SLS as dating service for singles?

[km34 672]

On the profile note... I've noticed a lot of ads focused on finding people to DATE, lately. I've found this odd but at the same time kind of understand wanting to make sure potential matches are open to swinging if it's something important to you...

 

What do you all think? Is SLS an appropriate place to be searching for a significant other or should it be strictly focused on finding casual sex partners/FWB?

[angelkin 1,326]

I dunno, if I were single and had previously been in a swinging relationship, I'd probably be looking for like-minded candidates for a long term relationship on a swinging site. Seems like the logical thing to me...it would certainly be an interesting interview process

[cplnuswing 4,712]

I've found this odd but at the same time kind of understand wanting to make sure potential matches are open to swinging if it's something important to you...

 

Maybe people who had experience swinging but are now divorced so they just turn to a site they are already familiar with? Like you say, if you in the dating game, and looking to find someone open to swinging without totally outing yourself, then a swingers website would probably seem like a good option.

 

We don't do a lot of profile searching, so hadn't really noticed the trend, but personally I hope it doesn't catch on. A lot of clutter to sort through now to maybe find something you might be interested in, this will just make it worse.

[newbieBK 38]

I don't think it's a problem, dating is a relative term, it could just mean people are looking for like minded people to go to clubs and parties with. Not specifically looking for long term relationships.

[km34 672]

I don't think it's a problem, dating is a relative term, it could just mean people are looking for like minded people to go to clubs and parties with. Not specifically looking for long term relationships.

 

The ones I am talking about are the people who specifically say they are looking for someone to form a long-term relationship with... I never even thought twice about the people who look for FWB type situations or single guys/woman who want to find another solo person to go to parties and such with. I have seen multiple profiles where the people are looking for love.

 

I also don't really see a problem with it, although it is not the way I would go about it. I've also managed to find a lot of people in my everyday life who are open to swinging so I don't think I would feel the need to do it. Serendipitous meetings at clubs or parties would seem more likely to end in a lasting relationship than looking on a site focused on sex, I would think. But without the experience, I couldn't say.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Having been a single who was still somewhat in the lifestyle, I think I can see both sides of this. On one side, I can see why singles might choose to use it to find others who are like-minded. If your goal is to find a mate who is already INTO the lifestyle, then where else would you go. However, I don't think it works well. My theory goes as follows:

 

Most women who are active on swinger websites are there because they are NOT looking for a LTR. They want a safe place to be able to enjoy their sexuality without worries. If they wanted a relationship they'd likely be looking elsewhere. That's not to say they might not be doing both, but it's less likely than it is for the guys. I, more often, see single guys who are wanting to swing AND looking for an LTR with a single female.

 

I believe those SM's (and SF's for that matter) would have better results looking on standard dating sites like POF and being open about who they are and what they are looking for. At the same time, rather than looking for others who are already swingers, look for those who are open-minded enough to consider it. There are lots of singles out there who have had threesomes (or moresomes) and would consider it again, but have never even thought of "swinging" and don't equate what they are doing to swinging - so they wouldn't be found on a swinger site.

 

I guess I said all that to say, it's not a bad thing if they are doing it IN ADDITION to looking elsewhere, but if they are limiting themselves to only looking for a LTR on a swinger site, they are probably screwing themselves out of lots of potential screwing.

[km34 672]

I believe those SM (and SF's for that matter) would have better results looking on standard dating sites like POF and being open about who they are and what they are looking for. At the same time, rather than looking for others who are already swingers, look for those who are open-minded enough to consider it. There are lots of singles out there who have had threesomes (or moresomes) and would consider it again, but have never even thought of "swinging" and don't equate what they are doing to swinging - so they wouldn't be found on a swinger site.

 

I guess I said all that to say, it's not a bad thing if they are doing it IN ADDITION to looking elsewhere, but if they are limiting themselves to only looking for a LTR on a swinger site, they are probably screwing themselves out of lots of potential screwing.

 

I like these points a lot. OkCupid is also known to be very friendly to alternative lifestyles and is recommended by the poly community frequently. I've never been on POF, but OKC lets you choose "looking for" casual sex, long-term or short-term relationships, new friends, and more. You can also be in a relationship but still looking so it terms you "available" instead of single. I've seen tons of poly people, quite a few swingers, many kinksters, as well as the normal slathering of vanilla folk. People seem to use it for anything from finding friends to finding fuck buddies to finding spouses and it works well or all of those purposes.

 

Oddly enough, most of the profiles looking for LTR's have been women's profiles, I think I've only seen one of a single man also looking for a relationship.

 

I've also wondered if people who worry about feelings developing would be less likely to meet a single person who mentioned that they are looking for a relationship. Wouldn't that seem to increase the likelihood that singleton could potentially fall in love with someone even if they aren't looking for love too? That sounds confusing even to me... lol What I mean is, say Betty is a solo woman on SLS. In her profile she states she is looking for a LTR, without having to give up the swinging lifestyle. She meets Fred and Wilma who are looking for strictly casual sex. They don't have an explicit conversation to make sure that Betty realizes that they have no interest whatsoever in having a LTR with anyone else. They all meet, get along great, and decide they wouldn't mind getting together again. Since they run in similar circles, they do see each other regularly and even plan meetings for just the 3 of them now and then as well. Suddenly Betty tells them she loves Fred (or Wilma or both!). Would it be that surprising since in her profile she said she wanted a LTR?

 

Would you be less likely to meet someone who also says they are looking for a LTR? If so, would you be more careful to make sure that no romantic feelings could develop (on the single's part or on your own)?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

 

I've also wondered if people who worry about feelings developing would be less likely to meet a single person who mentioned that they are looking for a relationship. Wouldn't that seem to increase the likelihood that that singleton could potentially fall in love with someone even if they aren't looking for love too? That sounds confusing even to me... lol

Actually, not at all confusing. Made perfect sense to me.

 

Would you be less likely to meet someone who also says they are looking for a LTR? If so, would you be more careful to make sure that no romantic feelings could develop (on the single's part or on your own)?

 

I think that would affect our likelihood of meeting with someone, even another couple, as it's just not what we are looking for. We want to know that there's not going to be any issue of separating sex and emotions.

[angelkin 1,326]

Would you be less likely to meet someone who also says they are looking for a LTR? If so, would you be more careful to make sure that no romantic feelings could develop (on the single's part or on your own)?

 

I think that would be an immediate red flag for us. Nothing wrong with looking for love while swinging, but gushing over it in your profile is very telling. Even seeing a profile that alludes to LTR without outright stating it create an uncomfortable feeling for us. For instance, we saw a profile name of a single lady something like iwanttobecuddled...she's attractive and single and we both thought the same thing - that she's emotionally open and engaging in casual sex with her might not be so casual to her.

 

I wonder then, do people exploit that emotional openness when it's in a profile for all to see? Maybe I am paranoid - but it certainly could happen.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

Would you be less likely to meet someone who also says they are looking for a LTR? If so, would you be more careful to make sure that no romantic feelings could develop (on the single's part or on your own)?

 

Yes, less likely to the point that it would automatically get you crossed off the list. Not that we would have any concerns about our relationship, but rather just a higher chance of having to deal with something we just don't want to have to deal with. There are a lot of fish swimming in the sea, so just easier to pass on by the ones you know up front may present a problem.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

Bumping up this thread to see whether this trend of singles using swinger personals sites like SLS as a dating service continued. There's a plethora of vanilla dating sites like eHarmony out there now, so I'm curious to see what others are seeing nowadays on the swinger sites.

[angelkin 1,326]

I think given the plethora and variety of online dating sites, SLS or the ilk is an unlikely venue for dating. When I was single, I found OK Cupid to be of the hook up variety and a good place to find kinky people, even for dating. SLS felt like swinging only to me...and match.com seemed to be more of a serious relationship site. That's how I treated it anyway.

 

It will be interesting to hear fresh comments on the topic.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I'm not single but considering how everything is cellphone and app related, I think dating websites are falling to the wayside. Apps are going to be the way to go as we progress from here.

[kellimc 224]

Back when I was an SLS member, I used to get a lot of messages from divorced guys who had previously been in the lifestyle when they were married. They were looking for single girls in the lifestyle whom they could date and go to lifestyle events with. Honestly, it seemed that they were just looking for a way in to house and hotel parties that barred single guys. I never met any of them.