Group etiquette?

[DigginIt 1,132]

So for those of you who know us (through the board on in person) know that we love to help others and offer advice but today we are on the other side. We are not looking for advice of what we could have done better to feel more comfortable earlier in the night because we do know that, lol. Here is the story (at least this is the one we’re sticking too )

 

We were at a very large social last weekend, overall about 200 couples signed. We knew about 15 couples there and we flirted and mingled throughout the night. There were two play couples present this night and one who had to leave early Our other play couple seemed very intimately tied to another couple (we are not possessive/clingy and let them do their thing) and the couple they were with seemed to have their own little social circle. Our friends introduced us to them and we all mingled. The night was a lot of fun.

 

Around midnight, the group had consolidated and there was mrs diggs and myself, our occupied play couple (btw, they were more than friendly to us all night), the couple they were with (which we lightly flirted with, wife more than me because of my preoccupation with our other friends) and two other couples that we didn’t really socialize with too much and barely knew. Not that we did not want to get to know them but it was just very busy.

 

Okay, I know it's getting long…here is the meat of the story. One of the two couples we did not know invited the entire group back to their place. The whole invitation was unexpected and so keeping that context in mind, just personal experiences and/or thoughts would be appreciated.

 

It ended in a cool group party (pseudo orgy) but we were really, really awkward…like fish out of water. The other four guys seemed to bounce around and three of the women seemd welcoming of the advances leaving myself, mrs diggs and the female half of a new lifestyle couple. So the three of us for the most part just played. Well, we played a little with the couple we knew (here and there) but mostly it was just the three of us. Everyone else moved around at random switching partners, no qualms whatsoever. I wasn't ballsy enough to try. One of the other guys came up to my wife and she shook him off (not because she wasn’t interested, he was a little grabby and she was dry and it was more of an uncomfortable shake off vs. a not interested shake off) but I don’t think we were standoffish at all. She was interested in playing with him but the night started winding down before she had the opportunity.

 

In these situations, everyone ‘s naked, in the same room, would you expect that everyone’s fair game or if you had been there, would you have said no to anyone you were not interested in? It was a really attractive group but that doesn’t mean everyone found everybody attractive. While I don’t advocate taking anything for the team, is it expected that you may end up paired with someone you are not into as much as everyone else at some point ? What do you expect if you end up in a situation like this?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

No always means no. If you aren't interested then you say no. I would never assume in any situation that everyone is fair game. That said you could have been a little more ballsy (your words) and gotten some more action (as could Mrs Diggs) had you chosen to.

 

I think your out of place feeling was a feeling you put on yourself because you knew that the others in the group knew each other better than you knew anyone (save your one play couple) and that left you feeling a bit on the outside. Those types of situations always take a little time to work your way into feeling comfortable. You've had time with your other play couple but not so much with these new couples (or not at all from the sounds of it). So, it's understandable it would feel awkward.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

In these situations, everyone ‘s naked, in the same room, would you expect that everyone’s fair game . . ?

Absolutely not.

 

 

 

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[Lionheart72 2,191]

In these situations, everyone ‘s naked, in the same room, would you expect that everyone’s fair game or if you had been there, would you have said no to anyone you were not interested in? It was a really attractive group but that doesn’t mean everyone found everybody attractive. While I don’t advocate taking anything for the team, is it expected that you may end up paired with someone you are not into as much as everyone else at some point ? What do you expect if you end up in a situation like this?

 

I would never make assumptions. In this situation, if there was someone I wasn't interested in, I would just politely decline and sit out for a bit.

 

We evidently have been blessed in our encounters, because I can think of only a few times in group encounters where people have touched without asking (and always been rebuffed). Granted "asking" can range from actual words ("may I touch you?") to just a guy walking up to Mrs Lionheart with his a question in his eyes and his dick in his hand... but still, ask before you play.

 

Really, I think the same general rules of swinger courtesy apply in a gang bang as much as they do in a one-on-one (or two-on-two) encounter... ask before you touch, no means no, respect your partner's limits and leave your drama at the door.

[LFM2 1,482]

In these situations, everyone ‘s naked, in the same room, would you expect that everyone’s fair game or if you had been there, would you have said no to anyone you were not interested in? It was a really attractive group but that doesn’t mean everyone found everybody attractive. While I don’t advocate taking anything for the team, is it expected that you may end up paired with someone you are not into as much as everyone else at some point ? What do you expect if you end up in a situation like this?

 

I most absolutely would turn someone down that I wasn't comfortable with. Nobody is fair game in an all out naked orgy.

 

I don't advocate thinking anyone is fair game. Not too long ago, friends of ours held a little house party. The host wanted to do a key party, which I told him might not be a good idea since we might not all be comfortable with who we get. We're all not as close as they were to these couples. It was a great time had by all, and it pretty much ended up in an orgy in their basement. If he'd gone ahead and done a key party and I wasn't comfortable with it, I probably wouldn't drop my keys in there. More over, I think I'd just leave and remove myself from the party itself and any complications that may arise.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Thanks everyone and in my mind I'm onboard with everyone's advice here. It's the same advice I would give any given day and it's the way we played that night but what is nagging at me is it wasn't like an orgy at a house party and we just decided to go in the room and take a corner. The vibe was that it was a 'selected' group and it seemed everyone knew the rules to the game except us, lol.

 

It's like you and your favorite play couple, the four of you are out and you meet another couple and you invite them back with the four of you but nothing's been discussed and the four of you get naked and jump into it leaving the third couple standing there. It's the best way to explain our awkwardness.

 

Julie, I think you are spot on about the awkwardness and maybe being a little more ballsy (using my words, lol) would have yielded a different night but it was our first orgy. The first time we swapped it was awkward too.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

The vibe was that it was a 'selected' group and it seemed everyone knew the rules to the game except us, lol.

 

Wouldn't surprise me if that was it exactly. I'm not clear, but it sounds like this group knew each other and were comfortable together. It also sounds to me like they ought to have been "better hosts." If they had put a little effort into making you feel comfortable, everyone probably would have had an even better time.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Everything accelerated pretty quickly. I'd take as much ownership as anyone. We certainly didn't ask.

 

We still haven't had the chance to debrief with our play partner on their thoughts that night. We are looking forward to that and hopefully it will offer some additional input. Thanks for the responses. I'll share what I learn though.

[WesternSwing 504]

If I'm not into someone I politely turn down their advances. I would hold they would do the same to me. I don't want to be someone's regret the next day.

 

So no, not everyone is fair game, and someone who came on to others like they are would get a bad rep in our community.

[DigginIt 1,132]

If I'm not into someone I politely turn down their advances. I would hold they would do the same to me. I don't want to be someone's regret the next day.

 

So no, not everyone is fair game, and someone who came on to others like they are would get a bad rep in our community.

 

And we feel the same way and have stated it many times but this was just so untypical.

[junglecouple 128]

At The Jungle, one large room was 4 queen mattresses, laid side to side so it was one large playpen. It was clearly explained to all newcomers.. "This is the group room. As you pass by, you may see 2-3-8-9-12 people playing in misc piles and configurations. If ANYTHING looks like fun, you don't need permission to join in, BUT NO still means NO, and with in normal level of judgement, you can tell someone is saying NO without them having to say it.

So, if anything going on looks fun, COME ON IN AND JOIN THE PARTY!! And you're free to dis-engage at anytime without giving a reason".

That was one of the more popular play areas. That way, anyone going in knew the rules. You were also welcome to stand just outside the door and be a voyeur. No problem and you would NOT be considered as being "in the room" and thus "available".

[drinnt 201]

 

In these situations, everyone ‘s naked, in the same room, would you expect that everyone’s fair game or if you had been there, would you have said no to anyone you were not interested in? It was a really attractive group but that doesn’t mean everyone found everybody attractive. While I don’t advocate taking anything for the team, is it expected that you may end up paired with someone you are not into as much as everyone else at some point ? What do you expect if you end up in a situation like this?

 

Hey DigginIt,

 

Actually, believe it or not (from my prior posts) I have been there. There were 5 couples. Two we knew very well and had played with - one was our preferred couple...the other 2 couples were strange to us and there was not much attraction. I liked one of the strange girls but my wife did not like any of the strange guys - nor did we really feel exactly compfortable diving in. Same situation - it seemed like different people paired off and disappeared all through the night making the "rounds". We had a Symbian in the living room and everyone enjoyed that together taking turns and watching. There were odd pairings and even an orgy at the end of the night with some but not much partner jumping. Meaning people were paired off with other spouses but not a lot of trading in the orgy.

 

How my wife and I handled this was to have an agreement between the two of us going into it that we would do what we as a couple were comfortable doing. Since we were not comfortable letting eachother go into the "night" we stuck together. Sometimes she would play, sometimes I would play and once we went off with another couple in the bedroom to play. I remember during the orgy my wife was playing with our preferred couples male half. I was left alone on the floor just rubbing her thigh. The strange girl I LIKED came over to me and started sucking my cock. Since I had a bit of a crush on her I let it go on and we 69'd for a little while - then I swapped back to my wife, she went with our preferred play guy and my wife and I had sex in the orgy.

 

All in all I think we came out unscathed. There certainly was some after-drama because other couples broke eachother's rules and tried to lay it at the feet of other people. The way we look at it each couple is responsible for sticking to their own agreements. Each member of a couple is responsible as an INDIVIDUAL for their own actions. If sexy strange girl comes to suck my cock in the orgy I assumed that she was allowed to do so and I accepted it. I think in an orgy or group setting it kinda goes without saying that each person is responsible for their own actions and acting in accord with any agreements they have made.

 

The girl that snuck off with us (as a part of a couple) to the bedroom did NOT have permission to play around with anyone else that HE was not able to play with and that guy thought she played with us and was pissed that he didn't get to play with us. Well, we never played with her behind closed doors so all that assumption was just needless drama.

 

Point is to answer your question, if I have not already...I would expect everyone is fair game. I would say no to anyone I did not want to be with and I would expect them to say no to me. It might be INEVITABLE to end up with someone you are not "into" as much but it does not mean you/me/we have to do anything with that person. I expect honesty and genuine interactions. The last thing I would want is to have sex with someone and find out they were taking one for the team by being with me. I have a hot wife, we have great sex...there is no need for anyone to be taking anything for the team.

 

Hope that helps!

[angelkin 1,326]

Once at a house party, we ended up with the hostess in a "group" area, but were at first alone with her. A single guy that was giving hubby the creepy vibe attempted to join and we politely said 'no, thank you'...that caused a great deal of drama, I guess he wasn't used to being told no. He hounded us via email until I finally blew up, told him off and told him why, then blocked him on the site.

 

After that experience, we've sat on the sidelines at parties because there were people there we were not attracted to and everyone else was in the "pile" and we felt that was an implied "everyone is fair game" situation. There were other people we were interested in, but the opportunity to pair off with them didn't present itself. We joined the group - sorta, we stayed with one another and had sex in the room, but away from the pile.

 

I guess, like you, we just didn't know what the expectations were or how we feel about playing with people we aren't comfortable with. We've since decided that for us, sitting out is the best option because we're not willing to compromise who we play with just because everyone else is doing it. Kinda like jumping off a bridge just because everyone else is doing it...

[DigginIt 1,132]

Hey DigginIt,

 

Actually, believe it or not (from my prior posts) I have been there. There were 5 couples. Two we knew very well and had played with - one was our preferred couple...the other 2 couples were strange to us and there was not much attraction. I liked one of the strange girls but my wife did not like any of the strange guys - nor did we really feel exactly compfortable diving in. Same situation - it seemed like different people paired off and disappeared all through the night making the "rounds". We had a Symbian in the living room and everyone enjoyed that together taking turns and watching. There were odd pairings and even an orgy at the end of the night with some but not much partner jumping. Meaning people were paired off with other spouses but not a lot of trading in the orgy.

 

How my wife and I handled this was to have an agreement between the two of us going into it that we would do what we as a couple were comfortable doing. Since we were not comfortable letting eachother go into the "night" we stuck together. Sometimes she would play, sometimes I would play and once we went off with another couple in the bedroom to play. I remember during the orgy my wife was playing with our preferred couples male half. I was left alone on the floor just rubbing her thigh. The strange girl I LIKED came over to me and started sucking my cock. Since I had a bit of a crush on her I let it go on and we 69'd for a little while - then I swapped back to my wife, she went with our preferred play guy and my wife and I had sex in the orgy.

 

All in all I think we came out unscathed. There certainly was some after-drama because other couples broke eachother's rules and tried to lay it at the feet of other people. The way we look at it each couple is responsible for sticking to their own agreements. Each member of a couple is responsible as an INDIVIDUAL for their own actions. If sexy strange girl comes to suck my cock in the orgy I assumed that she was allowed to do so and I accepted it. I think in an orgy or group setting it kinda goes without saying that each person is responsible for their own actions and acting in accord with any agreements they have made.

 

The girl that snuck off with us (as a part of a couple) to the bedroom did NOT have permission to play around with anyone else that HE was not able to play with and that guy thought she played with us and was pissed that he didn't get to play with us. Well, we never played with her behind closed doors so all that assumption was just needless drama.

 

Point is to answer your question, if I have not already...I would expect everyone is fair game. I would say no to anyone I did not want to be with and I would expect them to say no to me. It might be INEVITABLE to end up with someone you are not "into" as much but it does not mean you/me/we have to do anything with that person. I expect honesty and genuine interactions. The last thing I would want is to have sex with someone and find out they were taking one for the team by being with me. I have a hot wife, we have great sex...there is no need for anyone to be taking anything for the team.

 

Hope that helps!

 

Yes, thanks for sharing. We still haven't had our debrief with our other couple but still interested in getting their take.

 

Angerkin - wow, it's a shame you had to go to that extent for him to get the message. Some people just can't understand that attraction is a funny thing (or that they put off creepy vibes, lol) but seriously, it could be as simple as you remind them of a cousin or they don't like redheads. People shouldn't take it personally but they do.

 

I also think we think alike about certain things .