The day after the day after.

[acdg 15]

Hello all,

My wife and i go to a club near us once or twice a month and always have a good time together. The next day my wife is still ok with what happened the night before on the drive home joking and laughing about some of the things that we did or happened.

Now comes the weird part on Monday when we go back to normal life she has 3 days of remorse guilt jalousie all combined (her description) after that though she is once again ok and often the instigator of the next club visit.

Does anyone have any ideas or recommendations to help her get over these feelings after the fact. We wrote this together and I posted this with her knowledge and permission.

Thanks

Chris & Annick

[Supernova1963 15]

We think, it might be related with the psyche and the way of being raised. There is quite a large number of people, which suffer with guilt, because they have been told, that certain things are not accepted by the community. And, the amount of females who are raised that way is quite large.

 

If we think back one generation, female orgasm and having fun with sex was not common in generation of our mothers. The 60's and the upcoming feminist movement in the 70's have changed that a lot. But in our head, some of these phrases like “good girls don't ... “ or “ a good mother and wive has to ...” are so well cemented in our brains, that some women still suffer with it. It is like a permanent balancing act, between the freedom to live and enjoy, and the “rules” our parents have chained to us.

 

Ms Supernova was brought up in a very conservative environment with a lot moral advises ,while Mr Supernova was raised in boarding school, without parents (bad ...) but with freedom in regards to sexual moral . These different backpacks leaded into a lot of discussions, how to live and how to raise our kids (alcohol, smoking, sex, ..... you name it). In most cases we decided to the more liberal way and let everyone do his / her own experience, which turned out very well.

 

Now, being nude in front of others, sex toys, sexy clothing, swinging in every aspect (soft or full doesn't matter), even only the visit of a swing club is something, where the “Don't” word would have come up. Would, because these topics were never discussed. But the overall brainwash has kicked in and therefore, even being the most modern and liberal person might suffer with these kind of flashbacks .

 

Realizing this, might lead into your wife's reaction. It is stupid, it is wrong, I should not feel like this and therefore I enjoy myself and do it again.

 

Our five cents which might be wrong .......

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Does anyone have any ideas or recommendations to help her get over these feelings after the fact.

I think you have to first figure out why she has these feelings before you can figure out how to address them.

 

Supernova1963 gave one possibility. Does it sound familiar? What are her thoughts on why she feels remorse two days later?

[tribbles 490]

Sometimes when I get negative thoughts (about anything) and I KNOW they are not really how I think or feel but the negative thoughts intrude anyway, I replace the thoughts with a positive. Do it enough times and for me, the negative feelings lessen or even go away.

 

I think supernova is right and sometimes it's just old tapes playing in our heads from long ago society training that no longer applies.

[acdg 15]

Thanks for the responses.

Yes this does sound familiar and to hear it from someone else might help. She is mulling over the thoughts now.

However I think the last sentence from supernova really sums it up, the moral values cause her to have the three days of remorse and her rebellious “you cannot tell me to do anything” side and the fun we have keep her coming back.

 

Anyway we will see next week

 

She said she will attempt change her thoughts to a more positive thought and try to discuss more than what she has been.

 

To bad the forum here is only in English.

Thanks

A&C

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Now comes the weird part on Monday when we go back to normal life she has 3 days of remorse guilt jalousie all combined (her description) after that though she is once again ok and often the instigator of the next club visit.

 

Maybe when you are away from home, that allows her put up the separation in her mind between how a good wife/mother is supposed to act based on her upbringing vs. what her true nature really allows her to be when she is able to suppress the other. So even on the way home, she is still in fun mode. Once you get home though, she is no longer able to maintain that mental wall so the guilt rolls in and it takes several days of getting through the daily routine of work, etc. to make it finally fade away. Then, a month later, repeat the process.

[acdg 15]

That also sounds like what is happing in her mind. (her response) When we are going to a club we always go with our camper and I also get into my vacation sort of feeling so I can really relate. The Positive thinking is a good start any other mental tips and tricks to think about?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Any update to this situation? Has she managed to address and work through her feelings?

[Alura 2,775]

 

To bad the forum here is only in English.

 

Ihre Englisch ist wunderbar! Wahrum solten wir schlecht Deutsch sprechen?

 

Alura

[acdg 15]

Hi thank you for asking. Yes I think she has made some advances in working through her feelings. The first few months after posting this we either did not go to the club or had no horizontal activity with other couples so no day after effect. The last few visits have been a real fun in all ways (horizontal and Vertical) and the day after effect was in my opinion either not present or very well hidden.

 

Her comment is that the day after is becoming less difficult and instead of it lasting 3 days after the day after it is only one day. That is the best I can do to translate her comments.

 

So I guess she is either getting used to the situations or so tired the week after to really care.

 

@Alura Thank you for the complement about my English I have not forgotten as much as I thought however I am still an American and English is still my first language German is only number 3.

 

I was really hoping to find a similar forum in French or Italian so that my wife could read the help and advice of others without the help of a mechanical translation or me.

 

The five days after the weekend are the hardest.

 

acdg

[Alura 2,775]

I thought you were German! No wonder your English is so good!

 

Alura