Not disappointed - but wife doesn't believe me
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By CXXC
In this thread Overcoming Objections to Swinging one question got me thinking.
-Worry that your desire for swinging means that they are not enough for you?
I really had to sit back and ponder this question for a couple days. Is my involvement in the lifestyle proof that my wife is not enough for me? Is her desire to play with others a sign that I am not enough for her? Are we active in the lifestyle to fill the void that we both have in our sexual desires and fantasies?
I am forced to consider that we may well not be enough for our spouses/SO’s. We all have desires and fantasies of being with others outside of our marriage beds. But why? Why are we excited by the idea of being with someone else?
It is not an emotional issue. We love our mates and, for most of us, have no desire to share that feeling with another. We are not lacking in our emotional capacity to stay emotionally true to one another. Emotional monogamy is never in question.
We are then brought to the physical aspect of our union. What is it that keeps us from being completely fulfilled by our mates? If they were everything and all we need, we would not have fantasies or desires for another. If they were “enough” for us in our passion or wants, we would have no need of others involvement.
If they are enough for us, why do we swing? Why do we take another to bed, engaged in virtually the very same activities and motions we share with our mates? How can we justify our partners as being enough for us if we continue to pursue these activities?
Do we do this out of fear of infidelity? Can we honestly say that, knowing our appetites for sex as we have openly expressed them, we would not stray in the future had we not been free to act within the lifestyle? Is this possibility the actual driving force behind the community?
Is the fact that my wife thinks about being with another man proof that I have not been enough to please her completely and wholly? Have I not been enough for her to commit to me and only me in both body and mind? To be truly “ENOUGH” she would no longer have fantasies of another’s involvement. I would not think of being with another woman. We would not imagine the touch and feel of another with such reverie!
I think this question deserves some true thought. For me, I would have to say, I am not enough for Mrs. CXXC. But in my limitation, I am ok with that!
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By ToeDippers
A little disappointed. We talked before that we would always talk after about our experience. We both agreed not to get angry or jealous. Feelings are hard to predict. Our first experience was with a single woman. After my wife said she was surprised I came in our friend. I understood her concern.
We had our first small party with two couples. I watched my wife being with both men and women. I was with both of the women. I had mixed feelings watching her and for some reason more so giving oral. I knew it would happen and watching gave me mixed feelings.
I got busy with one of the women and glanced over to see my wife with her doing doggy and oral at the same time. I heard her enjoying and I was enjoying doing what I was doing.
Now the after talk at home. I tell her my experiences. I at one point played with the two women. Told her I enjoyed one of them more and what she did.
Wife’s turn to tell. She says one of them while giving her oral did it to her bum. She says it was strange feeling. I listened. Then she said while they were having sex he pulled out while she was cumming and put it in her bum. I felt angry listening. I said why didn’t you stop him. She said it just happened. I said it had to hurt and she said not that much.
I never did anal with her. Every time I tried we stopped. Now she let someone we just met did it. I think she feels bad that I wasn’t the first to do this.
I don’t know if I’m angry or jealous or disappointed.
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By njbm
We usually couple swap. Not clear that anyone else in the group did. We went to one semi-naked party where everyone stared at each other. We had a hot tub encounter with another couple. We attended a party where they were putting whipped cream on women’s boobs and licking it off. We left early, not excited to have entire party lick wife’s boobs. Some guys not her speed.
We asked another couple to come to our room to play after massive flirting by their husband. They said yes. Then they did not show up and did not call. We called them and got a stuttering excuse. We presume they flirt, don’t play. Our bad, should’ve vetted better.
No one asked us to play. We are reasonably attractive for our age (my wife more so) and we were within the average age of the group.
Find it odd. Lots of show, no go. We had a great time anyway.
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By 3sumfun38
We have been with 10-12 couples and more times than not the male half can't get hard. My wife is getting discouraged and has made comments like she is the problem. I've told her that she is not, she is 5'8", 145 lbs., 36DD, very pretty.
Just wondering if anybody else seems to run into this? It really puts a damper on things.
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By SW_PA_Couple
JoAnn has a question that she wants me to pose to the Swingersboard membership. Should a man who has difficulty gaining or maintaining an erection say so before getting into a partner exchange and, if yes, at what stage of a developing acquaintanceship should it be declared? Should it be stated plainly in the the on-line profile? During initial phone conversations? During an initial meeting? At a follow-up meeting? Before making the swap? It is supreme disappointment for her to hear, "Oh, sorry about that. I have diabetes and can't get it up. But don't worry, I'm really good at oral sex." She really does understand that some men cannot or occasional have a problem. But really, it's now three in a row who have announced themselves only after a half-hour of oral sex in a vain attempt to "get it going". She is beginning to think it's her. Help!
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