Regret for what you Did vs remorse for what you Avoided?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

SexySixtiesMW said:

Read an article a long time ago, but it made sense then and still does.

 

"Better to have 'regret' for something you did than to have 'remorse' for always wishing you had done it, but never did."

 

Chicup said:

Personally I think thats crap.

 

Some things are better regretted than remorsed.

 

The two above comments/quote came from another thread about the potential guilt of swinging. It made me curious as to which side of this line most swingers fall on?

 

Would you rather have a little regret for something that you did (and maybe wish you hadn't) or remorse for never having tried it?

 

I know for me there are a lot of things in life I'd love to try and I try to do most of them. However, when it comes to swinging there are two of us involved. I guess my situation is somewhat different since I was able to experience a LOT (if not most) of my swinging related fantasies with my ex. However, even with that there are things that Pet is not comfortable with that I'd be perfectly happy doing again, but I'd rather not REGRET leaving him unhappy. I don't really feel any remorse for lost opportunities because of this, because in the end, I'd have much more remorse if doing something damaged our relationship than I would ever have for not doing something that I wanted to try.

 

For me, it's like all things, you weigh the positives and the negatives and you determine which one you will regret more - doing it or not doing it.

 

When it comes to swinging there are a lot of times where the actual act doesn't really live up to the fantasy. In those cases, there are times where I kinda wish I'd kept it a fantasy. I don't regret doing it, nor do I have remorse for having never done it, but the fantasy was way more fun than the memory. Had the situation turned bad or had it been a situation where Pet wasn't happy and it caused us grief then I would have way more regret for doing it than I'd have remorse for not doing it.

 

Not sure if that all made sense or not.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Really tough question, one of the better ones you have ever posted.

 

When it comes to the Lifestyle, no regrets and nothing in my mind to do that I have not experienced both good and bad.

 

As far as life in general there are times I reflect back at things I had the chance to do, business or what ever. I think about what had happened if I had taken the chances and done some of the things I passed on.

 

I then look at my life today and see that it would not be what it is today if I had done those things and honestly, I am pretty damn happy with my life as it is. Many things I had the chance to do years ago would mean I would not have the wife, kids, grandkids or friends that I have today because they would have taken me in different directions.

 

No, I don't regret at all.

 

Was never one to worry about what I don't have and very happy with things I do have in my life.

[LiveLoveHaveFun 114]

Great question! For me regarding the lifestyle, I'll try anything I'm interested in so long as Michael is OK with it. if it doesn't live up to my expectations I'll let it go and move on. So in general I guess I'd rather regret something I did a little than have remorse for not doing it at all.

 

Alicia

[tribbles 490]

All my life, old people have said they regret more what they did not do rather than the stuff they did do.

 

So, I do things.

 

Rather have a ton of memories in my wheelchair and diapers than sit wishing.....

[dodgechevy 149]

We're both definitely in the "regret for what you did" camp. It's actually how we jumped into full swap so fast when we first started swinging. In her exact words: "I just said f*** it and went for it. Only way to know if we were gonna enjoy this or not."

 

Granted you can go into more detail about whether certain things are worth the risk, money, etc. But we're just referring to things that we may enjoy but are a bit indecisive.

[Playful1 434]

having experienced both....I'll take regret over having done something than remorse over not doing something.

[slevin 1,374]

I generally agree with better to regret something you did than have remorse for something you never tried. I also think that I might sing a different tune if the question were about regretting something I did that had a negative impact on someone else. Especially if that someone was my wife. While I might be happy to regret something I did myself, I think I'd have a hard time getting over doing something that caused my wife to be upset.

[angelkin 1,326]

I have regrets, but all my life experience has brought me to this place in my life and I couldn't be happier than I am right now. Slevin is onto something with the view about how if affects those people you care most about in your life - that makes a difference in my world. As far as swinging goes, I still have some things on my bucket list, but am patient enough to wait until the time is right for both of us. Doing otherwise would make me selfish and ungrateful for the opportunities I have already been afforded.

[Alura 2,774]

No regrets; no remorse, in swinging.

 

I once had a palm reader look at my hand and say, "You don't even have a conscience, do you?"

 

"I beg your pardon?" I replied, somewhat insulted.

 

"I mean, you don't very often violate your own personal standards."

 

I think she was mostly right, but far too often I remember some stupid thing I did years ago and cringe.

 

Alura

[LFM2 1,482]

There is one little thing in my life that I regret. I'm not thinking I'll die with remorse, either. I've done a lot of great things that have gotten me this far in my life. It's all been piled on top of each other that's gotten me where I am now. I've lived and learned. Life is too damn short for remorse or regrets. I'm dyin' a happy camper. (Wait... did I answer the question?)

[shrevecouple 252]

This sounds backwards to me. Remorse for something you did and regret for something you didn't seems more appropriate.

 

Sure the paths we've taken have lead us to be the people we are today. For all those who are completely satisfied with where they are can always say they have no regrets or remorse. Most of us have done something that we have remorse for and usually it has something to do with someone we love.

 

We also have things we regret not doing or trying. Why do we regret though? Is it because of the possible positive outcome that could have played out? That regret could have easily been the remorse you could be feeling today for doing it. Most of the time the things we regret not doing had a valid reason at the time for not being attempted.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I also think that I might sing a different tune if the question were about regretting something I did that had a negative impact on someone else.

 

I think everything I've regretted doing in my life comes down this; it hurt someone else.

The exception would be in past relationships, where even though I didn't regret what I did per se, I never heard the end of it from someone else that didn't like what I did. They wouldn't let it go, and that, quite frankly, gets old in short order.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I think for the majority of people, in general we realize that it's better to try something and learn from it versus abstaining from it and regretting not trying it later in life. With that said, I have regretted some of the things that I have done in the past but only because it hurt Mr. Sunbuckus. However, it has brought us to become the couple that we are today. If those situations had not occurred, our relationship may have had a different outcome. Other than hurt feelings, if no one incurs negative vibes, I would say go for it. You'll learn whether it's what you liked or not, whether you want to repeat or not, or if it offered any learning opportunities.

[DnM69 70]

It has been said that. Good judgement comes from experience, But experience comes from poor judgement. So I would rather reach the end of my life with as much experience as I can find. This doesn't only apply to joining the LS, I try to apply this to all aspects of my life.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Looking back even the negative stories have positive outcomes (a good story to share or a learning experience). I have no regrets in life only learning experiences. I do often feel remorse, but it's usually short lived. Typically, it's remorse for something I've done that I do think affected someone else. I move past it once I know that all is well (or decide it's no big deal). If I really did feel I hurt someone else then an apology is the only way to move past, closure on my part (I guess). I don't like hurting other people, or even thinking I might have. I also hate the idea that someone might have taken something I said or did the wrong way (and been hurt unintentionally) so I try to clear those things up - again, if I care.

 

As for swinging, I would rather suffer regret for passing up on a potential situation than remorse for finding out Pet was unhappy or hurt by a situation.

[Chicup 41]

I think everything I've regretted doing in my life comes down this; it hurt someone else.

 

Exactly what my point would be. While the sentiment of the statement sounds good, it doesn't take a lot of thought to see where it breaks down. Its easy not to have remorse if you didn't have the catastrophic outcome.

[weloveeachother 29]

Hmm, this really gets a person thinking. We have both done things that we regretted which led to a bumpy road for a day or two. But, our relationship is very strong and we talk it through, hug, kiss, make love and move on. As lousy as some of those regretful memories are, I would not trade them as those experiences got us to where we are today. We are learning more about each other all the time as a result.

 

I read somewhere that you don't really know how you will react until you experience it first hand. I agree with that. So.....I would rather regret things we have done than be remorseful for things we never tried.

 

Thanks for the awesome question Julie!