To certify or not certify, that is the question...

[angelkin 1,326]

We've recently been wondering what people think of our certifications. When we first started, we welcomed certs as a way for people to know we're real and truly do meet and play. As time went on, lots of people we've met at meet n greets have certified us...and now we look like sluts! LOL Honestly, we don't play all that much

 

After a period of time, do you pare down your certifications to just those people you've played with?

 

If so, has anyone ever said anything negative about it like, "Hey, why did you remove our certification?"

 

Do you accept and post comments of all certifications?

 

Do you certify people you've met, but not played with?

 

What about if the swinging went wrong? Do you post something about meeting and just keep it kinda general?

 

When looking at certifications, do you give them much weight in your decision to contact or play with someone?

 

If so, does the number of certs give you reason for pause - thinking this couple will do just anyone?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

After a period of time, do you pare down your certifications to just those people you've played with?

 

If so, has anyone ever said anything negative about it like, "Hey, why did you remove our certification?"

We do not pare down just to pare down. We have, however, removed certifications on the rare occasions when otherwise sensible people add something really stupid or embarrassing to their on-line profile. In one case, we received the question, why did you remove the certification? We dodged the question. They've recovered.

 

Do you certify people you've met, but not played with?

Can't see why a person wouldn't but our personal preference is to not.

 

When looking at certifications, do you give them much weight in your decision to contact or play with someone?

Some weight is given but I have to add right away that some of the most enjoyable people we've met have no certifications.

 

If so, does the number of certs give you reason for pause - thinking this couple will do just anyone?

We are not put off by a larger number of certifications.

[DigginIt 1,132]

We took certifications from people because we felt obligated when they wrote them.

 

We had one really sincere certification from a couple and we felt really sincere about writing theirs so we deleted all others and only kept the one.

 

Nobody has yet to say anything to us about the deletions but we don't think anyone that we have met would be offended from our actions, especially the really casual acquaintances we have met.

 

If I felt they were bothered then we would let them know that we felt that too many certifications are a distraction on our profile. I would not say this but the truth of the matter is we feel that it's far too often people look at who someone may have possibly slept with and form an opinion about them before they have even met.

[losAmantes 318]

Due to work and travel, we don't have much play time . We usually screen out profiles without certs, especially if they've been on for more than 6 months. We're probably missing some nice couples, but we just don't have the time to take a chance on them. Certs should reflect your values and play preferences, they are almost as important as your profile and pics. Certs from M&G's are about worthless for obvious reasons, and multiple M&G certs show that you probably don't really play. Angelkin, your certs look fine, we always look for certs from people we would play with ourselves.

[JoCoCpl 99]

Since we use a site other than SLS for our primary resource, I can't speak to the "certification" standards there. However, on C4P the "validations" are specifically designed to be a notation that you have met someone - nothing more, nothing less.

 

Unfortunately, not everyone there seems to understand that even though it's specifically stated on the validation pages.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Since we use a site other than Swing Lifestyle for our primary resource, I can't speak to the "certification" standards there. However, on C4P the "validations" are specifically designed to be a notation that you have met someone - nothing more, nothing less.

 

Unfortunately, not everyone there seems to understand that even though it's specifically stated on the validation pages.

 

Same thing on S.L.S. It means you have met them.

And it's the same issue on S.L.S. as far as the meaning being understood by the members.

 

Reading comprehension: How does it work?

[wisconsin 58]

I accept certs very seriously I don't date take it from just anybody and usually certify only ones I really enjoyed playing with.

There were lots of guys with excellent certs that were not worthy them so I don't always trust certs.

M&G certs don't show me anything because it usually means people like socializing and it's not what I am looking for here.

 

I have played with couple of guys who were very plain and boring and they had nice certs.

There are a lot of gems without certs who rocked my world. Sometimes women make couple comments in certs that make we become interested the way they describe their experience then I do pay attention.

I usually avoid couples or guys who have lots of certs it gives me an impression that they fuck anything. It's not just that I am afraid of it. I use condoms. I don't care much about anything it just shows me that they are so bored and need any type of stimulation. I avoid them.

[Playful1 434]

honestly, with only (currently) one exception, i only certify someone if i have played with them. I will do it if they hosted a party that i liked but where i did not play with them specifically (my one current exception). I dont actually care if someone thinks i am a slut. I am, lol. Honestly, if the number of people I do or do not certify or who certify me, makes them think twice about me, then, I probably didn't want to play with them in the first place.

 

the only weight I give certs is based on how long they have been on. given that i am on a site that does them, and one that does not...if you are on the one that does, and have been for more than a year and only have one cert or none, then i might question whether you actually play. be that fair or not, given that my first goal is play and friendship second, if it seems like you have not meet enough people and played enough to have more certs, i might be a tiny bit more wary about you. It will not keep me from contacting you though. I just might make extra sure we are on the same page.

 

I also dont care if they will do "just anyone". If i want to play with them, i dont care how many partners they have had. I think people get too caught up with the concept of the "right" number to have played with.

 

I think certs are good and bad. As a single female, i like them because it lets people know i am real.

[2 in C-bus 21]

This is an interesting topic. I've been wondering about this myself. We've only certified one other couple, and that same couple has been the only one to certify us. And that only happened after we'd played several times. I don't really see the value in certifying someone we've run into at a club or M & G-in fact, there are one or two couples in our area who seem to certify a lot of couples that they have just met out casually. When I see a cert from these folks I then put zero stock in the cert. Which is not to say that the certifying couples have bad taste or anything like that, it just means that they certify a ton of people and I don't think they can really get to know all those people that well.

 

I look at certs this way: It's our reputation that is at stake, if we go around certifying a bunch of people we barely know and another couple has a poor experience with them (i.e. drama) then that reflects poorly on us. As far as the "right" number of certs goes, I think two or 3 a year is probably plenty. It lets people know you're out there, you play, but doesn’t make you look slutty.

 

I also look at the people who have certified a couple we are interested in to try to get a broader understanding of that couple.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Unfortunately, not everyone there seems to understand that even though it's specifically stated on the validation pages.

 

A follow up to this post:

Here is a copy/paste of what S.L.S. says a certification is:

A certified member is one that another, trusted, member of the site has vouched for, indicating that they personally know this person and that the person is who they say they are.

 

Going by these standards alone, we as a couple could have given and received hundreds of certifications over the last few years.

 

 

The problem with certifications, as you can see in this thread, is that everyone comes up with their own definition of what it is, instead of going with what it was established to be. I think some put more thought into whether or not to certify someone than they do in deciding whether or not to play with them.

 

That's not going to change, but it is something to keep in mind.

[angelkin 1,326]

So it seems that there are many opinions on certifications...I never guessed they would vary so much.

 

At times, we look at certifications to see if perhaps we are a good match with a couple - to get an idea of others that they like and/or have played with, body types, personalities, etc. Sometimes it's useful, sometimes not.

 

I guess we'll decide what's comfortable for us regarding paring down ours on one site in particular. But it has been interesting hearing others' thoughts on this topic.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

At times, we look at certifications to see if perhaps we are a good match with a couple - to get an idea of others that they like and/or have played with, body types, personalities, etc. Sometimes it's useful, sometimes not.

 

I look at certifications as just one of those personal preference things. To some they are important, to others not, and that goes both for giving or receiving.

 

When we get a contact, I don't even pay them any mind at all, often to the point that I didn't even notice they had any until the better half looks at the profile and points something out she noticed from the certifications. She on the other hand, after the pictures, that's the first thing she looks at to get a feel for the things angelkin mentioned above.

 

Best I can recall, the only certs we have ever given are to those we have actually played with, and the same in return, and for both only in a few instances when we first started swinging. We don't actively use Swing Lifestyle to search for potential playmates anymore, having come to prefer the club/social route over the online hookup, so that probably explains our ambivalence when it comes to our own certifications. Maybe the bigger part sites like Swing Lifestyle make up your swinging game plan, the more likely you are to use the certification feature?

[ALilOEverything 901]

Don't worry about too many certs making you look slutty. I see it as you're fun and experienced. You are who you are.

[km34 672]

I don't really care how many certs people have... I will certify anyone I've met and had a good time with -whether it was sexual or not. Now, I have certified people that I have later learned changed their situation, so I deleted the certification that I gave them. Case in point, the first couple we swapped with broke up. We played with the man as a single male a few years later, but then realized he had kept their profile - as a couple's profile, no gender change or anything. We deleted the cert, because either he was lying on SLS about their status as a couple or he lied to US personally. Either way, we weren't going to endorse it. I don't usually go out of my way to worry about using the certification aspect of the site. If someone we meet and really like doesn't have a cert, we will usually give them one because we know other people do look for it.

[losAmantes 318]

Per Swing Lifestyle: "A certified member is one that another, trusted, member of the site has vouched for, indicating that they personally know this person and that the person is who they say they are." Thanks two4, that spells it out!

 

Two points: First, if you "personally know" a person, it implies a higher standard than casually meeting once at a party or M&G. We all know people in the vanilla world who are great socializer's after work, but real jerks when you get to "personally know" them.

 

Second, "and that the person is who the say they are" emphasis on "and". Who does the person say they are? In the case of Swing Lifestyle, it's who their profile says they are. If a profile said "we don't play, and we only go to M&G's", we would certify them if we met at M&G's and felt comfortable that we "personally" knew them. However, we couldn't accept a cert from them because they wouldn't know if we are "who they say the are" just through chit chat at a M&G or two.

 

"Trusted" members should cert responsibly. All others, keep doing what you want, LOL!

[angelkin 1,326]

Don't worry about too many certs making you look slutty. I see it as you're fun and experienced. You are who you are.

 

haha are you calling me/us a slut? just kidding - we sorta are:)

[ALilOEverything 901]

haha are you calling me/us a slut? just kidding - we sorta are:)

 

Takes one to know one?

 

Seriously though, people are going to read into anything and everyone has their own viewpoint and you aren't going to make them all happy. Don't change what you do just because you're worried about how you're going to be perceived. You'll find better matches if you just leave it be and find those who have the same perspective.

[Learning 160]

I always look at certs as "oh, they have been with those folks" thus giving me the message of how they tend to swing with. I think it's good because it keeps me focused on if they are in the realm of us. Lol, I know our place. I tend to agree with the more certs the more experienced. Our close friends have quite a few certs and my joke with them is that there's no way in hell I'm swinging with them. All the chicks are 50 pounds smaller. Not going to happen!

[ALilOEverything 901]

I always look at certs as "oh, they have been with those folks"

 

We hadn't been with all of ours. If you read mine you should be able to pick out the one we hadn't been with.

[Learning 160]

We hadn't been with all of ours. If you read mine you should be able to pick out the one we hadn't been with.

 

I remember us chatting about that one:)

 

We once had a cert but I removed it. I figured out if someone stumbles upon on our add that we know, I could just blame my hubby for being bad

[shrevecouple 252]

I always look at certs as "oh, they have been with those folks" thus giving me the message of how they tend to swing with. I think it's good because it keeps me focused on if they are in the realm of us. Lol, I know our place. I tend to agree with the more certs the more experienced. Our close friends have quite a few certs and my joke with them is that there's no way in hell I'm swinging with them. All the chicks are 50 pounds smaller. Not going to happen!

 

I know it's wrong but that's how i perceive it too. I see the certs as people they have been with. Part of what does it for me is feeling like someone really thinks I am hot or cute or whatever. If I look on their certs and see some not so cute or fugly people I probably won't believe anything they say about how I look. I like to think that a guy who chooses me has good taste and seeing good looking people on his certs help make me feel that way.

[angelkin 1,326]

I know it's wrong but that's how i perceive it too. I see the certs as people they have been with. Part of what does it for me is feeling like someone really thinks I am hot or cute or whatever. If I look on their certs and see some not so cute or fugly people I probably won't believe anything they say about how I look. I like to think that a guy who chooses me has good taste and seeing good looking people on his certs help make me feel that way.

 

I can understand your point of view, but sometimes physical attraction isn't all there is to sharing sex with someone. I am a person who can usually find something attractive about anyone - enough to sleep with them, not always - but sometimes. We've shared good times with couples we wouldn't have lusted over at the grocery store, but after some good conversation, sexy dancing, and the overall mood of the evening ended up sleeping with them.

[shrevecouple 252]

I can understand your point of view, but sometimes physical attraction isn't all there is to sharing sex with someone. I am a person who can usually find something attractive about anyone - enough to sleep with them, not always - but sometimes. We've shared good times with couples we wouldn't have lusted over at the grocery store, but after some good conversation, sexy dancing, and the overall mood of the evening ended up sleeping with them.

 

Well I honestly have a hard time being really sexually attracted to others so far. I am gonna have to be ok with the belief that others who choose me think nothing more than I am fuckable, not that they really think I am hot. Because when I let myself believe that and then see that they thought someone I think is gross then I feel let down.

[angelkin 1,326]

Well, I think you're hot You're intelligent and well-spoken - to me that is hot...I saw your pic and from what I can see, you're way more than just fuckable!

[shrevecouple 252]

Well, I think you're hot You're intelligent and well-spoken - to me that is hot...I saw your pic and from what I can see, you're way more than just fuckable!

 

That is quite sweet of you. My husband don't get it that what turns me on the most about a "hot guy" wanting to fuck me isn't so much that I get to have sex with a hot body, it's that they wanna have sex with me. It's what makes me feel hot.

 

So yeah if we go to paid. I will only certify people that I am totally into.

[SwingerGirl 132]

I have to admit, I am guilty of looking at someone's certs to try to gauge if they will be attracted to my body type. I have my height and weight on my profile, but no pictures, and I get a constant flow of emails. It is just one of the ways I weed people out. I know by doing this I could be missing out on some great people/couples, but until I feel comfortable enough to put my pics up, it will have to do.

 

A little off-topic, but in the same realm. Is it ok to ask someone you have met to cert you? I feel two ways about this- 1. if you liked it enough to come back for more, you shouldn't have a problem certing me, right? 2. they may not cert for some of the reasons mentioned above, i.e. don't want everyone knowing who they play with etc.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

The only thing that we use certs for is fresh breath.

 

 

Ok no really we use altoids.

 

 

We tend to look at certs only to see if that single or couple has actually met people, we really don't care who or how many.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . A little off-topic, but in the same realm. Is it ok to ask someone you have met to cert you? I feel two ways about this- 1. if you liked it enough to come back for more, you shouldn't have a problem certing me, right? 2. they may not cert for some of the reasons mentioned above, ie don't want everyone knowing who they play with etc.

We have, from the beginning, believed that people would have their own reasons to give a certification or not give a certification and that these same people should have the privilege of keeping any reasons to themselves. An early acquaintance shocked us into silence when, across a table at a restaurant, he came right out and tried to shame us into giving his and his female partner's profile a certification. I did not think quickly enough but my wife did. She gave the kind of reply that would qualify a person for a job as an international diplomat. The incident was soon forgotten.

 

We do not certify everybody and not everybody certified us.

[angelkin 1,326]

We've had people outright ask us for a cert, some we did and some we didn't - them asking didn't affect our decision to do so.

[CandyCane 33]

We call them validations on the website we belong to. We take the time to get to know people before we can give an honest validation, but every site has validation hoarders, lol...If you even say hello to them while out and about, they give you a validation.

[shy_couple 459]

After a period of time, do you pare down your certifications to just those people you've played with?

 

Yes and no. We have 3 certs on our SLS account. 2 are from people who hosted a party that we attended. 1 was from some good friends in the lifestyle.

 

If If so, has anyone ever said anything negative about it like, "Hey, why did you remove our certification?"

 

No. Nobody has said anything.

 

Do you accept and post comments of all certifications?

 

No. We do have a few that we accepted but did not post.

 

Do you certify people you've met, but not played with?

 

Absolutely. This is a little more sticky. We had a small meet and greet group and we certified anyone who asked. Even if we would not have done that we still would certify. So much of the problem on-line is to find out who is fake and who is real. So we have no objection to saying a few kind words about people that we meet. It lets other people know that they are indeed real, a couple, and they are exploring the lifestyle and not some lurching single male or a flakey couple who will stand you up.

 

A little disclaimer, our certs are left vague intentionally. We do not "kiss and tell." For us, it is nobody's business what consenting adults do when they meet and we see no need to share that info. We usually say something like "We met this couple (at a party or for drinks). They are fun, real, and sexy. We look forward to spending more time with them in the future" or something along those lines.

 

What about if the swinging went wrong? Do you post something about meeting and just keep it kinda general?

 

See above answer.

 

When looking at certifications, do you give them much weight in your decision to contact or play with someone?

 

We like to see what others have to say but more importantly to us are the people who certify. If we feel that all of us would be looking for similar things on our profiles, that gives us a big thumbs up. If the certifiers are bareback, gang-bang, 420 friendly type, that would rule out the certifier and the certify-ee. But that may just be us.

 

Another thing we notice is the dates. We were contacted by one couple who had joined SLS a couple of months prior and had certs from almost every weekend since joining.

 

If so, does the number of certs give you reason for pause - thinking this couple will do just anyone?

We totally treat this as a hobby and not as a lifestyle. 2 or 3 lets us know you are real and have a little experience. Up to 5 doesn't send any red flags, 5-10 gets a little iffy. Over 10, probably not for us.

 

 

This is funny because we started a thread a few years ago after we met a couple, had dinner, drinks, hot tub, and fooled around. We asked for a cert and they turned us down. Their answer was that when people cert others make assumptions about what happened and blah...blah...blah. It did upset us we saw them naked and touched their goodies and vice versa. Finally blew it off and chalked it up to their quirkiness and decided to use the experience as a learning opportunity.

[dovedark 15]

We have no certs at this time and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand it would be an indicator that we are real and do meet and hopefully that would bring more "traffic" our way. On the other hand that little church girl in me is saying, "don't get certified, it will proclaims your slut status to the world." LOL Hubby could care less either way.

[losAmantes 318]

We have no certs at this time and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand it would be an indicator that we are real and do meet and hopefully that would bring more "traffic" our way. On the other hand that little church girl in me is saying, "don't get certified, it will proclaims your slut status to the world." LOL Hubby could care less either way.

 

If you think you're a slut because you're in the lifestyle maybe you should reconsider your choice.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Certs are simply a way of having others verify that you are 'real'. They are helpful when they exist, especially helpful when the certs come from people you know.