Your Swinging Rule List

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Hello, everyone! Mr. Sunbuckus and I have been talking about general swinging issues of jealousy, bigger body parts on the other couple, etc. However, I was curious about a comprehensive "rule" list to discuss. For example, condoms? (YES!) Should we use signals to show dis/interest or not? Sex on first day or not? What else should we be considering that might not be obvious?

[angelkin 1,326]

Anal and swallowing are on our list of "No's"...that's reserved just for us:)

[km34 672]

Our only rule is no anal. We also don't PLAN on sex during the first meet, although if we talk about it (just the two of us, without the other person/couple within hearing range) and agree, we will go for it. We've tried to come up with a gesture or something to let the other know that we are definitely NOT interested or definitely ARE interested, but it has never worked out so we went back to having to outright say out loud to the other what we want.

[lovinher 505]

Some couples start with no rules and some with many. The only rules that matter are the limits you as a couple have right now. There is no right or wrong. Although the more rules you have, the less likely you will find couples willing to play, but that's OK. IMO, rules should be in place for newbies until you both figure out what you are comfortable with. Chances are they will change as you go.

 

We have a signal for "let's talk". But usually all I have to do is look at her to determine interest or disinterest.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

The only rules that matter are the limits you as a couple have right now. There is no right or wrong.

 

This.

 

Don't have a long list of rules just so you can say "We have rules".

Make rules only about what is important to you. As you proceed with swinging, you may identify some things that you hadn't previously considered, but now would like to apply a boundary to. You may also find that one of your rules was really useless, and there's no need for it. Adjust as you go.

 

Over time we have washed away most of our rules. It basically comes down to "if in doubt, ask", get permission/an ok before playing solo, and "have fun".

We both know that we can at any time add a rule back if either of us feels the need.

 

As far as sexual acts, we really don't have a "just for us" thing. We're open to anything that turns us on.

 

Good luck!

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Thanks all, for your input. Maybe I'm curious about what type of rules some couples have out there. I was thinking this morning about a situation where two couples were swapping but one male couldn't get his equipment to function correctly, thus cutting playtime short for him and the swapped female. Would it be more prudent to allow the other female and male continue to play (and the two out of commission partners would eat a sandwich in the corner...I kid!) or would the two couples cut their losses and maybe meet a different night?

 

Also, when discussing "rules" with another couple do you set everything out first in email/chat/online or in person before playtime?

[EroticImaginati 16]

We set our rules out right from the front. We really only have one rule as far as sex goes: No kissing during intercourse. Which, neither of us are fans of kissing after our mouths have been on each other's, or someone else's, genitalia.

 

We have had to make other rules, like we only sleep next to each other, only shower with each other, etc. because we were actually presented with these situations a while back (weird, right?).

[sunbuckus 3,567]

We set our rules out right from the front. We really only have one rule as far as sex goes: No kissing during intercourse. Which, neither of us are fans of kissing after our mouths have been on each other's, or someone else's, genitalia.

 

We have had to make other rules, like we only sleep next to each other, only shower with each other, etc. because we were actually presented with these situations a while back (weird, right?).

 

EroticImaginati, that was interesting! Thanks for sharing. We'll have to talk about the no kissing thing after performing oral on the other couple. Those are definitely something I wouldn't have thought about.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

sunbuckus said:

Thanks all, for your input. Maybe I'm curious about what type of rules some couples have out there. I was thinking this morning about a situation where two couples were swapping but one male couldn't get his equipment to function correctly, thus cutting playtime short for him and the swapped female. Would it be more prudent to allow the other female and male continue to play (and the two out of commission partners would eat a sandwich in the corner...?

 

Does not seem an effective "rule". Consider the pressure under which your man would be working. If he fails to get a hard-on, he will be required to sit in a corner. With this planted into his head, he might never get one. Play should not have to stop when Little Oscar becomes soft.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Our only rules are condoms for intercourse and permission first before separate play.

 

No kissing is a very difficult rule for us and I won't play again with a no kissing partner.

 

We've never encountered someone who wouldn't kiss after oral. I did used to feel that way a few years ago, though. Then someone said this: It doesn't really seem that logical. They were licking you, now you won't kiss them? What does that say about you? I'm a logical person so that made sense to me and I'm good with kissing someone who has gone down on me now. Guys I've been with seem fine with kissing me after I've gone down on them, even when they've come in my mouth. Honestly if someone refused to kiss me after I've swallowed their come, I'd be a little offended.

 

The less rules, the less likely you'll be to break them and the more comfortable you'll be.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Sunbuckus, WELCOME! This is a great question and one all couples new to swinging should be considering. You've received some great answers. I'd like to add on ours...

 

What is important to you may be very different than what is important to other couples. It's hard for us to know what rules might be worth considering for you. I've seen lots of rules noted on this forum before; no kissing, no anal, nothing that feels more intimate than sexual, same room always, only with couples not singles, where cumming is allowed or preferred (or maybe allowed at all), etc.

 

What I recommend, and what worked really well for us, was to read this forum a lot. When you read about a new situation you hadn't thought of before, talk it over with your spouse. See how the two of you feel about that scenario. It can generate a lot of good discussion about your comfort levels. Keep doing this. It's ok to go back over territory you've talked about before, even many times. It's all new territory, and you're learning by leaps and bounds in a short time window what you learned about regular dating over many years. If there's a question you have, feel free to ask. We're always happy to answer here.

 

New couples frequently have a lot of rules. That's ok. It's what helps you make sense of all of it, and give some sense of control over it so it doesn't go too far before you're ready. There's nothing wrong with that. Just be aware that what usually happens is that over time with more swing experiences those rules will tend to evaporate as your comfort level with swinging goes up.

 

My wife and I use to have a whole host of rules, including the no kissing rule. We dropped that after seeing a survey here about expectations of kissing in swinging, and realizing it wasn't that big of a deal. Now, the only rules we have have to do with STD prevention and our "golden parachute" rule; if either one of us wants to stop what is going on, they need only say so (and both of us are assertive enough to be comfortable doing that). We then get dressed (if need be) and make a polite exit. There's no debating, no "but...?" etc. We leave. We can discuss the situation after we leave, when we are in private with each other. Neither of us has ever invoked that rule, but it allows both of us a sense of empowerment to stop any situation we're not happy with.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Sunbuckus, WELCOME! This is a great question and one all couples new to swinging should be considering. You've received some great answers. I'd like to add on ours...

 

What is important to you may be very different than what is important to other couples. It's hard for us to know what rules might be worth considering for you. I've seen lots of rules noted on this forum before; no kissing, no anal, nothing that feels more intimate than sexual, same room always, only with couples not singles, where cumming is allowed or preferred (or maybe allowed at all), etc.

 

What I recommend, and what worked really well for us, was to read this forum a lot. When you read about a new situation you hadn't thought of before, talk it over with your spouse. See how the two of you feel about that scenario. It can generate a lot of good discussion about your comfort levels. Keep doing this. It's ok to go back over territory you've talked about before, even many times. It's all new territory, and you're learning by leaps and bounds in a short time window what you learned about regular dating over many years. If there's a question you have, feel free to ask. We're always happy to answer here.

 

New couples frequently have a lot of rules. That's ok. It's what helps you make sense of all of it, and give some sense of control over it so it doesn't go too far before you're ready. There's nothing wrong with that. Just be aware that what usually happens is that over time with more swing experiences those rules will tend to evaporate as your comfort level with swinging goes up.

 

My wife and I use to have a whole host of rules, including the no kissing rule. We dropped that after seeing a survey here about expectations of kissing in swinging, and realizing it wasn't that big of a deal. Now, the only rules we have have to do with STD prevention and our "golden parachute" rule; if either one of us wants to stop what is going on, they need only say so (and both of us are assertive enough to be comfortable doing that). We then get dressed (if need be) and make a polite exit. There's no debating, no "but...?" etc. We leave. We can discuss the situation after we leave, when we are in private with each other. Neither of us has ever invoked that rule, but it allows both of us a sense of empowerment to stop any situation we're not happy with.

 

bbarnsworth, thank you for the comment! I really like the two main "rules" that you and your wife have. Condoms are a must since I'm not taking any bc and for safety sake. And for comfort, we'll probably stick with same room only if anything goes farther than we anticipate. We're in it together and want to share the experience with each other.

 

I've read about other couples having a no "taking one for the team" rule. Something I've never really thought about until then. I'm not sure I could take one for the team if I'm really not attracted to the male half of the couple. Of course, what's good for the gander is good for the goose....

[Alura 2,774]

Just one comment: More than a few pregnancies have happened when a condom has broken. If you can, I'd suggest a back-up method. In my opinion, the pill is best.

 

While we were trying to conceive, we quit swinging.

 

Alura

[LFM2 1,482]

I don't have a lot to add to this.

 

Your rules should be customized for what works for you.

 

When we first started, we had many, many rules. We've pared them down to maybe just two or three, but we also know that situations arise and an old rule may come back and either one of us has the power to veto and can stop play at any time. We've customized our rules to fit each situation as it occurs.

 

That almost makes us sound wishy-washy, but we're not. We rarely switch-up rules. We're happy campers who are just out to have fun with a little kink rolled in.

 

And, I have to second Alura's post. Use as much birth control as you need. Unless your goal is to get pregnant by a play partner (with their consent, of course), you don't want to be left with a broken condom and wonder what the hell happened and who the father is.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Just one comment: More than a few pregnancies have happened when a condom has broken. If you can, I'd suggest a back-up method. In my opinion, the pill is best.

 

While we were trying to conceive, we quit swinging.

 

Alura

 

Alura, excellent suggestion! We might just hold off of full swapping until I'm ready to go for permanent birth control. I don't do well with pills and hormones.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I don't have a lot to add to this.

 

Your rules should be customized for what works for you.

 

When we first started, we had many, many rules. We've pared them down to maybe just two or three, but we also know that situations arise and an old rule may come back and either one of us has the power to veto and can stop play at any time. We've customized our rules to fit each situation as it occurs.

 

That almost makes us sound wishy-washy, but we're not. We rarely switch-up rules. We're happy campers who are just out to have fun with a little kink rolled in.

 

And, I have to second Alura's post. Use as much birth control as you need. Unless your goal is to get pregnant by a play partner (with their consent, of course), you don't want to be left with a broken condom and wonder what the hell happened and who the father is.

 

The overall consensus leans toward not having too many rules but that rules are good to have for newbies. The main reason why I was asking for a rule list was not really to have a long list of rules but just an idea of what others' have/had and discuss them with Mr. Sunbucks to see how we would both feel about it, if it really was important or not. We'd like to think we're open but you just never know what oddball stuff might be out there that we wouldn't have fathomed in a million years.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Alura, excellent suggestion! We might just hold off of full swapping until I'm ready to go for permanent birth control. I don't do well with pills and hormones.

 

I echo Alura's comments on birth control. By the way, Alura's one of the wisest people on this forum. Were it not for him saying "Y'all" occasionally, you'd think he was a zen master sitting on a cloud enshrouded mountain somewhere, with a trail leading up the mountain, and a diminutive sign at the trail head saying "All wise and knowing sage of swinging ahead" Seriously, Alura's full of lots of good advice.

 

I can understand having problems with pills and hormones. But, depending on condoms alone to not get pregnant from swinging is risky. Accidents happen; sometimes condoms slip off, sometimes they break. You just don't know. Having another form of birth control is important. My wife and I almost always have two forms in play. She had her tubes tied and an oblation (Novasure) done two years ago now. She's very, very happy with the results (almost no period anymore, sometimes none at all). The chances of her getting pregnant even without a condom are something like 1 in 6,000 per year now. With a condom, it's astronomical. It's kinda hard to enjoy having sex with a new play partner while wondering if you're going to get pregnant from the experience. Barring permanent means; how about an IUD? Cervical cap? Diaphragm? Just suggestions.

 

We'd like to think we're open but you just never know what oddball stuff might be out there that we wouldn't have fathomed in a million years.

 

The most important rule: "I love you!" with you spouse seriously, there's a lot of truth to that. Even with lots of discussion, there will still be unusual situations that crop up from time to time. You just never know. What's really important is you're together, on the same page, have a good idea where your comfort levels are, and if you're stretching beyond them you've got a sense of empowerment to say as much.

[Alura 2,774]

Alura, excellent suggestion! We might just hold off of full swapping until I'm ready to go for permanent birth control. I don't do well with pills and hormones.

 

That sounds like a smart thing to do. After Twenty-two was born, we practiced oral sex only until we decided to work on Twenty and our older son was weaned. I ate a lot of pussy and Laura got extra protein. It was wonderful!

 

Alura

[Alura 2,774]

I echo Alura's comments on birth control. By the way, Alura's one of the wisest people on this forum. Were it not for him saying "Y'all" occasionally, you'd think he was a zen master sitting on a cloud enshrouded mountain somewhere [in Kashmir], with a trail leading up the mountain, and a diminutive sign at the trail head saying "All wise and knowing sage of swinging ahead [5¢, Please.]" Seriously, Alura's full of lots of good advice.

 

What a nice compliment, B. Thank y'all! (Just joking... "y'all" is never singular. ) I'll admit to the edits.

 

Alura

[sandy_paws 15]

Barring permanent means; how about an IUD? Cervical cap? Diaphragm? Just suggestions.

 

I personally have the copper IUD, no hormones - and love it. It was an SOB to put in (tilted uterus) and leads to more cramping/heavier periods.. but I'll take that over additional hormones any day! Plus it can stay in 10 - 12 years, unlike the hormonal one (max of 5 yrs) .. so no need to worry about becoming pregnant any time soon!

 

just my two cents!

 

Since we haven't started swinging quite yet, I appreciate the thread - good to get others experiences.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I echo Alura's comments on birth control. By the way, Alura's one of the wisest people on this forum. Were it not for him saying "Y'all" occasionally, you'd think he was a zen master sitting on a cloud enshrouded mountain somewhere, with a trail leading up the mountain, and a diminutive sign at the trail head saying "All wise and knowing sage of swinging ahead" Seriously, Alura's full of lots of good advice.

 

I can understand having problems with pills and hormones. But, depending on condoms alone to not get pregnant from swinging is risky. Accidents happen; sometimes condoms slip off, sometimes they break. You just don't know. Having another form of birth control is important. My wife and I almost always have two forms in play. She had her tubes tied and an oblation (Novasure) done two years ago now. She's very, very happy with the results (almost no period anymore, sometimes none at all). The chances of her getting pregnant even without a condom are something like 1 in 6,000 per year now. With a condom, it's astronomical. It's kinda hard to enjoy having sex with a new play partner while wondering if you're going to get pregnant from the experience. Barring permanent means; how about an IUD? Cervical cap? Diaphragm? Just suggestions.

 

 

 

The most important rule: "I love you!" with you spouse seriously, there's a lot of truth to that. Even with lots of discussion, there will still be unusual situations that crop up from time to time. You just never know. What's really important is you're together, on the same page, have a good idea where your comfort levels are, and if you're stretching beyond them you've got a sense of empowerment to say as much.

 

You two are cute. Really. I think I might go the same route as your wife because that would be awesome not having to worry about pesky Aunt Flo visiting. The only thing that is stopping me right now is that I'm not 100% certain that I don't want anymore children. The IUD scares the heck out of me (the possibility of it tearing the uterine wall?) and the cap and diaphragm requires too much fishing for me. I have a hard enough time putting in a tampon. lol

 

I like that last part you put up. All of this is a lot like dating sometimes and I am so, so, so grateful for Mr. Sunbuckus and that we have each other. I can't imagine being single and doing the dating scene. At least in swinging as a couple, we're in this together through the good and bad!

[sunbuckus 3,567]

That sounds like a smart thing to do. After Twenty-two was born, we practiced oral sex only until we decided to work on Twenty and our older son was weaned. I ate a lot of pussy and Laura got extra protein. It was wonderful!

 

Alura

 

That's great for you two! Personally, I'm not big into oral for some reason, receiving or giving. I only like to hear Mr. Sunbuckus enjoy it when I give it...but I prefer penetration.

[wisconsin 58]

I have had copper IUDs for all my reproductive years when we didn't want have kids. They are great protection and I would recommend it to any of my friends.No problems ever...

About rules 3 rules.

1.condoms always

2. I would prefer to know where my partner wants to cum before I get surprised

3. don't forget to enjoy it:D

 

Don't like preplanned activities and everything depends on a partner. If we enjoy our partners and have good chemistry separate rooms, kissing, anal or whatever makes everybody happy.

We usually prefer to know the rules of people we are going to play with. Usually and sorry to be blunt it's women who create drama and role their eyes and we avoid people with too many rules.

 

We did have a situation where I had to say that I got a headache and we would need to go in a middle of a play. I just couldn't play with that man and my hubby did enjoy his wife a lot. We both said that we are sorry but we have to leave. They did contacted us later for another playdate so I don't think we upset them. Hubby never complained about it.

Whenever I play with single men they never have too many rules maybe just condoms. They usually are up for anything as soon as I make a move or offer something. Never had a male partner who would decline kissing or anal.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

You two are cute. Really. I think I might go the same route as your wife because that would be awesome not having to worry about pesky Aunt Flo visiting. The only thing that is stopping me right now is that I'm not 100% certain that I don't want anymore children. The IUD scares the heck out of me (the possibility of it tearing the uterine wall?) and the cap and diaphragm requires too much fishing for me. I have a hard enough time putting in a tampon. lol

 

I like that last part you put up. All of this is a lot like dating sometimes and I am so, so, so grateful for Mr. Sunbuckus and that we have each other. I can't imagine being single and doing the dating scene. At least in swinging as a couple, we're in this together through the good and bad!

 

IUD's are very safe and have been used for many years. I'd talk to your doctor about your concerns. You still need to be sure to use condoms with other partners because STD's and IUD's are a really bad combination.

 

I just had my tubes tied and endometrial ablation (theramchoice) last month and I'm so glad I did. The tubes were a piece of cake, the ablation was longer recovery for me.

 

Another option is only playing with men who've had vasectomies. More than half the guys we've played with have had one.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I have had copper IUDs for all my reproductive years when we didn't want have kids. They are great protection and I would recommend it to any of my friends.No problems ever...

About rules 3 rules.

1.condoms always

2. I would prefer to know where my partner wants to cum before I get surprised

3. don't forget to enjoy it:D

 

 

I like rule number 2! Thanks for sharing your list.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

IUD's are very safe and have been used for many years. I'd talk to your doctor about your concerns. You still need to be sure to use condoms with other partners because STD's and IUD's are a really bad combination.

 

I just had my tubes tied and endometrial ablation (theramchoice) last month and I'm so glad I did. The tubes were a piece of cake, the ablation was longer recovery for me.

 

Another option is only playing with men who've had vasectomies. More than half the guys we've played with have had one.

 

I've been thinking about doing Essure when the time comes. How bad was the recovery for the ablation?

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Various things you say keep getting me to think of other things it might be useful to say....

 

I like that last part you put up. All of this is a lot like dating sometimes and I am so, so, so grateful for Mr. Sunbuckus and that we have each other. I can't imagine being single and doing the dating scene. At least in swinging as a couple, we're in this together through the good and bad!

 

Swinging IS a lot like dating. Even the rejection part can feel like 'vanilla' dating sometimes. But, the bright side is you always have your spouse.

 

On the good and the bad; this is a question my wife and I went over before swinging "What if we do it and it's bad?" We talked about that for a while, and decided that we'd keep at it for a bit and try different partners. It wouldn't be fair to evaluate all of the swinging world on one or a couple of experiences. Good thing we agreed to that, because my wife's third play partner was "WOW!". As I've posted here before, following the play date with that guy she said, "Ok now I'm a swinger!" She got to have sex with him several times. Good times. Some swinging experiences will be so-so. Some will be great. Hopefully, with some discernment about prospective play partners, none will be bad. Our worst wasn't all that bad. Started out well, then the play time was...bleah. No drama though, and a nice couple to chat with.

 

I've been thinking about doing Essure when the time comes. How bad was the recovery for the ablation?

 

My wife's ablation was easy for her. She had some spotting bleeding for about a week, and some mild occasional pain. After that, poof; period was 95% gone, and like I said sometimes not there at all. She's very, very happy she had it. Each woman's experience with it is different though. We've had at least one regular here who had considerable pain post surgery, and had a fair bit of difficulty with it.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Various things you say keep getting me to think of other things it might be useful to say....

 

 

 

Swinging IS a lot like dating. Even the rejection part can feel like 'vanilla' dating sometimes. But, the bright side is you always have your spouse.

 

On the good and the bad; this is a question my wife and I went over before swinging "What if we do it and it's bad?" We talked about that for a while, and decided that we'd keep at it for a bit and try different partners. It wouldn't be fair to evaluate all of the swinging world on one or a couple of experiences. Good thing we agreed to that, because my wife's third play partner was "WOW!". As I've posted here before, following the play date with that guy she said, "Ok now I'm a swinger!" She got to have sex with him several times. Good times. Some swinging experiences will be so-so. Some will be great. Hopefully, with some discernment about prospective play partners, none will be bad. Our worst wasn't all that bad. Started out well, then the play time was...bleah. No drama though, and a nice couple to chat with.

 

 

 

My wife's ablation was easy for her. She had some spotting bleeding for about a week, and some mild occasional pain. After that, poof; period was 95% gone, and like I said sometimes not there at all. She's very, very happy she had it. Each woman's experience with it is different though. We've had at least one regular here who had considerable pain post surgery, and had a fair bit of difficulty with it.

 

I didn't have any idea how much time and work this would take, honest! Although, I've been spending more time on SB than SLS the past few days because I know I'm not ready for any swapping. But finding the right couple(s) is so time consuming when you're new and have a lot of concerns and worries. Part of me wishes we were older and weren't so new to the scene so we could just enjoy ourselves.

 

I read earlier how younger women who have an ablation have more problems and might have to have the procedure repeated because the lining comes back. I was curious as to what the pain level was...worse than menstrual cramp pain, like birthing contraction pain, or considerably less? I can't stand either because I'm such a wimp. lol

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I've been thinking about doing Essure when the time comes. How bad was the recovery for the ablation?

 

I had the ablation and tubes tied under general anesthesia. I wanted to avoid the follow-up hysterosalpingogram that is required to make sure the essure procedure worked. It is painful, I've watched quite a few b/c I'm in the medical field. With the tubal ligation, once it's done, it's done, you don't have to wait for any scarring like the essure.

 

The ablation recovery was not bad at all pain-wise. They gave me Tylenol 3. I took it the first day, and once the second day. The cramping was about the same as my regular period. I was very worried because online a lot of people said the cramping was terrible. Everyone is different, but for me it was fine. The annoying part was the discharge. They said to expect watery discharge for 1-2 wks and no sex until the discharge is gone. Mine lasted 4wks. When I went for my recheck appt, the Dr said, "oh yeah, sometimes it's 4-6wks, one patient of mine had it for 8 weeks." So if I just had the tubes tied I would have felt comfortable having sex within a couple days. But, overall it was no big deal.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I had the ablation and tubes tied under general anesthesia. I wanted to avoid the follow-up hysterosalpingogram that is required to make sure the essure procedure worked. It is painful, I've watched quite a few b/c I'm in the medical field. With the tubal ligation, once it's done, it's done, you don't have to wait for any scarring like the essure.

 

The ablation recovery was not bad at all pain-wise. They gave me Tylenol 3. I took it the first day, and once the second day. The cramping was about the same as my regular period. I was very worried because online a lot of people said the cramping was terrible. Everyone is different, but for me it was fine. The annoying part was the discharge. They said to expect watery discharge for 1-2 wks and no sex until the discharge is gone. Mine lasted 4wks. When I went for my recheck appt, the Dr said, "oh yeah, sometimes it's 4-6wks, one patient of mine had it for 8 weeks." So if I just had the tubes tied I would have felt comfortable having sex within a couple days. But, overall it was no big deal.

 

Hmmm, I didn't know the follow-up procedure would be painful. I thought it would just be an x-ray or something similar. How was the tubal ligation performed? I was under the impression that it required incisions.

 

I'm hearing more and more that the recovery would take at least 4 weeks for the ablation. My sister-in-law had it done and she said the recovery was at least 4 weeks and possibly 6. I've had this theory that if you're menstrual cramps are bad, then any kind of business that occurs down there will be on par or worse. I was never a fan of my menstrual cramps and had to use a heating pad and pain medicine to get through them when I was younger. When I had our first child, I tried to go through birthing without medicine and I couldn't do it. Call me a wuss but I don't deal very well with pain.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Hmmm, I didn't know the follow-up procedure would be painful. I thought it would just be an x-ray or something similar. How was the tubal ligation performed? I was under the impression that it required incisions.

 

I'm hearing more and more that the recovery would take at least 4 weeks for the ablation. My sister-in-law had it done and she said the recovery was at least 4 weeks and possibly 6. I've had this theory that if you're menstrual cramps are bad, then any kind of business that occurs down there will be on par or worse. I was never a fan of my menstrual cramps and had to use a heating pad and pain medicine to get through them when I was younger. When I had our first child, I tried to go through birthing without medicine and I couldn't do it. Call me a wuss but I don't deal very well with pain.

 

The hysterosalpingogram is an xray but they inject dye through your cervix into the uterus and fallopian tubes to see if they are blocked. It's all I can do to get through a pap smear, so there was no way I was having this done or the ablation or essure while I was awake.

 

My tubal ligation was done laparascopically. They make a little incision in your belly button and one at the top of your bikini line. My belly button one is not visible at all. The second one is a half inch and barely visible. They didn't hurt me at all. When you have laparascopic surgery they put air in your abdominal cavity so there is space for them to see and move the instruments around. They remove as much air as possible at the end, but there is always a little left. The little bubbles can irritate your diaphragm which can cause shoulder pain for a couple days. It was minor for me.

 

Except for not being able to have sex or exercise (my Dr said that I shouldn't exercise b/c it might cause more bleeding or discharge) for 4 weeks, I was fully recovered in 2 days. So those limitations were the hardest for me.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

The hysterosalpingogram is an xray but they inject dye through your cervix into the uterus and fallopian tubes to see if they are blocked. It's all I can do to get through a pap smear, so there was no way I was having this done or the ablation or essure while I was awake.

 

My tubal ligation was done laparascopically. They make a little incision in your belly button and one at the top of your bikini line. My belly button one is not visible at all. The second one is a half inch and barely visible. They didn't hurt me at all. When you have laparascopic surgery they put air in your abdominal cavity so there is space for them to see and move the instruments around. They remove as much air as possible at the end, but there is always a little left. The little bubbles can irritate your diaphragm which can cause shoulder pain for a couple days. It was minor for me.

 

Except for not being able to have sex or exercise (my Dr said that I shouldn't exercise b/c it might cause more bleeding or discharge) for 4 weeks, I was fully recovered in 2 days. So those limitations were the hardest for me.

 

I am so glad I asked. I don't like pap smears either but how painful would the injection be?

 

Pain issue aside, there's the financial aspect too. My OB/GYN only does the procedure in the hospital which increases the cost and since we're on a PPO...who can say deductible? This is one of the reasons why I dislike going to the doctor.

[grabbyzz 26]

The big rule we have is that we don't play with cheating spouses. The others husband/wife don't have to play, but they have to know about it....We don't want that phone call or visit from the upset spouse...

[Dont.Stop 339]

1- No anal.

2- Condoms always.

 

Aside from that, we go same room, unless we're at a party and she's comfortable with her playmate.

She has hall passes with women. For either of us to have a hall pass with the opposite sex, we discuss it first. To date it's only happened once for each of us.

It's her call if she wants to swallow. She doesn't usually, but for her favorite guys she does. I always warn my playmate TWICE when I'm getting close. That's just common courtesy.

 

We don't meet a couple with the intent to play the first date. But we always come prepared. Our code for disinterest is to mentions one's uncle. "You know, my uncle did that for a living" or something of the sort. And we'll give a couple a moment to themselves to discuss how the vibe is going with them... in case they don't have a signal system in place.

 

Naturally, rules and guidelines are subject to evolution.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Our code for disinterest is to mention one's uncle. "You know, my uncle did that for a living" or something of the sort. . . . . . . . . Naturally, rules and guidelines are subject to evolution.

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

The big rule we have is that we don't play with cheating spouses. The others husband/wife don't have to play, but they have to know about it....We don't want that phone call or visit from the upset spouse...

 

Great rule! You never know when a profile only has a picture of the female or male.... It's starting to bug me when it seems that a couple isn't forthright with how both parties appear and if both are willing participants.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

1- No anal.

2- Condoms always.

 

Aside from that, we go same room, unless we're at a party and she's comfortable with her playmate.

She has hall passes with women. For either of us to have a hall pass with the opposite sex, we discuss it first. To date it's only happened once for each of us.

It's her call if she wants to swallow. She doesn't usually, but for her favorite guys she does. I always warn my playmate TWICE when I'm getting close. That's just common courtesy.

 

We don't meet a couple with the intent to play the first date. But we always come prepared. Our code for disinterest is to mentions one's uncle. "You know, my uncle did that for a living" or something of the sort. And we'll give a couple a moment to themselves to discuss how the vibe is going with them... in case they don't have a signal system in place.

 

Naturally, rules and guidelines are subject to evolution.

 

Whew, I'm glad there are women who don't always swallow. And I like that you "warn" your playmate when you're going to close the deal.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle.

 

Made me think of, "Hey, look! There's a three headed monkey!"

[Dont.Stop 339]

Whew, I'm glad there are women who don't always swallow. And I like that you "warn" your playmate when you're going to close the deal.

 

Sure, it feels great when a woman does take it... it surely doesn't ruin it for me if I have to pull out and finish on her. Watching cum fly is a turn on too (Mrs.DontStop nods in agreement).

 

Truth be told, I'm a gentleman at heart. I couldn't imagine NOT giving fair warning.

[sexywetwife 15]

We dont have much for rules really, just go with the flow. I think to many rules would put a damper on the moment.

 

We do not swing alone.. and condoms are a must.. Other than that? Nothing. I dont want anal with anyone else so thats not an issue, but if the gal hubby was with did.. go for it!

[JB 140]

Truth be told, I'm a gentleman at heart. I couldn't imagine NOT giving fair warning.

 

It is so crazy the amount of compliments from ladies I get for doing this, like you I thought it was normal for gentlemen, but apparently its pretty uncommon.

 

That being said, we started out with about 25 main rules, below are listed the remaining rules that we have not broken;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Great rule! You never know when a profile only has a picture of the female or male.... It's starting to bug me when it seems that a couple isn't forthright with how both parties appear and if both are willing participants.

So far, I haven't seen much discussion about what you and your spouse are comfortable with or not comfortable with. I would be curious to see a post about what you've discussed between the two of you, and what has come up.

 

In my opinion, your rules should be about preventing things that would make one or both of you feel uncomfortable. Period. You've heard some of the common rules (condoms, get permission), and some of the less common ones. What do you and your SO think of some of these?

[sunbuckus 3,567]

So far, I haven't seen much discussion about what you and your spouse are comfortable with or not comfortable with. I would be curious to see a post about what you've discussed between the two of you, and what has come up.

 

In my opinion, your rules should be about preventing things that would make one or both of you feel uncomfortable. Period. You've heard some of the common rules (condoms, get permission), and some of the less common ones. What do you and your SO think of some of these?

 

The Fuse, I've asked Mr. Sunbuckus but he is very "let's do it and see how we feel" and doesn't really want to set rules. For myself, I'd probably have a no swallowing rule because I'm not into that (yet), anal would be fine as long as the play partner knows to go slow at first and NOT to switch to anything after anal has started, if either of us is uncomfortable or not happy we stop playing and leave, same room always because we're doing this as a couple, and I want to make sure we're both fixed before going full swapping just to be safe. We both like to kiss so we don't have a "no kissing" rule in place unless we find that it's hard for one of us to watch the other do it with someone else for some reason.

 

Other rules that I've decided are good in picking out couples (online) is that pictures of both the female and male need to be presented for us to contact them. And never meet the other couple for dinner or at their house (or ours) as first contact.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We've met lots of people for dinner as the first contact and it's worked out fine. I usually chat quite a bit first so we have an indication of their personality.

 

Even though your husband says no rules just go with the flow, if someone asks what are your rules you should say, "same room, I don't like to swallow, and no penetration or condoms (whichever one you decide)." If you tell someone you don't have rules they will either think you haven't discussed this enough and aren't ready or they will take advantage of the situation and push you beyond what you're comfortable with.

[The Fuse 1,012]

I've got to agree with funcoupledayton: if a couple tells me they have no rules, and they just go with the flow, then unless they've been swinging for a number of years I think they haven't talked with each other enough, or they just don't give a hoot. I would be worried that one or both of the couple will think they have no rules until something happens that makes them uncomfortable, at which time unpleasantness might ensue.

 

I understand the inclination to just go with the flow. But you're talking about a potentially bad situation with the one you love. If he won't talk about it beforehand, I would suggest keeping a close eye on him when and if you do anything, moving very slowly, and making sure he seems comfortable with whatever is going on at every step.

[Fantasy01 11]

We make it cear that we prefer Bare Back that way there is no misunderstanding....

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We make it cear that we prefer Bare Back that way there is no misunderstanding....

 

That's funny because when I hear "prefer" I take that to mean, "if you insist, I'll wear a condom." I have played with couples who say they prefer bareback, but they've been fine with using condoms with us. I would probably misunderstand you unless maybe you had that emoticon with you! I would make it clear you only play bareback if that's what you mean.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

That's funny because when I hear "prefer" I take that to mean, "if you insist, I'll wear a condom." I have played with couples who say they prefer bareback, but they've been fine with using condoms with us. I would probably misunderstand you unless maybe you had that emoticon with you! I would make it clear you only play bareback if that's what you mean.

 

I agree that the word preference infers that they favor one situation but if pressed, will go with another option. Just like I prefer romantic comedies but I am also open to other genres of films as well.

 

As someone also pointed out this thread, we are definitely going to adopt the "umbrella" rule where if either of us uncomfortable at any time, we will both stop and leave, no questions asked until after we have left together. That way, we can talk about it and work through the issue without any pressure that the other couple is waiting for us.