wife and single men

[jkc4u 15]

M wife wants to chat with single guys from her computer at work. When contacting single guys we both agreed that we only give them my number and they are free to text, call, and send pictures to her anytime from there, and the same goes for her. Now she wants to text with them from her computer at work. I do not agree with this because it is taking me out of the mix completely, and is pretty much just like giving them her private number...because they can contact her without me knowing it.

 

It is not that I dont trust my wife, I don't trust the single guys trying to get her to stray. I know she would never do that...but why put myself and her in that vulnerable situation when everything has been fine the way we were doing things originally?

 

When I told her that I was not comfortable with her doing this she got very angry with me and said that I didn't trust her. This just makes me wonder...

[gr8tungbiggush 17]

If you trust your wife then trust her. As for giving out her number, just go to the store and get a prepaid phone. That way she's not giving someone her personal number.

 

My wife talked to a number of people in the past and I saw every message or picture that was sent to keep things out in the open. And my wife read most of the messages and what she didn't read I told her about.

[angelkin 1,326]

 

You arrangement sounds just like ours. We even go so far as to save chat logs so the other is free to review any conversation at any time. We do the same with the phone numbers, when and if we give them out, the ladies get my number and gentlemen get his. It works well for us and we stay within those boundaries.

 

The most successful swinging couples have a set of guidelines and stick to them. If you're uncomfortable, then she needs to respect that and NOT chat with people from her work computer. Period. Not to mention that her workplace can review any communications from her work station whenever they want, not sure if she has taken that into consideration.

 

It's not about you being jealous, it's about her safety and honoring the agreements you have made as a couple. That being said, at least she brought it up to you - that has to mean something, she's not hiding it from you.

 

Both parties in a swinging relationship need to be comfortable with how communication with 'friends' happens. If you're not, it was right of you to speak up and not fair of her to object so emotionally.

 

I hope you work things out, it sounds like you have a good system going, why change it now?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

- your wife is not right in doing something which she knows makes you uncomfortable.

 

- this is about your mistrust rather than any perceived threat from men with whom she might talk.

 

- does she own her own business and, consequently, the computer at her desk? If so, do any other employees have access to this same computer. If this computer belongs to "the company", concerns that she will be caught violating company rules or that she might expose her adventures to people who should not know might be greater than any of the aforementioned.

[slevin 1,374]

- does she own her own business and, consequently, the computer at her desk? If so, do any other employees have access to this same computer. If this computer belongs to "the company", concerns that she will be caught violating company rules or that she might expose her adventures to people who should not know might be greater than any of the aforementioned.

 

Even if she is 'in charge' or not violating company policies. If there is a tech guy in the office you'd be shocked at what the tech guy will see/know about what is going on with the computers at the office.

[km34 672]

GoogleVoice is a program that gives you a number that you can receive and send calls/texts from you computer or link it to a cell phone. No matter what, the logs are saved (past texts and the number any calls are from as well as the length of the conversation). Then she could text and you could read later, or even while it's happening from another computer. It's all online-based so you don't have to provide any actual personal information. Just an idea to let her have a little more flexibility but you still have the ability to go back and see what's up.

 

I would also agree, though, that if these are guys that you are potentially going to meet to swing with, YOU need to be included. Whether it is reviewing conversations like you've been doing or actually talking to the guys yourself. If she just chats up guys for fun, though, and there is really no intent to meet them, then why not let her have her fun?

[Galanga 249]

You have every reason not to trust your wife. If she got angry with you because you weren't comfortable with her having private sexual contacts, then you better look over your shoulder!

[Tina and Bob 236]

My first reaction was " using company computer for chatting is a very bad idea" as some of you have already pointed out, not to mention that she should be doing work related business and not personal stuff. Employers are not very tolerant of these activities and getting called on it would be very embarrassing to say the least. Bob and I both chat but we do not exchange any personal contact info until we have cleared it with each other and then we are totally open and honest, nothing is ever hidden. I don't make a distinction between single or non single, either you trust her or you don't. Personally it wouldn't matter to me if she was being deceitful with a guy who was single or attached, same difference as far as I am concerned. Tell her why it upsets you but that you still trust her to do the right thing. Good luck.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Lots of good points have already been made.

 

Personally, we chat differently with different people. We have couples that can't flirt at all because they are afraid their kids will see the IM's. We have some that get downright dirty with us individually and we have some where only the wives exchange IM's. Everyone has a different comfort level. The difference is you and your wife's comfort level are not the same and her response is one that would send me a red flag right away as well. The whole 'you don't trust me' speech is my first clue that they probably shouldn't be trusted, lol. Just my opinion.

 

My wife can chat/text/im/send pics, etc until her hearts content. Most of the time she shows me the chats when it gets really good, lol. We don't chat with single guys, period. Single men have a harder time respecting boundaries in our opinion.

[jkc4u 15]

Thanks Everyone! We will work it out...we always do!

[angelkin 1,326]

Thanks Everyone! We will work it out...we always do!

 

That is good to hear! Best of luck to you:)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My first question is WHY does she want to do this? What is the reason for it? The necessity? The only reason for it would be to take you out of the equation and that just screams to me.

 

Pet and I were talking about this the other day, sort of. He has friends that are a couple that constantly have issues with each other (they are not married). If his phone rings or beeps and she picks it up to look to see who called or texted, he gets pissed. My question was why - unless he's hiding something - would you get pissed?

 

I can pick up Pet's phone anytime and look at his history and he can do the same to me. He can go through my purse or I can go through his wallet. Nothing is private or sacred. We trust each other. We both interact with our online ad and responses. Either of us might occasionally chat with someone on SLS without the other present, but we let the other know if/when that occurred.

 

One other point to consider is that is it really a good idea to be doing this from work? Most work places do monitor their employees online activities. Is this worth risking her job?

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

I think something that's important for my wife and I is that we are a team...always.

 

Jealousy is a negative emotion that 99% of the time is pretty useless. It's a possessive emotion. Getting angry in response to your spouse getting into your private space isn't something I can wrap my head around. My wife knows everything about me, and I about her. We don't keep each in the dark about anything important unless we're planning a surprise. We never lie to each other (again, unless in support of a surprise). We openly tell each other if we think someone is attractive, if we think someone is a person we'd like to play with, etc. Just today, my wife told me about a conversation she had with a guy in our neighborhood. During our conversation she said, "He's a YES by the way!" Later, we were driving somewhere and passed by a few people walking on the sidewalk. Among them was a rather attractive woman, and I said as much to my wife. Neither of us bats an eyelash at these things; we're part of the same team. We get pleasure from each other's pleasure. We know everything is in the open, we know there's nothing hidden, we know there's no agendas, games, etc.

 

Pure honesty. For some people it can be unnerving to try it. But, it's beautiful when you have it.

[LiveLoveHaveFun 114]

I'm a little concerned she became upset when you voiced your opinion instead of showing care about your feelings. However, if you can sort that out and learn the reasons behind her desire and have no doubts about her love towards you and completely trust her, it can work out well.

 

For example, my husband and I have a very good friend that I'm allowed to play with pretty much whenever I want. Michael and the other man are like brothers and the only condition Michael has is that I send him pictures throughout the night. He likes it when I tease him and trust me when I say, the sex is AMAZING when I get home! The three of us are the best of friends and we have great times but if at any moment Michael felt uncomfortable I would stop immediately no questions asked. I wouldn't get upset because we're in this together and if he's no longer enjoying our lifestyle why would I want to continue?

 

Good luck!

 

Alicia