Possible Drama with couple

[Desdemona1980 297]

I was at a local swinger's club this weekend. I was talking and flirting with a couple and it was clear we were all interested in playing in a private room. We had lightly discussed our boundaries and the wife and I were really into each other.

 

We get back to the room and there's touching and flirting, then she drops this on me. "Oh, by the way, he can't touch you and you can't touch him because I recently found out he cheated on me online. You and I can play and he can play with me, but I don't trust him to play with you."

 

I put the brakes on and told them I wasn't comfortable playing with them if they were dealing with the fallout from one of them cheating. I was as nice as possible but I think my irritation showed. Am I out of line to think this should have been brought up during drinks and chatting? We had gone over other rules and boundaries, so it felt like they were hoping they could slip one past me once we were in the *moment* so to speak. They were rude when I told them I was no longer interested.

 

Did I handle this right? Maybe I'm off-base, but I think they shouldn't be actively swinging if she still doesn't trust him. Am I wrong? Were my *red flags* misplaced?

[km34 672]

I would have felt the same way in your shoes.... I agree that swinging while dealing with trust issues is problematic, especially when she blatantly says she doesn't trust him - not that they are working on expanding boundaries or something like that. I would also think they could say that he doesn't interact with other women without including the reason if they didn't want to have people react to the drama.

 

Weird situation all around. I don't think you could/should be faulted for your reaction to that information!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Nah, your red flags seem to be waving in all the right places in my opinion.

 

And yes, that little bit of information about who can or can't touch who should have been covered earlier. I think she was looking to make him suffer and you fucked up her silly little game.

 

I'm glad you fucked up her silly little game.

[Chicup 42]

People are also liars, I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't cheat (whats online cheating anyways (yea I know but come on)) but she didn't want him to play. Some people find it easier to lie about something like that then just admit insecurity.

[angelkin 1,326]

People are also liars, I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't cheat (whats online cheating anyways (yea I know but come on)) but she didn't want him to play. Some people find it easier to lie about something like that then just admit insecurity.

 

Or some other reason why he couldn't participate. I agree with everyone else - nobody should be put off when someone puts the brakes on playtime, no matter what brought it on...and certainly not in this situation where it was clear that some underlying drame was afoot.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

You did the right thing. That info should have been shared upfront, not when it was. Their rudeness over their own failure to do what is only common sense and accepted practice together with the fact that they are still swinging and bringing their drama with them would mean good riddance to me. I wouldn't worry about it for a second.

[Desdemona1980 297]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. I try to stay clear of drama in this lifestyle. I also try to be respectful of the couples I am with and their boundaries. I've only been single in the lifestyle, so I don't know the reality of what it's like to swing with someone I love and cherish. I consider their relationship paramount to anything that could happen during playtime with me.

 

I was caught off guard and I was irritated, but I tried to be as polite as possible when I discontinued playing with them.

 

I had not considered the cheating line to be a lie, and I hope for their sake it is. Although, it seems weird, because I would have been as happy playing with her and letting him watch and stroke or join in with pleasing her.

[slevin 1,374]

People are also liars, I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't cheat (whats online cheating anyways (yea I know but come on)) but she didn't want him to play. Some people find it easier to lie about something like that then just admit insecurity.

 

As an aside to the real topic, I've always found it kind of funny that many people consider an online thing to be cheating. While it might point to issues to work out, to call it cheating is going way overboard IMO.

[Desdemona1980 297]

As an aside to the real topic, I've always found it kind of funny that many people consider an online thing to be cheating. While it might point to issues to work out, to call it cheating is going way overboard IMO.

 

I don't necessarily agree with this line of thinking. If it is outside of agreed upon boundaries or one spouse is doing it without the others knowledge or consent, it can be cheating. Cheating is not only sexual, and in my mind an emotional situation would be worse and harder to forgive. I do not have any specifics about this couples situation, but wanted to add my 2 cents as far as cheating and the online arena.

 

People fall in love via the internet all the time. Webcams, messenger and other avenues allow for many different types of cheating. A betrayal is a betrayal.

[don-sj 15]

Regardless of all the side-bar opinions (re. liars, online "cheating", etc.), it WAS and IS each person's option to put a halt to the action, for whatever reason they choose, without explanation... I think two4you's response was right-on, your "red flag" radar is fully functional, no one needs that kind of drama -- AND, more importantly, this was clearly a boundary/rule that belongs in the discussion "before" any agreement is made. Sure, she/they might have expressed it differently (without presenting their personal drama) and you might have been okay with it -- the point is, they/she didn't,,, so, good for you that you "foiled" their stupid (save yourself, run for the hills!).

 

-Don

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

You did the right thing. They mislead you so you had every right to walk away. You have every right to stop play and walk away at any point regardless of whether or not they mislead you, but even more so because they mislead you.

 

I have a hard time thinking that anyone would make up a story of cheating within the lifestyle in order to use it as an excuse to prevent him from playing. It sounds to me like they are just drama bombs waiting to happen. Hell, I'm surprised she didn't find a single guy to play with her and make him watch to "get even" (because it just sounds like they might be that kind of drama couple).