10 Commandments of Swinging

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I wrote up the below for a New Member brochure for our local club.

 

1. Thou Shalt Not Touch Without Permission. Don't assume that because someone is ok with others touching them that it's ok for you to touch them.
   
2. No Means No (Always). If someone says no, it does not mean try again. If you say no to someone and they persist, report it to a staff member.
   
3. Communicate Communicate Communicate! This is most important between you and your spouse, but also between you and those you may swing with.
   
4. Be Honest. If you aren't comfortable, say so. Be honest with your partner about how you feel, and be honest with others. If you aren't interested, say so. Don't lead people on.
   
5. Move at your own pace, not the pace of others. Don't allow others (including your spouse) to push you to move faster than you are comfortable.
   
6. Be Discreet. No one needs to know who else you've been with. What goes on in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
   
7. Never Assume. Just because you played with someone in the past doesn't mean you are playing with them again tonight.
   
8. Your relationship is the priority. Don't do anything to jeopardize it.
   
9. Know Your Boundaries, and stick to them. Set rules together and abide by them.
   
10. Have Fun! If you aren't having fun it's time to take a break.
    

 

What would your 10 Commandments be?

[Lionheart72 2,190]

What, that's hits the proverbial nail on the head as far as I'm concerned. My only difference would be swapping the order on 1 and 2.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

As I was posting it here I was thinking that I should have swapped out #1 and #3

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

1. Have fun.

2. Have fun.

3. Have fun.

4. Have fun.

5. Have fun.

6. Have fun.

7. Have fun.

8. Have fun.

9. Have fun.

10. Have fun.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I wish more people would understand the rules.

 

Especially coming here asking questions, when they want to cheat and don't like our answers.

 

We could quote the "rules" to them.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Be accepting that others may be different in body or mindset. It's allowed.....

 

Not sure that couldn't be said better though ?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Great list Julie. I can't think of a way to improve it, and I wouldn't worry about the order either. They're all important in their own way regardless of placement.

[angelkin 1,326]

Great list!!!

 

Maybe add something to remind people that not everyone will be attracted to you and vice-versa. Rejection is a part of the lifestyle that we all need to act adult about. I think especially for newbies, this is an important point. Just because we're swingers, that doesn't mean we sleep with just anyone.

[LFM2 1,482]

It's an excellent list. I don't think I could add anything as noteworthy as you have. All the important points are there.

[LFM2 1,482]

One thing I thought of is pictures... which could be included in rule #6. If you take pictures or videos, don't share them on your favorite swinger site unless you have the consent of the people involved.

[Just Passing By 140]

As LFM2 touched on , #6 could be fleshed out. Be discrete amongst and within the club/venue And be discrete against outing anyone to the outside world.

 

Actually Anglekin, The Commandments did Not directly address cheating. Several could indirectly be stretched that way, but could equally apply to lots of other situations.

 

This might have been an oversight by Julie because she considered it so basic it didn't think it needed saying. Or it could have been part of keeping *Commandments* separate from *Guidelines for Commonly accepted behavior*. We will have to wait for Julie's thoughts on this, as we can not read her mind. (Not that I am advocating cheating, but just taking a literal reading).

[M1F2KTJ 473]

1. Have fun.

2. Have fun.

3. Have fun.

4. Have fun.

5. Have fun.

6. Have fun.

7. Have fun.

8. Have fun.

9. Have fun.

10. Have fun.

 

Thumbs up to SW_PA_Couple! I'm kind of confused about "rules" since the premise is that you are there to swing/share/swap. I'm guessing that an arrangement has been made to meet somewhere with people you've never met before. Of course you wouldn't want to get involved with people you are not attracted to. I would suggest a meet with people you are comfortable with by e-mail or phone or the best way is to meet before in a non sexual encounter like dinner and drinks first. Then I might suggest some "rules" like if the woman doesn't like anal then no anal or if she doesn't like to swallow give her a heads up etc. I guess the only rule would be #1. BE RESPECTFUL.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Great list!

[lcmim 1,082]

This is probably the last place that I would expect to be having a situational ethics quibble similar to some I've had in Theological circles but here goes..

 

1.Thou Shalt Not Touch Without Permission. Don't assume that because someone is ok with others touching them that it's ok for you to touch them.

2.No Means No (Always). If someone says no, it does not mean try again. If you say no to someone and they persist, report it to a staff member.

 

Inside of the concept of setting up safe parameters for newbies I have no quibble with these two a guidelines for polite behaviour. Guidelines in the sense that there are some pretty obvious extents that you are over the line.

 

If however #1 were followed strictly throughout society nobody in their teen years would have any sex life at all in the plural sense. If # 2 is a strict rule then no married couple would have any sex life at all after a few months. ( NO means NO ALWAYS)

 

I've been together with the same lady for nearly 40 years. There are many things that are part of the play list that started out as "No I don't do that!". There is nothing we do that at one or several point wasn't a NO. ( at least until she figured out I did not care if she hadn't finished her period or had not showered immediately before I grabbed her.)

 

I realize that you wrote these in the context of a swinger social event.

Yes , OK, but I wonder how many fun times started with a fairly soft physical approach.

 

Our first time started after a LENGTHY naked conversation when the other gentleman got up leaned over gave my wife a short kiss on the mouth cupped her breast and then backed off with a " I hope that was all right, but I couldn't resist I have been wondering all night what that would be like." We all laughed. The tension was broken and we spent the next two days together.

He had judged the situation correctly and was not to forward.

 

Now running down the hallway grabbing every woman by her genitals is clearly beyond reason, I am not quite so certain about a pat on the butt after eye contact, smile and a flirtatious conversation.

[Tahoecple 319]

1. Use common sense always. Personally, I think if more common sense is used less rules need to be evoked.

 

2. Ensure both spouses know where the train is headed before it leaves the station. Far too often one spouse is in the train and gone while the other doesn’t yet know they’re taking a trip.

 

3. Don’t wait for the other person to make your first move. Talk, Communicate, and be open and friendly don’t be afraid to say it’s your first time, even if it isn’t if it helps break the ice.

 

4. If you’re not interested in the other couple, or what they’re into don’t let it get to the play stage before you say something about that little fact.

 

5. Know the difference between a grope and a touch. If you have a problem telling to two apart, the grope is the one you get slapped for and the touch is the one used to get the other persons attention. If you have a problem as to which is appropriate for a given situation, ask your spouse what their reaction would be if a stranger were to do that to them.

 

6. Don’t make a ten-page list of rules with you spouse when you know on the onset that you’re not going to abide by any of them.

 

7. Know before any play session the different between having fun and about to need a divorce attorney. If you have a problem with that check with your SO about your plans before engaging in those plans, doing so may save you a great deal.

 

8. Don’t tell your spouse or SO that you don’t mind them engaging in something that you can’t tolerate them engaged in.

 

9. If you bring your spouse or SO to a swinger’s party, waiting until you’re at the party in the presence of other people isn’t the proper time to inform them as to what kind of party they’re attending.

 

10. This whole thing is about having fun, make sure that both of you have the same definition of fun.

[Guest]

1: PUSHY: Please don't be rude, vulgar, pushy, act like a sex addicted idiot.

 

2: CLEAN: Please be clean, make sure if your meeting us that you are bathed / washed / teeth brushed / nails trimmed / pubic hair trimmed / wearing clean clothes / STD checked / ECT.

 

3: SLOW: Please be aware that as a couple we may want to talk first / have social meetings / get to know you a little / have time to relax / we don't always want sex straight away.

 

4: SINGLE: If your not really single then please don't lie to us and pretend you are single, be honest about your current relaitonship status so we can decide if you are for us or not.

 

5: PERSON: Please be aware that my wife/girlfriend is actually a person, not just a hole to fuck, not a sex toy, not a sex object, she has feelings, desires, worries, questions, personality and she may need time to talk, time to ask questions, time to get to know you, we are not sex robots were just people who enjoy fun and friendship together, please treat us as people not fuck holes.

 

6: SEXUALITY: If you are bisexual then please state that in your profile, if you are a straight person then please state that in your profile. Please do not pretend to be bisexual or lie about your sexuality, if you are a homophobic man who hates been near another man naked then please find a new hobby.

 

7: DRINK & DRUGS: If you like to drink before swinging, or like to take recreational drugs before swinging then that is your choice, please do not get upset if we refuse such things, or refuse to swing with you as a result, just because you like that it doesn't mean we have to as well.

 

8: STAY AWAY: Unless your invited please do NOT come knocking on our door or invade our privacy either at home, work, or play. We don't really care if you was "Just in the area and wanted to say hello" we don't really care what excuse you make please do not turn up at our home unless you have been invited.

 

9: FRIENDSHIP: Please expect that we might want a mild / small amount of friendship to go along with been play partners, if all you want is a stop and drop / fuck and go type of meet then go see a prostitute, as a couple we may want to chat for a while, have a laugh, discuss things, what we would call general common decency, a little bit of general friendship.

 

10: RULES: Please follow our rules as a couple, we don't have many rules but we expect the rules we have to be honoured.