Striking out on swinger sites :(

[corynlaine 118]

So I was just on SLS reviewing e-mails. And while I kind of had a feeling, the list of e-mails kind of brought this to a focus;

 

We've been playing out this scenario over and over again and we can not figure out why;

couple contacts us - Hi, say your profile, love to chat, what are you into

we respond - thanks for checking us out, what did you think of our profile, what attracted you ? We like xyz about you and because of that we'd love to continue.

At this point we exchange one or 2 e-mails and suggest we meet THEY suggest a date time etc

And then a BIG FAT NOTHING

 

I was originally thinking about cut and pasting so that you all could see if we are saying something horrible but we really don't think so.

At the same time we're just flabergasted about what's going on?!

 

I mean THEY looked at our pics, they SAY they read our profile, they say they like what we said.

I could see once or twice but I have a dozen like this? What gives?

[angelkin 1,326]

It happens to the best of us - all the time. So long as you are being honest and friendly in your reply...and it sounds like you are...then there's nothing more you can do. Most of the people who contact us to express their interest we never end up meeting, or if we do, we just happen to be at the same party or meet n greet. Don't take it personally.

 

Someone who we thought we made a great connection with dropped out of sight and contacted us an entire year later. They explained their absence and we ended up having one of the best experiences when we finally met.

 

I rarely give it much thought anymore when someone we get an email from stops responding or can't seem to connect with us.

[junglecouple 127]

We've had really good luck .... so far. I always recommend we meet for drinks/dinner and reconfirm. We had one call and cancel, and we don't give 2nd chances.. I just figure, it's their loss. But we've met some great people.. so far.

[couple04ever 15]

Yep, same thing happens to us. It gets old, in fact so old, we stopped looking for long while. We just try and meet people at clubs or functions and have almost entirely given up on finding compatible people online.

[karezza 27]

we feel the same way couple04ever, arranging dates online has proven way too time consuming. We just visit our local club on occassion and enjoy!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm a little confused. Are they suggesting a date or are you suggesting that THEY suggest a date?

 

if it's the latter, then I'd suggest that instead of suggesting that they pick a date, that you suggest a date (or two) for them to choose from.

[wifes_toy 53]

Had it happen last night. Chatted on line about preferences. Set it up that we host. Got so far as they texted "We are on our way!" And then nothing. No one showed. No text.

[corynlaine 118]

I'm a little confused. Are they suggesting a date or are you suggesting that THEY suggest a date?

 

if it's the latter, then I'd suggest that instead of suggesting that they pick a date, that you suggest a date (or two) for them to choose from.

 

we didn't want to overwhelm the thread with too much detail - we've done both. basically along the lines of " we're available on Friday this week or all next week. Let us know what works for you"

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

we didn't want to overwhelm the thread with too much detail - we've done both. basically along the lines of " we're available on Friday this week or all next week. Let us know what works for you"

 

We have this type of thing happen all the time. Just recently a couple contacted us, said let's meet, then a few days later said they were too busy and they'll contact us in a couple months. Then we see them posting to other people (the site we use has profile walls anyone can see) "let's go for drinks soon." It's just another screwy type of rejection you deal with online. I think I'd prefer just hearing, "we changed our minds," but maybe the, "we'll see you in a few months," is gentler? Anyhow, you just have to move on.

 

I agree with many others that going to a club or party is much less hassle than trying to find people online.

[Tobacouple 111]

Online can be a challenge, but if you live in a remote location like us, it's your only option. Our success rate is probably running in the 10% range, but it's been worth it. We've met a few great play partners that make dealing with all the posers a creeps worth it.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Online can be a challenge, but if you live in a remote location like us, it's your only option. Our success rate is probably running in the 10% range, but it's been worth it. We've met a few great play partners that make dealing with all the posers a creeps worth it.

 

Any tips for finding that 10%?

[Tobacouple 111]

Any tips for finding that 10%?

 

Yup. Time at the keyboard and learning to read between the lines.

[losAmantes 318]

I think a lot depends on what site you're on (and your location). We use SLS almost exclusively, and don't have any problems. When we get email we check to see if they're paid (preferably lifetime) members, have several good certs, and if they opened some decent pics showing faces and body type. If all checks out and we feel a vibe, we set up a meeting ASAP. We found out early on, that the ones that want to chat or ask a questions by email, are not going to meet.

[corynlaine 118]

I don't know we're beginning to get really discouraged. We'll be out of town for a few days in a week so we reached out to a couple of people.

 

started out with wow a fling with a couple out of towner hurray.

turned into must send full x rated pics of her and full hard on pics of him because she's gun shy about large d*ks

 

Really? To meet for a drink at a club!? Oh and we don't advertise 9+ cock.

 

We went through this way back and found that anyone insisting on this turned out to be nothing but pic collectors.

[junglecouple 127]

I know what you mean. We've met several nice couples and a couple of singles, but 70% of the time it's a bust. We ALWAYS require a "meet for drinks/dinner" at a nice local place. I always pay. Lately there's been quite a few flakes. Wayyyyyy understated size or pics that either were well doctored by Photoshop or were taken a long time ago.

Last night my wife and I were talking about all the "waste of time" meetings. She always dresses up, refreshes makeup, does her hair etc etc. I always dress up. (nice dinner jacket, slacks etc ). We get to the restaurant and find the guest (single ladies are the worst) looking like they just came from working in the yard. Funny, the guys always at least put on a presentation. We finally arrived at the answer that partially makes up for the frauds... At least we had a nice dinner and some drinks, and marked another "hopeful" off the list.

[wifes_toy 53]

Whats with the "she does not some one with too big of cock!"??? We just had a no show and that was her biggest concern.

[snyderleeann 25]

We are experiencing much of this. We just thought that it was our profile - we aren't full-swap, but many profiles state that they are tame/mod/wild and they respect boundaries. But then they just disappear. We're very possibly full-out mfm if it clicks, so you'd think at least some decent single guys would jump at the chance (not talking about the super-rude, "look at my package, ain't it great" types).

Judging from the replies above, we'll probably have to join the party scene even though that isn't our cup of tea. This is getting to be a lot of work...

[corynlaine 118]

We are experiencing much of this. We just thought that it was our profile - we aren't full-swap, but many profiles state that they are tame/mod/wild and they respect boundaries. But then they just disappear. We're very possibly full-out mfm if it clicks, so you'd think at least some decent single guys would jump at the chance (not talking about the super-rude, "look at my package, ain't it great" types).

Judging from the replies above, we'll probably have to join the party scene even though that isn't our cup of tea. This is getting to be a lot of work...

 

Yea the club scene is not for us. I list bi curious because I'm not afraid to touch a penis when we play - we've gone to a couple of clubs where you had to sign up so people can see your profile and I swear it was like a black man walking into a kkk convension

[MrsPandMe 150]

Anyone who immediately asks to see X-rated pics is thrown an immediate red flag. On SLS, anyone who "ninja-chats" us, that is requests a chat out of the blue without us having corresponded with them before is almost guarenteed to be a picture perv and not a real swinger. We have at most PG pictures on our profile. My thinking is this; if you have to see my dick or my wife's tits before making a decision about whether we're worth meeting or not I'm going to assume that you either are a real swinger with extreme trust issues or you're a picture collecting dude.

 

As to single guys, we don't really persue that, as we are not interested in MFM, but from a lot of couples we've talked to that do, it's astonishing how many guys are on SLS that are "fake". In our area, we're talking ratios approaching 30:1. Really, if you're into bringing a single male into your mix, you're best served going by word of mouth rather then combing the "classifieds". I would feel comfortable calling a single male who a: is real, b: knows his place and c: can perform a unicorn.

 

@corynlane: Strange how swingers, some of the most open minded and liberal thinkers I've met are still so terrified of bisexual men. I am not, but I have played with plenty of couples that have had openly bisexual men and have had absolutely no, none, ZERO issues with the other man making any overtures towards me. I guess I just simply cannot understand why this is even an issue with people, but you're right, for some reason if you state you're a bi or bi-curious man, you might as well have leporacy. For the record, I have no problems with incidental contact with a man during sex and in the course of touching my wife during sex have had contact with a dick other than my own, but I don't feel that makes me bi, it just makes me not phobic.

[sweet_tna 680]

We don't bother trying to find anyone online anymore for about the same reason. We find meeting folks at clubs and parties infinitely more effective. You get an immediate face-to-face impression, and if things go well, there's usually a place to go play if you choose to do so. If they don't pan out, you can move on to someone else right away.

 

Anyway, it doesn't sound like ya'll are doing anything wrong. Keep your chin up, and best of luck to ya'll!

 

=)