Wife is afraid of guilt if we swing

[rng 37]

My wife has an intrest in swinging, we have talked about it and the thought really excites her but at the same time she can not help but feel like it is cheating on me but I tell her that it is not, we are not lying about anthing we are just enjoying a very erotic and extremely sexual time together. I would be there participating in the magic.

I really enjoy giving my wife sexual pleasure it turns me on big time and the thought of having another guy or two helping me has been a fantasy of mine and is now become a very strong fantasy of hers so much that her sex drive has been better then ever. Everytime we talk about it or we watch anything with multiple partners she has incredible orgasms. I know she wants to try it but she is having a hard time with the guilt feeling. Does anyone have any advice or words of comfort for her.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

She is definitely not the first one to be concerned about guilt before swinging. It is a common fear, although the specific thing each person thinks they will feel guilty for can vary widely.

 

A couple of questions, so we can give you a more detailed answer:

Is the cheating aspect the ONLY thing she believes she will feel guilty about?

Is guilt her ONLY concern at this time?

Does she read this board?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Does she read this board?

 

You took the words right out of my mouth. She will be able to see we are real and that we are nice people.

[Chicup 41]

Confucius the Swinger says.....

 

It is not cheating if my husband watches.

[cupl4fun 361]

I guess it all depends on your definition of cheating. When we started swinging we had to talk about what was "cheating" for us. After talking about it we realized that for us the problem was not sex with someone else but excluding, lying, and hiding. Do not let society dictate for you as a couple what "cheating" is. Sit and talk and come up with your own definition of what "cheating" means to you as a couple, and then promise each other not to break those rules. Sometimes we simply need to alter our definitions.

[knb2004 364]

"Cheating", by definition, is violating the rules. If the rules of your relationship include, by mutual consent, that fucking other people (even if only under certain circumstances) is NOT a violation of the rules, then no cheating has occurred.

 

The terms of your relationship are determined by the two of you, and nobody else.

[Tina and Bob 236]

No doubt there will be a certain amount of angst, trepidation and all sorts of emotional insecurities. I was and still don't consider myself sexually promiscuous. I've really always been a one man's girl. Bob and I are very secure with our relationship and I am totally in love with him and he tells me, and I believe him, that he is totally in love with me. I have learned to enjoy sex as sex and love making as love making; a big distinction, but sometimes we just like to fuck! I am willing to give my body but my heart belongs to Bob. I believe we could both give it up in a New York second, Bob probably three NY seconds, but you only live once and we've decided we want to have no regrets. Just make sure you can both handle the emotional roller coaster, but it does get easier. Good luck!

[Nophix 39]

Cheating by definition implies deception. You can't really be deceptive when you do something in front of the other partner, with their consent.

 

Sounds like she is afraid of the possible jealousy. That's a completely different beast.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

when we first talked about swinging it was about the flirting and thrill of watching and being watched having sex then it was the thought of have two or more guys helping me satisfy my wife. Now my wife has already told me that she would be to jealous to see me with another woman and not sure if she could handle it. As much as I would enjoy being with another women I really love giving my wife amazing orgasms, so I am wondering if her guilt is not about what she would be doing with other men but that I would not be doing anything with another woman?

Would this be something common in the lifestyle? would other couples be comfortable with this?

 

If she wants freedoms she is not willing to give you that could very well create guilt for her. (Personally I think it should make her feel a little guilty. Maybe those feelings of guilt will help her to grow as a person, jealousy just isn't a very constructive emotion.) While swinging is definitely not a situation where all thing are going to be equal, I think it is much harder for a relationship if there are double standards at play.

 

I have met two other couples who play this way. One is a complete ball of drama, the other couple is very nice. So it's not common around here, but does exist. It makes me uncomfortable so I wouldn't be interested in playing with a couple where only one "is allowed" to play.

[rng 37]

I want to thank all that have commented and or PM me, the support is very encouraging I will be having my wife read all the comments and a lot of the articals here specially from the ladies I know their words will mean a lot more to her because my wife always had the mind set that all guys were just more horny then women and every thing you see or read about sex is fake or made up by guys but she has been going through some hormonal changes and has been very frisky lately also any porn we watch is with mature adult real people kind of like your friends in town. Thank you all again, keep the support cuming.

[SexySixtiesMW 16]

Read an article a long time ago, but it made sense then and still does.

 

"Better to have 'regret' for something you did than to have 'remorse' for always wishing you had done it, but never did."

[Chicup 41]

Read an article a long time ago, but it made sense then and still does.

 

"Better to have 'regret' for something you did than to have 'remorse' for always wishing you had done it, but never did."

 

Personally I think thats crap.

 

Some things are better regretted than remorsed.

[junglecouple 127]

I agree with ya sexysixties. I'd hate it if I missed out on any of life's pleasures, especially if I found out too late to do.Maybe that just comes from being a motorcycle riding, musician in the 60'.... and some wise words by my grandad.

[LiveLoveHaveFun 114]

when we first talked about swinging it was about the flirting and thrill of watching and being watched having sex then it was the thought of have two or more guys helping me satisfy my wife. Now my wife has already told me that she would be to jealous to see me with another woman and not sure if she could handle it. As much as I would enjoy being with another women I really love giving my wife amazing orgasms, so I am wondering if her guilt is not about what she would be doing with other men but that I would not be doing anything with another woman?

Would this be something common in the lifestyle? would other couples be comfortable with this?

 

When my husband and I started into the lifestyle, I wasn't at all comfortable seeing him with other women. He would say that he didn't have to play with another couple because he was more turned on by watching me anyway. However, I felt even more funny about posting ads looking only for single men at the time and so we still pursued couples. Michael committed to taking things slow and what happened was that we found a couple who we became really good friends with before having any sex at all. Then one night when we were all together it just happened and I facilitated the whole thing! I liked the woman so much that those feelings just never came up. She was such a sweetheart I never felt threatened and was able to enjoy the moment. Sure, I felt a little dip in the stomach but I had no problem at all with it. It was like I wanted it to happen all of a sudden.

 

Since then we've met a few more great couples and have had some great experiences. The process has always been the same, take it slow, become really good friends and then if it happens it happens. To me it feels very natural at that point.

 

Unfortunately, our friends have moved away and we're currently in limbo as far as couples go. However, we have changed our ad accordingly to find some great gentlemen and have been having a blast.

 

So to you I would say there's no one size fits all formula. Talk about it, be honest with each other and create an environment where you can explore but where there's always a turn-back option. Allow things to happen naturally and you'll be surprised at how well things can turn out.

 

Alicia.

[SexySixtiesMW 16]

I think that is what I said.

[Just Passing By 140]

Answer #1 - A prerequist for any type of swinging related activity is an understanding that Commited Lovemaking , and casual to resonably friendly sex are two different things , and each can be good things in the proper context.

 

Answer #2 - communicte. If thing stay at fantasy level that is widespread also.

 

Answer #3. - When/ If you get together with other people , maintain communication during and afterwards. Reevaluate where or not to go from there.

[JonMeg2112 126]

I think the feelings you describe your wife having is pretty normal. When we first started it was with MFM and my wife was very tentative. She didn't necessarily feel like she would be "cheating" but she was worried more about my reaction when I really saw her with another man, even though I had told her I thought it was hot and was excited about it.

 

Her "cheating" feeling COULD be reflecting that attitude a little bit. Maybe she is just worried about what you will be thinking? I'm no therapist but it's a possibility.

 

The key is to just communicate and take it really slow. Sometimes you don't know what either of your boundaries are until you push them a little bit. When and if it happens just make sure you comfort her and make her realize how hot it is and how much you love her. Once my wife realized how I really felt it was pretty much "game on". LOL

 

Good luck!!