Women crazed for BBC disrespecting our relationship

[ircpl 15]

I need some advice on how to handle a situation. I am in an inneracial relationship and there has been a HUGE amount of white women who have all of a sudden realized what I have realized for years...Black men are HOT!! But, here is the problem, these women are relentless, they will disrepect me, walk right past me, not even acknowledge that I exist. There has been women that have propositioned him to get him to play alone(we don't play separate), even gone as far to say that if they finally do get to play with him they will fall in love with him:nono:. This is my husband, and they have husbands, but they are way crossing the line!!! He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women and handle it himself..until they get too into the whole situation. I have noticed as well that alot of women in the LS have just become brazen....they forget their manners and just go after what they want!!! The best way to get to a man is through the woman.

So I need to know how to get my message across to these women, without sounding like a b*@#H and/or jealous..because I am not, just want some respect.

[slevin 1,374]

The best way is for your husband to shut them down at the first hint of disrespect. No play, no flirting, no discussion. Move on.

[txlatin36 15]

totally agree with Slevin...he should shut em down and tell you from the beginning...that is just awful that them being in the lifestyle would be that way...im so sorry you are having to deal with that. good luck in the future...

[Goingood 48]

ircpl, have you taken a run at THEIR husbands? Perhaps if do, they will better appreciate your dilemma. If you assume that they won't be to your liking before giving them a try, you may not be suited for the lifestyle.

[Randies' 16]

We all have an equal vote. If one person is not comfortable then it does not happen. He needs to be up front with these women and let them know that what they are doing is not acceptable.

[ircpl 15]

I have been in the LS for 15 years and that is why I am so surprised at the actions of the women. Until the last 5 years or so, women behaved, were respectful, and never would touch anothers man without permission. Now, it is a totally different story. With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin. The thing that gets me the most is that most of these women would be the first ones who would complain if a man came at them the same way that they come at my man. There is becoming a certain frustration level and I want to say something, but then they are like what is her gig, is she jealous?? No I am not...I am sick of being disrespected!

[Goingood 48]

I have been in the LS for 15 years and that is why I am so surprised at the actions of the women. Until the last 5 years or so, women behaved, were respectful, and never would touch anothers man without permission. Now, it is a totally different story. With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin. The thing that gets me the most is that most of these women would be the first ones who would complain if a man came at them the same way that they come at my man. There is becoming a certain frustration level and I want to say something, but then they are like what is her gig, is she jealous?? No I am not...I am sick of being disrespected!

 

Am I to assume that you aren't in the lifestyle for the enjoyment of other men?

What I was getting at is if you approach these "offender's" husbands in the same manner as they are yours, perhaps you won't have time or the inclination to be so concerned.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Am I to assume that you aren't in the lifestyle for the enjoyment of other men?

What I was getting at is if you approach these "offender's" husbands in the same manner as they are yours, perhaps you won't have time or the inclination to be so concerned.

 

I don't think two wrongs make a right. I agree with the other posters that your husband should be clear with them that they are being disrespectful and you should continue to be firm, but polite. Maybe find a new place to hang out?

[Alura 2,774]

With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin.

 

I'm just a hick Okie savage and I don't claim to know much about clubs since I've only been to one, but it seems to me that whenever we use race to explain anything, a bit of prejudice shines through.

 

I knew a lady in Germany who had never had sex with a white man; my best and longest friend (since 1973) has rarely dated caucasian women. Both readily admitted a prejudice against the opposite sex of their same race.

 

I think the issue has to do with your husband and is not insulting to you. Therefore, it is incumbent upon him to deal with it. Personally, if a woman wanted to fuck me because I'm Native American, I'd be insulted.

 

Alura

[junglecouple 127]

another option is to hang out, closer to your husband. Not in a clingy way but as a "couple". Then it'll be more obvious to poachers that you are a pair, not two singles that are available. You, obviously, aren't "on the ball". You say "He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women and handle it himself...". It sounds like you're a bit new to the lifestyle, and if so, you're doing it wrong. The proof is that you're getting upset but aren't really doing anything to "set the boundaries". If you don't make it obvious that you two belong together, you can't really complain if it's taken to mean he's open range and available. At our parties, it was pretty obvious who was trolling, and available, and who wasn't. And it's not only difficult, but obviously rude to interrupt a conversation...(as in you and your mate talking, not you on the other side of the room or even in a different room). If I saw two people together, it's a clear signal NOT to butt in. Whether it's just two people flirting, or it was a set of mates, it's just plain social politeness not to butt in. Sounds like he's off on his own. Another point, there's nothing wrong with being a b*$tch when your property is being trespassed upon.

[junglecouple 127]

I have been in the LS for 15 years and that is why I am so surprised at the actions of the women. Until the last 5 years or so, women behaved, were respectful, and never would touch anothers man without permission. Now, it is a totally different story. With my husband being black it throws them in a tail spin. The thing that gets me the most is that most of these women would be the first ones who would complain if a man came at them the same way that they come at my man. There is becoming a certain frustration level and I want to say something, but then they are like what is her gig, is she jealous?? No I am not...I am sick of being disrespected!

 

Am I the only one that is beginning to believe you're bragging instead of actually looking for information and/or advice? "Disrespected"... I think not, possessive? yes. ready for the lifestyle.. maybe, maybe not. I have trouble believing you've been in the lifestyle for 15 years and are just now complaining. I don't want to rain on your parade, but it's beginning to sound a lot bogus. You're obviously not being pro-active, but prefer to take the victims role. You need to talk to your mate, or step up. It's hard to argue if everyone is on the same page.

[rainbowskye 102]

When I've been to clubs and house parties, when i was involved with someone, we were always in close proximity to one another and it was always clear we were a couple and if anyone came across as being disrespectful one of us would politely ask the person or couple to come correct.

 

Being at clubs and parties as a single female I've had times where i wanted to hide and it was due to being overwhelmed. i learned to have a plan b, just incase .

 

However, if i were to only be approached due to my ethnic background , I wouldn't entertain it and would decline.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I have seen the exact behavior ircpl is describing. It seems like for some people, black together with male automatically puts you in a certain category that has different rules with little if any attention paid to whether the guy is part of a couple or not.

 

I think the solution here is mostly with your husband, in two different ways.

 

As others have said, he needs to be clearly communicating and taking actions with other women to make absolutely sure everybody knows where all parties are coming from. I personally don't think you need to stay glued to each other all night long just to show you are a couple and make it harder for others to approach you, go hard after the other man just for payback, etc., but rather to just have a standing rule that when either of you are approached by someone wanting to play, before things progress very far, you make it a point to introduce them to your spouse and let everyone sort of feel each other out before going any further.

 

In terms of the communication between you two, I don't think it is a good idea for him to continue the "He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women" when this is something that is an issue between you two. Not openly and fully discussing it is going to lead nowhere but trouble.

 

Good luck.

[lustylearning 705]

If your husband is being disrespected, he needs to handle it firmly. It is not up to you to handle it for him.

[ircpl 15]

I am not bragging, I was in the ls with my ex and this is my new...I have tried every way possible, but just trying to get advice on better ways because the others were not working. Thanks for the not so great reply

[Alura 2,774]

I am not bragging, I was in the ls with my ex and this is my new...I have tried every way possible, but just trying to get advice on better ways because the others were not working. Thanks for the not so great reply

 

One thing you will learn about this board is that folks try to get to the center of the problem. They are not big on telling you something because they sense that's what you want to hear.

 

Alura

[LFM2 1,482]

He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women and handle it himself..until they get too into the whole situation. I have noticed as well that alot of women in the LS have just become brazen....they forget their manners and just go after what they want!!! The best way to get to a man is through the woman.

So I need to know how to get my message across to these women, without sounding like a b*@#H and/or jealous..because I am not, just want some respect.

 

I am really curious how he's tried to solve this problem and why he doesn't talk to you. He's trying to shelter you? From what? Why can't you two be honest with each other?

 

What does he say to these "brazen" women who are trying to steal him away? I think you guys are hanging out at the wrong places. Plus, the idea of him not talking to you and trying to protect you? Not cool. If you can't talk honestly together at all times, you need to work on more than just the "brazen" women coming after him.

[rainbowskye 102]

I need some advice on how to handle a situation. I am in an inneracial relationship and there has been a HUGE amount of white women who have all of a sudden realized what I have realized for years...Black men are HOT!! But, here is the problem, these women are relentless, they will disrepect me, walk right past me, not even acknowledge that I exist. There has been women that have propositioned him to get him to play alone(we don't play separate), even gone as far to say that if they finally do get to play with him they will fall in love with him:nono:. This is my husband, and they have husbands, but they are way crossing the line!!! He doesn't tell me everything, trying to shelter me from these women and handle it himself..until they get too into the whole situation. I have noticed as well that alot of women in the LS have just become brazen....they forget their manners and just go after what they want!!! The best way to get to a man is through the woman.

So I need to know how to get my message across to these women, without sounding like a b*@#H and/or jealous..because I am not, just want some respect.

 

The best way handle this is him taking the first step. If they are walking past you to him taking, he could always redirect them.Example would be for him to introduce you from the start. Oh let me introduce you you to my wife...

 

HE has to be proactive in nipping it in the bud and shutting it down when it is outside of the boundaries you two have in place.

 

He should share it all with you and not try and shelter you. you will onlybmakenit in this ls with complete and open communication.

 

All of this starts with your husband. he is probably enjoying the attention which is why he isn't having them come correct.

 

if you react it will make you out to be the jealous clingy possessive wife.

[slevin 1,374]

I am really curious how he's tried to solve this problem and why he doesn't talk to you. He's trying to shelter you? From what? Why can't you two be honest with each other?

 

My bet is that he enjoys the attention.

[rainbowskye 102]

Slevin , I agree. What man wouldn't love that kind of attention with the woman being the aggressor?

[rainbowskye 102]

One thing you will learn about this board is that folks try to get to the center of the problem. They are not big on telling you something because they sense that's what you want to hear.

 

Alura

 

Yep. you are so spot on Alura .

[ircpl 15]

Thank you all for the advice, you have given me so many perspectives of the issue and I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and you have helped me tremendously!!!

[DigginIt 1,132]

I didn't read every response so take this with that understanding.

 

The women are only 1/2 of the issue. They can't do shit like that without the consent of your partner. If he isn't shutting it down then he is partly to blame.

 

You said he doesn't tell you half the stuff because he is sheltering you...maybe he isn't tell you half the stuff because he loves it.

 

The moment someone disrespects my wife, game over.

[rainbowskye 102]

 

 

The moment someone disrespects my wife,o game over.

 

As it should be.