How old were you when you started swinging?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I've noticed in the last few years we are seeing more and more younger couples joining into the lifestyle (in some cases, young to the point of not being able to legally drink yet). Granted, I was barely old enough to drink when I started. So, I got to thinking...

 

How old were you when you started swinging?

Why do you think you started at that age?

Do you wish you'd started younger/older?

Do you think you would have been ready to start at a younger age? If not, why not?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I was 21 when I started swinging with my ex-husband.

I started at that age because that's when it came up. Actually, it had probably come up a little earlier. I was always open sexually, so the idea of being able to be married and non- monogomous appealed to me.

The age I started worked for me.

I definitely would not have been ready any earlier. When I was younger and single I had friends who had an open marriage and I just could not wrap my mind around it. I thought that once you got married you stopped doing that and had intended to do just that.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Well, I was in my early 30's when we started swinging. We started because we met a younger (late teens) couple at a party and they were interested in "polyamory" (by which they meant swinging). I'd never really explored the concept before, though even before then my wife and I weren't commited to in monogomy. We'd never done anything earlier because the only other person we were interested in had way too much drama in her life. Anyway, I did some research, learned about polyamory and swinging and we started going to a club. The rest, as they say, is history.

 

I do actually wish I had known about swinging at a younger age. My college years would have been even more interesting, and probably had a lot less drama, if I had understood about swinging then. In retrospect, I wanted a swinging relationship even than and I think my college girlfriend would have been very into it. We probably still would have exploded messily in the end but it would have been a more honest ride, as well as a more fun one. Alas, if only I'd known then what I know now.

[VegasLee 1,486]

When I was a teenager I hung with a very large group of people that got together often and had sex.

 

It seems that many of the "adults" or parents of this group also did the same thing but at their own gatherings. The two groups did not mix.

 

Many of the adults would sneak around and cheated. Seems all of us teenagers knew about their cheating and thought it was stupid to do that. We really don't know if the other adults knew some of them were sneaking.

 

Now if you use the definition of Swinging as "Recreational sex between consenting adults" I guess you could say we were all swingers. Fact is we were all teenagers though. 16, 17, 18.

 

I never saw a reason to change the way my life had been developed with this. It worked for me. That is why I feel that in our way it is more of a Lifestyle rather then a hobby.

 

Dues to the years that have passed I guess I have to stop saying 30+ years and now step up to 40+ years!

[slevin 1,374]

We started talking about it in our late 20's, started swinging in our early 30's. When we were in high school we kept getting invited to parties at the house of a girl who was in one of the popular cliques. Since we weren't really into that whole cliquish thing we always declined. Turns out they were having parties where everyone was having sex. Boy did we miss out, wish we hadn't made that call back then lol.

[km34 672]

We officially started swinging about 2 days after my 18th birthday.

 

As young as 15, though, I would engage is sex/foreplay with people other than my boyfriend who is now my husband (who I was already dating and very committed to) with his full knowledge and approval. I messed around a bit with his best friend, I had a very close female friend who was almost a romantic relationship as well as quite a bit of sex, and then a few other girls we hung out with. It did very much focus on me and other females. We both had a bit jealousy when it came to each other with the opposite sex, but at 15 & 17 I think that's pretty normal. lol

 

I think we really started getting into swinging as soon as I was legal because we missed that fun, flirty, open environment we'd had in high school. We thought sexual monogamy was a ridiculous concept since it rarely works. Of course, he'd always dreamed of an fmf and when we started talking about what other ideas turned us on we decided to go for them all!

 

Our progression really worked for us. I never thought of myself as bi in high school when I was screwing/almost loving girls, but it definitely helped me realize what I want out of life as an adult. Younger wouldn't have worked - going with VegasLee's defnition, I started actively swinging at 15, although hubby wasn't involved (beyond watching) until I was 18. I'm glad we didn't wait - we would have missed out on some amazing experiences.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Interesting question, Julie. I was just thinking about it after reading an introduction by couple who is 33 & 27 and remembered our first time at 27 & 22. So...

 

(How old were you when you started swinging?)

See above!

 

(Why do you think you started at that age?)

Because a couple our age seduced us at a party at our house one night.

 

(Do you wish you'd started younger/older?)

Definitely older! I've thought about it a lot and we, and our marriage, were just too young to be able to communicate about it afterwards.

[cedarwhackers 15]

I was 24 and she was 21 officially.

We had some experiences when stationed in Alaska with friends and just took it to the next level.

I think maybe we should have waited. a few more years, it would have helped with some of the drama early on.

[LFM2 1,482]

I've noticed in the last few years we are seeing more and more younger couples joining into the lifestyle (in some cases, young to the point of not being able to legally drink yet). Granted, I was barely old enough to drink when I started. So, I got to thinking...

 

How old were you when you started swinging?

Why do you think you started at that age?

Do you wish you'd started younger/older?

Do you think you would have been ready to start at a younger age? If not, why not?

 

Unfortunately, we were in our mid and late forties.

 

We have no idea why we started so late. We definitely wish we'd have started much earlier in our marriage, but didn't. I think we would have been OK to start earlier, but unfortunately, we didn't have that level of communication you need to have a successful swinging relationship. It was hard enough at times to talk about superficial things, much less the really deep thoughts of "sex with others".

[angelkin 1,326]

We were 40 and 48 when we started swinging as a couple. However, I was doing some really interesting things in my teens that would be considered swinging - I just didn't know there was a name for it besides being loose. I wish now we had started earlier, but I think all in all, it was the right time for us. The stars aligned and we are having the time of our lives

[sunbuckus 3,567]

How old were you when you started swinging?

29 and 36

 

Why do you think you started at that age?

Personally, I think that after being together for 12+ years, we had been through our ups and downs and were able to stick through those times with each other and were finally honest with each other and learned to communicate more.

 

Do you wish you'd started younger/older?

I think we started at just the right time. If we had started younger, we probably didn't have the trust or communication skills to be swinging. And if we had started older...imagine all of those wasted years of not playing! Just kidding. I can't imagine starting at an older age for us although it would make it easier because we wouldn't have to worry about setting up sitters for the kids.

 

Do you think you would have been ready to start at a younger age? If not, why not?

Whoops, I answered this above! To further elaborate, Mr. Sunbuckus might have been ready but I was not in any sense. I held on firmly to those ideals that marriage required monogamy, that love = sex, and I was very intensely jealous and very insecure in myself and our relationship.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Probably between 16 and 18. I was thirteen when a friend of mine's brother had a party when his parents went out of town. They had alcohol and there was a neighborhood girl there. She got drunk and they took turns having sex with her. Us "kids" didn't get a chance but I remember watching. It was too much for us and we left to do other stuff. That image was so powerful and was probably the reason why I wanted to watch my wife or girlfriends have sex with other men.

[Just Passing By 140]

Early- mid '20s had some activities kind on the fringes w/ prev GF .looking back going farther probably same eventual resolution , but could have been higher highs meanwhile.

 

With Mrs JPB some minor fringe while dating . Years of off/on discussion before making *quasi-offical* plunge in late '30s .

[dodgechevy 149]

How old were you when you started swinging?

I was 20, she was 21.

 

Why do you think you started at that age?

We started dating in HS :-). She was my first everything (gf, kiss, sex, etc). So naturally I was curious about other women. I forget how it came up, but we started talking about threesomes with another girl. We decided to hit up the strip club to see how she would feel seeing me so close to other women. Turns out that turned her own, then she got her own lap dances which was even hotter for her. After looking online to see how to get a threesome started, I came across both SLS and swingersboard. That's when we decided to give swinging a try.

 

Do you wish you'd started younger/older?

We often talk about how hot it would have been to do some crazy stuff back in HS. Especially with some of her really hot friends. I don't think we actually wish we did, but if we had I don't think it would have changed much.

 

Do you think you would have been ready to start at a younger age? If not, why not?

Don't quite honestly know. I guess we could have. No particular reason jumps out why or why not.

[Galanga 249]

Depends on what you define as swinging. If swinging is anonymous sex then that started as a young teen. If swinging includes adult theater sex that started as a late teen. But if swinging means sex as a committed couple with other couples, I was 26.

[Brian and Jo 344]

We started when Brian was 39 and Jo was 38. We had both had had one or two affairs and agreed that if we wanted to bring some sexual variety into our lives it would be better if we did it together. We have not regretted our decision for a moment. It probably would have been better if we had started a few years earlier because we could have avoided the dishonesty which was involved when we were cheating on each other.

[Playful1 434]

I was 19. would have been 18, but did not have many good opportunities at the time.

[CollegeCouple24 232]

I was 17, Dave was 19. The way we remember it, we were talking about fantasies and group sex was one for both of us. We didn't go into detail about it and left it at that until maybe 8-12 months later when we met a couple at a baseball game who may not have knowingly been indicating they were interested, but did nonetheless and it ended in our first experience.

 

Whether or not we're happy with when we started...so far, so good; so...yes! There are definitely some....quirks to officially starting that young. Dave has always been, ha, a 'go-getter' I guess is a good way to say it, just, semi-fearless, and he hasn't found any repercussions as of yet. For me, there were a lot of intimidation factors that I didn't recognize until much later. Our first couple was...over double my age, the husband of the pair was at least, and while some would call it a 'daddy complex' or something like that, I feel its just an affinity for men that age. I've had a very, very hard time being anything but subordinate with them though and I feel that is partially related to the age we started and the age of the couples we played/play with.

 

Long story short, I have issues! haha.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

How old were you when you started swinging?

Why do you think you started at that age?

Do you wish you'd started younger/older?

Do you think you would have been ready to start at a younger age? If not, why not?

 

Let's see: I was 38 and she was 41.

I think it was exactly when we were ready.

No, I think we started when we should have started.

I would NOT have been ready at a much younger age. I wasn't mature enough to handle it in my early 20's, but had come around the bend by the time I hit 30.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We were both within a few months on either side of 39. I think it was the perfect time for us. We probably could have made it work a little earlier, but the free time to be off doing adult things all by yourselves was even more limited then, so even if the mind would have been willing, the opportunities would have been even less.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Our first sort of informal soft play, I was a little over 25, she was under 40. Was during our first couple of years of casual dating, we weren't so far out of the "friends with benefits"/"seeing other people" mode and it didn't seem that outlandish. We hardly talked about that for about 5 years, then started talking about group sex as a subject of interest. Some flirtation and petting, but we didn't act on it until about a month ago with our first real experience with other couples, including full swap. Now it's more like "under 35" and "over 45".

 

That first encounter was mainly me egging her on to do something wild and out-of-character, teenagerish fooling around with a partner she'd just met. I didn't know how rapidly it'd escalate, but I didn't have any complaints, either. The more recent experience was much more deliberate, solicited by a long-time female friend of hers.

 

I would've started at almost any point. In retrospect, I had one partner who would've been a great candidate when I was in my early 20s, but I had no idea she might be open to it until it had ended. (I wasn't sophisticated enough about how common of an interest it is to even imagine that I should ask.)

 

Mrs. EastInWest will tell you that if she'd had any idea how much fun she could have been having, she should've spent college on all fours in a locker room. At the same time, it took her a long time to get up the nerve to write off some of her reservations, and it turned out that it needed to be with people she knew and trusted. So the timing was just right.

[PeterJ 940]

I was in my mid 20s. First soft swing now more than 40 years ago with my first wife and my current wife and her then husband. (Just for the record, my current wife and I didn't get together as a couple until more than a dozen years later. Oh, and we had lunch earlier today with my first wife. Glad we can all be friends.)

 

I didn't really start swinging until the early 1980s, when I was in my mid 30s, beginning with an MFM with a couple friends of mine.

[oc1234 435]

My wife and I were in our early 40s when we started. We are still together 30 years later and still playing. In fact we had a MFM threesome earlier today.

[Guest]

Ok, now in high school, there was fucking in the car when you were double dating, like at the drive-in movie, but that wasn’t swinging, the other couple may have seen you but you only touched your partner. I am just amazed at how young some of you were. I mean, a little swinging would have made those college frat parties so much more fun.

 

I got married midway through college and we never talked or even thought about swinging other than maybe the girls having their tops off at the pool. He died after several years of prostrate cancer (and no sex), and I was suddenly single. After fucking several of his former friends and our neighbors, I tried to find better relationships on dotcomdating and came to realize most of the guys had serious girlfriends or even wives, and they used the site to find weekday night booty calls. I thought about it and decided that, after 8 years of going without, being a dotcom slut, having sex 2 or 3 times a weeks was way better than going without. After 3 years of this, I met hubby through an old friend, and started dating and happened into swinging at age 40.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Ok, now in high school, there was fucking in the car when you were double dating, like at the drive-in movie, but that wasn’t swinging, the other couple may have seen you but you only touched your partner. I am just amazed at how young some of you were. I mean, a little swinging would have made those college frat parties so much more fun.

 

There were some "near-swap" voyeurism/exhibitionism-type incidents in my high school/college days, for sure. I knew I liked the general idea of that kind of thing, but just assumed that people aren't interested in those things because...reasons. At 16-18, you're a kid, you don't know what anything's about. By the time I was about 22, my interests were more cemented and I was more aware of certain things, I knew more about talking to women about sex and had heard women aged 16-50 say the same things about various insecurities and unfulfilled fantasies, so I think I had fewer illusions about what people wanted and was doing more of what I wanted to do with more confidence and with less pretense. You're right that, had I known those things at 16, I might have handled some situations differently.

 

Mrs. EastInWest was on a much longer trajectory. She had intense needs but a very innocent upbringing and a dull, early first marriage. Much of our early conversation about sex just ended in her sitting there going... "REALLY?!" I remember she was mortified to admit that she'd been with two men in the same weekend, and I had to console her by pointing out that I'd once been with three women in the same workday and that this was probably one of the least controversial things I'd ever seen a woman disappointed in herself for doing. At 40, she was where I was at 20, relieved to hear that even her more extreme fantasies were not unusual and that it was completely fine to have them.

 

To the point: did you really only come to grips with your interests at 40, or had you always had an interest that you kept to yourself?

[creative41 15]

I was 30 when I had my first swinging experience.

[Alura 2,774]

I'm not sure. I was probably 42 and my late wife was 28, when we had our (her?) first adventure.

[CostaRica 130]

Depends how you define swinging, I was a unicorn for the first time around age 17, had my first 4some at 26, started calling myself a "swinger" at age 32

[VegasNudeCouple 167]

I was 28, Dave was 30

[adamgunn 1,460]

Well, I have two answers to the questions.

 

When I was in my early thirties, my girlfriend and I were seduced by a couple in their forties. It lasted a couple of months, until I broke up with my girlfriend. Why at that time? Well, we were both divorced, looking for fun and new experiences.

 

Then, I got married again (not to that girlfriend), we went a couple of decades until we got in the mood, we started swinging and hotwifing in our mid 50’s. Why then? We were both sexually active before we got married, our kids were grown up, we were getting a little bored with each other and we were mature enough to see that sex with others probably wouldn’t be a problem. (It wasn’t.)

 

Should I have started earlier? It’s not an issue for me, it happened when it happened, when I was ready for it.

 

I’m not a big age guy. I know some couples in their mid-twenties who are mature enough to handle the ups and downs that come with new experiences, I know people that would never be ready mentally regardless of age.

[Fi86 78]

First group sex experience was at 15, kinda all kicked off from there.

[skyguy6977 88]

I was an early starter also. my first sexual experience was 15 and I have never looked back. At 20 I married B and we have been swinging for over 20 years. he is 20 yrs. older than me and it has been a wonderful experience. I guess really swinging was when we started in Germany and that got kinky real quick

 

Deb.

[wildones8474 21]

25... Just over 10 years

[SocialClymr 19]

I was 42 when I started swinging

I started after getting divorced

I wish I had started when I was younger and I encourage my girls to be open to everything!

[afterwork 89]

We were both 21 and seduced by another couple, also 21. Now at 69, we thank God for modern chemistry. Still at it, but not every weekend as we once were.