Trying to convince wife into swinging for 10 years

[bmcpl3736 15]

Hi all..I am from India. Got married 14 yrs back. Have had 3 somes with married cpls and loved the experience..wish to get my wife into swinging..she is from an orthodox background..

Fortunately she got attracted to my friend..they came close n physical but did not have intercourse..and suddenly the guy ditched her...

Now she says she tried but had a bad experience and is just not willing to try again!!! I tell her not to get emotional and that we should rather enjoy with a stranger and not a known face..

 

What should I do to convince her to try it out with un-known cpls or males??

 

Please advise.

[VegasLee 1,486]

To me your title says it all. YOU have been trying to CONVINCE HER for 10 years.

 

Guess what, after 10 years is she is not interested then she is not interested.

 

What is more important to you, Your wife or playing with others?

 

This Lifestyle is NOT FOR MOST PEOPLE. Less then 1%. She is happy without it so you have a choice to make. Her or the Lifestyle.

 

Hope you make the right one.

[bmcpl3736 15]

I think you you just read the headline..i have also mentioned that my wife got involved with a friend (about a year back)..which she enjoyed..but all of a sudden he ditched her..w/o any reason..now b'cause of the bad experience she is now refusing..with any guy..

How do I make her understand and get interested again..??

[swing.kidz 367]

You don't make her do anything. The best option for you is to truthfully and sensitively express your desires to her and hope for the best.

 

Success in this lifestyle doesnt come from coercion or influencing a person to do something they don't want to do. It comes out of truthfulness and open communication. Additionally , the underlying motto is 'move at the slowest person's speed'. Your wife has said she doesn't want to do it, take that for face value, tell her what you want and leave it at that.

 

Lastly, if you want your marriage to survive, don't allow her lack of participation in swinging become a deal breaker; let her know that you feel fortunate for the experiences you've had and that if you never do it again, that's ok because your marriage is the most important...well, say that if its the truth. If it's not the truth, stop wasting both of your time.

[VegasLee 1,486]

I think you you just read the headline..i have also mentioned that my wife got involved with a friend (about a year back)..which she enjoyed..but all of a sudden he ditched her..w/o any reason..now b'cause of the bad experience she is now refusing..with any guy..

How do I make her understand and get interested again..??

 

No, I read everything you wrote and I stick by what I posted here.

 

Her answer is no and NO always means NO in this Lifestyle. To many people don't seem to understand that and keep looking for a way to turn NO into yes to get their own way. That never works out in the long term.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Fortunately she got attracted to my friend..they came close n physical but did not have intercourse..and suddenly the guy ditched her...

Now she says she tried but had a bad experience and is just not willing to try again!!! I tell her not to get emotional and that we should rather enjoy with a stranger and not a known face..

 

Are you saying that she developed an emotional relationship with this person, and not wanting to risk experiencing again the hurt from a relationship ending is why she is no longer interested?

 

Or, when you say she was attracted, was that just attracted in the physical sense, and not emotional?

 

There is big difference between those two when it comes to what may be the best way for you two to proceed. If she made the mistake of getting a little too emotionally close to a playmate, then that can be a newbie lesson learned, you both talk about it, reestablish your rules, and you move forward if and when you both are ready with the understanding that it will be purely about sex with others, not any kind of relationship. I would have reservations myself about the marriage though if she fell into a relationship with someone else that easily, you may want to be careful about what you wish for here.

 

If you mean she was just sexually attracted to him, but then was so hurt/disappointed by the rejection before they got to the point they had intercourse, then there isn't much you can do about that. It comes with the territory, and if it's not worth it to her, it's not worth it. She may eventually come around once the hurt fades a little and she remembers more of the fun parts, but leave it up to her by just letting her know you will be ready if she ever is, and leave it at that.

 

Good luck.

[amill2000 90]

No, I read everything you wrote and I stick by what I posted here.

 

Her answer is no and NO always means NO in this Lifestyle. To many people don't seem to understand that and keep looking for a way to turn NO into yes to get their own way. That never works out in the long term.

 

We think you are being a bit hard on the OP. We also recognize that you are a man in the lifestyle for many years. However, he was just stating a question, and maybe his English is not to Vegas standards.

 

He mentioned that they had some experience, and that it did not turn out so well. You could have counseled him to support his wife and let her know that the failure may not have been her failure. However, she is placing blame on herself and possibly not allowing herself to open up.

 

If after saying this, she and he could have said that swinging is not for them. We think you are not being very sensitive to them.

[Just Passing By 140]

Hmm , 10yrs of trying to convince , one brief partial situation.

She's not interested.

 

Go back to one on one marriage. If she is interested , let her volenteer that to you.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

"a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still" - unknown

 

That pretty much says it all. It sounds (from what you posted) that your wife may have tried this situation with the other guy just to get you off her back. It didn't go well, which gave her even less desire to try something she already wasn't interested in. At this point, she knows what you want, you've made it clear. Stop trying to convince her to swing and start convincing her you care most about her and maybe one day she will decide on her own that she's interested. In which case, I'm sure she'll let you know.

[Payal 16]

I think you were almost there. Open communication is the key word for you. For any Indian woman it is important to make her come out of the shell / web of modesty she has built around her. Keeep trying I feel you will succeed

[simmi 115]

I dont think it is difficult at all. get in touch with me and I will guide you. Pls let me have your messenger ID

[LFM2 1,482]

Simmi, I'm sure others here would like to know how to convince a wife to swing. Share with us all.

[Alura 2,774]

Hmmm... It might be a good idea to take her on a vacation to Goa. I've found folks do extraordinary things when they are thousands of miles from home. That may be why cruises are so popular.

 

Alura

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I dont think it is difficult at all. get in touch with me and I will guide you. Pls let me have your messenger ID

 

Simmi, I'm sure others here would like to know how to convince a wife to swing. Share with us all.

 

I agree with LFM2. Let us all know your master plan to convince a spouse to swing.

-Unless your plan calls for three easy payments of $19.95. Then, we'll pass.

[Payal 16]

Simmi even I am interested to know how, what avice you can give on the subject

[prairieshadows 95]

To us, even if she may have been interested at one time, she like anyone can have a change of heart. Our advice would be sit down and talk about it with her, but if she says no, listen to her and her reasons, and then drop the subject. Some people think the lifestyle could be fun and think that their spouse would love to jump in and try it, but when they say no, they feel they need to convince their spouse to do it. If get into the lifestyle it should be a choice that you BOTH make together. Because if she does it because she feels pressured by you to do it, her heart really won't be in it, and she probably won't enjoy it, and also, it's a good way to destroy your marriage.

[Guest jef]

Yes Simmi we are waiting, go ahead

[Payal 16]

Simmi, we all are waiting to hear from you

[simmi 115]

Sorry, you got me wrong. I am a simple house wife. I am not here to give you any paid advice.

 

A good communication between a couple is most important. In addition to it mutual respect, trust and openness is the key to achieving it.

 

To begin when my hubby dropped the idea the very first time I was furious and thought that he is a pervert. He after knowing my reaction withdrew and changed the subject. However, I think since he wanted it to happen he never gave up, although he never brought this up verbally. Probably he realised that he had been rash in proposing it to me without preparing me mentally for it. I think he is a very clever guy. I think he embarked on a planned move, step by step

 

We have uninhibited love for each other, but nothing went beyond the usual sexual activity. My hubby once read out to me an erotic sex story from the net and we both liked it, soon enough we were reading every day a lots of them and discussing them. Then one night my hubby read out a swinger story ‘Swingers by chance’. It was so erotic that I could not hide my excitement and we had wild sex. Thereafter we would often sit in the bed with a glass of wine and look for interesting stuff to read. What I never realised was that it was gradually breaking down all the barriers in my mind.

 

Later, we switched over to fantasies and role playing. Going further my hubby started showing me some swinger websites including this one. It created a lot of curiosity in my mind. Often, after he left for office, I would open this and some other related website and read a lot of material on different subjects. The more I read the more curious I became. What I never realised was that when I am surfing it creates a history of the websites visited. I am sure my hubby must be going thru the history and knowing what I was surfing.

 

Then one night while reading stories when I was in a heightened state of excitement, he opened a swinger website with a lot of personal ads with photos. We went through them and discussed different couples. Then he suggested that why not we try it out with another couple. This time my response was again ‘No’ but I think it was not strong enough, which he must have realised.

 

Soon enough we were looking for a suitable couple and considered it better to have it with a known couple. We shortlisted a couple from our acquaintances but the biggest problem was how to propose. It took us a lot of planning over a period of almost seven months to get them involved and make it happen. Anyway that is another long storey and not relevant at this stage

 

I do hope this will help you in breaking the barrier with your wife

 

Best of luck

[iluvurodsteel 2]

Simmi,

Thank you for sharing. I think this is what the original poster was describing. I too am tossing over this and wanted to find a way to explore it without pushing her too far as to offend her. But like most things, she needs a little coaching. I don't push, or try not to, and she doesn't get upset, but does remind me that she is not there. However, she has gone further than ever before, so I'm still hopeful.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Simmi, great job coming back and sharing your story. I can say I am very pleasantly surprised.

[Alura 2,774]

Simmi, you will be a wonderful asset to this discussion group. Please stay with us and share your opinions.

 

EDIT: I've been to Delhi. In fact, I met my friend, White Fox, there in 1971. We traveled overland to Europe together but lost track of each other because we were both traveling. She found me again two years ago today.

 

Alura

[Guest Jennifer]

simmi, where can we read this storey that you mentioned 'Swingers by chance'

[simmi 115]

do a google search and you will find it

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

I agree with LFM2. Let us all know your master plan to convince a spouse to swing.

-Unless your plan calls for three easy payments of $19.95. Then, we'll pass.

 

But wait! If you call in the next ten minutes we'll double your order and throw in this free bottle of lube!

[cupl4fun 361]

But wait! If you call in the next ten minutes we'll double your order and throw in this free bottle of lube!

 

Well, we do need some new lube...

[duncan69 71]

So you would like to get your wife interested in swinging?

This raises the immediate question: ‘Why do you want to get your wife interested in swinging?’

First make the answer to that question clear to yourself;- then to your wife.

It an obvious imperative that she be convinced of the sincerity of your concern for her happiness

and pleasure. It is of equal or greater importance that you yourself be convinced.

I ask myself the same question almost daily and my first answer is:

“Because I love her. She is so beautiful, so lovable, so fuckworthy. It’s a crime to keep such a

beautiful, lovable, fuckworthy creature locked up in the chastity belt of matrimony. She is so

desirable she merits the attention of every man in the world; why should she be satisfied with my

limited services? Turn her free to enjoy her potential.

Bullshit!!

Truth is; nature has implanted in my groin an insatiable yearning which ignores the fact that I

already enjoy the unconditional sexual services of the most beautiful, lovable, fuckworthy woman

in the world - my own wife - yet I want more. I’m greedy.

I don’t deny that but grant me the possibility that maybe I’m not lying to myself when I say I

would be thrilled to watch her enjoying the full potential of her sexuality in the arms of other

men..

I adore my beautiful, lovable, fuckable wife but the smile on her face as she spreads her thighs to

accept another man brings inexplicable relief to that pressure to my groin. At that moment I love

her the most. Call me pervert if you will but to me, swinging is a celebration of marriage.

[Alura 2,774]

Call me pervert if you will but to me, swinging is a celebration of marriage.

 

I believe many folks on this board will fully understand this!

 

Alura

[Gordo 618]

Sorry, you got me wrong. I am a simple house wife. I am not here to give you any paid advice.

 

A good communication between a couple is most important. In addition to it mutual respect, trust and openness is the key to achieving it.

 

To begin when my hubby dropped the idea the very first time I was furious and thought that he is a pervert. He after knowing my reaction withdrew and changed the subject. However, I think since he wanted it to happen he never gave up, although he never brought this up verbally. Probably he realised that he had been rash in proposing it to me without preparing me mentally for it. I think he is a very clever guy. I think he embarked on a planned move, step by step

 

We have uninhibited love for each other, but nothing went beyond the usual sexual activity. My hubby once read out to me an erotic sex story from the net and we both liked it, soon enough we were reading every day a lots of them and discussing them. Then one night my hubby read out a swinger story ‘Swingers by chance’. It was so erotic that I could not hide my excitement and we had wild sex. Thereafter we would often sit in the bed with a glass of wine and look for interesting stuff to read. What I never realised was that it was gradually breaking down all the barriers in my mind.

 

Later, we switched over to fantasies and role playing. Going further my hubby started showing me some swinger websites including this one. It created a lot of curiosity in my mind. Often, after he left for office, I would open this and some other related website and read a lot of material on different subjects. The more I read the more curious I became. What I never realised was that when I am surfing it creates a history of the websites visited. I am sure my hubby must be going thru the history and knowing what I was surfing.

 

Then one night while reading stories when I was in a heightened state of excitement, he opened a swinger website with a lot of personal ads with photos. We went through them and discussed different couples. Then he suggested that why not we try it out with another couple. This time my response was again ‘No’ but I think it was not strong enough, which he must have realised.

 

Soon enough we were looking for a suitable couple and considered it better to have it with a known couple. We shortlisted a couple from our acquaintances but the biggest problem was how to propose. It took us a lot of planning over a period of almost seven months to get them involved and make it happen. Anyway that is another long storey and not relevant at this stage

 

I do hope this will help you in breaking the barrier with your wife

 

Best of luck

 

That's as good a plan of action as any I've seen.

[M&S 266]

Interesting cultural divide in the advice on this thread. My initial take was, unequivocally, after 10 years it won't happen and it shouldn't happen. The one caveat I would put on this is a cultural one. As I have said before, I think most cultures indoctrinate women into believing it is wrong to have sexual desire and especially outside of marriage sexual desire. I am no expert, but believe this is even more the case in India than in north America, generally speaking. If your wife is not yet comfortable and accepting of her sexuality, this may be a starting place. See if you can get her comfortable with her fantasies and get her feeling that these are, for you, a god thing. Then see what this develos into. As someone else said, swinging is rigth for about 1% of people so there is a 99% chance it won't lead you to swinging but it will likely I prove your sex life

 

One more thing - if she perceives that you are only doing this so you can fuck other women, or because you want to watch her fuck other guys ..... You got a long rad to hoe and it ends in a bad place.