Do open relationships lead to failed relationships?
By
km34, in Swinging Solo
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Similar Content
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By adamgunn
How many of you, or your spouses, have had NRE to the point that as a couple you needed to do something about it? What caused it? What was the resolution?
Here’s my story.
Mary and I met James at a bar for a prearranged date. He was just what she wanted that night. He had an evil grin, and when we got to the bedroom, he was as close to a Superman as I’d ever seen. They went, as I remember it, three times, and I joined the two of them from every once in awhile. We were used to MFM threesomes and I had absolutely no problems with it, I was glad Mary was having such a good time. Over the next few weeks, Mary saw him as often as possible, a real case of NRE, the worst I ever saw her in. I gave her permission to go over to his house from time to time, and they screwed a number of times.
Now Mary and I are swingers in addition to her being a hotwife, and for whatever reason we weren’t hooking up much with foursomes that summer. So I was feeling a little strange in that Mary was having quite a bit of sex with James but I wasn’t having sex with other women. Mary and I talked about it, she seemed to understand my issue.
One day Mary told me as I was heading for work that James was coming over to our house just to hang out - she and James both had the day off. I said it was okay, but I wanted to be with them in an MFM. Mary readily agreed that I’d get home, the three of us would go out to dinner, and then we’d come back to the house for sex.
Well, when I got home, James came bounding down the steps, completely naked. “Oh,” I said, “have the two of you been having fun?” “Yeah, we’ve been going at it for a couple of hours.” I got Mary off to the side, she said she didn’t remember that they were supposed to wait for me; but I could tell from body language that she wasn’t being quite honest.
They got dressed, we went out to dinner, I’m sure I was grumpy. James, understanding there was a problem, decided to leave. (Of course, I’m sure he’d had his share for the day!). Mary and I had long talks about it for the next couple of days. Finally, I said I was really uncomfortable and that I wanted her to take a break from James, at least a month. She agreed, and kept away from him. And then, unfortunately, the two of them never got back together.
I’m sorry it went down that way, James was Mary’s best lover, but I felt I needed to slow it down.
What’s your story?
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By Billygoat
I have always had an interest in the human definition, just who are we? What drives us? Who actually defines us? I know I was never asked....or given the questionnaire.
As always it is those not living how others are or maintain power or try to be that desperately try to define all of us into a box.
I’ve always been curious, always asking why because the bottles, jars and boxes we all get shoved into never hold true.
My take away? Humans are:
Curious
Adventurous
Emotional
Highly social
Desire acceptance
Absolute need for contact, touch
Emotional connection, attachment
Happiness....
....collectively we want to be happy. We want at the end of our efforts, happiness.
So with that in mind why the imposed monogamy question? Maybe a better question is why the varying definitions to adapt to the wide variety of cultures, beliefs countries when in fact we were not made to be mono anything since the beginning of time without being taught, threatened and social outcasts for not taking part in the norm.
Mate sharing, spouse sharing and combined expanded family arrangements have been around since before history. The last 2,000 years monogamy, authority of the one, singular, grew but always had the old ways nipping at its heals.
In my readings I recently came across an interesting article, below:
Why Monogamy Isn't
The death of compulsory monogamy and viewing monogamy as only a social good
Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph.D., CASA, CSE
The Polyamorists Next Door
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201508/why-monogamy-isnt
As most everyone in this group lives or wants to live a less than monogamous lifestyle you might find it an interesting read.
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By CassieNineTales
Back in November, my husband and I decided to welcome a friend of mine into our relationship (poly) after talking about it for over a year. I was under the impression we had zero issues in our marriage. If I had the slightest feeling that we did, I never would have welcomed her in. Anyway, fast forward to now. He asked me for a divorce because he "only loves me as a friend" and they are together.
I'm working through those issues and I'm getting some closure. My question for you guys is, I still like the idea of a poly relationship, but I would like to be the addition into the relationship because I know what it is like to be hurt in these situations now and I know I wouldn't do that. Is this a good idea? (Maybe not right now, but eventually.)
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By Tadahiko
I feel kind of foolish posting this after bragging so much about how strong and functional our poly threesome is (was)...but it's for that very reason that I owe SB people an update:
Anna, Kari and I are all going our separate ways.
Anna and I recently learned that my wife Kari has been having an outside relationship in secret, keeping it from her best friend/committed lover as well as her husband for over two years. During that two years, the two of us blissfully ignored the obvious signs that she was cheating. My wife even told me that she was lesbian, not bisexual, and she no longer wanted me to penetrate her or have one-on-one sex together. I was enough of a sap to agree to her terms. When my wife eventually brought the other woman into our sexual circle as a playmate, she out-and-out lied and the woman play-acted that she was a "bi-curious" platonic friend. The truth only came out when the "other woman" confessed to Anna to relieve her own guilty feelings.
Anna told me and when the two of us confronted her, Kari cried and cried, but in the end decided that she doesn't want anybody, even the two people who've cared about her most, to have any claim over her body or, more importantly in her view, her mind. She even said it was our fault for making her feel guilty for who she needs to be. If she'd wanted to openly pursue other sex partners -- WITHOUT lying and cheating -- I would have easily let her, rather than end the relationship, and so would Anna. But in her heart, Kari feels like she doesn't need to ask for forgiveness. I can't share my life openly with somebody who won't promise to share just as openly in return.
While I'm deeply hurt, Anna is devastated. Anna and Kari had been inseparable since middle school. We were talking about having her move into our home, now she's too hurt to even come over. Even more heartbreaking is what this is doing to MY relationship with Anna. Wven though the two of us are still deeply in love, to try and go on together without Kari would be just too strange to consider. Kari was always the "queen bee" among us, and she'd be a painful phantom partner even in her absence. We're talking it through and processing it together, and we've comforted each other in bed several times, but Anna and I ultimately have decided we both need to "grow on" to something totally new.
I've had a standing offer from my employer to move up the ranks, but only if I was willing to relocate to another city. Up until now, I haven't been willing to move because I thought it would leave Anna in an awkward position of leaving her whole life for us or choosing to sever things. Now that Kari's deceit has severed everything, I'm going. My daughter will be staying with her mother, which nobody is crazy about, even Kari, but she's in the middle of high school and it wouldn't be fair to uproot her now. The good news is that I will be close to the military base where my son is currently serving.
I said several times on this board that having to loving women to share my life with made me the luckiest guy in the world. I guess that sooner or later everybody's luck runs out.
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By couplers
Forget the long-ass article in the NY Times, the America's Finest News Source again sums up nicely a complex topic:
https://www.theonion.com/pros-and-cons-of-open-relationships-1823614676
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