Guess it is goodbye - wife found "religion"

[Guest erotichugs]

ok..here is how it goes..been active with lifestyle when we were in the USA.. things happened and we ended up in Pakistan, with ZERO chance of Swinging.

finally we were able to get out of Pakistan to Malaysia and wanted to get back into swinging... here in Malaysia She met a friend and she has gone totally religious..

Yesterday, I was given a 3 hour CURSE FEST / Lecture of what a bad person I am and she never wanted to do this and I FORCED her into it.

 

while she has been the MORE ACTIVE ONE.. fucking by herself when I was away.. enjoying every second..

 

NOW everything is my fault.. and I "MADE" her do everything...

 

I love her but this SUDDEN FLIP / FLOP has taken me totally by surprise.

 

It now, we considered our marriage a perfect marriage and had gone thru LITERAL HELL together..

 

Guess, just venting... here..

[rick181au 85]

I had a reverse experience.

I married a sweet innocent Catholic girl (I took her cherry when we were 19).

We were 35 and married 15 years when I convinced her to have sex with a friend of ours, after her first time she took to the lifestyle like a duck to water, we have now been married close to 50 years and she is still a player.

I love it.

Religion, who needs it?

[tribbles 490]

If she is blaming you and there is no counselor to work through this with, it could be a marriage breaker.

 

I've known a few folks that broke up due to religion as both were not on the same page with it.

 

best of luck

[angelkin 1,326]

Sorry to hear she is blaming you, but you are a good guy for leaving the lifestyle for her...she has to come first. Best of luck to you both! and just because you're not swinging doesn't mean you can't remain an active member of this forum - unless that would be a sticking point to her.

[slevin 1,374]

That is unfortunate, but it's not uncommon. She is feeling guilty now for things she enjoyed. It is easier to blame you than to come to terms with her own actions. I agree that unchecked this has the potential to damage your marriage. Counselling (non-church/religion related) would be a very positive thing.

[twistedpretzels 100]

Perhaps she will fall out of religion as fast as she fell into it... it doesn't seem like it's coming from her heart. Blaming is difficult and painful. I agree about some non religious counseling to help sort thru the feelings and get to the truth. We wish you well and keep us posted

[celtic239 297]

It is unfortunate that she's blaming you for her "transgessions". However it is normal human nature to blame someone else for personal misteps. Swinging for us is a hobby that we do together. If your marriage is the most important part of your life, then respect her decision and enjoy the rest of your lives together.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Yesterday, I was given a 3 hour CURSE FEST / Lecture of what a bad person I am and she never wanted to do this and I FORCED her into it.

 

Guess she's still in the learning stage with the religion thing, since most religions generally require you to have some type of personal responsibility for your actions.

 

Sorry to hear you're dealing with this. You are doing the right thing by walking away from swinging. If the religion thing isn't for you though, make that perfectly clear to her, and that she shouldn't expect you to jump on that train just because she has.

 

Best of luck to you, and we hope you two can work through this with a positive outcome.

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know, my wife had a change of heart about swinging too. And, I accepted it and we agreed to disagree and life goes on.

 

But if she even got religion and tried to say I coerced her into the encounters we shared? Well, that could end our 40 year marriage.

[Guest erotichugs]

If she is blaming you and there is no counselor to work through this with, it could be a marriage breaker.

 

I've known a few folks that broke up due to religion as both were not on the same page with it.

 

best of luck

 

I only brought up the Swingers issue here.. for obvious reasons.. the thing is this one only ONE of the things I was blamed for.. seems like everything that happened in our lives.. was due to my stupidity... seems like I have not done a single thing correctly in my life...

There is no talking at this point, anything I say is my fault and it slapped back at my face in one way or another..

 

What I am doing is keeping totally quiet... not bringing up anything.. a few pieces of conversation we do have are about general issue or things related with kids etc.

 

I can deal with not swinging.. but seems like the major blow to me is that something broke in me... my confidence.. my self esteem .... I don't know how to put it..

there is something major going on inside me.. after 11 years of total faith in her.. I was side swiped..

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So sorry you are going through this. Sometimes when someone gets freshly indoctrinated they end up turning it on everyone around them that represents anything that doesn't fit with the doctrine. It's a lot easier to blame you than to admit that she actually had a part in these things that she's now being convinced were completely wrong.

 

All I can say is try to be as supportive as you can. Tell her you love her and try to understand what she's having put in her head (as that's the only way to counter it).

[tribbles 490]

my confidence.. my self esteem .... I don't know how to put it..

there is something major going on inside me.. after 11 years of total faith in her.. I was side swiped..

 

For some of us, when a trusted loved one blames us for something, even when we know it's not our fault, we feel guilty.

 

I suspect you feel that and anger as well. Anger that someone you trusted and loved is doing this.

Loss that the love of your life, has changed so much, it's like you are married to someone you never knew. Right now, you have lost your best friend. That hurts. (hugs)

 

You know she agreed and was your partner in all the choices she is now blaming you for. Why she is doing this? No way to know.

 

She may work her way through it and come back to you or she may not. If you have kids, your being quiet and not talking bout it may be the best choice for now.

 

If you can see a counselor alone, go.

 

One other thing: if your wife shows any physical signs of anything wrong..headaches, physical outbursts of rage she never did before, mixing up her words in ways she never did, sleeping more or not sleeping- find a way to get her to a doctor for tests. Personalities do change if there are things wrong in the brain.

[bob35 187]

I only brought up the Swingers issue here.. for obvious reasons.. the thing is this one only ONE of the things I was blamed for.. seems like everything that happened in our lives.. was due to my stupidity... seems like I have not done a single thing correctly in my life...

There is no talking at this point, anything I say is my fault and it slapped back at my face in one way or another..

 

What I am doing is keeping totally quiet... not bringing up anything.. a few pieces of conversation we do have are about general issue or things related with kids etc.

 

I can deal with not swinging.. but seems like the major blow to me is that something broke in me... my confidence.. my self esteem .... I don't know how to put it..

there is something major going on inside me.. after 11 years of total faith in her.. I was side swiped..

 

This response greatly concerns me based on my own experiences in my first marriage.

We were raised in different denominations but had agreed to disagree AND respect each others outlooks on religion.

 

That all changed when she got "saved" All of a sudden she HAD to save me as well.

Out of respect for her ( and the marriage ) I did re evaluate my thoughts and went to many services, meetings, etc. After about 6 to 9 months of this I came to the conclusion that I still held my original beliefs. I expressed this repeatedly and occasionally rather pointedly.

 

She did not stop trying to save me. I shut down emotionally more each time she would bring it up. Eventually it killed all positive feelings I had for her and I stayed in the marriage for another couple years "for the kids".

 

Only years later did I realize that by my NOT doing whatever it took to wake her up then to the fact that her trying to "save" me, was in fact sending the marriage down the tubes. To me it was a total lack of respect for the agreements we had prior to the marriage that we had concerning religion.

 

In a nutshell - it changed the terms of the relationship unilaterally.

Any time terms of a relationship are changed unilaterally then trust will be lost.

 

When someone can't own and acknowledge their own actions like you are encountering more and more trust will be lost.

 

No relationship can survive without total trust and transparency.

 

Trust also includes your "safe harbor" of home. Being able to trust that your feelings are being respected at home is lost when you are always on guard for the next "sermon".

 

If you want to save your marriage I would strongly suggest repeatedly making her aware of what you are experiencing from this behavior. Be sure to own that these are your feelings about it WITHOUT placing blame anywhere. Just cleanly express YOUR feelings.

 

It is then up to her to decide whether she wants to remain in the marriage under the original terms of the marriage. She can also see if you are willing to renegotiate new terms of the marriage just like the two of you did when you started swinging.

 

For your kids sake please be aware of how extreme zealots can be. I didn't early on and only later discovered how it was affecting them. 10's of thousands of dollars worth of attorney and psychologist's fees later she woke up and moderated what she was doing.

( nightmares related to the book of revelations at 5 years old )

 

I am seeing a LOT of the same resignation I felt at that point in time in your posts. Please don't make the same mistakes I did in how I handled it.

 

Feel free to PM me for more.

[Guest erotichugs]

This response greatly concerns me based on my own experiences in my first marriage.

We were raised in different denominations but had agreed to disagree AND respect each others outlooks on religion.

 

That all changed when she got "saved" All of a sudden she HAD to save me as well.

Out of respect for her ( and the marriage ) I did re evaluate my thoughts and went to many services, meetings, etc. After about 6 to 9 months of this I came to the conclusion that I still held my original beliefs. I expressed this repeatedly and occasionally rather pointedly.

 

She did not stop trying to save me. I shut down emotionally more each time she would bring it up. Eventually it killed all positive feelings I had for her and I stayed in the marriage for another couple years "for the kids".

 

Only years later did I realize that by my NOT doing whatever it took to wake her up then to the fact that her trying to "save" me, was in fact sending the marriage down the tubes. To me it was a total lack of respect for the agreements we had prior to the marriage that we had concerning religion.

 

In a nutshell - it changed the terms of the relationship unilaterally.

Any time terms of a relationship are changed unilaterally then trust will be lost.

 

When someone can't own and acknowledge their own actions like you are encountering more and more trust will be lost.

 

No relationship can survive without total trust and transparency.

 

Trust also includes your "safe harbor" of home. Being able to trust that your feelings are being respected at home is lost when you are always on guard for the next "sermon".

 

If you want to save your marriage I would strongly suggest repeatedly making her aware of what you are experiencing from this behavior. Be sure to own that these are your feelings about it WITHOUT placing blame anywhere. Just cleanly express YOUR feelings.

 

It is then up to her to decide whether she wants to remain in the marriage under the original terms of the marriage. She can also see if you are willing to renegotiate new terms of the marriage just like the two of you did when you started swinging.

 

For your kids sake please be aware of how extreme zealots can be. I didn't early on and only later discovered how it was affecting them. 10's of thousands of dollars worth of attorney and psychologist's fees later she woke up and moderated what she was doing.

( nightmares related to the book of revelations at 5 years old )

 

I am seeing a LOT of the same resignation I felt at that point in time in your posts. Please don't make the same mistakes I did in how I handled it.

 

Feel free to PM me for more.

 

Round TWO happened today...

Let me give you a little back ground here...

 

REWIND 2005 December...

She suffered from Epilepsy .. which was diagnosed in 2007 .. but not before she had done a 180 on me and at that time she has called the FBI and reported me as a terrorist.. I was picked up.. TORTURED for a couple of weeks and then kept in one ICE detention center after another for about 2 Months..

 

Then I was sent to my country of Origin which I had not seen or been to in 25 years ... they took my PASSPORT etc. literally revoked my citizenship.. even though my FOIA REPORT is totally CLEAN..

 

ANY WAY.. what happened happened... I landed in my country of Origin with a Hundred Dollars.. and NOTHING ELSE.. and struggled for a couple of years.

 

in 2007 She contacts me and asks.. "WHERE ARE YOU?" like she had no clue what had taken place in the past two years..

 

During those two years .. she had MULTIPLE B/Fs and G/Fs and had a good old time..

 

Anyway.. I LOVE HER TO DEATH.. literally more than life itself and .. took the "IN SICKNESS and IN HEALTH" part seriously and we talked on the Phone.. Me using up every penny I had talked long distance .. trying to see if there was any hope.. and we talked for 100s of hours.. literally... and she sold the last piece of her properly left.. her wedding ring and made it to PAKI... where we lived from hand and mouth for a total of 4 years...

 

AND ... during those 4 years.. it was like the GOOD OLD TIMES... everything was back to normal.... there were financial issues.. but nothing else...

 

Ok.. finally 4 months ago.. this lady offered to pay our tickets out of PAKI and to Malaysia where I would have a better chance of finding a job.. with 2 Masters of IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS..and heck of a long resume..

 

I got here first and a month later she and the kids make it to Malaysia.. now a couple of weeks here were ok.. then The wife and this lady ..who just found religion a year ago.. after a lifetime as a LOUNGE SINGER.. and everything that goes with being LOUNGE SINGER... started spending more and more time with the the RELIGIOUS BOOKS..

 

 

Oh this lady is divorced 2 or 3 times... with the last one stalking her and threatening to kill her as we speak...etc. etc.

 

and then THIS EXPLOSION HAPPENED..

My response was to Shut up.. and the only two things I have been doing since this... as I do not have a job is...

1: sending out resumes..

2: quietly staying on my computer and playing World of Warcraft

 

Today.. the explosion lasted another 3 hours... and did INCLUDE trying to force me to start RELIGIOUS STUDIES with her..

and continued with 100s of things I had done wrong in the past 4 years ... including .. asking her to have SEX... not with other people but WITH HER...

 

Guess this time I will try to CUT my losses and move on.. even with the KIDS involved.. only thing I am looking for right now is a job..

after that I will call it QUITS.. really cant take anymore of this... cant live thru the hell I have been thru..

 

Thanks for the support..

 

I do think.. swinging is just something she can INSULT ME for .. something she can USE to EMBARRASS me about in front of this lady... the main issue is that she just wants to END the whole thing and make it look like my fault...

[Guest erotichugs]

So sorry you are going through this. Sometimes when someone gets freshly indoctrinated they end up turning it on everyone around them that represents anything that doesn't fit with the doctrine. It's a lot easier to blame you than to admit that she actually had a part in these things that she's now being convinced were completely wrong.

 

All I can say is try to be as supportive as you can. Tell her you love her and try to understand what she's having put in her head (as that's the only way to counter it).

 

Thanks for the advise... but I think its time to call it quits.. not the lifestyle but this marriage...

 

The Accusations keep coming .. the insults.. the humiliation.. the lies.. the slander.. keeps coming and after what I have been thru.. I guess as soon as a job comes thru I will be taking off...

 

She is "SAFE"..."HAPPY" and "COMFORTABLE" with her "new friend" and can not talk about anything else other than "GOD will take care of her"

 

Thank you for your support and kind words

[Guest erotichugs]

If she is blaming you and there is no counselor to work through this with, it could be a marriage breaker.

 

I've known a few folks that broke up due to religion as both were not on the same page with it.

 

best of luck

 

this one is a marriage breaker.. but SWINGING is just an EXCUSE she has found to blame me for it.. it has nothing to do with it...

 

oh... she will slam me for this.. but will go and break a number of other laws of the religion.. such as LYING .. STEALING.. SLANDER.. ANGER.. etc. etc. and that's perfectly ok as long as she has a justification for it.

 

so its not the swinging which is breaking up the marriage.. its just being used as an excuse

[slevin 1,374]

You lost me at "called the FBI, then 2 years later pretended she didn't know what happened". If that is true, she's nuts. None of the rest of the story matters if that's true.

[Guest erotichugs]

You lost me at "called the FBI, then 2 years later pretended she didn't know what happened". If that is true, she's nuts. None of the rest of the story matters if that's true.

 

yes.. she called the FBI on me.. with a 100 different stories about me.. I was tortured on US soil for 2 weeks by ICE..

and

Yes.. she was diagnosed with epilepsy which does cause memory loss... and according to her those two years are a TOTAL BLANK except for a few details here and there..

 

and YES.. as far as a FATHER and a HUSBAND is concerned I did my best.. I am very comfortable with that.. and Yes.. as far as I am concerned this ROUND TWO is more than I can take.. after fighting cancer.. a stroke.. and 3 heart attacked.. don't really think I can survive this trauma.. but If I do survive.. I will be MOVING ON

[slevin 1,374]

Indeed severe epilepsy can cause memory loss. Typically it's not just a random period of time that they can't remember, but rather an impact on their ability to remember. So they'll have ongoing issues with their memory. Inability to recall short term memories etc. It is not normal to not remember a 2 year period, then be totally fine. Though that's just my laymens understanding; far too convenient for her though.

[bob35 187]

I know you are in the state of giving up and throwing in the towel. I remember that feeling all to well.

When you throw in the towel on the relationship be sure to do whatever is required to take your kids with you.

Please stop and think about them and what her behavior will do to them in the long term.

 

I am saying this from my own experiences. I made that mistake.

 

I know you are not employed, etc. but figure out something to be sure to get your kids out of the situation WITH you.

[Chicup 41]

#1 rule of life, never stick your dick in crazy.

 

If everything you said is true you stuck you dick in completely batshit insane.

 

Your question should not be about swinging, the question should be why would you still be with this person. You should be figuring out how to get away from her.

[rainbowskye 102]

I am a little lost on the deportation. I am very familiar with someone being deported . My ex-husband was deported with what began as a domestic violence case and was deported because he violated the terms of his visa.

 

He was held in an ice detention center and had an immigration hearing and was formerly deported.

 

Generally , if someone has become a citizen they do not get deported.

 

I also have a friend who had a permanent residency here and he got caught up in the wrong place with the wrong people and his behavior went down hill causing a lot of legal issues and after spending 20 years here he was deported to Korea, where he had not been since he was 2. And is not eligible to reapply to come back to the states for another 3 years.

 

If someone is a citizen, they aren't so easily sent back to the country of origin. As the citizenship is the same as mine being a born citizen.

 

I think you're a lot more forgiving than myself. if someone did that to me, and i did nothing wrong people and was not what I was accused of being, and i went through hell because of it, I wouldn't acknowledge their existence .

[Swing*8701 887]

Perhaps it's just me, but you may be your worst enemy on these and apparently other matters. Hope it works out, but I think you need a positive direction. Religion is just a form of control. It is unfortunate that you seem to be persona non grata and hope you get a break soon. Perhaps a phone call to to one or two of those Ivy League classmates is in order, though I'd leave out all your personal drama and simply explain you're looking for employment. --susan

[Alura 2,774]

... I was tortured on US soil for 2 weeks by ICE...

 

This is serious shit! You need to be in touch with your Senators and Representatives... and maybe somebody else's as well.

 

In what way were you tortured?

 

Alura

[MacNfries 123]

Yesterday, I was given a 3 hour CURSE FEST / Lecture of what a bad person I am and she never wanted to do this and I FORCED her into it.

 

while she has been the MORE ACTIVE ONE.. fucking by herself when I was away.. enjoying every second..

 

NOW everything is my fault.. and I "MADE" her do everything...

 

I love her but this SUDDEN FLIP / FLOP has taken me totally by surprise.

 

It now, we considered our marriage a perfect marriage and had gone thru LITERAL HELL together..

 

Guess, just venting... here..

 

erotichugs,

Personally, I think she's just wrestling with her own demons and frustrations, and she's venting on you. Maybe she had a spat with one of her lovers. Nothing like a woman's scorn, that's for sure. They dig in tighter than a Arkansas tick, plus women have the privilege of bringing up your insurrections whenever they wish ... even years later.

She's probably not giving it up for GOOD ... might seem lke it, though. Let her go through her phase, agree with everything she says to avoid confrontation, and let things cool down a bit. Show her some affection, and tell her you love her. You've got to get her out of her "rant" and calm her down. In the meantime, lol, get use to handjobs ...

If she enjoyed it before ... she'll miss it and want it again, eventually.

[wifes_toy 53]

#1 rule of life, never stick your dick in crazy.

 

If everything you said is true you stuck you dick in completely batshit insane.

 

Your question should not be about swinging, the question should be why would you still be with this person. You should be figuring out how to get away from her.

 

I was thinking it. Cracked in the head! Nucking futs!

 

I agree with others, get out and TAKE YOUR KIDS WITH!

[Just Passing By 140]

If her calls turning you in were indeed baseless , that would have been it. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

 

Keep away from her. Never contact her, if she trys to contact you , run.