of the ocean!" That's not what I'm asking in this particular case. My husband is perfectly secure with his size. He's not too big, not too small. Just thought I'd say that

 

ANYWAY what I'm talking about is me. I'm younger than most of the people we've come across so far (I'm 24) but life still happened to me. I have 2 kids and am thick. I've always had a thick lower body but after becoming a mommy - which I am grateful for because I love my kids & now I have b(.)(.)bs - I also lost my flat stomach.

 

I'm the kind of person who would look past someone's physical imperfections if they are someone I click with both personality-wise and sexually so how important is being fit in this lifestyle to most of you? After all we're all here for the physical aspect of relationships: sex. I'm 5'8'' and weigh between 170-175 depending on what time of day I weigh myself. I was originally at 220 . Am I out of my league here? My husband is in the Army so he does PT every day and is in the best shape of his life so I'm concerned that we won't find anyone who wants to play with us because of me.

 

Never underestimate the value of personality and a sincere smile.

[freakyweds69 15]

Don't expect people to always be those skinny people you see in pictures.

 

I feel much more confident now! I like to think I have an easy to get along with personality. My husband sure does and we both love to laugh and make others laugh. I'm comfy in my own skin for the most part; I could stand to loose maybe 15 more pounds but the main issue is my tummy area and skin that got stretched a lot (my pregnant belly was HUGE) that will eventually go back - I hope - with time. I just didn't know what the physical expectations were in this lifestyle. My expectations are realistic but via our online profiles it seemed that a lot of people are expecting porn star material and that is SO not me!

[armi555 15]

I feel much more confident now! I like to think I have an easy to get along with personality. My husband sure does and we both love to laugh and make others laugh. I'm comfy in my own skin for the most part; I could stand to loose maybe 15 more pounds but the main issue is my tummy area and skin that got stretched a lot (my pregnant belly was HUGE) that will eventually go back - I hope - with time. I just didn't know what the physical expectations were in this lifestyle. My expectations are realistic but via our online profiles it seemed that a lot of people are expecting porn star material and that is SO not me!

 

Being new to this, our few ads we haven't run into that. Maybe because we're in our 40's, but my wife is a stunning beauty, me, I think I'm OK, still in good shape because I've worked out all my life, wife says I'm handsome, but I know compared to her, just not the same level. We put up one ad and it got over 40 hits in one day from men and women wanting to get with us, but I know it's mostly her by all the comments. I just take it in stride......

 

However, even with all the good looking younger couples coming on, we're both more attracted to the average older couple near our age, I know she is, even with hot couples in their 20's wanting to play.

 

 

I know neither of us have to have perfect specimans, in fact the thought of being able to play with different body types is part of the fun.

 

My wife still has her model figure in clothes, but obvious has a few issues from children, some stretch marks, boobs aren't as perfect as they once were, but to me those are beauty marks, they show her love for us, what she went through to bring my kids into the world. I've never once in 15 years made a comment about these, men that do are shallow. My poor thin wife really got big during pregnancy, went from 110 to 170....I loved the feel of her when she was larger.

[DigginIt 1,132]

I would say that you are above average (looked at profile) with the majority of people we know. You have a very sexy body.

 

Some will disagree with this but it's more important how your guy looks as usually the women have the most say in playing. I think you two have nothing to worry about in the body department.

[StewartP 171]

I've never once in 15 years made a comment about these, men that do are shallow.

 

I was chatting to a guy once, on a swinger site, and things were progressing well, until he said to me: " I love your wife's tits, they are much better than my wife's"

I was so astounded that anyone would put their wife down like that, I sat stunned for a few seconds and then blacklisted their profile.

[DigginIt 1,132]

I was chatting to a guy once, on a swinger site, and things were progressing well, until he said to me: " I love your wife's tits, they are much better than my wife's"

I was so astounded that anyone would put their wife down like that, I sat stunned for a few seconds and then blacklisted their profile.

 

If people don't appreciate what they have then why should we give them the opportunity to appreciate what we have

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

I'm concerned that we won't find anyone who wants to play with us because of me.

 

This is a very common refrain for women who post here. Perfectly normal concern. But, it's heavily motivated by covers of magazines with digitally manipulated models (read: society overpressure on women to be 'perfect', as in stick thin with big boobs and blonde hair)

 

You know what? You're perfect. If you think nobody will find you attractive in the lifestyle, then is your husband the only person in the world who is crazy enough to find you attractive? Obviously that can't be the case.

 

No matter what size you are, there will be men who find you attractive, and men who don't. You can't control that. Some men just aren't interested in women who are sticks. Some men just aren't interested in women others describe as BBW. No matter where you are in the spectrum, this will be the case.

 

What you can do is put your best foot forward, be yourself, and if a guy is not attracted to you he's just saved you the time you otherwise might have invested in chatting with him.

[StewartP 171]

I'm concerned that we won't find anyone who wants to play with us because of me.

 

I missed that until I saw it quoted in bbarnsworth's reply.

 

Please believe me, that's not the case. Some people have very strict physical criterea for their partners. Unlucky for them!

 

Just you wait, you will very soon find yourself making love with another man and he'll tell you, honestly and truthfully how sexy and beautiful you are. I know, your husband tells you and you think "aw he just says that because he loves me".

 

Well, when these other guys say it, you'd better believe them, coz it's true, and then you'd better give your hubby a big kiss for being right all along, the lucky bastard!

[armi555 15]

I was chatting to a guy once, on a swinger site, and things were progressing well, until he said to me: " I love your wife's tits, they are much better than my wife's"

I was so astounded that anyone would put their wife down like that, I sat stunned for a few seconds and then blacklisted their profile.

 

Yea, that would've done it for me. The way we feel if we limited ourselves to only perfect beings we could miss out on the most fun and possible good friend connections.

[freakyweds69 15]

I would say that you are above average (looked at profile) with the majority of people we know. You have a very sexy body.

 

Some will disagree with this but it's more important how your guy looks as usually the women have the most say in playing. I think you two have nothing to worry about in the body department.

 

Even at my thinnest I was above average thank you for the compliment though, I appreciate it I don't think my husband will have any problems. He doesn't have huge muscles or anything but he's fit and super sexy! I don't think any picture I could take of him would do him justice.

 

Just you wait, you will very soon find yourself making love with another man and he'll tell you, honestly and truthfully how sexy and beautiful you are. I know, your husband tells you and you think "aw he just says that because he loves me".

 

You nailed it! I trust him enough to know that he wouldn't tell me that if he didn't think it were true but I can't help but think that as well as "Well duh YOU think I'm sexy. If you weren't attracted to me you wouldn't have married me!"

 

You know what? You're perfect. If you think nobody will find you attractive in the lifestyle, then is your husband the only person in the world who is crazy enough to find you attractive? Obviously that can't be the case.

 

No matter what size you are, there will be men who find you attractive, and men who don't. You can't control that. Some men just aren't interested in women who are sticks. Some men just aren't interested in women others describe as BBW. No matter where you are in the spectrum, this will be the case.

 

What you can do is put your best foot forward, be yourself, and if a guy is not attracted to you he's just saved you the time you otherwise might have invested in chatting with him.

 

Very true! The thing is I'm a bit more concerned about what other women will think of me vs other men. It seems to me that because women have the most say, like DigginIt said (quoted above), that we are also the most critical. Regardless you're absolutely right. There are plenty of fish in the sea

[Guest Olddog7]

Are you serious? My experience is that the openness and honesty of the swinger lifestyle is what draws us in. We all know each others secrets and we are more forgiving the more mundane faults that people carry.

 

Unless there is an odor, cleanliness, or disease issue

[lovelakelife 25]

Being a bit new to LS clubs, the first thing we noticed was the large number of what some would call, BBW's in the clubs. In fact we would estimate at least 90% of the ladies qualify.Mrs. lovelakelife is actually a small size 5 lady with a very large bust, and felt a bit out of place there. It seems to us that the smaller ladies are the minority, so feel comfortable no matter what size you are!

[StewartP 171]

In February I'll be hooking up with a woman who is BBW.

 

To date, all the women I have been with have been slim.

 

What attracts me to women is as much their personality and spirit as their physique. When she warned me that she was large, I replied, quite honestly, that I really didn't care. I am really looking forward to the experience of enjoying time with a woman I really like as well as experiencing a different body.

Although all my previous playmates have been slim they have also all been completely different.

That's one of the things I love about swinging. If everyone came from the same Barbie-doll mold what a drag that would be. Vive la difference!

[JDApopka 54]

My wife is an older thick woman she does not get any complaints from her playmates. I do my best to encourge her to dress sexy and flaunt it but shes more conservetive.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

If people don't appreciate what they have then why should we give them the opportunity to appreciate what we have

 

Not to mention if they treat their wife that way I would be concerned how they would treat my wife. No respect for his wife = no respect for mine.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I would say that you are above average (looked at profile) with the majority of people we know. You have a very sexy body.

 

I would agree you have nothing to worry about.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

What attracts me to women is as much their personality and spirit as their physique. When she warned me that she was large, I replied, quite honestly, that I really didn't care. I am really looking forward to the experience of enjoying time with a woman I really like as well as experiencing a different body.

Although all my previous playmates have been slim they have also all been completely different.

That's one of the things I love about swinging. If everyone came from the same Barbie-doll mold what a drag that would be. Vive la difference!

 

I agree completely.

 

I think a the vast majority of people have an ideal of what they are looking for physically, me included, particularly when they are new to swinging.

 

Over time I have been astounded by the sexy people we have met that we may not have been attracted to initially on physical factors alone.

 

I was concerned when we started swinging because my wife is attracted to men 10-15 years older and I was attracted to women around my age or 5-10 years younger. She is a couple of years younger than me so there was very little overlap. We struggled to find profiles online that we both liked.

 

Then we started going to socials. There are not stats, ages, weights or heights to review before meeting people at socials, just people, fun people (and some not so fun).

 

I met some of the sexiest women I know and they are older, she met younger guys she found sexy. I like short petite women, but I met a women that is as tall as me, taller in heels, and I am 6'1", she is sexy as can be. Another that was heavier than I had in mind and I would likely not have paid much attention to her profile. But meeting her in person and she was beautiful and sexy and her personality ROCKED!. We have also met some incredibly good looking people that we could not stand to be around, there personality was awful, they were rude to our friends and very self centered.

 

As a result we are both much more open minded about what we look for online, and we really like the socials because we get a better feel for people than you can get from a profile. We still have preferences and look for attractive people but are much more aware that sexy is much more than just looks.

[mmgrrl 15]

I'm 5'7 about 130-140 and if I gain weight I don't feel sexy. My 2 bf's find me sexy no matter how big I get. Last year I fucked up my knee really bad while riding my horse, I mean falling off my horse. I needed to have surgery and lots of rest, I ended up gaining 20lbs! I felt frumpy & not very sexy. My boyfriends were very supportive and when my knee was strong enough I started to exercise again & I have since lost those 20lbs.

 

I think it depends on how you feel about your body, If you're not feeling sexy, do something about it. If you do feel sexy, then baby..show your cupcakes off

You could also bang a couple that is around the same size is you or bigger.

[polkcouple 15]

I'm concerned that we won't find anyone who wants to play with us because of me.

 

Thats exactly how I feel, while she is average size (5'3 130) I am above average at 5'10 280 with a small to average endowment, so I feel like I'm a huge turn off, so typically there are few pictures if any of myself.

[Chicup 41]

Thats exactly how i feel, while she is average size (5'3 130) I am above average at 5'10 280 with a small to average endowment, so i feel like im a huge turn off, so typically there are few pictures if any of myself

 

The solution is obvious.

 

It will also make your penis functionally larger.

[shrevecouple 252]

Thats exactly how i feel, while she is average size (5'3 130) I am above average at 5'10 280 with a small to average endowment, so i feel like im a huge turn off, so typically there are few pictures if any of myself

 

You better get over it and post your pics because unless she is the only one that is playing you have to be seen as well. I'd personally much rather someone see my pic up front and turn me down in the virtual world than wait and meet and then see the expression on their face when I'm not what they are wanting or looking for. (of course if we ever even go that route again)

[polkcouple 15]

The solution is obvious.

 

It will also make your penis functionally larger.

 

Constructive criticism fail? I don't even begin to fathom how to understand this response.

 

You better get over it and post your pics because unless she is the only one that is playing you have to be seen as well. I'd personally much rather someone see my pic up front and turn me down in the virtual world than wait and meet and then see the expression on their face when I'm not what they are wanting or looking for. (of course if we ever even go that route again)

 

You have a valid point about being up front. There is always a picture of both of us unedited in our private pictures and if we are interested in meeting someone, they will have access to them.

[drinnt 201]

Congratulation on the weight lose and the birth of your children. Oh did I say that was/is life. My husband married me when I weighed 160 pounds, I had kids was up to around 175 pounds. I lost weight and got down to 120 pounds (we hit a rough patch in our marriage) I know weigh around 145 and he still says he loves me no matter what. We have had a number of encounters in the lifestyle and most people aren't perfect. Don't expect people to always be those skinny people you see in pictures.

 

And even those skinny people you see in pictures are not all that "hot" when clothes come off. Stretch marks appear, moles, scars, things sag. We are ALL human and thus all have unique bodies that tell our particular story. The WHOLE PACKAGE is what matters...it's all that matter and you probably would not want to be with anyone to whom it did not matter anyway...so it's a moot point. GO HAVE FUN!

 

As a bit of encouragement from my personal experience. I always thought I was picky. I always thought I wanted to find that "model" girl. And I have found some pretty as a picture girls. The girls I have found my BEST chemistry with were NOT model girls. Blew my mind, opened my eyes.

 

So go get 'em girl!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

constructive criticism fail? i dont even begin to fathom how to understand this response

 

He's saying lose weight and your cock will be longer because there is less fat around it. This is scientifically true. You'll also be able to go deeper because your abdomen won't be in the way. You'll have more stamina for sex also.

 

I lost 50 lbs, it was hard work, but I'm so much happier and sex is better! I'd really encourage you to lose weight; there are so many benefits.

 

Honestly, I (and many other couples) do find overweight men to be a turn-off. This is about attraction and sex and more people are attracted to couples where both members are in decent shape. You will find some people who don't care about appearance (likely you will not be attracted to them) and some women who like big guys. But your pool of potential partners will be much larger if you are in a healthy weight range.

[polkcouple 15]

funcoupledayton said:

He's saying lose weight and your cock will be longer because there is less fat around it. This is scientifically true. You'll also be able to go deeper because your abdomen won't be in the way. You'll have more stamina for sex also.

 

I lost 50 lbs, it was hard work, but I'm so much happier and sex is better! I'd really encourage you to lose weight; there are so many benefits.

 

Honestly, I (and many other couples) do find overweight men to be a turn-off. This is about attraction and sex and more people are attracted to couples where both members are in decent shape. You will find some people who don't care about appearance (likely you will not be attracted to them) and some women who like big guys. But your pool of potential partners will be much larger if you are in a healthy weight range.

 

Gotcha, that's my next step, I've quit drinking sugar/caffeine and only drink water, I've quit smoking, and once my lung capacity comes to such that I work out without feeling like I'm gonna pass out, I'm going to start working out and watch what I'm eating more closely

[slevin 1,374]

polkcouple said:

Gotcha, that's my next step, I've quit drinking sugar/caffeine and only drink water, I've quit smoking, and once my lung capacity comes to such that I work out without feeling like I'm gonna pass out, I'm going to start working out and watch what I'm eating more closely

 

I gotta say, anytime someone says anything remotely like that I can almost guarantee they won't start working out or watching what they eat. Either you've gotten to the point where you're willing to do it now, or you won't. If you want this, stop making excuses to put it off and start tomorrow. Go to the gym; even if it's just 15 minutes walking on a treadmill. Go and do something; start now.

 

I say this as a guy who has said those same excuses many times

[freakyweds69 15]

First of all, thanks to everyone for taking the time to respond! I've been inactive for awhile because my husband is deployed & he decided to knock me up before he left! Every single one of you has basically said the same thing: get out there & have fun. We're going to as soon as the hubs gets back & I'm down to my ideal weight goal (not for potential partners but for my confidence 'cause confidence is sexy)!

 

Gotcha, that's my next step, I've quit drinking sugar/caffiene and only drink water, I've quit smoking, and once my lung capacity comes to such that I work out without feeling like I'm gonna pass out, I'm going to start working out and watch what I'm eating more closely

 

This may sound a little blunt but if you can f***, you can run! In all seriousness though if you're ready to lose weight start off slow. Start counting calories instead of jumping straight into a strict workout routine. They have free apps for your smartphone you can use to help you count them! If you feel like you're just not doing enough by only counting calories start walking or go swimming. These are two things that are good for you to help build your lung capacity that aren't too strenuous on your body. Work up to doing things faster and before you know it you'll be running (or swimming) laps without having to stop because you can't breathe! Good luck!

 

- I

[drinnt 201]

Just another $.02 to add. It does not take much to get in shape. A healthy lifestyle and diet are key, then add exercise. One without the other is like tires without a car or a car without tires. You need BOTH. My advice would be to avoid going to extremes quickly. A body is not used to extremes and "fad diets" over time will lead to training a body to HOLD FAT because it never knows when that next "extreme fast (trauma)" is coming.

 

Start changing things one at a time. As you stick to them, change another, then another...see results and use that encouragement to build on what you have done. Start with INTAKE...eating habits. Start cutting out nicotene, excess alcohol, caffeine, sugar, pre-prepared meals / fast food. Replace with WATER, FRUITS, VEGETABLES, good foods! As you see changes from your diet then start walking 1/2 mile a day on lunch or at home, then a mile a day, then get up to 3-5. Any more than that is overkill, your body will not get much more benefit from walking 10 miles than it will from 3-5 a day. Besides it's hard to maintain EXTREMES and you will likely fall back into habits. That's why its best to change those little habits by SUBSTITUTING good ones in their place.

 

As far as workouts. These extreme "boot camps" and "intensity" style workouts are great...IF YOU ARE TRAINING FOR THE ARMY OR THE OLYMPICS. If you want the body of an olympian than GO FOR IT! Just realize you will have to change your ENTIRE lifestyle to get it. If you want to lose weight and look HWP then just eat right, walk a mile or so a day, and 2-4 times a week do a cardio / weight resistance workout.

 

http://www.bodyrock.tv has some great body weight workout routines that are only 12 minutes long and WILL make a difference for you IF you are also changing your eating habits...again, nothing extreme just what I said above. I work out maybe 2-3 times a week for 20 minutes...walk a mile every few days...and eat right. I still drink moderately and enjoy my desserts. A well rounded lifestyle.

 

I have friends that kill themselves on restrictive diets and workout so hard they are dead most of the time, sore and tired. They don't look all that much better than me and I get to enjoy ice cream. So for what they are getting by punishing themselves are gains I would say are not worth the extra effort. Afterall, we're not olympians. We just wanna be healthy.

 

Good luck and START NOW...AND NOW...AND NOW!

[Learning 160]

Gosh you all are so motivating! It's been a challenging year for me emotionally (vanilla stuff...husbands job relocating, new child, me looking for another job, limbo limbo limbo). As a behaviorist, I know how to lose weight but it's the emotional part of weight that keeps me stagnet. I lost hope there for about 8 months. I started last week eating cleaner. Packing my lunch everyday and getting off the prepackaged stuff. I feel so much better as a person right now.