Ever contact just to compliment?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Have you ever contacted someone online even though you weren't interested in them, just to compliment them on something in their profile (or their personage)? or vice versa?

 

I was just looking through signups for one of the upcoming parties we are attending and ran across a profile that while I didn't think we were a match for them, I loved her hair and wanted to send her a message just to say that. Then I noticed they are also from a long way away which made me wonder why they were gonna be in our area. However, since I can't say we'd likely be interested (who knows I might be surprised) it seemed a stretch to message them anyway. I can always compliment her hair in person (if it looks the same as in the pictures).

 

We have occasionally gotten messages along the lines of "hey, nice pictures" or something like that and upon looking at their profile we see there is obviously no match and assume it's just meant as a compliment (rather than a come-on) and thank them accordingly. We don't really think odd about it, but I wonder how others view this type of contact?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I can think of one time that we did that.

 

There was a profile that had a very cool opening picture. Girl in a natural pool above a waterfall if I remember correctly. She looked good, the picture was a great shot, and we enjoyed seeing it. We were not in their preferred age range. We sent them a note saying we just wanted to compliment them on the great picture and nothing more.

 

They replied back thanking us for the compliment, and that was the end of the conversation.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I do contact people to compliment them. I preface it with an explanation of what I'm not doing, and then tell them why I'm writing and what I liked about their profile. I do the same thing when I'm out and about, so it never occurred to me to not do the cyber-equivalent.

[lustylearning 705]

I have and have been the recipient of the same. As a recipient, the compliment made me smile and say "Thank you!" Was it worth it? A sincere smile is sometimes priceless.

[junglecouple 127]

We've had that happen, quite a few times. The first time, I was surprised, but it happens enough that now, instead of assuming it's an opening flirtation, I just say "Thanks, we appreciate it".

[a_d_xxx 663]

Yeah, we've done that a few times because we thought they had stunning photos or a humorous profile.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We have it happen some and just reply with a thanks. We don't typically do it ourselves, I think maybe we have once or twice for a picture that caught our eye (not in a swinging way, just a great pic in general).

[km34 672]

We've had it happen, and have done it only once that I recall. Someone mentioned a song that we absolutely LOVE in their profile so we had to comment. Turns out they were getting to know someones we knew really, really, really well so when they responded back we didn't pursue anything. lol They stopped swinging 2 months later, so dodged a bullet there! But the song made us giggle, so we had to let them know that they made our day by mentioning it.

[EroticGent 76]

Absolutely yes! When I read an exceptionally well written profile that shows a couple or single really put a lot of effort into creating their profile, I certainly send a "bravo" e-mail and tell them what I liked. Of course, exceptional creative pics get my compliments too, and the combo of a well written profile accompanied by representative and exceptional pics screams for a hearty "bravo" and thoughtful message.

[LFM2 1,482]

I can think of one time that we did that.

 

There was a profile that had a very cool opening picture. Girl in a natural pool above a waterfall if I remember correctly. She looked good, the picture was a great shot, and we enjoyed seeing it. We were not in their preferred age range. We sent them a note saying we just wanted to compliment them on the great picture and nothing more.

 

They replied back thanking us for the compliment, and that was the end of the conversation.

 

Yep, Dave has also done this and it was the end of the conversation. We weren't in their age range, either. It was fun to write her though and tell her how great she looked. Different girl than yours, but great shot none the less.

[cupl4fun 361]

We have a couple of times as well. There is a somewhat local couple that take some of the most amazingly beautiful, artistic, sexy pics and we sent them a message simply to compliment them and thank them for sharing their amazing pics. We knew from the rest of the profile that we would not be a good match so we weren't even looking to meet at all. Another time there was a profile that was filled with obviously very sarcastic humor. The profile was filled with answers which were obviously tongue-in-cheek. Things like, "She is worthless in bed, and basically just lays there." "He is an old curmudgeon and can barely stay wake past nine." The whole profile was filled with things which if a person did not have intelligence or sense of humor would only be a turn off. At the end of the profile it said simply, "If you have read this and are still interested contact us." It was so funny that the wife and I sat and laughed and then wrote them a message just to thank them for the laugh.

 

We also have had people contact us to do the same. Thanking us for our well thought out profile, for our pics, and for our sense of humor. We even had a single lady in Texas write us to compliment us on our profile name (at that time) Jus4funnzies.

[talltim123 69]

I will occasionally write a congratulatory note to someone if there is something about their profile that is particularly attractive or particularly interesting. This is usually someone who lives so far away that any relationship would be exceedingly unlikely. I preface my note with a comment that I am not hitting on them but merely congratulating them on it particularly well-written or attractive profile. Many times I will just a thank you note for my comments.

[Playful1 434]

I generally do not contact anyone I am not interested in to compliment them because I do not want them taking it as interest.

[twistedpretzels 100]

I think compliments give a nice vacation to someones day! I contacted a couple of couples in sls just because I found the profile picture attractive. Once lead to a dinner about a year later (no play but great dinner and we love bumping into these folks!) another was a 'thank you' (fine. i wasn't interested in anything but i appreciated the 'art' of the picture) and the third gave us an invite to an intimate dinner party at the end of this month. When I showed Pete the profile and told him I had complimented the woman's nude torso picture (because it was pretty albeit not perfect) Pete said, 'wow, she has a body like yours! i can't wait to meet them!'

 

compliments are like little free diamonds to people (if genuine in nature)

[Gordo 618]

I've been tempted a few times. Even on this board there are a couple of members who have some very hot or artsy photos that I like. I've never dared because I don't want it to be taken the wrong way. I'm outside her/their age range (probably even species) and would not want to feel I put them on the spot to respond.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I generally do not contact anyone I am not interested in to compliment them because I do not want them taking it as interest.

I wondered if anyone was going to say this. I know giving compliments is a kindness. But within this context, it could be easily misinterpreted.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

We've complimented people on several occasions. In fact, we just did last week on seeing a great profile pop up on SLS. The couple was more than 1500 miles away from us. But, we thought their profile was fantastic and wanted to pass on some good cheer in the world.

[LFM2 1,482]

I wondered if anyone was going to say this. I know giving compliments is a kindness. But within this context, it could be easily misinterpreted.

 

I don't think so. If you state why you're writing... why you're sending this note to *specifically* say you like their profile or picture, it's their faux pas if they misinterpret it after that. Right?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I wondered if anyone was going to say this. I know giving compliments is a kindness. But within this context, it could be easily misinterpreted.

 

This was my concern with the compliment I was debating. Had they not been signed up to attend a party we are attending, it would have been much easier to just send a compliment (especially given they are located a good ways away).

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We are on Swingerzonecentral and they have a wall feature on each profile. When someone writes on another person's wall it shows up in real time on the home page of the site (as the 5 latest wall posts) with a thumbnail of both people's profiles. Of course it only shows up on the home page for a few minutes. But, during that time your profile and their profile will get attention. Therefore there are tons of compliments flying around! It's a creative way to get people to interact in a positive manner because they know when they compliment someone it will draw attention to their profile too. It makes the site very interactive and social, but the actual rate of finding people to meet is about the same as sls (for us anyhow).

 

So, yes we do participate in the compliment frenzy that is szc! We have also sent notes on sls when they have artistic photos or we really like something someone has written, but we're probably not a match. It's just nice to encourage people or pass on a kind word.

[Funtogether9 66]

We did just the other day. It was an older couple out of our age range. They had a great profile and really good pics. They were both in incredible shape, for any age! We just sent a compliment to them on the profile and pics and to tell them that we hoped that we were in that good of shape when we were their age. They appreciated it very much.

[Chicup 41]

I don't think so. If you state why you're writing... why you're sending this note to *specifically* say you like their profile or picture, it's their faux pas if they misinterpret it after that. Right?

 

Hey we just wanted to say even though we find you unfuckable we think the dress on the Mrs. is awesome and we love your garden!

[Alura 2,774]

I received a message from a lovely lady that said, "I'd do you!" Even though I'm sure nothing will ever come of it, it made my day! I couldn't say "Thank you!" strongly enough.

 

Alura

[sweet_tna 680]

We've been on the receiving end of those complimentary messages, and I take them for what they are. As such, I don't mind "paying it forward," when someone's profile or photos catch our eyes.

 

=)

[BeStylnIT 114]

Yep, but deep down I'm hoping it leads to some kind of interacting.

[LFM2 1,482]

Hey we just wanted to say even though we find you unfuckable we think the dress on the Mrs. is awesome and we love your garden!

 

Exactly!!

 

Jeez, when you say it like that...

[Partyperks847 123]

NO...it's almost backhanded condescending and disrespect.

 

When you peel back the layers of politeness and conviviality, it translates to..."I don't find you the least bit appealing but you do have cute shoes"

 

Really????

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

 

I say, sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. My wife and I are not in the habit of sending just-compliments but we have received them. And we perceived nothing in any of them that suggested they would or would not get into bed with us. Typically they are from people who live far away and would have no practical prospect of meeting up with us.

[Partyperks847 123]

Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

 

I say, sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. My wife and I are not in the habit of sending just-compliments but we have received them. And we perceived nothing in any of them that suggested they would or would not get into bed with us. Typically they are from people who live far away and would have no practical prospect of meeting up with us.

 

But, Bill Murry once said...a doughnut without a hole, is a danish.

 

Say you were a member of a bridge club (your example of a long distance or proximity issue notwithstanding) if another member complimented you on your sense of fashion but made it clear they had no desire to be your partner in any game or contarct, would you place more stock in the compliment or the slight?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

But, Bill Murry once said...a doughnut without a hole, is a danish.

 

Say you were a member of a bridge club (your example of a long distance or proximity issue notwithstanding) if another member complimented you on your sense of fashion but made it clear they had no desire to be your partner in any game or contarct, would you place more stock in the compliment or the slight?

 

I'm trying to figure out at what point this turned into anyone saying "this is just a compliment, I wouldn't fuck you". No one here suggested that you should add on an addundem saying "oh btw, we'd never fuck you" to the compliment. Granted, it could be misinterpreted as interest in which case it would have to be dealt with. But, it could just as easily go the other direction.

 

We had one recently where the contacted and said "we know we are out of your age range, just wanted to say ... insert compliment here...". I did not take away from that initial contact that they were either interested or not interested, just that they wanted to pay a compliment. by throwing in the "we aren't in your age range" that could go either way (either I could take it that they were saying they would be interested IF we were ok with their age, or I could take that as their extra little add-on to ensure that I didn't take it as more than the compliment it was meant.".

 

We can not be responsible for how others react to us, we can only be responsible for our own actions and re-actions. If I read more into something than what is intended, that is on me, not on the sender.

[Partyperks847 123]

I'm trying to figure out at what point this turned into anyone saying "this is just a compliment, I wouldn't fuck you". No one here suggested that you should add on an addundem saying "oh btw, we'd never fuck you" to the compliment. Granted, it could be misinterpreted as interest in which case it would have to be dealt with. But, it could just as easily go the other direction.

 

We had one recently where the contacted and said "we know we are out of your age range, just wanted to say ... insert compliment here...". I did not take away from that initial contact that they were either interested or not interested, just that they wanted to pay a compliment. by throwing in the "we aren't in your age range" that could go either way (either I could take it that they were saying they would be interested IF we were ok with their age, or I could take that as their extra little add-on to ensure that I didn't take it as more than the compliment it was meant.".

 

We can not be responsible for how others react to us, we can only be responsible for our own actions and re-actions. If I read more into something than what is intended, that is on me, not on the sender.

 

The opening sentence of the OP was......

Have you ever contacted someone online even though you weren't interested in them, just to compliment them on something in their profile (or their personage)? or vice versa?

 

Am I putting to much emphasis on "even though you weren't interested in them"?

[slevin 1,374]

We had one recently where the contacted and said "we know we are out of your age range, just wanted to say ... insert compliment here...".

 

Based on the wording they used, I see that as them throwing a message out to see what happens. If you're not interested, it's just a compliment. If perhaps they aren't really out of your age range, maybe you'll respond. Not to say that they were necessarily hoping you would respond, but I bet if you did say you were interested they'd be overjoyed. This is the reason we don't send a message with purely a compliment if we weren't interested in more; if they interpret it as some veiled interest then we'll need to turn them down. That can be uncomfortable, for me at least.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Based on the wording they used, I see that as them throwing a message out to see what happens. If you're not interested, it's just a compliment. If perhaps they aren't really out of your age range, maybe you'll respond. . .

This, I believe, is often the case.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The opening sentence of the OP was......

 

 

Am I putting to much emphasis on "even though you weren't interested in them"?

 

 

There's a difference between contacting without interest and expressing that lack of interest in the contact.

 

Contacting to compliment without interest: "Hi, just wanted to say that you guys have some really cool photos. Kuddos to you."

 

Contacting to compliment and expressing said lack of interest. "Hi, Your photos are really cool but we wouldn't fuck you so please don't reply."

 

In option 1, it's simply a compliment. No call to response (as marketers would say). In option 2, it's a back-handed compliment (if not worse).

 

 

That said, my apologies. I think I mis-read your earlier response. I mis-read you as saying that that people were actually sending out messages saying "nice ass but I wouldn't fuck you", when the message was just "nice ass". But re-reading it I think you were saying that by saying "nice ass" you are in fact saying "nice ass but I woudln't fuck you"

[LFM2 1,482]

I don't understand why people would think you're wrong just because you compliment someone you might find without interest. I have to admit that we don't see many we're not interested in. Those couples we compliment are usually just out of our age range or they live across the state.

 

"We just wanted you two to know we think your profile is really well written"

 

"we just wanted to let you know that your pictures are very well done. Great poses"

 

We would NEVER tell anyone they're unfuckable for a number of reasons. The golden rule is the main reason.

 

Here in Idaho, I come from a really small town. We wave at others all the time driving down the road. We might not know you, but we wave. It's just what we do. We'll even talk to you in line at a bank or the grocery. We'll tell you your hair looks great or that you have great shoes or maybe, we'll talk about the new horse trailer you have parked outside. So why would it be any different for things you find with profiles. If something strikes your fancy... Just say it.

 

Jeez...

[Chicup 41]

Ever see a couple at a party that seems to be chatty and having a good time but when you come over they completely ignore you and if you try to say hi they are about as social about it as someone holding the door for you?

 

I see that as the natural "I don't want to fuck you so I don't want to encourage you by being anything close to friendly reaction." Now has horrible as this may seem I sometimes wish Mrs. Chicup had this sort of self serving a-hole nature because what happens is some couple we don't want to swing with approaches her and she can't disengage, but I digress.

 

Getting a complement can be like that. If it happens to come from someone 100's of miles away or the like it can be taken at face value. If its a local couple and they are in your strike zone you are hoping that they mean "Hey lets get to know each other" and if they are not you are assuming they mean "Hey lets get to know each other.".

 

I'd have no problem giving a complement to a couple we had little chance of meeting, that we were not interested in sexually, if it were deserved since I would assume they would take it at face value. Odds are unless it was for something very particular and clear I'd hesitate to do so to a local couple we were not interested in.

[twistedpretzels 100]

I take a compliment at face value. If I find someones picture nice I like to tell them-- but that's the artist in me. Some pic's have been way out of our zone (or age group) and some happily have been within our zone. Twice it lead to two VERY happy encounters-- but that wasn't our ultimate goal. I genuinely admired their pictures.