Why is it so hard finding a guy for a MFM?

[sexykccouple25 15]

R here. We recently started searching for a guy for a MFM. Made profiles on what we thought were the three main sites, and even on the bastard child... Craigslist. I think we made a hot, to the point ad. Even included pictures. We were very clear with what we wanted and when we wanted it to happen, which was that night. And oh boy did we get responses... probably over 100 emails. Out of all of them, there were three that were acceptable for us and met the requirements we asked for. Out of those three, one didn't chicken out and actually came over. And it was terrible. We asked for a dominant, secure guy and what we got was a not dominant guy that for over an hour could not get hard. At all. Not even a close. So we wrapped it up and chocked it up to bad luck, tried again. Found another two or three good candidates, but when it came down to it, they would just stop texting or emailing us. Or say that they aren't free now, but during the day they are.

 

Why is it so hard to find a guy? I don't understand, you would think that guys would be clamoring to have effort free drama free kinky sex.

 

I guess my question is, for those couples that engage in the MFM, how do you find your men? Or is it this hard for everyone else too?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I think your statistical sample is still much to small to declare the exercise a failure. It is a fact that Web site and Craig's List are full of wannabes and pranksters. You'll just have to learn how to recognize what the initial indications are for a successful meet-up. Don't give up.

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

Cruising the internet for this sort of thing is challenging and requires patience. However, the best way to find a guy for an MFM is to contact another couple that enjoys them and ask them for a referral.

[sexykccouple25 15]

Well we did have a good success last night... and the proverbial cat is definitely out of the bag! She loved it.

[lovinher 505]

Free during the day but not at night means they can blow off their job but their wives.

[luvitall 2]

I have found the opposite to be true! For seldom can I find married couples looking for another male to join them in naked fun to share (usually the hubby NOT interested, in case us guys get into M/M to share too with the wifey watching I guess) and WHY? I have No Idea! For if in a threesome with a married couple, ALL three should be able to Enjoy It To It's Fullest!!! (M/M Included)!!

 

As for me? My BEST threesomes have ALWAYS been with "Older/Mature Couples" that let each other enjoy it to the MAX!! Regardless of what either of us three wanna try in naked fun to share together!!!

[sexykccouple25 15]

We personally don't participate in m/m action. The male half isn't bi and she doesn't much care to watch it. It's all about her during these.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Keep trying. If you want it to happen the effort will be worth it. Might I suggest a non sexual meeting first like dinner and drinks? The guy will be able to get it up if he has met you before and feels comfortable with BOTH of you and feels horny for your wife/girlfriend.

[interested-05 135]

This answer goes back to when I was single several years ago.

 

1) A lot of single guys are interested in doing a threesome but aren't really sure they trust the couple, Hey two of them / one of me, odds may not be in my favor.

 

2) First time threesome gets into their head and they simply aren't letting their dick talk for them, they need to relax and put fears and thinking aside.

 

3) Maybe he is more interested in the thought fantasy than he is your wife and or actually participating, kind of liking to watch more than actually participate. Taking the time to find out what they are really ready for may pay dividends in the long run.

 

4) Simply nerves getting in the way.

 

5 ) The rush to get fucked rather than things simply progressing

[Guest screaminggood]

We prefer to find our thirds of both sexes at on-premise clubs. The issue then becomes the problem that many clubs don't allow any/enough single males to give us a good selection to choose from (sorry to make you sound like you're being shopped, but you are).

[rogergo4 17]

We (MF) have had some good luck finding MFM. But it's taken a lot. I think what was said about finding another couple that in into that, and getting a referral. I had good luck on SLS. But two out of many in a year. Not really a lot, but fun for both, and I (male) have lots of cool pictures.

 

 

 

 

R here. We recently started searching for a guy for a MFM. Made profiles on what we thought were the 3 main sites, and even on the bastard child... Craigslist. I think we made a hot, to the point ad. Even included pictures. We were very clear with what we wanted and when we wanted it to happen, which was that night. And oh boy did we get responses... probably over 100 emails. Out of all of them, there were 3 that were acceptable for us and met the requirements we asked for. Out of those 3, one didn't chicken out and actually came over. And it was terrible. We asked for a dominant, secure guy and what we got was a not dominant guy that for over an hour could not get hard. At all. Not even a close. So we wrapped it up and chocked it up to bad luck, tried again. Found another 2 or 3 good candidates, but when it came down to it, they would just stop texting or emailing us. Or say that they aren't free now, but during the day they are.

Why is it so hard to find a guy? I don't understand, you would think that guys would be clamoring to have effort free drama free kinky sex.

I guess my question is, for those couples that engage in the MFM, how do you find your men? Or is it this hard for everyone else too?

[swinginCO 18]

We had some luck on CraigsList but none worth seeing again. If your wife is flirty and out going enough to talk to a guy checking her out as she runs errands or what ever then make up some cards. Put on it something simple like "swinger" "wants to play" "hotwife" etc and her number. If you do not want to give out your real number get a Google voice number and use that. Seems to work for us.

[angelkin 1,326]

Shopping this week, I made a potential connection with the sales guy (no commission involved) and told him maybe he should join us in enjoying our purchase, a hot tub, when it gets delivered. He seemed pretty open to it. I asked how his wife would feel about that even though I noted he had no ring on, he commented he was divorced.

 

I've never openly flirted with anyone like that while shopping or anything - only at the club or party where I already know the people there swing. It was pretty intense I think I really will go see if he wants to join us, he seemed like he could be a lot of fun!

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

I think I really will go see if he wants to join us, he seemed like he could be a lot of fun!

 

You never know unless you ask!

 

To the original poster; it takes time and patience. Even though there are PLENTY of single males, filtering through to find the good ones takes a fair bit of work. My wife and I have had a number of very successful MFM's, but it's not every weekend or even every other weekend or anything like that.

 

One of the things we filter for is whether they are married or not. You mentioned about guys that only play during the day. Ok, there's guys that work third shift, sure, but it sends up immediate flags for us as in married and cheating.

 

Another thing we filter against is how much effort the single men put into their profiles. It's their best opportunity to put their best foot forward. I don't care how technologically or linguistically inept they are; it's not hard to put together a decent profile. If you can't put forth the effort to do that, you're probably not worth the time.

 

Another thing is if they contact us first if the e-mail is polite, and not just comprised primarily of "Wanna fuck?" Please. Look, we're on SLS. That means we're in this to fuck. It's a given. Try to be at least a *little* more imaginative than that? Please?

 

Another BIG filter is not engaging in online chatting. Meet and greets are the way to go; either you click or you don't. Online chatting can't really tell you that, and it's time consumptive in the extreme. If they're not willing to move to at least a M&G after a couple of e-mails, they're most likely not worth the effort.

[angelkin 1,326]

As of late, we are have been looking for a single guy that is in the lifestyle for the right reasons (the eroticism and not just to get laid) - someone we can get together with more regularly and is available (i.e. not married) to come by when the mood strikes us (or him). We're finding it increasingly difficult to connect with the right kind of guy. Maybe we are getting more selective or this situation just isn't all that common. We (ok, more me) are getting a little frustrated. Honestly, we've had better luck unicorn hunting than finding a quality single guy who fits our criteria.

 

Ok, vent over.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Oooh, may I vent too? Our club allows very few single men and pretty much limits memberships to those who have been active for years. At any given party, there might be six or seven single women, but if there are any solo men, they have an invisibility cloak. We get emails each week on our SLS account, but the tone is either way off or the guy is in my under-35 no fly zone. I swear we're not being too picky, merely bringing the same criteria that we have for couples and women: smart, funny and friend-worthy, because we don't want a one and done. And...nada. I keep thinking the perfect 3rd is out there, and we're willing to wait, but, really, it shouldn't be this difficult.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Some friends of ours use sls to find single guys all the time. They search the profiles and look for ones that they like with certs from other couples. Then they contact those men.

[Baron-n-kitty 104]

Humph. Shows how green I am. I woulda thought picking a single guy would be the easiest part of it. Good stuff to know.

[JandKinBoise 859]

Our experience with SLS has been flakes and pros. Although the pros are kinda fun now and then, it's difficult to form a friendship with them, plus the std thing is an issue. We placed an ad in CL this week and got a few responses. One that we hope to meet with. In the beginning, we would e-mail a few times then meet for sex. One soft dick after another told us we were doing something wrong so we started meeting a couple times before taking the clothes off. It helps a ton when there are a couple weeks of teasing before the event. The guy we decided on is beautiful, has a great body and a dick that will hopefully leave J wanting more. long, thick, veins, fat head. Can't wait. But we will.

[angelkin 1,326]

I feel your pain, we're on the hunt for some new male friends - and it's not easy finding someone attractive, intelligent that is actually available to schedule and keep a date.

[guest_xx1 15]

I've yet to do MFM (as single straight male) but I've gone to a gangbang I have no issues with dealing with other males. I might not have as much experience under my belt as I'd like but I'm open it... Now to find a couple I can play with on a regular basis.

[Airjammer 15]

My wife and I were searching on sls and kasidie, lots of life issues kept cumin up and we would loose some potential s/m's and this went on for month's. One morning she opened our sls and a message from an s/m was there, he was from a little farther than we were searching but no biggie. That was about a month ago. We are meeting him tonight and my wife is so worked up she has a hard time keeping her hands out of her wet lil pussy. Tonight will be a meet-n-greet but if she likes him she's ready to go all in.

 

We have our profile set to single men and couples, we do not waste our time looking at free or no pics profiles, paid members, to us means that they are there and active, lifetime members well either they got in early on the website when it was offered as a little start up help or it means they are pro's (to us anyway).

 

We have had our flakes, one guy blew my wife off for a simple meeting two times on the same weekend and once again the following weekend. She was hurt but this guy we have lined up for tonight sure brought his "A" game to her.

 

Just my .02

[RunSilentRunDee 127]

Speaking as a married guy who goes solo (with my wife's knowledge, consent, and active support), I understand your frustration. It seems like most people know about non-monogamy, but few know about the "ethical" part. And fewer-still know about the different forms that ethical non monogamy (which I call "ENM") can take!

 

When I was wasting time that I'll never get back, on POF (Plenty of Fish), I found quite a few wives who were looking for somebody with whom they could cheat on their husbands. When I contacted one "maybe" wife, her reply sounded suspiciously like a cheater. When I replied by asking whether her husband knew ... she immediately blocked me from further contact with her!

 

I don't think there are any surveys out there that would give reliable numbers; but I suspect that most of the ENM's out there today are probably swingers.

 

Swingers do tend to do "things" together, as a couple, and most swingers do "things" with other couples, as couples. After listening to lots of episodes of lots of swingers podcasts, I think that an important reason for that pattern is that most swingers are nervous about the possibility of one of them "developing feelings" for someone outside the couple -- much less *shudder* falling in love with someone outside the couple.

 

If both partners in the other couple are there with you (you and your partner), then everyone has a visible reminder that everybody is already "taken" -- and if wife from Couple A starts to get too smoochy and clingy with hubby from Couple B ... then their respective partners will be right there to separate them and get things straightened out.

 

Hall passes (swinging separately) seem to be considered to have a higher level of risk -- because, I think, of the belief that they have a higher risk of producing or resulting in "feelings." So (I think?) they tend to be OK'd after the couples have established a track record of playing safely (emotionally safely too) and happily together.

 

If you haven't found such a couple that is OK about giving the hubby such a hall pass -- what then?

 

Well, yes, there are all those horny-dog guys. There are a *lot* of them!!!

 

But they're going to have at least as much shame as lust, just like everybody else. If they haven't been able to handle a long term relationship, they might not know how to interact with sexy people like real human people.

 

And if they are in a long term relationship ... well, the odds that both he and she are ENM (and not swingers, see above) are ... maybe a little low, right?

 

On web sites ... I don't know SLS. On Kasidie, you can declare in your profile that you are interested in Single Males, and others can include that factor in a profile search. This, at least, can make it easier for them to find you. (I won't contact anyone who doesn't say that.)

 

You yourself can also search for members who identify as Single Males, along with the usual proximity searches etc. And you can check out the local Single Male profiles to see who looks like a flake, who looks like a cheater, and so forth.

 

Feel free to check out my Kasidie profile, for an example of a Single Male profile that (I hope) is honest, above-board, sane, and so forth. My username is "RunSilentRunDeep". (And no I'm not trolling for a hook up: looks like you're about a 4 hour drive away, which I consider to be outside my "local" territory! )

 

Have I been frustrated, on my own part? Sure. But, as many here have said, that's kinda par for the course. Hey, people like you are rare! Guys like me are rare! (Hmm, does that mean that each of us is a precious snowflake? No, no, that's "polyamory" thinking. Moving back ... ) So it's doubly rare for people like you to be in the same locale as guys who might be like the ones you want.

 

Sympathies on the frustration. Keep it sane, keep it ethical.

 

-- RSRD