Age preferences/discrimination

[km34 672]

I never thought I'd have to worry about being too YOUNG at a swingers event, but it happened to me this past Saturday. We went back to the club, and at first hardly anybody wanted to talk to me because I was so much younger than them. For reference, I'm 22, hubby is 24. Most people at the club that night seemed to be between 39 and 50 although there were a few couples in their early to mid 30s as well.

 

We ended up really getting along with quite a few couples, but it took quite a while for them to be able to get past the fact that they have kids close to my age or the fact that they are grandparents already or whatever other situation in life made them feel uncomfortable with my age.

 

So, my question to all of you SB members... Do you tend to avoid people who are either quite a bit younger or quite a bit older than you in a club/event setting? I admit to using 40 as a cut off age for meeting couples/individuals, but in a more social setting I often find myself quite attracted to older couples.

 

Once again, I'd always felt so welcome at other events that I never expected to be kind of discriminated against (although that is a harsh term since we were accepted in time) due to my age!

[StewartP 171]

Fi and I are nearly 50. We have a hard time feeling comfortable with people under 30. At 22 have to say I wouldn't stand a chance with you, I would be too freaked out.

 

Why? I can't really say. Fiona once went with a young man of 26 last year. She wasn't keen, couldn't see why he would be interested (it was at a multicouple party) but I told her to go for it, tyry everything once. She said it was flattering and fun bnut she found him physically too "young and soft"

 

(maybe she was saying that to spare my feelings LOL!)

[T-Rex 148]

We have been to events where there were lots of couples across all age groups. There is a tendency for younger couples to congregate together and for older coupes to do the same. I think that's pretty natural. I also think there is a perception among some older couples that much younger couples wouldn't be interested in them and that they don't want to be perceived as what..."dirty old men and women", maybe? In small groups there seems to be less of that. Face it, the 20-somethings may be a little intimidating. You may have to make the first move!

[km34 672]

Fi and I are nearly 50. We have a hard time feeling comfortable with people under 30. At 22 have to say I wouldn't stand a chance with you, I would be too freaked out.

 

Why? I can't really say. Fiona once went with a young man of 26 last year. She wasn't keen, couldn't see why he would be interested (it was at a multicouple party) but I told her to go for it, tyry everything once. She said it was flattering and fun bnut she found him physically too "young and soft"

 

(maybe she was saying that to spare my feelings LOL!)

 

The comfort level is the reason why we don't meet couples much older than us one-on-one. Sometimes it's hard to find anything in common with people when you're in completely different places in life (which is usually the case since we are not only young but have thus far chosen to remain child free). Not always the case though, as we found when we were chatting with people this weekend. Our supposed "lack of life experience" didn't inhibit us from being able to actively participate in the conversation at all, and really most people forgot how much of an age gap there was once the initial shock wore off.

 

Too freaked out. That seems to be the common reaction. Like I said, most people seemed to get over it after we talked/danced/drank for a while, but I know some of them still wouldn't have touched me simply because of the age thing. lol And I feel like I make it sound like everyone should want to be with me, and that's not what I mean, I just don't like age being used as a reason, I guess. It goes along with people always calling me "a baby" in these types of situations - slightly offensive even though they don't mean it that way.

[celtic239 297]

My wife seems to be more hung up on the "age" factor. We are in our 50's and she tends to shy away from couples that are not close to our age range. She prefers couples that are at least in their late 40's.

[km34 672]

You may have to make the first move!

 

We did! We invited ourselves to sit at a table with a few people that we thought looked like people we would find interesting.

 

@Celtic - Does your wife has a reason to shy away from younger couples? Is it an attraction thing or a comfort thing? I can understand being kind of weirded out and not wanting to be with people who are young enough to be your kid in general, but can personality override at all?

[noobwithboobs 22]

We were contacted by a couple who was 18 and 22, and we said no. I think part of it was just I know how I was at that age, and I was SO not ready for this kind of thing, it seems like there is potential for much more drama. BUT, on the same note, we went out with a couple where he was 35 and she was 22 and she was awesome, so age doesn't really always mean anything if you get to know the person first. We aren't "old" he's 37, and I'm 34, but the 18 yr old was just a bit much for us

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I think we're in the same boat as you although we aren't as young, 29 and 36. We went to a meet and greet this past Saturday and although everyone we talked to was friendly, the crowd was mostly 50+. Our cutoff on SLS is 40...as it turned out, the one couple that we were attracted to was 45 and 50 (but they looked a lot younger). So, age isn't everything.

 

It was commented, by the same couple, that we might also have a double whammy on us since we are also Asian. Some couples may steer away from us for whatever reason because we're Asian. We're hoping to have a playdate with this couple from the meet and greet and that it's a fantastic time because it may be hard to find another couple that's interested.

[VegasLee 1,486]

First off I would not use the word "discrimination" in this matter.

 

As you have 40 as your top age you want to play with, many also have a bottom age they want to play with. That is not discrimination, that is personal choice from both sides.

 

I was younger then you when first taking part in Swinging. I never really looked at age as much as am I going to have fun with the person I am going to play with.

 

Now you have to be comfortable so you will set an age range, that is your choice but at the same time you have to give others the same rights without considering it "discrimination".

 

30 years from now you will have different views and want to play with a different group then you do now. That is how life is.

 

Do what works for you and never worry about those that don't want to play with you as many of us won't worry about the fact you won't want to play with us.

 

Keep it simple and have fun.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We're in our late 30's. We find it's just easier to relate to couples who are at the same place in life (having school age kids). We find the grandparents and the young twenties don't understand needing to plan ahead since we always have to get a sitter and can't stay out all night. We do often play with older couples though because it seems there are many more older couples out there.

 

We also notice at our club the younger couples have more drama and more really heavy drinking. Crying in the bathroom, arguing, etc. So we stay away from that.

 

We would not play with someone under 21. To us, that's just too young to have enough life experience for swinging.

[exploringRM 305]

I (guy half) would have less of a problem with playing with a much younger couple than my wife. Part of it is I think she feels too far overshadowed by the youth/fitness/etc. I doubt we would agree to meet a couple in their early 20's but if we met at a party and there was attraction all around I would not have an issue. One thing I have found is there is just a generational difference in trying to relate (clothing styles, music, attitude, where one is in life, etc). Then again, I get along with many of my kids friends, (early to mid 20s) and a number of times will go to bars (all vanilla so a bit different, but still have no problem relating to them).

 

We were at a party once where one guest was 21. She was very attractive but after talking to her for a short time, I decided there was no common ground.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

So, my question to all of you SB members... Do you tend to avoid people who are either quite a bit younger or quite a bit older than you in a club/event setting?

 

We tend to gravitate towards those within 10 years of our age (45/49) but that isn't a rule or anything. We are open to playing with couples significantly older or younger. We're attracted to individuals, not ages.

 

 

Follow VegasLee's advice; do your thing and don't worry about the rest.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

It was commented, by the same couple, that we might also have a double whammy on us since we are also Asian. Some couples may steer away from us for whatever reason because we're Asian.

 

I doubt it. I bet for every couple that would steer away from you because you are Asian, there is another couple that would steer towards you for the same reason.

[noobwithboobs 22]

my husband would steer towards you FOR that reason lol

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I doubt it. I bet for every couple that would steer away from you because you are Asian, there is another couple that would steer towards you for the same reason.

 

Well, he was saying that the wife of the husbands might feel threatened that we're Asian so they wouldn't contact us.

[km34 672]

@VegasLee - I mentioned that "discrimination" was really too harsh of a word, but it kind of felt like it at the time. As soon as people would find out our age (which since we obviously appear young, people would ask), I could see a wall being placed between us where 2 minutes earlier we would be getting along great. I only use the age factor as a guideline when planning ahead to meet people from SLS, not people I meet in person, because in general it IS more likely that everyone will connect well when ages are similar. I just wasn't finding this to be the case at the club. Maybe I'm just terrible at reading people and some of the couples weren't as into us as I thought and the age thing was just the final straw...

 

@exploring - The women did seem to be more uncomfortable with it, which doesn't really surprise me. A few of them were much more "fit" than I am, though, and we were all dressed pretty similar in our sexy clubwear

 

@two - Thank you for not ruling us "youngsters" out! Some of us appreciate the "individual vs age" attitude more than you know!

 

@sunbuckus - My husband would also be seeking you out!

[Playful1 434]

I dont draw a line, but when i was 19 and 20 (yes i started early) plenty of folks had a moment of "um, whoa" when they found out my age. usually after they had fucked me, lol. they all thought i was older because of how i acted/spoke.

 

i dont generally ask the age of my partners as i dont care. if i am attracted, lets go for it.

 

I do know many younger folks who draw lines about age usually around thr 35-40 mark. Also plenty of older ones who draw the "if you're my kids age, its a no go" line.

 

its too bad.

[Palladin 36]

It was commented, by the same couple, that we might also have a double whammy on us since we are also Asian. Some couples may steer away from us for whatever reason because we're Asian. We're hoping to have a playdate with this couple from the meet and greet and that it's a fantastic time because it may be hard to find another couple that's interested.

 

 

Strange. I consider Asians to be among of the most attractive, desirable, personable and well-mannered people I have ever met..

[StewartP 171]

I think part of our hangup is down to insecurity. I have a hard time seeing what a couple in their early twenties would find attractive in us as we approach 50.

 

I'd also be worried that a young couple, lacking experience would be less forgiving and expect the performance and endurance they get from thir peers.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Maybe some still have some lingering prejudices toward Asians? Sometimes things that we're taught at a young age are hard to shake.

[km34 672]

I dont draw a line, but when i was 19 and 20 (yes i started early) plenty of folks had a moment of "um, whoa" when they found out my age. usually after they had fucked me, lol. they all thought i was older because of how i acted/spoke.

 

I started when I was 18, my husband (then fiance) was 20.

 

Stewart - I have over 4 years experience playing, mostly with people who are under 35 and guys' performances/endurance aren't comparable in my mind. If a man is able to satisfy me (whether it be with mouth, fingers, penis, or toy) I'm going to count that as a successful experience. My recommendation to people who are worried about performance issues is always just to enjoy yourself as much as possible and usually the others involved will too.

[celtic239 297]

We did! We invited ourselves to sit at a table with a few people that we thought looked like people we would find interesting.

 

@Celtic - Does your wife has a reason to shy away from younger couples? Is it an attraction thing or a comfort thing? I can understand being kind of weirded out and not wanting to be with people who are young enough to be your kid in general, but can personality override at all?

 

Meeting someone our daughter's age (25) would weird me out, and it takes a lot to do that. I think for my wife it is much more a comfort thing than an attraction thing. She's in pretty good shape and I keep kidding her that she would make a great "cougar" but she really isn't interested in "hooking up" with couples that are out of her comfort zone.

[km34 672]

Meeting someone our daughter's age (25) would weird me out, and it takes a lot to do that. I think for my wife it is much more a comfort thing than an attraction thing. She's in pretty good shape and I keep kidding her that she would make a great "cougar" but she really isn't interested in "hooking up" with couples that are out of her comfort zone.

 

Fair enough. If it was an attraction thing, I wouldn't have been disappointed. It was because they were quite obviously interested UNTIL they found out our age. Then they could still gaze at us longingly, but because we were young, couldn't act upon it.

[Just Passing By 140]

Since I/ we had no experience with swinger Clubs or Events , will have to extrapolate from directly "meeting people" , and vanilla life , including dating , socializing, and general interacting.

 

When I was what now seems young , I was perfectly comfortable with a wide range of ages , from several years younger to what seemed then plenty old, probably late 40s , and probably into '50s .My hobbies and musical tastes, and political views were shared by all ages, and not predominated by fellow young people. I didn't do drugs in a time and place where my contemporaries smoked dope at larger percentages than even drank beer.

 

I didn't initially have great succuess at dating my contemporaries. In single days ranged from 6yrs younger to 15yrs older. In my early 20s realized women in their early to mid 30s were the bomb. Likewise in my 30s and 40s. FWIW Mrs JBP is close to my age , but for various reasons has similar age outlook.

 

When we were "meeting people" we refered to an age range of " mature late '20s to youthful late 50s" . When our ages started with a "3" we heard from people spread all thruout that range. When our ages hit "4" , it was only from those also over 40. Coincidence ? Maybe , but that's another thread.

 

While I related to all ages when I was young , the reverse is not happening now. There are some individual exceptions, but most 20somthings seem like they're from another planet. I try to remind my self that when I was their age , I got along with people my current age, but I still just scratch my head.

 

Maybe it had somthing to do with it that at 17 I looked 21 , 19 looked 25 , 25 looked early 30s, etc. When I did get married my apearence froze in place for 10yrs , until calender cought up.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Fair enough. If it was an attraction thing, I wouldn't have been disappointed. It was because they were quite obviously interested UNTIL they found out our age. Then they could still gaze at us longingly, but because we were young, couldn't act upon it.

 

I am surprised people ask your age outright at a club. In my opinion a club is a more casual situation where you can just have fun with people you are attracted to. If it's been a problem, I might joke with them about never asking a woman her age and being flirty, but not telling them your age. Your husband can say the same type of thing in a joking way and it would probably be even funnier. If they persist on knowing your age, birthdate and ss number then they're not the right people for you. But, being coy about your age might avoid the attraction, then shock, then admire from afar scenario.

 

You may also need to evaluate what you are saying. Are you telling people your age or saying things to indicate that you are much younger than the general crowd? Like, "Who is Jesse's Girl?" lol

[EnjoyingLife 127]

My hubby and I are in our 40s. We both look younger. Especially me. Much younger. And we've been approached to play with younger couples (early 20s) as well as older couples (mid 60s) and have declined both.

 

If the chemistry and connection is there we'd consider the older couple, but the idea of playing with couples our child's age just turns us both off. It just seems creepy somehow.

 

Our daughter is your age and we met some friends of hers at a club last year. It totally freaked us both out. We socialize with younger couples at the clubs (including our daughter's friends now that we've talked with them about the absolute need for discretion and got over the initial shock of seeing them there)...dance with them, laugh, whatever...but that is as far as it goes for us.

[km34 672]

I am surprised people ask your age outright at a club. In my opinion a club is a more casual situation where you can just have fun with people you are attracted to. If it's been a problem, I might joke with them about never asking a woman her age and being flirty, but not telling them your age. Your husband can say the same type of thing in a joking way and it would probably be even funnier. If they persist on knowing your age, birthdate and ss number then they're not the right people for you. But, being coy about your age might avoid the attraction, then shock, then admire from afar scenario.

 

You may also need to evaluate what you are saying. Are you telling people your age or saying things to indicate that you are much younger than the general crowd? Like, "Who is Jesse's Girl?" lol

 

Generally age comes up after people have asked if we've ever been to a club before or if we've been to any others. When we say no, they ask why. The answer is because it hasn't been an option for very long since I am in my early 20s. We both keep up on conversations and understand most of the general anecdotes from the past (even if we don't always find them QUITE as funny as the people who experienced the times), and when I've tried to act coy, it just makes people more curious since most are pretty open about their age -in our area at least.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Generally age comes up after people have asked if we've ever been to a club before or if we've been to any others. When we say no, they ask why. The answer is because it hasn't been an option for very long since I am in my early 20s. We both keep up on conversations and understand most of the general anecdotes from the past (even if we don't always find them QUITE as funny as the people who experienced the times), and when I've tried to act coy, it just makes people more curious since most are pretty open about their age -in our area at least.

 

Yes, I can see how this goes, because we often ask anyone new we meet, regardless of age, "Have you been here before, have you been to other clubs?"

 

When they ask why you can just say, "We're relatively new to this." Then they might ask what your experience has been. Your age doesn't have to come into the conversation at all. I can see how that's a turn-off when you say, to paraphrase, "I just turned legal." We would do a double take if someone told us that.

 

Try being less front and center about your age and see what happens.

[km34 672]

Try being less front and center about your age and see what happens.

 

I think I'll just stick to hanging out/playing with people who are able to let it go. I'm not ashamed of my age, my experience, my personality, my body, or really anything else about myself. I only reveal my age when people seem to genuinely want to know, and this past trip was the first time I'd gotten dismissed because of it.

 

It was kind of a disillusioning experience for me, I suppose, since most people I've met have had the attitude of "age is just a number, it's whether or not there's chemistry that matters." I'll chalk it up to a learning experience, get over my bruised ego at being dismissed because of my "youth", and continue enjoying the experience.

[junglecouple 127]

I think I'll just stick to hanging out/playing with people who are able to let it go. I'm not ashamed of my age, my experience, my personality, my body, or really anything else about myself. I only reveal my age when people seem to genuinely want to know, and this past trip was the first time I'd gotten dismissed because of it.

 

It was kind of a disillusioning experience for me, I suppose, since most people I've met have had the attitude of "age is just a number, it's whether or not there's chemistry that matters." I'll chalk it up to a learning experience, get over my bruised ego at being dismissed because of my "youth", and continue enjoying the experience.

 

When I ran The Jungle, the very young couples were not as approachable simply because of the thought that they might be "creeped out" due to the 20-25 year age difference, making them young enough to be our kids.. With that said, it's all in the attitude. Ironically I met my wife at a club party and she's 22 years younger than I am, but her attitude and comfort made the age difference transparent.

Doing interviews, if a couple, especially the lady, was in their early 20's, I'd forewarn the lady that folks old enough to be their Grandfather (50+) might be hitting on them and I didn't want anyone (old or young) to be uncomfortable. Admission to a party was based on the reaction.. "I like older men" vs "ewww".

[Tia Vampire 167]

I'm 42 years old and tend to enjoy men older than I am. The thing with younger guys/couples is that they don't show you the attentiveness that an older guy/person does. I agree that age is nothing but a number. I'm not shy of a younger guy or couple because cock has no age. As long as it gets hard, i'm on it.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

they all thought i was older because of how i acted/spoke.

 

Here is the key, the maturity level. We certainly move slower with younger couples to make sure they are stable and mature. We have seen more drama with younger couples than those our age. I know many couples that feel the same.

[Playful1 434]

Here is the key, the maturity level. We certainly move slower with younger couples to make sure they are stable and mature. We have seen more drama with younger couples than those our age. I know many couples that feel the same.

 

100% true. I'm 27 and even at 22 I found couples/singles my age had way more drama than older couples. it is not a hard fact, but, the chance of it is definitely higher.

 

I think i benefited from two things 1)being more mature to start with, but also 2)being introduced/mentored by a couple that had already been involved in swinging for a decade

[Dont.Stop 339]

Here is the key, the maturity level. We certainly move slower with younger couples to make sure they are stable and mature. We have seen more drama with younger couples than those our age. I know many couples that feel the same.

 

+1.

 

Not that we've been approached by anyone significantly younger... I'm 42, Mrs. is 47. If you're closer to 30 than you are 35, we probably will stay away. We've seen more instances of the younguns fighting in a club than the older folk.

 

After some conversation and familiarity there could be a change... but those are our guidelines.

[twoforone100 45]

We have played with people from 22 to 49... we are 37 and 41...age is for the most part just a #...That does not mean that every 22 yo... or every 49 yo interests us... but if we have common ground and everyone is attractive then we are happy. We tend to do best with couples in the mid 20's to mid 30's. We don't have kids so we tend to sometimes have more in common with them rather than kids in school and such. YMMV