Good 1st Date, Major Drama on 2nd Date, Crazy to try 3rd?

[PNWCouple 15]

My wife and I are fairly new to this (handful of experiences), but spent nearly a year listening to podcasts, reading and figuring out what we were and weren't comfortable with in terms of our internal rules. Before any party, date, we check in with each to make sure the general rules are the same and haven't had a situation where of us felt really left out or not "heard" (knock on wood).

 

We met a couple that we had a fun time with at a hotel takeover. The second time we met them, we went to their house. We had asked them if they had any off limits things at the first event (answer was no), but didn't ask before the second meeting. Admittedly, everyone had a lot to drink. We were on the same bed playing and having fun for a couple hours until my wife did something the guy requesting she do (prefer not to give details, but something a lot of men/women do together - I will clarify we're not talking barebacking). Suddenly the crap hit the fan and the female was yelling at her husband that the activity was a private act for them. They starting yelling back and forth about why were they together, etc. They said the night was over, but offered to let us sleep over due to the alcohol. We hit the streets as quickly as we could get dressed. They apologized profusely the next day and I indicated IF we were to meet again it would be with a lot less alcohol involved (or sober).

 

I do think alcohol was a major factor, but we do like a drink or two to relax. And we are going to ask about boundaries like crazy now. We're not against sober play, the drinks just help us relax a little (we have played sober, so it's not a requirement). Here's my question:

 

Has anyone had an experience with a couple where it was major drama one night, but ended up being a good relationship over time. Or is it once drama, always drama... Not sure whether to discuss it with them over coffee or write it off.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I do think alcohol was a major factor. . .

 

BINGO!

 

Leave this couple behind. It will never be right. There are many others who will be.

[angelkin 1,326]

Sorry to hear you had a negative experience. I can't say that we've ever had a good time then a bad time with a couple. I'd have to agree with SW PA Couple, time to move along. IMHO, anyone that can exhibit their type of behavior will continue to do so. Sounds like he clearly crossed a boundary - and not be happenstance, since he "asked" for it. To me, this couple shouldn't be swinging until they figure things out.

[mrnmrsdiscrete 15]

Agreed. Stay away from drama. Especially yelling back and forth drama.

[ricksara 15]

When we were in our 20s we had some bad experiences because of alcohol. We soon all agreed to a two drink limit. Now we don't mix sex and alcohol at all. It seems to work for us. I hope you don't have any more bad partners.

 

Sara

[km34 672]

I agree about limiting alcohol AND not playing with this couple again.

 

I know boundary-crossings happen, but if it happens with me, there is no second chance. Alcohol or no alcohol, he should have known he wasn't supposed to do that activity and chose to do it. No thank you!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'd say once drama its likely to happen again..

[two4youinswva 3,068]

If you like seeing drama play out, and occasionally being a part of it, I'd say see them some more, because it's likely to happen again.

 

If drama isn't your thing, then it would be best to move on. Based on what how you described it, this wasn't a case of just being pissed about one act. It sounds like it went a lot deeper than that, and the alcohol use helped bring it out even more.

 

I think sometimes over indulgence in alcohol can help you see a person's truer colors. We have quite a few friends that have gotten really drunk at one time or another over the years, and even then they were the same great people we always knew, just really drunk. There have been others that have gotten drunk and situations like you describe have occurred, but in a more public setting. Usually that's the last time we, or anyone else, see those folks.

[PNWCouple 15]

Thanks for the advice!