I'm feeling hurt... Am I right or being too sensitive?

[Unicorn101 15]

So my partner an I attended my second party on the weekend. We also brought one of my best female friends (we will call her Kate)that we do not play with with us as she was curious. Long story short. Me my friend and one other girl ended up upstairs in a room with a bunch of guys including my partner and the party host. Basically a big orgy I guess. There was alot of swapping as whatnot. At one point I was giving my partner oral an the party host looked over and said "wow she is a keeper" to my partner. Hearing that I offered him a bj as he was not currently occupied. He looked at me and said "I'll pass" and went back to jerking himself off. I was immediately very hurt and turned off and left the room. I know everyone has their likes and dislikes but I feel that if he did not want to play with me he should have never made the comment... I pretty much feel like shit about myself and don't want to offer anyone oral ever again for fear of being turned down. Am I being too sensitive? Also. The day after the party the host called us just to make sure we had a good time and he asked alot of questions about Kate. Totally cool and very nice. But he called my partner AGAIN on Monday to just ask more questions about Kate. I'm slightly annoyed by this and feel like it is inappropriate given he was the host and he knew it was her first time at any swinging event. Also Kate and I are only 25 and he is in his late fourties. Am I being reasonable in thinking the second call was inappropriate or am I letting my own hurt affect how I feel about that?

[slevin 1,374]

Being turned down definitely sucks, but it's part of the swinging world. Not everyone is going to want to have sex with you. It happens to everyone. Not having been there to see/hear the dynamics at play it's hard to comment. I know that not every time I compliment someone am I looking to go anywhere with it. Perhaps he was just uncomfortable? Or perhaps he had his eye on someone already and was just waiting for a chance. It happens.

 

I think your hurt is clouding your judgment a bit about the phone calls. If he's single, or his wife knows he's contacting, then what is the issue with him looking for information on your single friend? Also, isn't your partner 50? So what's so odd about a 40 year old asking about your friend?

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I pretty much feel like shit about myself and don't want to offer anyone oral ever again for fear of being turned down. Am I being too sensitive?

 

I think you are being a bit too sensitive, yes.

 

I highly doubt the guy turned you down for any reason that has anything to do with you. It's more likely that at that moment, he just didn't feel like getting a blowjob for whatever reason. (Yes, that really does happen and he could have had any number of reasons for it.) Him complementing you obvioulsy wasn't intended as a request or offer. It was likely intended as a complement.

 

Forgive me for saying so, but I think you should really examine why you are reacting this strongly to what is really a fairly small incident.

 

Am I being reasonable in thinking the second call was inappropriate or am I letting my own hurt affect how I feel about that?

 

What is you are annoyed about? You're obviously uncomfortable with his evident interest in Kate. I find it curious that you mention the age difference... why do you feel that is important?

 

Guessing in the dark, you are feeling snubbed by the host because he turned you down and further snubbed because he is exhibiting interest in your friend (and not in you). Are you attracted to the host? Is it jealousy that you are feeling? Or is it something else?

 

I suggest that this too is something you need to think more about.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Hmm, there are some guys that like jerking off while watching (so I've been told, I'm a participator, lol) It could be a number of reasons why he said no (like others said) that had nothing to do with you.

 

It could be that he felt uneasy about you taking your focus off your partner to blow him and he passed because he didn't want your partner to stop receiving your attention. I really wouldn't even give a second thought about his loss.

 

As far as his interest in Kate...maybe it's because single females in the lifestyle are hard to come by and keeping them coming to the party is good for the party and it may have just been idle interest in the fact that she was new and he wanted to make sure she had a good time and stays interested.

 

No idea but don't let it change you. I would be ecstatic if someone took notice of me by myself and asked me if I wanted a bj.

[Unicorn101 15]

I know that I have a hard time with rejection. Basically for me it was like bein told "you're not as Hott as the other two, why would I want you?". I guess in reality it was his loss entirely as he didn't get any from either of the other girls and now has NO chance with Kate now as she doesn't like what he said to me either.

And yes... My partner is 50. I guess I still think of it as an unusual relationship and we are only FWB. I know that I have aught myself looking at and judging to myself, other couples that have similar age gaps. It's something I have to work on

[junglecouple 128]

As a former "Host" at The Jungle, I can tell you from the "host" point of view.. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!!. I often turned down opportunities, but for no reason other than I may have had plans for later, or I really needed to stay "available" to handle guests, questions, problems, etc etc. I would never play until the wee hours of the morning because as host, my job kept me on my toes, on the go, stop--flirt--move on-- stop--tell a joke--move on-- say hi to new guests-- etc etc..

IF, there was a lovely to play with later, great!!! But often, by the time I felt comfortable to play, the party was pretty much over...

Sounds to me that he was still in "host" mode.. I could be wrong, but don't put it on yourself that it was actually rejection... possibly just wrong timing? Don't fret about it... from one that's been there.

[CuriousNJCouple 38]

I'm no expert in partying, by any means, but I am an expert on feeling rejected. Although rejection sucks big time, I've come to the conclusion that it is their loss. Instead of thinking "What's wrong with me?", maybe try thinking "Maybe he thinks I'm too hot for him?" I had a friend who turned a lovely lady down because he thought she was out of his league. There was nothing wrong with her. He doubted himself. Your desire to go to the parties is a priceless thing. Don't let one unpleasant event hurt you. You're priceless.

[rainbowskye 102]

At times when I've been single and attended parties I've had the same thing happen. If it was a new party I've had the host follow up to see if I would return. Single gals are hard to come by. When they find one....a lot of times they want her back.

 

I've also seen hosts turn down offers to play as stated by jungle the host is there yo host and playing comes later on.

[Unicorn101 15]

He wasnt uninvolved though. It was two in the morning so end of the night... He was naked laying on the bed jerking off. After I left the room I came back to get my glasses and he was asking for a condom... So it wasn't that he wasnt playing.... But whatever!! His loss. My partner just got what he described as a "mind blowingly amazing blow job" and there is plenty more for the next man who appreciates what I'm offering him!

[DigginIt 1,132]

My partner just got what he described as a "mind blowingly amazing blow job" and there is plenty more for the next man who appreciates what I'm offering him!

 

And that is the attitude you should have Good for you!

[CuriousNJCouple 38]

I agree! That's the attitude!

[Additude 457]

I am additude....does that qualify for a "mind blowing amazing blow job" ?

 

Sorry, I couldn't resist...

 

Unicorn101, whatever happened, happened for whatever reason it happened for. Let it go hun. Feeling bad about stuff like this is not good for you. Obviously you are a sweet young lady that has more to offer.

 

It was nice of you to want to return the compliment...that speaks of who you are, not that you felt rejected.

[Dont.Stop 339]

No means no.

Why is irrelevant.

 

You'll develop a thicker skin as time goes on. If you take everything personal you'll fizzle out of the lifestyle before too long.

 

We sent a feeler out to a new couple on SLS a few months ago. They shot back "No thanks. We're not interested in black males." Not only did I not take it personal, I suggested to them that in the future, just say no thanks.

 

Every time we bump into each other at an event we stop and say hi. We hang with the same circle of friends... we just don't play with each other.

 

You can handle this. Best of luck to ya!

[Unicorn101 15]

Attitude: too bad you aren't a little closer lol! We are looking for a third to test out my oral skills on! I'm feeling the need for a little appreciation now

[sexcupid 809]

To address the question in your title...yes, it does seem that you are being a bit sensitive over the decline of your offer to give the guy a BJ...as others have mentioned, getting turned down is part and parcel of this gig.

 

One angle that hasn't been addressed in re: the host calling to inquire about your SF friend. I do sense some hurt feelings over the greater interest in your friend. However, look at how you presented yourself at the party: as a couple, not a truly single female. The party host may have had greater interest in your friend (again, win some lose some...just because you are a single female doesn't automatically mean you are going to have your pick of guys at a party) but he also was doing what I perceive to be the gentlemanly thing by contacting the male you were with. However you want to spin it, you are presenting yourself at a lifestyle party as a couple and most people will probably treat you as such.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

It has been six months since you experienced these feelings Unicorn101. Have you managed to work through this?

[Unicorn101 15]

Yes, yes I have. His loss. I don't doubt that he did not intend to hurt my feelings and I was being a bit very sensitive. I am finding I am having some trouble being as 'forward' as I would like with other men tho. I'm a bit gun shy to hear no from a man again.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Thanks for updating us.

Yes, it can be challenging to be forward after hearing "no", but hang in there and you'll gain that confidence back over time, and be rewarded for it.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I am finding I am having some trouble being as 'forward' as I would like with other men tho. I'm a bit gun shy to hear no from a man again.

 

I"m sorry to hear that. I know that having an offer rejected can lead to loss of confidence, but...wouldn't a few good yesses help you put the incident in its proper place? In any case, I hope you do regain that sense of your own awesomeness and never again let anyone compromise it!