Approaching someone I'm not sure if they swing

[Cherienickole 15]

I have a friend. She is drop dead sexy/hot/beautiful/fun/soft/smells good, etc. and she really gets my wheels spinning in every way. She is the first girl I have ever wanted so badly, I think you could actually call it a crush, maybe. My first real life girl crush even though i have messed with girls before. I know her through a coworker. We met twice in person and I feel like there was some flirtation, but she lives out if state, many states away...

 

I know she has had 3somes in the past with other girls but not sure if she still does BC she has a boyfriend now...

 

How could I bring this up without looking like a total perv to her? maybe I can't because I am a total pervert when it comes to her. I think about her when I fantasize, and what I would like to do with her...but, I like her as a person too don't want to scare her off and ruin a friendship.

 

Any advice with people who have found themselves in this situation? My husband is on board to watch, of course.

[Alura 2,775]

Our favorite question, posed by Mrs. Alura, was "How do y'all feel about swinging?"

 

I only remember one couple (the wife, really) getting upset... a couple we met at our hotel in Amarillo and had dinner with. We never saw them again so there was no damage.

 

The question also landed us some playmates.

 

Alura

[Cherienickole 15]

A little honesty can go a long way! I like that approach, but we have absolutely no interest in the boyfriend. I suppose he could watch, too though.

[corynlaine 118]

Have you heard the saying furtune favors the bold?

You said " I know she's had 3somes" SO How? You said that there was flirtation.

 

So you have at least 2 openings for a conversation starter.

I would go with something like. I had a really fun time with you last time and I was thinking about our conversation. You said you had a 3some once. I've never (fill in what ever your comfortable with) but have thought about it. What's your feeling - was it a mistake, do you regret it, would you do it again?

 

This isn't like a co worker or your next door neighbor who can gossip at the PTA meatings. Go for it - worse case she tells your mutual friend about it you can always blow it off as "OH my god that's not what I meant at ALL, she must of missunderstood me, how embarassing and you shold be cya

[Cherienickole 15]

Have you heard the saying furtune favors the bold?

You said " I know she's had 3somes" SO How? You said that there was flirtation.

 

So you have at least 2 openings for a conversation starter.

I would go with something like. I had a really fun time with you last time and I was thinking about our conversation. You said you had a 3some once. I've never (fill in what ever your comfortable with) but have thought about it. What's your feeling - was it a mistake, do you regret it, would you do it again?

 

This isn't like a co worker or your next door neighbor who can gossip at the PTA meatings. Go for it - worse case she tells your mutual friend about it you can always blow it off as "OH my god that's not what I meant at ALL, she must of missunderstood me, how embarassing and you shold be cya

 

This would be a great approach, if I had heard it through her. It was the coworker that told me! She has known the coworker for 15 years. I did sense flirtation though, a lingering touch on the hand while we are out to dinner and a couple little awkward eye contact moments. Of course, since we are now considered friends, we exchanged phone numbers and texted a little. She seems flirty there too with smiley faces and such.

 

I could probe the coworker for more info, but I really didn't want to get them involved orbolsy middle school middle man. You know?

 

Also, just curious what is CYA?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Also, just curious what is CYA?

 

A proactive defensive measure, known as "Covering Your Ass".

[Cherienickole 15]

A proactive defensive measure, known as "Covering Your Ass".

 

AHHH I see. Thank you. Ya learn something new erry' day.

[insanitorium 16]

Great advice. Or if everyone enjoys drinks, they're usually great icebreakers, too. And you can jokingly say something to see if it flies. If it doesn't, you can say "ohhhh I was totally kidding!" or "wow, sorry, that flirtini sure has me tipsy!" and shrug it off as booze-tastic conversation

[Alura 2,775]

Great advice. Or if everyone enjoys drinks, they're usually great icebreakers, too. And you can jokingly say something to see if it flies. If it doesn't, you can say "ohhhh I was totally kidding!" or "wow, sorry, that flirtini sure has me tipsy!" and shrug it off as booze-tastic conversation

 

With all due apologies to you, insanitorium, I think this is really bad advice. A failure to communicate accurately in swinging is deadly to the sport, not to mention friendships.

 

I believe a woman-to-woman talk, perhaps while shopping together and debating the worthiness of random men's asses, needs to take place.

 

Alura

[insanitorium 16]

No offense taken, Alura. I meant as a way to feel things out prior to actually swinging, not in lieu of communication. But again, every situation is different, I know that no two experiences have been the same for me

[km34 672]

Some general feeling around, sure, but I would be careful in approaching her about swinging with you and your hubby unless you're comfortable with her boyfriend being present/involved as well. Personally, I wouldn't want to hurt a new friendship by trying to hit on someone and then excluding that person's significant other. I know you said in another thread that you are mostly interested in other women, so are you interested in couples at all?

[Cherienickole 15]

Km...I am fine with couples if The boys want to watch, and light petting, swing for each guy with other woman but that's about it.

[Fundamental Law 2,909]

Given that she lives many states away, there are two choices...let her know if you are coming through her town, or ask her to let you know when she's coming through yours. Find a place that caters to 'ladies who lunch'. Bring a conversation starter with you if it makes things easier--a shopping bag from a lingerie store, a copy of 50 Shades, whatever--something to to move the conversation to erotic topics.